Etiquette

Father's New Wife

Hi, all.  I need some advice...

My Dad remarried about a year ago.  I have no relationship with this woman (I am a 41 year old first time bride).  Do I have to include her in the wedding program with my parents.  She is not my parent and I don't want to list her but I understand that etiquette may dictate something else.

Thank you in advance for your advice.
Stacy

Re: Father's New Wife

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-new-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddf6d209-1563-43fe-b45e-60ad6fa73935Post:f6156ebc-3d99-4cbb-9d88-ff8a4486128d">Father's New Wife</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi, all.  I need some advice... My Dad remarried about a year ago.  I have no relationship with this woman (I am a 41 year old first time bride).  Do I have to include her in the wedding program with my parents.  She is not my parent and I don't want to list her but I understand that etiquette may dictate something else. Thank you in advance for your advice. Stacy
    Posted by blyball[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Did your mom remarry?  Would you be listing her current spouse?</div><div>
    </div><div>If your mom is single, you could simply list she and your dad in this way:</div><div><u>PARENTS:</u></div><div><u>
    </u></div><div>Mary MomofBride</div><div>John DadofBride</div><div>
    </div><div>If you are worried that not including dad's wife would create drama or hurt feelings, you could include her in this way:</div><div>
    </div><div><div><u>PARENTS:</u></div><div><u>
    </u></div><div>Mary MomofBride</div><div>John DadofBride, accompanied by his wife, Jane DadofBride</div></div><div>
    </div><div>I do not know whether this is the proper etiquette, but it does seem to promote civility.</div><div> </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-new-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddf6d209-1563-43fe-b45e-60ad6fa73935Post:f9237cc0-186d-4a71-859c-e9930717a9b5">Re: Father's New Wife</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Father's New Wife : Did your mom remarry?  Would you be listing her current spouse? If your mom is single, you could simply list she and your dad in this way: PARENTS: Mary MomofBride John DadofBride If you are worried that not including dad's wife would create drama or hurt feelings, you could include her in this way: PARENTS: Mary MomofBride John DadofBride, accompanied by his wife, Jane DadofBride I do not know whether this is the proper etiquette, but it does seem to promote civility.  
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]


    Thanks Mobkaz.  Yes, my mother remarried 22 years ago and I consider my step-dad my father.  I would list my mother and step-dad as parents of the bride.  The dad part is a sticky situation for me because I don't really have a relationship with my Dad outside of pleasantries at Christmas and birthday  and Father's Day cards.  

    What I'm struggling with is that I am 41 and have waited this long to get married.  We are paying for our own wedding so we feel like we "call the shots"; however, I do want to adhere to some sort of etiquette.
  • Why don't you ask your dad how he feels about it?  Throw some suggestions at him and see which one he prefers.
  • I don't know where E stands,  but I think it would be more of a slap in the face to write 'accompanied by.' I think people will know that this woman has never been a mother figure, so I don't see why you would list her. Or you could just skip listing the parents so no one can get mad.

  • I agree with asking your dad how he feels if you're against listing her name beside your fathers.

    I think people would realize that there's divorces and remarriages involved just by the number of people.



    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • I'd just skip the programs and then problem solved.
  • Just don't list your parents or anyone else in the program.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-new-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddf6d209-1563-43fe-b45e-60ad6fa73935Post:63954664-8239-4d91-995a-90119f2b5de5">Re:Father's New Wife</a>:
    [QUOTE]You could also just list them under Parents of the Bride with Mom and stepdad names Dad and stepmom names That makes it pretty apparent that there has been remarriages.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The issue is not one of indicating marital status/remarriage........</div><div>
    </div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;background-color:#ffffff;"><font color="#ff0000">"My Dad remarried about a year ago.  I have no relationship with this woman (I am a 41 year old first time bride).  Do I have to include her in the wedding program with my parents.  <strong><u>She is not my parent</u></strong> and <u><strong>I don't want to list her</strong></u> but I understand that etiquette may dictate something else"</font></span>

    </div><div>The issue is that the OP does not want to include her father's wife under the umbrella of "Parents".  OP goes on to say that her relationship with her biological father is "sticky" as well.........</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"><font color="#ff0000">" Yes, my mother remarried 22 years ago and<strong><u> I consider my step-dad my father</u></strong>.  I would list my<strong><u> mother and step-dad as parents</u></strong> of the bride.  The dad part is a sticky situation for me because I don't really have a relationship with my Dad"</font></span></div><div>
    </div><div>It sounds as if OP is trying her best to be civil but true to herself,  her mom and stepdad.  I personally do not feel that omitting a parent section altogether is the best solution as it removes her mom from the equation and honor.  This is why I suggested the phrase, "accompanied by his wife".  It maintains a level of diplomacy by acknowledging her dad's wife, but respects the OP's desire to not attach parentage to her.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-new-wife?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ddf6d209-1563-43fe-b45e-60ad6fa73935Post:5f8c1026-bd58-4aa2-9336-432670af7a8e">Re:Father's New Wife</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's New Wife : The issue is not one of indicating marital status/remarriage........ "My Dad remarried about a year ago.  I have no relationship with this woman (I am a 41 year old first time bride).  Do I have to include her in the wedding program with my parents.  She is not my parent and I don't want to list her  but I understand that etiquette may dictate something else" The issue is that the OP does not want to include her father's wife under the umbrella of "Parents".  OP goes on to say that her relationship with her biological father is "sticky" as well......... " Yes, my mother remarried 22 years ago and I consider my step-dad my father .  I would list my mother and step-dad as parents of the bride.  The dad part is a sticky situation for me because I don't really have a relationship with my Dad" It sounds as if OP is trying her best to be civil but true to herself,  her mom and stepdad.  I personally do not feel that omitting a parent section altogether is the best solution as it removes her mom from the equation and honor.  This is why I suggested the phrase, "accompanied by his wife".  It maintains a level of diplomacy by acknowledging her dad's wife, but respects the OP's desire to not attach parentage to her.
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]

    All of that is true, but if she leaves out Stepmom, it will probably create some unnecessary drama. Unless ther is a specific reason to make this woman feel unwelcome (abuse, etc.), or she wants to cut ties with her father, it's in her best interest to list this woman down.

    I don't think that "accompanied by" is appropriate becuase it could start OP and her new SM off on the wrong foot.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited March 2013
    I had this problem, only difference is that my dad and his wife have been married for 20+ years.  I was just shy of 39 when I got married this past fall.  My relationship with my dad has had moments of estrangement over the years and we do not have a close relationship.  My mom never remarried.

    I battled with myself over this question a lot.

    Though probably against etiquette but my final solution was:

    Mother of the Bride:  KJs Mom
    Father of the Bride:  KJs Dad
    His Wife:  KJs Dad's wife

    Now, granted after all the drama, she ended up bailing and not coming at all.

    ETA:  I have no relationship with his wife, she was never a parental figure, I never lived with them and was never given an opportunity to get to know her.

     

  • I would just list parents of the bride and list out the two couples.

    while this woman might not be a mother figure to you, she is your step mother and your father's wife - i really dont see the harm in listing her.  i assume you  hold no ill will against her, but just arent close to her (or your dad)? 

    or you could nix programs altogether - they arent  necessary.

  • I kind of had a similar issue.  My mom has been married to my stepdad for 18 years now.  My dad married his wife 8 years ago.  I do not like her.  However, I felt that keeping things generic was a good solution for me. 
    Parents of bride.,...........Mom & Stepdad
                                          Dad & stepmom

    Screw it if anyone has a prob with it.
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