MOH going broke - do I have to get gifts?

chichaca · April 2010

My bff is getting married, and I am the MOH. I didn't really know what I was getting myself into, especially in terms of expenses. I am a student, and I'm living on loans. I knew I would have to buy a dress, but I didn't realize how expensive it would be to throw a shower and bachelorette party and that both of these things were my sole responsibility.

My question is, on top of all this, do I also have to get the bride gifts for the shower and the wedding? I have spent so much on this wedding already. Please provide some insight!

jedaniel · April 2010

I'm a bride but what my MOH is doing is for the shower she is splitting all cost with my grandam and my mother. And for the bach party she is halfing the hotel room and spa day with my mom and everyone else is paying for their own stuff like nails done massages and stuff. For the shower gift i dont know, but when my sister in law got married to my brother all the bridemaids split the cost of a Waterford Picture Frame for the bride.

ecsmiles · April 2010

I'd try to go in on a gift with the rest of the bridesmaids for the shower. I understand how expensive it can be (been there before). Have you considered splitting the costs of the shower and bach party with the rest of the bridesmaids? I don't think its really fair for it to fall on your shoulders alone. But if you do see if they can help out, just try to find out what they're comfortable contributing before making any definitive plans. That way you won't be stuck with more than you can afford.

If my MOH didnt' give me a gift, I don't think I would be upset with her or anything. She totally rocks (and it seems like you're going above and beyond too) and I'm just happy that she is there to celebrate with me. I'm sure that your friend would feel the same.

duckie1905 · April 2010

You are not required to do anything but buy the dress. Please don't feel pressure to throw a bach party or shower or do anything else that you really can't afford.

If she's a true friend she would have asked you to be her MOH because you are a closest friend; not for what you can do for her.

Do and plan what you can afford and don't do what you can't. It would be silly to go into debt for someone else's wedding.

MairePoppy · April 2010

Who told you that the shower and bachelorette are your sole responsibility? They were wrong.
If you are determined to give a shower, ask the other BMs if they are able to help with $ or maybe each of you could prepare a dish for the table. See if anyone can offer the use of their home for the shower. Let the bride's mom know that you would welcome help. Keep the guest list very small.
You do not have to buy a gift on top of everything else. The shower IS a gift. But if the BMs want to chip in, that would be very generous, but unnecessary.

ChrisChelsea10/08 · April 2010

I'm a bride and of course I would Love presents from my MOH and Bridesmaids, who wouldn't want more presents to open. But the shower and bachlorette party is plenty of a gift. Don't worry to much about it.

AdeleDazeem · April 2010

I was also a MOH in your position. I told my friend straight up that I could not afford to throw a shower or an elaborate bachelorette party. I even told her that if she was not okay with that, then I would be a guest.

She told me I was crazy for even thinking that she wouldn't want me in the wedding because I couldn't do those things!

Her mom threw the shower - I made it a point to travel to CT for it. I put together an informal weekend for the bridesmaids for her bachelorette party. We all brought wine and slept over at her apartment slumber party style. It wasn't expensive and the bride was happy.

Talk to your friend honestly about your situation. If she doesn't understand, then you have a friend problem, not a wedding/MOH problem.

MsSirius · April 2010

Your not required to throw a shower or a bachlorette party. All your really required to buy is your dress. My older sister is my MOH and is pregnant with her 2nc child. I could never expect her to pay for a shower.

Try sitting down and talking to your friend about you financial sitiuation. If she truly is your friend she will understand. But if you still want to throw a shower and bachlorette party talk to the other BM and see if they are willing to chip in and if so how much.

sweetcarolinagirl · April 2010

My MOH is not throwing any showers or bach party. I am totally. Just being supportive is enough. That means the world. I would not worry about a gift, you are doing enough

Kniblet · April 2010

Well said, duckie and MairePoppy.

Muffin'sMom · April 2010

My daughter's MOH and Bridesmaids were young and broke also...and I love them like they were my own girls. So, I said the shower could be at my home and I provided the food. The MOH sent the invitations, planned the games, took the RSVP's and played hostess. These girls are young with tiny apartments, new careers, and college debt still hanging over. Why do brides assume that making two big parties the "responsibility" of this poor girl is beyond me.

Also, a bachelorette party does not have to be a giantly expensive getaway to be memorable. Not many people at this moment in this country can justify all of that.

My daughter was in a wedding where she had to fly and stay in a hotel, buy a dress, shoes, mani, pedi, hair, makeup. She spent 1,000 dollars and had to take 2 days off work to be at the rehearsal dinner and wedding. She could not come to the shower and bachelorette because of the distance, but she contributed to each of them. She also bought a shower and wedding gift. By the time she was done, she spent 1500 dollars. It is TOO MUCH...and brides really need to think through what they are asking their friends and family to do in dollar amounts so that they can have "their day".

meenamoo · May 2010

I was in a similar spot, except I was one of three in the entire wedding party (so we had to pay for everything) and the bride was only a girl I had known 1 year. But, I guess she didn't have any other friends, so she asked me to be a BM! I felt bad for her, so I agreed. Anyhow, I didn't get her a shower gift... and I got her a very moderately priced wedding gift. I dont' even think she noticed as there were so many other gifts. Don't sweat it.

nechi194 · May 2010

I saw on TV once that the average amount spent per bridesmaid is like $1200. I don't think you should break the bank at all, and the bride needs to be sensitive to the situation of her party, but I do think that these are "unwritten obligations."

You can't request a specific type of bash, but even if it is wine and cheese in the wedding suite, I think that you should get at least a shower OR a bachelorette party. Most women would be disappointed to not have one. If you can't at least throw in $20 for a potluck dinner (especially when everyone else is contributing), then rethink your ability to be a part of the wedding party.

I definitely understand financial constraints. I'm covering as much as I can for my girls (lodging for 2 of 3 nights, transportation, hair/nails/makeup) and I instructed all of them that they did NOT have to come to my shower (we're all out of town). I did request that everyone who could make it come to my bachelorette party, and we'll have a ball in the bridal suite the night before. I understand that everyone can't make it, but geez, just to not do anything seems kinda sad to me.

I would rather people be present at things than to get a gift.

Kniblet · May 2010

[QUOTE]I saw on TV once that the average amount spent per bridesmaid is like $1200.
Posted by nechi194[/QUOTE]

WHAT??? The average bride does NOT spend 1200 on gifts for each BM. What show did you see that on?

1200 on each girl, times maybe 4 girls is more than most people have to spend on their ENTIRE wedding.

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

I think she's saying that bridesmaids should expect to spend about $1200 each. Which is equally insane.

MOH going broke - do I have to get gifts?

Re: MOH going broke - do I have to get gifts?

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