married at court house on leave, now what?

Re: married at court house on leave, now what?

• calindi member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:66424634-cfb2-44a7-ab9f-bcbe823f4751">married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]My husband and I got married on his leave from Afghanistan in a short civil ceremony with just our parents with us.  Now we would like to have a christian wedding, but without all the expense...  All that i really want is for him to see me in my white dress and to be blown away!  All the other details don't matter much, except that we would like, and think we deserve, to have a big celebration with all of our friends and family!  ANY IDEAS?!?!  I start planning something small and then it always turns into big and expensive!  What details could i leave out?  good locations?  any thoughts???
  Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]
  
  Talk to your church to see what their regulations are for already legally married couples to have their union recognized by the church.  Some make you jump through more hoops than others.  In some cases, you wouldn't be allowed to wear a big white dress or have a big ceremony, it's a simple somber event.
  
  No one "deserves" the big white wedding, and that way of phrasing it often gets some ruffled feathers around here.  You wanted to get married, you got married.  Congratulations!  Now you get to be married.  If you want to have a big party to celebrate, then talk to your families and see what they think would be appropriate.  Personally, if I were in your situation, I'd probably wear a cute white sundress but not a big flowy wedding dress and have an at-home party for family & friends.  You could show a video of the wedding, or if you don't have one, a slideshow of photos from your wedding or put photographs from throughout your relationship around as decoration.  Don't reinact the ceremony, just have a big ol' party! 
  
  Friends of ours who aren't military recently got married far away, so only immedate family were able to make it.  About 6 months later, they had a big casual barbecue back near where they grew up for everyone who had been invited but couldn't make it.  It was really nice, and everyone had a nice time.  They had a slideshow playing on the TV of wedding pictures.  No one felt like they were being tricked into giving a gift as we had all been invited to the wedding in the first place. Also, the couple didn't register for anything, so those who wanted to give gifts gave cash, but that was obviously totally optional.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to Re:married at court house on leave, now what?:[QUOTE]My husband and I got married on his leave from Afghanistan in a short civil ceremony with just our parents with us.nbsp; Now we would like to have a christian wedding, but without all the expense...nbsp; All that i really want is for him to see me in my white dress and to be blown away!nbsp; All the other details don't matter much, except that we would like, and think we deserve, to have a big celebration with all of our friends and family!nbsp; ANY IDEAS?!?!nbsp; I start planning something small and then it always turns into big and expensive!nbsp; What details could i leave out?nbsp; good locations?nbsp; any thoughts??? Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]
  Ditto everything Cal said. I would just plan a kick ass BBQ of some sort. A friend of mine did a destination wedding and had an at home reception like 3 months later. She wore a cute short white cocktail dress, had pictures of the wedding around, used a sheet cake instead of a wedding cake, and had a ton of food and alcohol.
  
  Don't get stuck on small details flowers etc provide food, alcohol and music and guests will be happy. That's all I want from any party I attend.

  

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• brittneyjosh

  

  June 2012

  okay sorry i think i'm being misunderstood.  i only said "deserve" because i feel like after spending a year apart and my husband sacrificing his life for our countries great freedoms, that we should have the kind of wedding and/OR celebration that we choose.  We also are only having ANYTHING so that it is recognized by the church.  That is what is important to us.  If it wasn't then we would just call it good with the civil ceremony and move on.  But i've been doing some research and think we'll just do a vow renewal, or a service to have our civil ceremony recognized by the church, and celebrate with our friends and family.  I did not mean to sound like a bridezilla in that i HAVE to have the wedding of my dreams!  Which is why i stated we wanted to keep everything very simple.  Sometimes things come across the wrong way online.  Thanks for your opinions. 

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• Sammy0709 member

  

  June 2012

  Oh good so I can have another party to celebrate my marriage when MH gets home from Afghanistan because we made sacrifices for 9 months thanks for letting me know.

