Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dilemma/much needed ranting!!

Ok so ive never posted on here before but im a month out from my wedding and i am so stressed out. my parents are paying for some parts of the wedding like the alcohol and my dress, flowers, the limo etc. well my fiance told me from the getgo i could do the wedding however i wanted. he started changing his mind half way thru planning and wanted stuff i did not like. He really likes batman so he wanted a batman cake topped but i told him no because its stupid and tacky. sorry to sound like a bitchy bride but it is! so he got kind of upset about that. then he had ideas on some of the centerpieces but I didnt like them AT ALL. He didnt really like what I picked either but we're going with my idea anyways. we are partners but I am the bride and I know what will look best. So anyway I could tell he was kind of upset i was being so controlling and i feel bad because i dont want him to resent me. So he really loves jack daniels & coke and wanted that at the wedding. I figured I better give him at least one thing he likes. But I can not afford to host that for everybody!! Especially because his GM and friends would run through it like water. My parents are paying the bar but they will only host beer & wine. I decided to get jack just for my fiance & the groomsmen and just try to keep it on the hush hush. (Oh and my dad too since hes a fan of the jack). So now my mom has caught wind of the jack idea and is upset saying we do not appreciate the offer they gave us and told me she is going to pull back her promise of paying for the bar because im being a spoiled brat!!! everyone is mad at me and im just trying to compromise. I feel like everyone is just thinking of themselves and nobody is thinking of ME when i am the bride. I just don't know what to do....
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Re: Dilemma/much needed ranting!!

  • crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited September 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemmamuch-needed-ranting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac082cd8-e650-40bc-b13b-48131c126edfPost:a72c3fe7-93a8-40d3-a614-fb5651751449">Dilemma/much needed ranting!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so ive never posted on here before but im a month out from my wedding and i am so stressed out. my parents are paying for some parts of the wedding like the alcohol and my dress, flowers, the limo etc. well my fiance told me from the getgo i could do the wedding however i wanted. he started changing his mind half way thru planning and wanted stuff i did not like. He really likes batman so he wanted a batman cake topped but i told him no because its stupid and tacky. sorry to sound like a bitchy bride but it is! so he got kind of upset about that. then he had ideas on some of the centerpieces but I didnt like them AT ALL. <strong>He didnt really like what I picked either but we're going with my idea anyways. we are partners but I am the bride and I know what will look best</strong>. So anyway I could tell he was kind of upset i was being so controlling and i feel bad because i dont want him to resent me. So he really loves jack daniels & coke and wanted that at the wedding. I figured I better give him at least one thing he likes. But I can not afford to host that for everybody!! Especially because his GM and friends would run through it like water. My parents are paying the bar but they will only host beer & wine. I decided to get jack just for my fiance & the groomsmen and just try to keep it on the hush hush. (Oh and my dad too since hes a fan of the jack). So now my mom has caught wind of the jack idea and is upset saying we do not appreciate the offer they gave us and told me she is going to pull back her promise of paying for the bar because im being a spoiled brat!!! everyone is mad at me and im just trying to compromise. I feel like everyone is just thinking of themselves and nobody is thinking of ME when i am the bride. I just don't know what to do....
    Posted by GTurtles[/QUOTE]<div>So...you're partners but you are more important and knowledgeable than he? I can see where he would be upset. </div><div>Let your parents host the beer and wine only and apologize that they felt disrespected. Or you can ask your parents if you can add in Jack and YOU pay the difference because you've not given your groom's opinion much thought in this process and you want him to have something.
    ETA: Reading Sketti's post made me realize I wasn't clear. If you add the jack and YOU pay for it. Host it for everyone not just the groom.</div>
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  • There are two people getting married at your wedding. Yourself, and your FI. Why are you not letting him enjoy his wedding too? 

    How will your marriage last if you can't even compromise and communicate on how the very first day should work? 

