Introduction : ) CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS ONLY PLEASE

jessieandharry · May 2012

Hi everyone! I'm looking for some ideas of where to start with my wedding. I figured this board would be the best because I'd really like to do things right and not offend my family and friends. I'll tell ya, I've been subjected to some pretty gnarly things as far as weddings go!

What are the BIG rules that I should take head to right off the bat?

Also, a little about my fiance and I. We got engaged a few weeks ago and he gave me the most beautiful ring! Thank god, because I thought he wasn't going to shell out enough for the one I wanted : ) He obviously loves me and knows that I'm worth it. He was so romantic too! Usually he's a pizza and beer guy but this time it was champagne and caviar! hahaha I don't even like caviar but it was fun and exciting to know he cares enough to spend so much on me.

Anyway, I'm a teacher and he's in school to become a lawyer. We're looking at buying houses and I can't wait to decorate and then to start filling the rooms with BABIES! YIKES! So exciting! Well, I can't wait to get some ideas and hints so shoot away!

Thank you in advance!

ALSO I AM JUST EXCITED ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY FIANCE WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND TO GIVE ME A FANCY HIGH CLASS NIGHT OUT WHEN I'M USED TO PIZZA AND BEER. SERIOUSLY, I DIDN'T FORCE HIM TO DO ANYTHING. KEPP THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS TO YOURSELVES PLEASE. THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE GIVING GOOD ADVICE THANK YOU!

RupertPenny · May 2012

I don't believe you are real.

If you are real, the first BIG rule is to stop caring about how much money people spend, whether it is how much your parent's contribute to the wedding, how much the bridesmaids are willing to spend of dresses, or how much your guests want to spend on gifts. You sound awfully fixated on how much money your FI spends so try not to let this bleed over into the rest of your wedding.

jessieandharry · May 2012

Thanks for questioning my exsistence? That's really strange...

I'm sorry that you think I'm fixated on money. I was just really excited that he spent so much on me because he never has before. I never had a problem with that in the past but I was really impressed and I felt cared for very much because he treated me like a QUEEN!

pokepoke27 · May 2012

Congratulations on your engagement.

First thing I can tell you off the top of my head is to read the Sticky at the top of the board - it's got some FAQs that are helpful.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

Self-worth is not defined by a rock on your finger, the house you buy and what things you put in it.

jessieandharry · May 2012

Thanks I'll take a look at that. Rupert you mentioned that I shouldn't care about how much the bridesmaids spend on the dresses. But isn't that something that I kind of dictate? I've never been a bridesmaid so I thought I pick the dress and they pay for it?

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:27e775b0-db38-415f-9fc0-ea252dea82c8">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]Self-worth is not defined by a rock on your finger, the house you buy and what things you put in it.
Posted by Micaela2007[/QUOTE]

I didn't say that my self worth was defined by any of that. I guess I didn't explain myself well enough. It was just that he never goes above and beyond like that so I was really impressed. He made me feel really good about myself. I'm sorry if getting a taste of the finer things in life and then feeling good about it makes me sound greedy but that's not me.

aurianna · May 2012

You pick the people you want to share the special day with you and ask them to be your bridesmaids.
If they accept the honor and responsibility THEN you talk to them about their budget for the dress. Then you pick the dress. You have final say on it at that point, though it's nice to get your BM's input as well.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:1b57f703-f5d2-4407-9dc1-c8d0f3c0c911">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks I'll take a look at that. Rupert you mentioned that I shouldn't care about how much the bridesmaids spend on the dresses. But isn't that something that I kind of dictate? I've never been a bridesmaid so I thought I pick the dress and they pay for it?
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

You should ask them each their budget privately and then stick to it. She meant don't get mad if they can't afford the $200+ dresses you "envision."

Also, don't even think of asking them until about 9 months before your date -- you only need to read the Wedding Party forum for a few minutes to discover why.

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:dd6d08cd-ec33-47e1-9f7c-df615a70ebcb">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : You should ask them each their budget privately and then stick to it. She meant don't get mad if they can't afford the $200+ dresses you "envision." Also, don't even think of asking them until about 9 months before your date -- you only need to read the Wedding Party forum for a few minutes to discover why.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Is $200 really unreasonable or something? How much does the average bridesmaid dress cost?

sparent2010 · May 2012

Whenever I see a new person I think they are Kwills coming back for more.