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to Re:married at court house on leave, now what?:[QUOTE]okay sorry i think i'm being misunderstood.nbsp; i only said quot;deservequot; because i feel like after spending a year apart and my husband sacrificing his life for our countries great freedoms, that we should have the kind of wedding and/OR celebration that we choose.nbsp; We also are only having ANYTHING so that it is recognized by the church.nbsp; That is what is important to us.nbsp; If it wasn't then we would just call it good with the civil ceremony and move on.nbsp; But i've been doing some research and think we'll just do a vow renewal, or a service to have our civil ceremony recognizednbsp;by the church,nbsp;and celebrate with our friends and family.nbsp; I did not mean to sound like a bridezilla in that i HAVE to have the wedding of my dreams!nbsp; Which is why i stated we wanted to keep everything very simple.nbsp; Sometimes things come across the wrong way online.nbsp; Thanks for your opinions.nbsp; Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]
  Uh did you read the rest where we told you how to have a party and keep it low cost? I don't really care what you wear to it, that was just an example. But youcan celebrate your wedding and keep it low cost. If you're calling to have it some place, don't call it a wedding reception, call it an anniversary party or something, same with any other vendors.

  

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• crownsuperstar member

  

  June 2012

  Ditto Cal and GG!  A friend of mine had a small wedding (16 people and yeah I was one of the cool ones invited) but then had a wonderful BBQ reception at an old cotton plantation.  It was just beautiful.  She wore a cute white Lilly dress and even had a photographer.  It was one of the most fun receptions I have been too (well with the exception of mine ).

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• calindi member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:3e7c92ba-948b-4c6c-b76b-63de517df403">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]okay sorry i think i'm being misunderstood. <strong> i only said "deserve" because i feel like after spending a year apart and my husband sacrificing his life for our countries great freedoms, that we should have the kind of wedding and/OR celebration that we choose.</strong>  We also are only having ANYTHING so that it is recognized by the church.  That is what is important to us.  If it wasn't then we would just call it good with the civil ceremony and move on.  But i've been doing some research and think we'll just do a vow renewal, or a service to have our civil ceremony recognized by the church, and celebrate with our friends and family.  I did not mean to sound like a bridezilla in that i HAVE to have the wedding of my dreams!  Which is why i stated we wanted to keep everything very simple.  Sometimes things come across the wrong way online.  Thanks for your opinions. 
  Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]
  
  You're on the Military Brides board.  Girls on this board either have spouses who serve, or they serve themselves... or both.  So that whole line of reasoning isn't going to change anyone's mind about whether "deserve" is the right verbage.  I get it - you want a party, and you're certainly entitled to have any party you can afford.  But the word "deserve" makes people think you "deserve" it more than someone else... which isn't the case.  And if I may, the fact that you said he sacrificed his life doesn't sit well with me.  Especially as I have a close friend who graduated West Point who attended his classmate's funeral last month after an IED blew up.  That person sacrificed his life.  Your guy was inconvenienced for several months.  It sucks, no doubt, and that's why there's lots of military discounts and Veterans Day and people who say "thank you for your service".  It's for sure a sacrifice, but he didn't sacrifice his life.  If he had, you wouldn't be dressing in white, you'd be dressing in black.  And that's not something to be said lightly.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• iluvmytxrgr member

  

  June 2012

  You're married.  Congratulations.  My husband is now on his 13th deployement.  He has spent more years of his 9 years of service over seas than he has here.  He was shot and nearly bled to death durring his 9th deployment.  What do we get?  I'm sorry, but the reason you stated above was a bit douchetastic.  

  We had a civil ceremony.  It was very small.  We loved it.  We had planned to do a larger vow renewal so the people who weren't able to make it to the wedding could celebrate with us.  When we talked to our pastor about having the church bless our marriage he said, "You are married.  When you said the vows and signed the paper, it was recognized by God.  When you filed the papers, it was recognized by the state. What else do you want other than an excuse to have a party?"  Considering that and the amount of money to throw a party for the 100+ people, we said screw it.  It was a huge waste of money.  

  He wants to do something big for our 10th anniversary.  We may throw a bbq.  The kids will think it's a blast.  

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• PJBHL5

  

  June 2012

  Wow.
  
  I say if you want to do the big wedding dress with a small/inexpensive ceremony, have at it.
  
  And also thanks for posting this. The responses in this post were enough to keep me as far away from this board as humanly possible.

  Jackie (Photographer by trade) & Patrick (Military Police Officer)
  May 18, 2013
  "I Love My Wounded Warrior"
  
  May 2013 Brides November Sig: The venue

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to Re:married at court house on leave, now what?:[QUOTE]Wow. I say if you want to do the big wedding dress with a small/inexpensive ceremony, have at it.And also thanks for posting this. The responses in this post were enough to keep me as far away from this board as humanly possible. Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]
  Reading comprehension is your friend. No one said that she can't do it, they just offered suggestions and explained to her why the term "deserves" is off putting. But don't worry, nobody here will miss you.

