Wedding Etiquette Forum

Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?

We had a Catholic mass and our priest never said, "you may now kiss the bride."  So we didn't kiss at all during the ceremony...  I was kind of waiting for him to say it, but he didn't.  My husband thought it was perfectly normal that we didn't kiss, however.

Anyway, I'm just curious...  Did anyone else not kiss the bride?
«1

Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?

  • Our minister didn't actually say anything about kissing the bride. So I went ahead and planted one on H myself.
    image
    image
  • It will be part of our ceremony as we wrote the script and wanted it in there. However we wrote it so she says "Groom Name and Bride Name, you may now kiss each other".

    We're doing it this way as well.
  • Ha, where's Andrea, I think hers qualifies as "Something else"
    image
  • haha oh the Duggars.  Um, it was a long time ago and I don't know how long they were together before they got married.
    image
    ttc chart
    BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
  • Andrea_LeaAndrea_Lea member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2009
    *&$%^ right it does.

    My minister decided to up and leave in the middle of the ceremony, he grabbed the microphone and said "I'm just going to finish my part and go, I now pronounce you man and wife. Congratulations"

    Then he walked over to my groom, handed him the wedding license and walked off.

    Think  must be exaggerating? I watched it all unfold again on the video this past weekend.  No exaggeration and Tree was there to see it all go down so she can back me up.

    (FWIW, the minister [Rev. John P. Gaffney out of Bowie MD!!!!!!!] was supposed to stand aside for the Persian blessing [for my H and his family] and then come back to the mic, finish the American ceremony and pronounce us.) <-- these ARE facts AS they happened, not personal commentary subject to removal, Mods :)

    We didn't have a proper pronouncement.  Didn't kiss the bride.  Didn't have a recessional.  I was seething behind my smile. SEETHING I TELL YOU!

    and I let that minister have it the Monday afterwards.  In writing.  You betcha.
  • we will kiss at ours but i think it's okay if it just happened that way.

    the ppl who didn't ever kiss before they got married i think is ridiculous. i know ppl wait for sex..which i don't really agree with but the act in itself is commendable..but still how can you really be in love with someone you've never even kissed? the way someone kisses says alot. also with sex. what if they are terrible or if you're not compatible in those areas which could easily be the case, it can often lead to big issues or separation etc. 
  • I kind of want to skip this part.  I already hate the fact that I have to stand up in front of all these people and say vows.  I feel really uncomfortable kissing in front of them, too. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Ours had the kiss, and it was a mass too.  We didn't talk about it before with the priest.  Did you get married in Mexico?

    I also don't understand waiting to kiss.  If you don't have enough self control to kiss your FI without jumping his bones, you have problems.

  • In Jewish tradition, the rabbi never says, "You may kiss the bride," on the theory that a) one of you (at least in an opposite-sex wedding) is kissing the groom, not the bride, and b) you don't need the rabbi's permission to kiss.  We stamped on the glass, then kissed.
  • We had a Catholic ceremony, but not a full mass. The priest never said "kiss the bride," but he explained to us ahead of time that he wouldn't say it and we were supposed to kiss when he said peace. Luckily, I warned the photographer so she still got a picture of it even though I'd never seen it done at that point in the ceremony before.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
    image
    Married
    Planning
  • I honestly had no idea there was an option not to kiss. My DH kissed the bride. At my cousin's wedding they full.on.made.out. For like 30 seconds. Gross. I was determined to do nothing like that, and then I was so excited to finally kiss DH, we had like 3 kisses. Not making out, but still - it felt like the longest part of the ceremony.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
  • we kissed when you're "supposed to" (after the actual ceremony part within the mass) but it was just a little kiss.  we did have the big kiss at the end, although many catholic churches do not do this/nor is it part of the mass. 
  • I would be soooo mad if that wasnt included in my wedding....that's your first kiss as husband and wife!!!! we WILL be smooching it up! :)

    PAL/TTCAL welcome

    me and mikeLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/14lrdpj.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i46.tinypic.com/j65vnd.jpg[/IMG]

    This is our rainbow baby! Lincoln born July 23 at 37w6d

    Pictures

  • That's apparently normal for Catholic services.  My brother's priest did not give them that option.  He did tell them if they wanted to, they could kiss (during the rehearsal).

