Small bridal party and personal attendants

Kacie209 · June 2012

My wedding is going to be small, including the wedding party. My MOH is my sister, and my fiance's sister will be a BM. With that, is it OK to enlist one (or both) of them to double as my personal attendant? Or is it easier to have someone else be in that position?

Benny618 · June 2012

I'm sorry, a personal attendant? What does that even mean?

GoodLuckBear14 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-bridal-party-and-personal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f058981a-1c40-4840-afc1-54c1c476f345Post:55dffd73-b0cb-44af-8fdd-d3166a34ee8e">Small bridal party and personal attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is going to be small, including the wedding party. My MOH is my sister, and my fiance's sister will be a BM. With that, is it OK to enlist one (or both) of them to double as my personal attendant? Or is it easier to have someone else be in that position?
Posted by Kacie209[/QUOTE]

No. It is not okay to have anyone as your presonal attendant. If you really need someone for this position, then hire a person. It is not an honor to essentially be the bride's b*tch for the day.

VeggieLove1022 · June 2012

A personal attendant is just a bride's biiitch the whole day. It's a job that you should hire someone for. If you do hire a personal attendant you need to pay them for their job. It's not an honor and I would look outside your friends/family for this position. Call a day of coordinator who does this professionally.

Kacie209 · June 2012

Any wedding I have been in, or been to, there has usually been a personal attendant. Usually it's a cousin or another friend not in the brdial party, not someone that they have hired.

Are personal attendant's not part of a wedding party anymore? If that is the case, then I will not worry about it.

misssunshine17 · June 2012

Personal attendants are another word for bitchh for the day. This is horribly rude. You want water, get it yourself. Help into your dress, your mother or a bridesmaid can help. You don't need a personal attendant.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

Why would you need a personal attendant? I can't think of the slightest thing I would have needed on the wedding day that I wasn't able to do myself, because I am a grown-up type person with functional limbs and a brain.

Kacie209 · June 2012

Alright, thanks for the information everyone. I will not worry about having a personal attendant... just didn't know that it was uncommon to have them. Maybe it just varies by region... oh well. Thanks!

jagore08 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-bridal-party-and-personal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f058981a-1c40-4840-afc1-54c1c476f345Post:d2c3f64e-73bd-4344-913e-5394eb975ffd">Re: Small bridal party and personal attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]Any wedding I have been in, or been to, there has usually been a personal attendant. Usually it's a cousin or another friend not in the brdial party, not someone that they have hired. Are personal attendant's not part of a wedding party anymore? If that is the case, then I will not worry about it.
Posted by Kacie209[/QUOTE]
Here's a question for you to really think about. What do you expect your personal attendant do for you? Are you expecting them to run errands and get you things the day of your wedding or is it just a position you think you should fill? <div>
</div><div>If it's a position that you think should be filled then scratch it. If you don't need one then there's no need to have one.</div><div>
</div><div>If you really need someone to run errands or get you things on your wedding day then you should hire a DOC. Personal attendants are not a traditional role. In fact, most people have never heard of this until the knot. A BM is a traditional role.</div>

mbcdefg · June 2012

If you need some help putting on your dress, someone to keep your lipstick in their purse, etc. it's ok to politely ask your bridesmaids if they could please help with that, without making them a "personal attendant." If you need someone to run errands or set up/clean up the reception hall or something along those lines, then hire a coordinator. What do you think you'll need a personal attendant for? Other than it being a common title/role in your area.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

If it's just a way to have other people hanging out with you to get ready and at the RD rather than to give someone busywork, they don't need a title for that, either. You can just invite them to that stuff.

Kacie209 · June 2012

The last wedding I was in, the bride had 2 of her cousins as her PA's They mainly helped us with the small stuff - such as finding a bobby pin for our hair, safety pin for our dresses, finding extra hair spray, etc. I wouldn't say they were the brides's bitches at all - just there in need, if we (the bridal party) needed something that we probably didn't have readily available to us. The bride didn't have them running around at all; however, another friend of mine was the PA for a wedding and did do that sort of stuff - so obviously that bride felt that the was duty of having a PA.

I know I am very capable of doing a lot of whatever a bride does on my own. Please do not assume that. I was asking a simple question about a role in a wedding that I have known to be involved in weddings all of my life.