    Your mother is right that you must host the same alcohol for all your guests. Perhaps you could have the Jack at the rehearsal dinner? You should apology to your mom, but remember she has every right to pull her funding. 


    (Encase this isn't MUD.) 
  • My FI loves Legos. Are they my favorite? No, but we've found ways to work them in. His boutonniere will be a Lego groom and we're building our card box out of Legos together. We're not having a cake, so we're making the card box look like a cake. 

    Listen to FI. He's going to be your husband, and you'l lbe making choices together for the rest of your lives. How are you going to trust him to make parenting choices, or home buying choices, or money management choices if you don't trust his opinion on a wedding centerpiece that no one except you cares about? 

    This is the man you love, nerdy hobbies and all. Learn to pick your battles. It's not all about you. 

    As for the Jack, that's really, really rude. I'm a vodka gal and if I were a guest at a wedding and saw the WP walking around with it and then was denied it at the bar for not being special enough, I would no longer feel welcome at that particular reception. 
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  • I'm sincerely hoping this is MUD
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
  • MUD. And if not, heaven help you.
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  • My FI is a lifelong Spiderman fanatic, so I knew when we got engaged that this was going to be a part of OUR big day. We're going to dance to Michael Buble's version of Spiderman's theme song, have a flipbook station with Spiderman props for guests to use, Spiderman sugar cookies for the favors, and I'm surprising FI with a fully decked out Spiderman groom's cake. 

    Your FI's ideas are NOT tacky and stupid, you claiming they are is like saying he is tacky and stupid. One of the big things you need to learn when it comes to spending the rest of your life with your significant other is compromise. The wedding is about you and him, respect his views and opinions and above all else, apologize for your stupid and tacky response to his ideas. 
  • BATMAN:  Have a groom's cake with the Batman theme.

    JACK:  Talk to your FI's mother and see if they can have JACK at the RD.
  • I can understand not wanting a batman cake topper. I agree that is tacky. But it's not ok for you to pick centerpieces that your groom doesn't like just because you think your opinion is right. The 2 of you need to find things you both like. Find a non-batman caketopper that you both like. Find centerpieces that you both like. Doing a grooms cake (that is batman themed) could be a compromise. As fo the alcohol thing, it's silly that your mom got upset, especially if you were willing to pay the difference. But just know that if you do host it you need to host it for everyone.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemmamuch-needed-ranting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac082cd8-e650-40bc-b13b-48131c126edfPost:7317ad3c-5a3e-4d00-b8e2-f156851bfe61">Re: Dilemma/much needed ranting!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>This is the man you love, nerdy hobbies and all. Learn to pick your battles. It's not all about you.</strong>  <strong>As for the Jack, that's really, really rude. I'm a vodka gal and if I were a guest at a wedding and saw the WP walking around with it and then was denied it at the bar for not being special enough, I would no longer feel welcome at that particular reception. </strong>
    Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This!

    </div>

    Anniversary
  • Your FI is right to be upset as is your parents.  I wish I knew what FI's ideas were for the centerpieces.  I just read this and already have a half a dozen ideas that would fit batman into your wedding that wouldn't be "tacky".
    Yes you should feel like a princess on your wedding day, but not at the expence of everyone elses feelings. 
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  • There is no possible way to keep Jack and Coke on the down-low.  Not a chance in hell. Forget the fact that people are not going to believe the GMs are walking around catching buzzes with plain cokes.  You can smell Jack Daniels.  Plus the GMs will talk and then order extras to give to their non-WP friends.    

    The only way to make it work is to offer it to everyone or to no one.


    And yes you are sounding like a brat. I get not wanting a batman topper.  Compromise and have a batman groom's cake.     He doesn't like your CP?  You don't like his? I suggest picking out a few CP that might incorporate what each of you like.  Then TOGETHER choose. Being the bride does not make you automaticly the expert








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Ditto everyone.

    I'll smell Jack rather quickly and while I'll drink my wine happily I'll be ticked that the bride thought it was cute to do this.    You want to drink Jack on the down low?  Do it in the limo only.

