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Including Aunt in Wedding -- Need Advice!!

Zidel333Zidel333
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
OK, it's a slightly sticky situation, but I thought I'd ask for help. 

My aunt "Claire" (mother's sister) is my best friend, confidant, and is my right hand for planning my wedding. In fact, I listen to Claire's advice more then my own mom, because we agree so much and she's so much more helpful. Claire wants to help, and has told me for several years now she will -- from buying the wedding cake, to getting a veil, nice shower gifts, and more importantly, her time and suggestions for wedding planning. I appreciate this not only from a material perspective, but an emotional one as well. I cannot plan my wedding without my Aunt Claire. 

Long story short, however, my cousin named "Sara" had her wedding several years ago, and essentially stepped all over Claire's good intentions, and ruined their relationship. I won't get into details, but Sara was ungrateful, and acted terribly for my aunt's work and gifts. To this day, it left a bad taste in her mouth. The last thing I want to do is do redo what Sara did. I love my aunt and want to not damage our relationship. 

Also, how do I show my appreciation for her at my wedding? I'd like to include Claire in my wedding party, but she has already said no to being a Bride's Maid or Matron. Can I include her at my the Head Table at the Reception? I don't like the idea of a Reading at the Ceremony, since it's too impersonal. Claire means more to me then that. Since my aunt is unmarried, and in her50's, I'm sure to offend if I don't step lightly. And, I don't want to offend my own mother either, since she is the MotB....

Thanks in advance

-ZAK
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Re: Including Aunt in Wedding -- Need Advice!!

  • red1115red1115
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    edited November 2010

    I'd suggest making a special toast to her at the reception.  Obviously she's a great lady and a little public recognition of all her support & love sets a lovely example for generations to come.


    oh - and be sure to get her a corsage like you would for your mom!

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  • sweets18sweets18
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    I agree, a toast is a good option, as well as inviting her to the rehearsal dinner and giving her a special gift when you distribute your other gifts.


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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Well I was going to suggest having her as your MOH but then I read that she declined.  I'm very close with one of my aunts as well and she was my MOH. 

    I would definitely get a corsage made for her.  What about her doing a reading during your ceremony?
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  • Zidel333Zidel333
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    Thanks for the ideas -- I especially like the corsage idea, and making a toast for her. That'll definitely help. :)

    I think I'll ask Claire to reconsider being a Matron of Honor. She'll decline of course, but honestly, that's the only position that comes close to how important and special she is to me. 

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:d6df945b-d141-4341-9da0-8952b6185f11Post:83508d32-380d-4ff8-b7f7-b43216789b51">Re: Including Aunt in Wedding -- Need Advice!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the ideas -- I especially like the corsage idea, and making a toast for her. That'll definitely help. :) I think I'll ask Claire to reconsider being a Matron of Honor. She'll decline of course, but honestly, that's the only position that comes close to how important and special she is to me. 
    Posted by Zidel333[/QUOTE]

    I understand.  My aunt is 8 years older than me and lived next door to me before I moved.  Her son is my Godson (and cousin) and we are extremely close.  It was the obvious choice to me to ask her to be MOH.  She was so shocked that I asked her, and asked me at least 3 times "are you sure you want me to be your MOH and not one of your friends?  I'm old."  She was definitely honored though, and said she wasn't sure if she would even be a BM, let alone MOH.  So maybe your aunt is only hesitant because she's older than you (I'm assuming), and just needs to be reassured that she is your nearest and dearest friend.  But if she declines again I wouldn't push.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm not sure why you're opposed to her doing a reading in your wedding.  It doesn't have to be a religious or spiritual reading if you're not having a religious ceremony.  But there are plenty of readings that are well suited to a secular wedding.  Google wedding readings.  You'll find tons.

    My DD had her aunt do a reading and it was a nice moment.  I also think that including a special thank you in the program for your aunt would be lovely, as would a nice speech at the RD.

    Please rethink the head table, unless you intend to have all of your WP AND their s/o's sit with you.  Head tables are terribly dated, and IMO, rude to your WP and their dates if you split them up.

    I have seen only one head table in weddings going back well over a decade.  They're just not a good idea.

    Can you also include your aunt in your "getting ready" time?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • Soon2BeMrsTingSoon2BeMrsTing
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Trix's idea about including your aunt in the "getting ready" time is a good one.  It's a more behind-the-scenes invitation that will go unseen by most on the day of, but if you're having your photographer take the getting ready shots, she'll be in all those pictures!  I did this with my aunt whose only daughter (my cousin and best friend growing up) died of cancer when we were twenty.  She was so, so pleased to be in on the action! I've heard since that she looks at those photos again and again.

    I also think a reading is something worth consdering as well, if she declines the MOH offer a second time.  I asked another aunt of mine to do a reading, and DH asked an "uncle figure" to do the other.  We asked these two to read as a way to honor them for what they've contributed to our lives and to give them a significant role in the ceremony.  Both were delighted to be asked.
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