Tactful way to word "invited guests only"

Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only"

• freebread03 member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tactful-way-to-word-adult-only-and-invited-guests-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9006a596-b70b-490e-9dc8-6551c91618a5Post:13c9f0c1-a002-478a-829b-52b7b21691ab">Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only"</a>:
  [QUOTE]Our wedding isn't destination, but we have a pretty strict head count limit. We didn't split up any SO's, obviously, but there are extra family members that we couldn't invite (<strong>he's hispanic so, given the chance, all the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. cousins would end up there a</strong>nd there's family issues on my side that it's just better to invite the people we did). On our RSVP's we simply put the names of the people invited and had no lines to add people. Next to each name were the words "Attending" and "Regrets" so the person could circle one or the other. We figured this way, everyone would know who was invited. If it's really important, they could ask us personally if so and so could come. It's worked out so far!
  Posted by carrieloomis[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>What does being Hispanic have to do with RSVPs?  This seems like a pretty awful stereotype that you're making, against your future husband's family.  Comments like yours always seem really unnecessary, especially since it wasn't relevant to the post.</div><div>
  </div><div>Putting people's names on the RSVPs is a fine solution to avoiding uninvited guests, whether they be Hispanic or not.</div><div>
  </div><div>Edit:  I realize I'm probably going to get flamed for saying the above, but I really don't understand why ethnicity was relevant or necessary to mention.  But at least her advice was appropriate.</div>

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• carrieloomis member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tactful-way-to-word-adult-only-and-invited-guests-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9006a596-b70b-490e-9dc8-6551c91618a5Post:864d1c2f-5931-42f5-aa44-6514c9fe1865">Re: Tactful way to word</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only" : What does being Hispanic have to do with RSVPs?  This seems like a pretty awful stereotype that you're making, against your future husband's family.  Comments like yours always seem really unnecessary, especially since it wasn't relevant to the post. Putting people's names on the RSVPs is a fine solution to avoiding uninvited guests, whether they be Hispanic or not. Edit:  I realize I'm probably going to get flamed for saying the above, but I really don't understand why ethnicity was relevant or necessary to mention.  But at least her advice was appropriate.
  Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>Definitely not being sterotypical... it's what would happen. That's what my FI said verbatim. It's not a bad thing. The Hispanic culture (at least Columbian and Cuban as his family is) is very family oriented and when something big happens like a wedding everyone comes. I don't see how that's stereotypical at all. I was just saying why we did that since I pointed out ours wasn't a destination wedding but we still had to limit the guest list.</div><div>
  </div><div>EDIT:  FTR, and it's pathetic that I even have to say this since I mention my family in the original post ast well, but we put names on ALL the RSVP's... not just his family's. But thanks for assuming I'm racist against my future in-laws.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> cheers</div>

  

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• kfras member

  

  April 2012

  I hope this doesn't start a war, but yes, not stereotypical at all, Carrie. I agree. I have a friend who is hispanic and she has told me numerous times that in their culture they are just as close to 3rd and 4th cousins as say a first cousin. Not meant to be stereotypical, just meant to point out that that is how their culture is. I am very close to second cousins in my family (because we are around the same age), but when you get down to my parents cousins or my grandparents cousins... you lose touch.
  
  And your advice was relevant! 

  

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• carrieloomis member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tactful-way-to-word-adult-only-and-invited-guests-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9006a596-b70b-490e-9dc8-6551c91618a5Post:a8b9047e-5080-4031-9e27-e14824ade7e7">Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only"</a>:
  [QUOTE]I hope this doesn't start a war, but yes, not stereotypical at all, Carrie. I agree. I have a friend who is hispanic and she has told me numerous times that in their culture they are just as close to 3rd and 4th cousins as say a first cousin. Not meant to be stereotypical, just meant to point out that that is how their culture is. I am very close to second cousins in my family (because we are around the same age), but when you get down to my parents cousins or my grandparents cousins... you lose touch. And your advice was relevant! 
  Posted by kfras[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Thank you! </div><div>
  </div><div>And to the OP, while it may take a little more time to actually write every name of each person that is invited, it is worth it. No one has tried to add anyone to our guest list so far and we've had a good amount of RSVP's. </div>

  

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• freebread03 member

  

  April 2012

  OP, I did not call you racist anywhere in my post.  I said you applied a negative stereotype based on someone's ethnicity.

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• carrieloomis member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tactful-way-to-word-adult-only-and-invited-guests-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9006a596-b70b-490e-9dc8-6551c91618a5Post:f8eeffad-f095-4cb4-b7d4-edfe176c814b">Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only"</a>:
  [QUOTE]OP, I did not call you racist anywhere in my post.  I said you applied a negative stereotype based on someone's ethnicity.
  Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>That means racist. And being family oriented is not a negative stereotype. You're the one who viewed it as such. Anyways, I'm done derailing this thread. I gave some advice about how to say who's invited and who's not. </div>

  

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• freebread03 member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tactful-way-to-word-adult-only-and-invited-guests-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9006a596-b70b-490e-9dc8-6551c91618a5Post:0dae3364-a92c-4fe7-8dc0-6ec74161c8a7">Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only"</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tactful way to word "invited guests only" : That means racist. And being family oriented is not a negative stereotype. You're the one who viewed it as such. Anyways, I'm done derailing this thread. I gave some advice about how to say who's invited and who's not. 
  Posted by carrieloomis[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Well, no it doesn't actually.  You're welcome to look it up in a dictionary though.  Your advice on how to say who's invited and who's not was correct, I wasn't knocking that anywhere.  I was simply saying that it's stereotyping to say that an entire ethnicity has huge families or whatever it was that was said.  I think we're beat a dead horse on this one.</div>

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