  

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• AmandaSC1988 member

  

  June 2012

  I like how OP edited the "deserve" out of her original post. Ha.. sly dog..
  
  You can have as many wedding parties as you want, spend as much money as you see fit, do whatever you want to celebrate your marriage...that is fine. However, the sense of entitlement because of military obligations..well that doesn't normally fly well around here.

  

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• AmandaSC1988 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:dffa4f0b-4e95-49c5-b1ac-6a100ca9c23e">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Wow. I say if you want to do the big wedding dress with a small/inexpensive ceremony, have at it. And also thanks for posting this. The responses in this post were enough to keep me as far away from this board as humanly possible.
  Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]
  
  <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-love-the-may-2013-brides">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_i-love-the-may-2013-brides</a>
  
  Generally not a good idea to trash talk people on a different board.

  

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• crownsuperstar member

  

  June 2012

  GG- your post made me spit diet coke all over my computer screen.  I am now dying laughing.
  
  PJBHL- no one said that she couldn't do it.  It was more so with the term that she used.
  "Deserve" is not typically taken well here.  For example, my H and I got married and he deployed.  Yep he has been gone the entire 1st year of our marriage.  Oh and no one called her called her names so please do not misquote us in your bashing on another forum.  I could give a rat ass how many parties someone has.  Spend as much as you want but the issue I had was the use of the term "deserve". 

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• Irishcurls member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:dffa4f0b-4e95-49c5-b1ac-6a100ca9c23e">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Wow. I say if you want to do the big wedding dress with a small/inexpensive ceremony, have at it. And also thanks for posting this. The responses in this post were enough to keep me as far away from this board as humanly possible.
  Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]
  Perfect!! Thanks for letting us know. 

  

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• Sammy0709 member

  

  June 2012

  Are you a photographer by trade because you can't read and you only like to look at the pictures?  No one said it was douchetastic for her to want a big event, for goodness sake, I had one at my family's request.  We said it was douchetastic that she thought she DESERVED one.  If you want someone to blow rainbows up your buttocks then be my guest and go whine about us on your oh so awesome and nice unicorns and happy bunnies board.  People disagree and get offended by eahother in the real world.  We're realists here.
  
  Don't mind me I've been working a lot lately and the snark comes out when I'm tired and stressed.

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• erin7264

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:dffa4f0b-4e95-49c5-b1ac-6a100ca9c23e">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Wow. I say if you want to do the big wedding dress with a small/inexpensive ceremony, have at it. And also thanks for posting this. The responses in this post were enough to keep me as far away from this board as humanly possible.
  Posted by PJBHL5[/QUOTE]
  
  You mean away from TK in general? Because PPD's (Pretty Princess Day=PPD) are ill-received on pretty much every one of these boards, and these ladies were actually comparatively nice about it. 
  
  OP doesn't "deserve" a big foofy fake second-wedding. Deployment isn't a factor, and this is probably the last place you'd find that guilt trip to be effective.

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• Zeldakins member

  

  June 2012

  She seriously posted elsewhere about this?....wooooowwww.
  
  -.-

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• iluvmytxrgr member

  

  June 2012

  She did and she miss quoted me.  She said we called the OP douchetastic because she wanted a "real" wedding.  When actually, I said her comment about deserving a "real" wedding because her FI "had sacrificed his life in Afghanistan" was douchetastic.  

  
  

  Dear, whinner.  If you don't like my view of things and the way I am pretty damn straight forward, you may want to reconsider marrying an MP.  

  Signed, 

  an MP

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• melodyjdougherty member

  

  June 2012

  you deserve anything and everything you want. My fiance and I are getting married this March and he is a 1st Lt. in the USMC and has been away for the majority of our relationship. I am going ALL OUT because I DESERVE to have the wedding of my dreams because I have been a faithful, trustworthy, supportive woman to a man in Uniform and God knows we sacrifice a whole hell of a lot to be with these men because we love them.  And that DOES deserve something (whatever you see fit and whatever makes you happy.) Don't listen to any of these nasty, bitter women telling you what you should/shouldn't and can/can't feel entitled too. Nobody knows your life or your story... you came here for help and advice and the vultures attacked you like you were a carcass. Shame on them.
  
  My advice: go big, or go home! Wear the biggest mother effin' cupcake dress you can and go balls to the wall. Eff all the haters!
  