RupertPenny · May 2012

I hope you are really building up for something epic because you are a boring troll so far.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2012

You sound nice. I'm glad you found someone to shell out enough money for you.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:b0abdc5d-9be0-4b02-83b2-467ce53b6675">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : Is $200 really unreasonable or something? How much does the average bridesmaid dress cost?
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

What's reasonable or not only depends on what your BMs say. If their budgets end up being significantly lower than that it's often a good idea to let them choose their own dress and dictate the color (which looks super cute and is very trendy right now). or you can look for dresses on sale at places like Nordstrom, J Crew or Ann Taylor.

edit: spelling

Matty143 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:b2d16df7-145e-4160-a1fa-57335838db5d">Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! I'm looking for some ideas of where to start with my wedding. I figured this board would be the best because I'd really like to do things right and not offend my family and friends. I'll tell ya, I've been subjected to some pretty gnarly things as far as weddings go! What are the BIG rules that I should take head to right off the bat? Also, a little about my fiance and I. We got engaged a few weeks ago and he gave me the most beautiful ring! Thank god, because I thought he wasn't going to shell out enough for the one I wanted : ) He obviously loves me and knows that I'm worth it. He was so romantic too! Usually he's a pizza and beer guy but this time it was champagne and caviar! hahaha I don't even like caviar but it was fun and exciting to know he cares enough to spend so much on me. Anyway, I'm a teacher and he's in school to become a lawyer. We're looking at buying houses and I can't wait to decorate and then to start filling the rooms with BABIES! YIKES! So exciting! Well, I can't wait to get some ideas and hints so shoot away! Thank you in advance!
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

I agree with Rupert on this one. But, on the off chance we're wrong.. read the sticky on the top of the page, and congratulations on your engagement.
Caviar is delicious by the way/ that's all I have to add.

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:e08c7e43-093b-4fc9-b6d1-734d08efa6b2">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]You sound nice. I'm glad you found someone to shell out enough money for you.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

Well that was backhanded don't ya think? I appreciate the first comment but you could've left the second sentence out. Maybe I should've put a disclaimer at the top that said "constructive comments/criticism only please". Actually, I think I will. THANKS

LDubHawksFan · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:1b57f703-f5d2-4407-9dc1-c8d0f3c0c911">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks I'll take a look at that. Rupert you mentioned that I shouldn't care about how much the bridesmaids spend on the dresses. But isn't that something that I kind of dictate? I've never been a bridesmaid so I thought I pick the dress and they pay for it?
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]
You help choose them, but you should start by asking your BM budget, and have some flexibility. It would be rude to find $400 dresses if none of them can afford it.

pokepoke27 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:52fbfd53-925a-4c91-af20-b3c4d4370603">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : Well that was backhanded don't ya think? I appreciate the first comment but you could've left the second sentence out. Maybe I should've put a disclaimer at the top that said "constructive comments/criticism only please". Actually, I think I will. THANKS
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

<div>Just FYI - telling people how to post on a public forum isn't going to win brownie points.</div>

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:74dac2d1-b6b9-412d-855b-c07f26acd18f">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : You help choose them, but you should start by asking your BM budget, and have some flexibility. It would be rude to find $400 dresses if none of them can afford it.
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

I will definately take this into consideration when picking my girls. I kind of have my heart set on this type of dress <a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/twobirds-convertible-jersey-gown/3292310?origin=category&resultback=2198" rel="nofollow">http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/twobirds-convertible-jersey-gown/3292310?origin=category&resultback=2198</a> I think that price range may be above their abilities so I might just ask the ones that I think CAN afford it.

OliveOilsMom · May 2012

If you are real, you should lurk for a VERY long time before posting again. . .

ETA: After reading the post above me, I am fully in the troll camp now.