    It sounds like you're more interested in the wedding being YOUR vision rather than a joint one.    It's your FI's wedding too and people have a right to think that you're acting like a brat.
  • Wow.

    When my DH and I got married, we were able to encorporate things that were important to both of us.  I picked the first dance, he picked the music we were introduced too.  He really likes comic book art, so we did our centerpieces to look like comic book covers with us in the covers.  He wanted wings on the buffet, so we had wings.  I was fine with all of this, and if I had not been, then it would have been something DH and I would have had to discuss instead of my just getting by way because "I'm the bride."  I don't believe for a second that the fact that I am the bride makes my opinion better.  We both had equal opinions, as it was both of our wedding.

    You need to apologize to your FI for not wanting to consider his ideas, and then sit down and start working out some compromises.
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  • Whoa. You need to take a long step back and remember why you are getting married in the first place. This is not just YOUR day. Just because you are the bride doesn't mean you know everything there is to know about weddings and what isn't tacky and what is. Compromise is not a four letter word. If you can't learn to compromise now for a party, then I don't have much hope for your marriage.
  • Woops sorry i meant to say well thanks everyone for your advice even though i do not agree with all of it. i do think batman stuff at a wedding is tacky. not that my fiance's interest is tacky but when you take something thats kind of childish or a novelty and mix it in something that is a sophisticatefd formal event  like a wedding it does come off kind of tacky. Its not like i am getting married at a church hall or vfw its not some sloppy thrown together event i want it to look nice. I smoothed things over with mom and she has decided to foot the bill for the jack but i dont want everyone going through it since its the only liquor avaioable... do you think I should mandate a 2-3 cups per person cut off except for my fiance of course? I dont know if this is just as rude. I just dont want any more tnesion between my parents. the venue is letting us pay for the jack sepperetly by consumption. the wine & beer has a flat per person charge. so i do not want there to be a huge consumption bill at the end of the night. As for the centerpieces i DO feel bad and would compromise but everything has been purchased already its too late with only 1 month left to redo them they are just about assembled and everything. Sorry if i gave the impression that i am a selfish brat im normally not like this, i guess the wedding has got the best of me lol
  • It is just as rude to only allow certain people to have X number of drinks as it is to only have it available to certain people. If you can't afford to host jack and coke for everyone, do not host it and just have wine and beer. It's great that you want to do something to make your FI feel like it is his wedding, too, but putting him and the WP above your guests is not the way to do it.
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  • what? im being serious.. i cant stand those cheap halls they look so boring and trashy. but w/e i got everything resolved for the most part. I am just undecided on how to limit the jack consumption but i will figure it out myself or ask friends if need be. thanks ladies
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemmamuch-needed-ranting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac082cd8-e650-40bc-b13b-48131c126edfPost:eeab77d8-d7c3-44d7-b184-4cebd1af0996">Re:Dilemma/much needed ranting!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obvious troll is obvious. You should have left off the insult to church weddings and VFW halls. It was over the top. Without it, you might have gone on for two or three more posts before we were sure.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    I don't think that makes her a troll. I think she's just that bratty.<div>
    </div><div>OP, you cannot place a limit on how many drinks the person has. It sounds like it's in your best interest to have the jack at the RD and stick with beer and wine for the reception. Or..pony up and pay for what they drink.</div>
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  • I think these are cute, not tacky.



  • Why don't you have it in a VFW then you can afford the Jack.  I am sure those Veterans of Foreign Wars will appreciate knowing you think they are trashy.  And your right your not Batman material.
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  • The PP's have it covered.  You really cannot limit the Jack consumption without being rude.  Is there a reason you can't have it at the RD, and just stick with beer/wine at the wedding reception?

    I guess if Batman is tacky at a wedding so are legos (sorry PP) and probably my miniature tent "card box" that I had at mine too.