OliveOilsMom · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-bridal-party-and-personal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f058981a-1c40-4840-afc1-54c1c476f345Post:7440eb83-3d96-4d5d-a763-f768389c7777">Re: Small bridal party and personal attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]The last wedding I was in, the bride had 2 of her cousins as her PA's <strong>They mainly helped us with the small stuff - such as finding a bobby pin for our hair, safety pin for our dresses, finding extra hair spray, etc.</strong> I wouldn't say they were the brides's bitches at all - just there in need, if we (the bridal party) needed something that we probably didn't have readily available to us. The bride didn't have them running around at all; however, another friend of mine was the PA for a wedding and did do that sort of stuff - so obviously that bride felt that the was duty of having a PA. I know I am very capable of doing a lot of whatever a bride does on my own. Please do not assume that. I was asking a simple question about a role in a wedding that I have known to be involved in weddings all of my life.
Posted by Kacie209[/QUOTE]

The bolded items should be in an emergency kit that you create to keep with you that day. So if something is needed, it's handy and close by. I think somewhere on the Knot they give you a list of all the things you should have in an emergency kit. They also sell emergency kits in their store, not sure if they are worth the price though. I made my own with stuff I already had at my home.

jemmini6 · June 2012

I'm one of those that never heard of having a PA until I came to TK. It may be tradition is some areas/social circles, but even after learning a little more about it, and experiencing how my own wedding day happened, I don't see how they would be necessary.

Just to get a feel for the traditions in your family, what would YOU expect your PA to do? If it's just little stuff like you mentioned, an emergency kit would be a good idea, therefore making a PA unnecessary. I made my own with stuff I already had at home (safety pins, bobby pins, ibuprofen, tums, bandaids, etc) and I dont think anyone ended up needing anything from it though, but it was a peace of mind to know we had it. If it's for big stuff like running errands (although I don't know what errands you'd need to run the day of), then it's really a job and not something that you should ask someone you want to 'honor' to do.

How are you planning to get ready the day of? Are you having professional hair/make-up coming to you, going to a salon, or doing it yourself? Will your bridesmaids or any other family or friends be with you? I only ask because I had a hotel room where me and a couple of my BMs got ready, then my mom and other sister came over before pictures, so there were a lot of people in the room to help if I needed anything. It was more of a "hey, can someone who's closest grab me a bottle of water?" or "can someone zip me up?" Basically, it was how we'd normally do things even if it wasn't my wedding day. Everyone was there to help everyone if needed, so there wouldn't have been a need for a specific person to do those things.

I think if you want to have a PA because that's a typical position in your social circle, it's okay as long as you are respectful and don't expect them to be your personal slave for the day. Regardless though, I still don't think it's anything that you'll need a designated person for, but it's really up to you.

zitiqueen · June 2012

Asking a friend or family member to be your personal attendant is just another way of saying "You weren't good enough to make the final bridesmaid cut, but I would like to bestow upon you the honor of holding my dress above my head while I pee to show you how much you mean to me."

jagore08 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_small-bridal-party-and-personal-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f058981a-1c40-4840-afc1-54c1c476f345Post:7440eb83-3d96-4d5d-a763-f768389c7777">Re: Small bridal party and personal attendants</a>:
[QUOTE]The last wedding I was in, <strong>the bride had 2 of her cousins as her PA's They mainly helped us with the small stuff - such as finding a bobby pin for our hair, safety pin for our dresses, finding extra hair spray, etc. I wouldn't say they were the brides's bitches at all - just there in need, if we (the bridal party) needed something that we probably didn't have readily available to us.</strong> The bride didn't have them running around at all; however, another friend of mine was the PA for a wedding and did do that sort of stuff - so obviously that bride felt that the was duty of having a PA. I know I am very capable of doing a lot of whatever a bride does on my own. Please do not assume that. I was asking a simple question about a role in a wedding that I have known to be involved in weddings all of my life.
Posted by Kacie209[/QUOTE]
It seems like if you plan ahead you can eliminate any of that need and you and your BM can get it for yourself. It also sounds like the bride you're speaking of didn't want to ask them to be BM so she gave them a random role to try and make them feel included. <div>
</div><div>If you have a couple of girlfriends that you want to get ready with you or take pictures before the ceremony with you while you're getting ready, you can always just ask them to join you. You don't need to ask them to fill a role that isn't needed.</div>

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