GroomNeedsAdvice · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:b2d16df7-145e-4160-a1fa-57335838db5d">Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone! I'm looking for some ideas of where to start with my wedding. I figured this board would be the best because I'd really like to do things right and not offend my family and friends. I'll tell ya, I've been subjected to some pretty gnarly things as far as weddings go! What are the BIG rules that I should take head to right off the bat? Also, a little about my fiance and I. We got engaged a few weeks ago and he gave me the most beautiful ring! <strong>Thank god, because I thought he wasn't going to shell out enough for the one I wanted </strong>: ) He obviously loves me and knows that I'm worth it. He was so romantic too! Usually he's a pizza and beer guy but this time it was champagne and caviar! hahaha I don't even like caviar <strong>but it was fun and exciting to know he cares enough to spend so much on me.</strong> Anyway, I'm a teacher and he's in school to become a lawyer. We're looking at buying houses and I can't wait to decorate and then to start filling the rooms with BABIES! YIKES! So exciting! Well, I can't wait to get some ideas and hints so shoot away! Thank you in advance!
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

<div>My #1 etiquette advice would be to never say that again.
<div>
<div>I'm sure you didn't mean this the way it looks, but it makes me really appreciate my FI more than I already did. I can't imagine her ever being disappointed that I didn't spend enough on a ring. She loves jewelry, but she loves our home, which we may not have been able to buy if I had spent a fortune on her ring, more.</div></div></div><div>
</div><div>How much a man spends on a ring has NOTHING to do with how much he cares about you, and I resent that implication.</div><div>
</div><div>I really wasn't annoyed when I started typing, but now I am. Damn.</div>

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:79966293-67e2-4b69-b2b9-f2319669c93c">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : Just FYI - telling people how to post on a public forum isn't going to win brownie points.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

Well I wasn't looking to earn brownie points THANKS

eirwyn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:52fbfd53-925a-4c91-af20-b3c4d4370603">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : Well that was backhanded don't ya think? I appreciate the first comment but you could've left the second sentence out. Maybe I should've put a disclaimer at the top that said "constructive comments/criticism only please". Actually, I think I will. THANKS
Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]
Then perhaps you shouldn't have said:

"Thank god, because I thought he wasn't going to shell out enough for the one I wanted : ) He obviously loves me and knows that I'm worth it."

It makes you sound like a gold digger. I'm not saying you are; I'm saying that's how you come across.

jessieandharry · May 2012

Why is everyone getting so hostile with me? I feel like I'm having to defend myself. I was just looking for tips and some congratulations type feedback. This is getting out of hand!

MrsMeganL2012 · May 2012

Sounds like someone is trolling for trouble. I'll get the popcorn. This is gonna be fun.

eirwyn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:d40430fa-99ff-4f28-8b11-50d1fe9d3894">Re: Introduction : )</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Introduction : ) : I will definately take this into consideration when picking my girls. I kind of have my heart set on this type of dress <a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/twobirds-convertible-jersey-gown/3292310?origin=category&resultback=2198" rel="nofollow">http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/twobirds-convertible-jersey-gown/3292310?origin=category&resultback=2198</a> <strong> I think that price range may be above their abilities so I might just ask the ones that I think CAN afford it.
</strong>Posted by jessieandharry[/QUOTE]

Now I'm convinced she's a troll.

mica178 · May 2012

OP -- please realize that you are posting on a public discussion board. You are welcome to ask whatever you want, but you cannot control how people respond.

Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with your wedding planning.

Oh, and I agree with the previous posters. Please lurk a bit and read the FAQs at the top of the page.

jessieandharry · May 2012

Why are you guys calling me a troll? Is that supposed to be an insult because it's pretty lame.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2012

You only want to pick BMs who can afford the dress you want them to choose? Too bad only the "poor" girls get to have an excuse to stay away from this crazy train.

jessieandharry · May 2012

Thank you Mica for being nice about your comments

jessieandharry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_introduction-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7596d4cd-53f0-4a4d-adf2-8c3b078893a9Post:23d7cbdc-7626-4ebc-8ac6-600f16456c7d">Re: Introduction : ) CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS ONLY PLEASE</a>:
[QUOTE]You only want to pick BMs who can afford the dress you want them to choose? Too bad only the "poor" girls get to have an excuse to stay away from this crazy train.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

sheesh now we're name calling? That's mature!

Introduction : ) CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS ONLY PLEASE

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