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • We kissed but the priest didn't specifically say "You may now kiss the bride". In our denomination (Episcopalian) the kiss between the bride and groom is exchanged before the rest of the congregation exchanges the peace, although it's not explicitly written in the ceremony book.
    That's Mrs.skWhitneyAmanda to you!

    You're my true love, my whole heart ♥ ♥ ♥ <-- Married Bio <br>
    image
    image
  • i just love all the judgements being passed around on those who wait to kiss until marriage. just because they chose to protect their purity, doesn't mean they have no self-control or are insane. i rather think it might be the other way around.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • FI and I are also having a Catholic mass for our wedding.  I actually asked our priest about this at one of our meetings with him, and he said that they traditionally don't say "I now pronounce you man and wife; you may now kiss the bride" because HE doesn't pronounce us maried as we are the ones performing the Sacrament of Marriage.  But, he said that if we would like, he could somehow work in the "you may now kiss the bride" line.  Maybe your priest didn't say it for a similar reason
    "This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without." ? Jodi Picoult Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-else-not-kiss-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e292b6d2-a6f4-46bd-96a0-e3fcf1e8232dPost:9aa42399-112e-4b28-8654-c6d89d00c823">Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]i just love all the judgements being passed around on those who wait to kiss until marriage. just because they chose to protect their purity, doesn't mean they have no self-control or are insane. i rather think it might be the other way around.
    Posted by willowprincess[/QUOTE]

    Now who's passing judgements?  Pot, meet kettle.
  • Our pastor didn't say 'You may kiss the bride" or anything like that. In our ceremony there was a traditional line about 'what God has joined together, let no man tear asunder' or something to that effect, and that was our cue to kiss. We're not big on kissing in public, but to me that's an important part of the ceremony so it was never a question if it was going to happen, we were more concerned with the wording that would lead up to it.
  • We are also having a traditional Catholic ceremony (maybe a full mass - not decided) and the priest told us that he will not say "kiss the bride" as the Catholic ceremony does not include this. 
    He said that he's assuming we've kissed already for one and once we're married we don't need his permission.  He will announce us at which point it will be our que to kiss.


    tlv 204 - I'm glad I read your post - I didn't even think about giving the photographer a heads up!  Thanks for that!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-else-not-kiss-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e292b6d2-a6f4-46bd-96a0-e3fcf1e8232dPost:016e127a-81bc-488a-a2b2-2850f67a80ea">Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"? : I find that...insane. Even for those who don't believe in pre-marital sex. How long did they date before they got married?
    Posted by RaiKai[/QUOTE]
    I knew a couple that did the same. They believed that loving someone didn't mean you had to kiss them or something like that. Or love doesn't have to be expressed with a kiss. I don't remember how they explained it, I just knew they did the same.
  • Have you ever kissed someone and it just well....felt gross? Sometimes the sparks are not there.... What happens if that is what you're feeling right after you were pronounced as husband and wife?
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart
    || Ovulation Tracker
  • At my friend's wedding, they didn't do it and she also had a full mass.  I don't think she knew they wouldn't do it because her and her husband looked a little confused, but then started the recessional.  Their photographer got a great shot of them kissing on the steps of the church.  I didn't even notice it until after, when everyone else was talking about it!  I would be sad if we didn't have that in our ceremony!
  • Not wanting to kiss because it might lead to "something else" shows more a failure in their sex education than anything.  I would bet money they didn't receive a frank, down to earth discussion about the details of the birds and the bees. 
    When you get a spotty sex ed from your school, your parents never talk about it, and all you see from MTV and Hollywood is kiss=sex crazed orgy it's not surprising some people would think they couldn't keep it to just a kiss.
  • I can't imagine not having kissed the person I was going to marry!  Then again, I can't imagine marrying someone who I didn't already cohabitate, share finances, and plan the future with so I guess staying pure was never my focus, lol!  I'd be much more afraid of finding out his roommate is actually the one who keeps their place clean and he spends all his money the moment he gets paid because of his crazy theory that the bank actually donates the money in your savings account to PETA than I'd be afraid of having a sloppy spark-free first kiss on our wedding day!