  Ps: We had our engagement party in the party room of a really nice japanese hibachi restaurant... maybe something like that would work for your reception- low key but still very elegant and special. I decorated the tables with flowers, votive candles, and  picture frames with pictures from all the years we've been dating. Good Luck!
  
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:66424634-cfb2-44a7-ab9f-bcbe823f4751">married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]My husband and I got married on his leave from Afghanistan in a short civil ceremony with just our parents with us.  Now we would like to have a christian wedding, but without all the expense...  All that i really want is for him to see me in my white dress and to be blown away!  All the other details don't matter much, except that we would like to have a big celebration with all of our friends and family!  ANY IDEAS?!?!  I start planning something small and then it always turns into big and expensive!  What details could i leave out?  good locations?  any thoughts???
  Posted by brittneyjosh[/QUOTE]

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:95581d2b-348f-4cb5-a73d-a398e6efc84b">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]you deserve anything and everything you want. My fiance and I are getting married this March and he is a 1st Lt. in the USMC and has been away for the majority of our relationship. I am going ALL OUT because I DESERVE to have the wedding of my dreams because I have been a faithful, trustworthy, supportive woman to a man in Uniform and God knows we sacrifice a whole hell of a lot to be with these men because we love them.  And that DOES deserve something (whatever you see fit and whatever makes you happy.) Don't listen to any of these nasty, bitter women telling you what you should/shouldn't and can/can't feel entitled too. Nobody knows your life or your story... you came here for help and advice and the vultures attacked you like you were a carcass. Shame on them. My advice: go big, or go home! Wear the biggest mother effin' cupcake dress you can and go balls to the wall. Eff all the haters! Ps: We had our engagement party in the party room of a really nice japanese hibachi restaurant... maybe something like that would work for your reception- low key but still very elegant and special. I decorated the tables with flowers, votive candles, and  picture frames with pictures from all the years we've been dating. Good Luck! In Response to married at court house on leave, now what? :
  Posted by melodyjdougherty[/QUOTE]<div>Oh FFS you sound like a fuucking idiot. No one deserves shiiit. Anyone who gets married is probably a supporting loving fiance. Not just those marrying someone in the military.  </div><div>
  </div><div>Also, word of advice, make sure to not wear your husband's rank, because it sure sounds like you are. He's in the military, you're not. 
  
  </div>

  

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• Sammy0709 member

  

  June 2012

  Seriously...this is still going? LOL...the absurdity of the most recent "it's your day and these girls are all beeetches" response just made my night.  Sounds like a freaking child.

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_married-at-court-house-on-leave-now-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:1e7753c5-1594-480d-838b-62bdc325d634Post:8f051a77-aeda-4cc3-8a32-03f2fd2f7505">Re: married at court house on leave, now what?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Seriously...this is still going? LOL...the absurdity of the most recent "it's your day and these girls are all beeetches" response just made my night.  Sounds like a freaking child.
  Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]
  I am in such a mood to be a biiitch too. This is not the week to be all "this is my day and I deserve it" bs. If someone wants to call me a vulture, then i can be downright effing nasty. 

  

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• kara811 member

  

  June 2012

  OMFG, this is not the kinda shiite I want to see right now. Are you a fuucking troll? I refuse to believe that someone IRL has this sort of self entitlement. It's a whole other fuucking level. Don't tell me about being away most of your relationship, a LOT of us have been there and still are. You obviously sound like a trophy wife who wears her husband's rank. 

  Planning Bio /Married Bio
  

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• tealeyedangel

  

  June 2012

  I seriously belive that people should have to take some kind of test to marry anyone in the military, I'm tired of these Overly Sensitive Military wives crying b/c they didn't get the dream wedding...wake up....you did a JOP...if you want a wedding do it but don't register for gifts or go under the facade that you are just now getting married. DH and I got married at the court house with our best friends as a witness, we are now doing a ceremony for family and friends who couldn't be there, honestly its a vow renewal and a huge freakin party

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• ggirl2001 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to Re:married at court house on leave, now what?:[QUOTE]I seriously belive that people should have to take some kind of test to marry anyone in the military, I'm tired of these Overly Sensitive Military wives crying b/c they didn't get the dream wedding...wake up....you did a JOP...if you want a wedding do it but don't register for gifts or go under the facade that you are just now getting married. DH and I got married at the court house with our best friends as a witness, we are now doing a ceremony for family and friends who couldn't be there, honestly its a vow renewal and a huge freakin party Posted by tealeyedangel[/QUOTE]
  I like you.

  

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