    Can you post a picture of your centerpieces?  
  • Wow. I can't even begin to describe how many things come to my mind after reading this. "Bridezilla" I think is most appropriate. Now, oy vey, I don't blame your soon to be husband at ALL. I would be at my wits end with you as well! My FI is an auto tech and there are TONS of things he loves incorporated very elegantly into OUR wedding. We have wrenches going into our centerpieces, our wedding cake will look like tire tread, all of our signature drinks will be named after car paint colors, and his wedding band is inscribed with his favorite car logo. I LOVE this man, he is my everything and this is OUR wedding, not just mine. I would never make my FI feel excluded from anything. That just makes me angry that you have this entitlement mentality that you know "best" and what your FI wants is "tacky". A batman theme maybe pretty fun if you did it right, but it seems to me that you are too narrow minded to even care. As far as cocktails, appologize to your mother and pay for the jack and coke on your own. And include your future husband in things.
  • I'm sorry my post ran together, I'm posting from my phone I guess it doesn't pick up my paragraph breaks.
  • Were you being purposely obtuse?

    Like PP said, no one is saying that you need to grab something from a toy aisle and place it on top of your cake.   There are ways to incorporate both tastes but you refused to see his side.

    And no, you can't put a limit on how much Jack the guests consume.   That's equally tacky.   Turn it into a signature drink and pony up the cash yourself.
  • Okay first off it is not just your wedding. Your fiance' should have some say as well. It takes to get married. 

    I get the batman thing is tacky, but you can talk to him about it and maybe AGREE on a different cake topper instead of just going your way. Maybe have a groom's cake that is batman themed? Perfectly solved. 

    Centerpieces are done, but maybe you can add something he wants? 

    As for the drink, why not do drink tickets? That way you limit how many drinks everyone has. It has to be fair. Maybe since the groom is the groom, he doesn't have to have tickets, but everyone else should. At a wedding I went to, they gave us drink tickets and then we had to pay if we wanted more. I gave mine to someone else since I don't drink. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dilemmamuch-needed-ranting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac082cd8-e650-40bc-b13b-48131c126edfPost:bf0dd52a-596c-41bd-8d88-82f4866cc1e9">Re: Dilemma/much needed ranting!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]what? im being serious.. i cant stand those cheap halls they look so boring and trashy. but w/e i got everything resolved for the most part. I am just undecided on how to limit the jack consumption but i will figure it out myself or ask friends if need be. thanks ladies
    Posted by GTurtles[/QUOTE]
    How old are you?

    You seem very young and immature, and you need to grow up before you get married.  If you do not grow up and learn how to compromise and communicate with your FH, then I fear for your marriage. 
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  • MegenQMegenQ member
    First Comment
    edited September 2012
    Sorry to go off on you, but you are one of the reasons that everyone thinks that brides are crazy. We are having our weddng at one of the nicest and most expensive venues in Milwaukee and guess what our wedding is based on a video game, and you know what if you think it is tacky so what. It is one day and only you will give a rat's behind the centerpieces, what people will think is tacky is being told they can only have 2 or 3 of a drink or that there is not enough food. PS mobile posting sucks, not special characters or paragraphs.
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  • Wow. I was going to offer very helpful advice, but after reading your entire post and your comments after the fact, I have decided not to. You are not a spoiled brat. You are a selfish b*tch.  
  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    "long story short my fiance loves jack daniels and i couldnt afford to host it for everyone at the wedding. after a heated argument my parents decided to foot the bill because my original plan was jus to keep the jack on the downlow and serve to just the WP. but my parents are paying a flat rate for beer and wine per person but the jack is by consumption. so end of night i dont want them to be surprised by a huge bill how can i make sure the guests arent running through the jack like water. frankly i dont care if my guests have it i really only want it for my fiance and his buddies but that was a no-go. so i def dont want to have my parents pay a big bill because my wine and beer wasnt good enough for the other guests. suggestions??

    Found this on the budget board, posted by OP this am.  I am taken back by the last phrase: my wine and beer wasnt good enough for the other guests.
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