    Kudos to the people who live up to their own moral standards, though.  I can be impresed by the strength of your convictions even when I don't agree with them, just don't tell me I'm a terrible person for not "staying pure" :-)
    imageimageAnniversary
  • I hear you willow!!! I completely agree. Since when did not having pre marital sex become the bad thing to do? It's crazy the way that society has turned people's views around. We are so bombarded with sex that it's become abnormal to refrain from it. The judgement passed on not having sex has surprised me time and time again.
    I know that sex can show you a lot about someone, but getting to know them on a deeper level without sex can tell you WAY more. And once you have that connection sex will always be AMAZING no matter what. The physical can be perfected with practice after the wedding.
    Oh, and I will definitely be doing the kiss :)
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-else-not-kiss-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e292b6d2-a6f4-46bd-96a0-e3fcf1e8232dPost:c22c0094-b76d-4f32-835b-d6f8ec205625">Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you don't have enough self control to kiss your FI without jumping his bones, you have problems. I've been married for 6 months now, and I still have this problem.  Is that a bad thing?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Nope, and I hope I'm the same way <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • Willow, I didn't read anyone handing out judgements and I would be the last to pass judgment on if someone chooses to wait until marriage - sexuality is such a personal thing.

    However, I personally have an issue with the whole idea of "purity" and in particular, using that word. If you want to say (like HyperChica did) "I find I can achieve a deeper level of intimacy by abstaining" than that's fine.

    Referring to virginity as "purity" and that it needs to be "protected" somehow inplies that sex itself is impure. And if purity=virginity, than that means that after your wedding, you will then be just as "impure" as me. Then why wait (by that reasoning)? Does having sex with one's own husband make you impure?

    I think your attitude (or the way you expressed it in your post, I don't assume to know exactly what you feel based on three setences) was quite more judgmental about us "harlots" who feel that virginity was more of a phase of life than a commodity.
  • Apparently, kissing before marriage DOES have a biological role in determining that you've found the right mate!  Check this out:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2009/feb/13/kiss-science-lovers-evolution

    Personally, I don't see what's so great about purity.  In my mind, ignorance is a lot worse than learning from your mistakes.  I'm not saying we should all go have sex before we're married, but I don't see anything wrong in responsible adult activites, as long as you are open and honest and safe, and not hurting anyone else!
    imageimageAnniversary
  • edited December 2009
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-else-not-kiss-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e292b6d2-a6f4-46bd-96a0-e3fcf1e8232dPost:b57b5a72-1ee5-422c-8bc9-17e51f2122e0">Re: Anyone Else Not "Kiss the Bride"?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Willow, I didn't read anyone handing out judgements and I would be the last to pass judgment on if someone chooses to wait until marriage - sexuality is such a personal thing. However, I personally have an issue with the whole idea of "purity" and in particular, using that word. If you want to say (like HyperChica did) "I find I can achieve a deeper level of intimacy by abstaining" than that's fine. Referring to virginity as "purity" and that it needs to be "protected" somehow inplies that sex itself is impure. And if purity=virginity, than that means that after your wedding, you will then be just as "impure" as me. Then why wait (by that reasoning)? Does having sex with one's own husband make you impure? I think your attitude (or the way you expressed it in your post, I don't assume to know exactly what you feel based on three setences) was quite more judgmental about us "harlots" who feel that virginity was more of a phase of life than a commodity.
    Posted by hydrangea082010[/QUOTE]

    <div>i don't need to post now. THANK YOU for expressing this sentiment in a much more level-headed manner than i would have.  to me the whole concept of sexual/bodily purity seems so outrageous, unnatural and bound up in its origins in a particularly oppressive time period and location. :(</div>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards