Wedding Party

Who should I pick?

Okay, so my fiance has a pretty big family (5 brothers and sisters, all who have kids besides the youngest, Nick).

For the wedding party, originally I was thinking my two best friends and my other one (maybe 2) close friends. But, one of my fiance's nieces loves me and I would like to give her a part, she will be 10 I believe when we get married. Which I think might be too old for a flower girl, and she has a younger sister who will be 3 on our wedding. I thought maybe she could be a junior bridesmaid. But, my fiance has another niece a few years older and I thought it could hurt some feelings if I don't ask her too. We are going to have a smaller wedding, 80-90 people, and if I end up with 4 bridesmaids and 2 junior bridesmaids maybe that would be too much?

As for my fiances groomsmen, he is not sure who is he going to have. But we've talked about maybe his brothers (3 of them) with one of his friends then maybe my younger brother (who will be 16).

Re: Who should I pick?

  • I dont know what to say about his niece. I get that you love her, but would there be other hurt feelings if you have her as a bridesmaid and not your fiance's sisters? Just have to keep that in mind as well.

    I do know that from other post i have seen that people dont like the idea of having junior bridesmaids, i dont understand why though. But this is your wedding, there is no way to say that since i have so many guest i need to have this many BM, you just have to pick the people you want up there with you. I mean if you think 6 is to much for 80-90 people, then i would be way off for my wedding since I have 2 BM and 200 guest. :P

    As for numbers for sides, if they end up being even then great, but I know that you are talking about the maybe 2 close friends. What is the maybe about? If it is about wanting sides even, dont worry about the sides being even, you have to have who you want up there. Dont want to regret that you didnt have a friend in your wedding just because there werent even numbers. Like i said i have 2 BMs and my fiance has 3 GM and as the time gets close he might have a few more.  

    I hope some of this helps, enjoy the planning!

  • LeguLegu member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Firstly, you need to pick who you want standing with you, unless leaving one out is gonna cause massive issues amongst family. It's not that anyone disagrees with having junior BMs, it's that they disagree with the junior part. What does a BM do? Gets the chosen dress and stands beside you on your wedding day. What does a junior BM do? Gets the chosen dress and stands beside you on your wedding day. Why do we need to highlight the fact that they are children? KWIM?
    So, maybe things don't always go as planned... Maybe that's okay. I may be alone for now, but my baby boy is on his way, and I wouldn't change a thing.
  • People don't like junior bridesmaids because the "junior" is superfluous, and most kids find it rather insulting to be asked to do exactly the same thing as the grownups, but to be reminded that they're still just a kid.  If you want them in the WP and not as flower girls, the correct title is just "bridesmaid."

    If you want all of the kids, have all of the kids.  If you only want the one, I personally think it's fine to have only the one.  Kids have to learn that not everyone gets to do everything; I think the only time you should ask a family member you're not thrilled about having just for the sake of fairness is when that family member is the only one without a role otherwise.  Since there would be multiple kids just attending as guests, no one will feel singled out.

    Keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to be the one to make this call just because you possess the same anatomy.  If they're your FI's nieces, then he can decide what role they'll have, and have them on his side (and if he decides not to have them, he can be the one to take the heat with his family if people object).  You also don't have to put your favorite in the WP to honor her; you could, for instance, invite her to get ready with you, or even just be sure to get a special picture with her at some point in the day.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • The "maybe 2 close friends" thing is because I have one friend who I've been friends with since kindergarten, but these past few years it's been a rocky relationship. She's had some mental issues but recently got everything somewhat straightened out.

    I think maybe we'll just think of other roles for his neices. It would probably be easier that way anyway. One of his sisters is having financial problems so I'm sure she wouldn't be able to afford being a bridesmaid and also has what will be a 3 1/2 year old on wedding day, and his other sister has 2 kids also.

    So I'll keep my 3, possibly 4 friends. We'll see what he decides for his half though.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-should-i-pick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:40eebe00-c5ff-4c0a-a7a1-20909edb734ePost:3055a40e-3dfc-448e-9696-6a3a1c590169">Re: Who should I pick?</a>:
    [QUOTE]People don't like junior bridesmaids because the "junior" is superfluous, and most kids find it rather insulting to be asked to do exactly the same thing as the grownups, but to be reminded that they're still just a kid.  If you want them in the WP and not as flower girls, the correct title is just "bridesmaid." If you want all of the kids, have all of the kids.  If you only want the one, I personally think it's fine to have only the one.  Kids have to learn that not everyone gets to do everything; I think the only time you should ask a family member you're not thrilled about having just for the sake of fairness is when that family member is the only one without a role otherwise.  Since there would be multiple kids just attending as guests, no one will feel singled out. Keep in mind that you don't necessarily have to be the one to make this call just because you possess the same anatomy.  If they're your FI's nieces, then he can decide what role they'll have, and have them on his side (and if he decides not to have them, he can be the one to take the heat with his family if people object).  You also don't have to put your favorite in the WP to honor her; you could, for instance, invite her to get ready with you, or <strong>even</strong> <strong>just</strong> <strong>be</strong> <strong>sure</strong> <strong>to</strong> <strong>get</strong> a <strong>special</strong> <strong>picture</strong> <strong>with</strong> <strong>her</strong> <strong>at</strong> <strong>some</strong> <strong>point</strong> <strong>in</strong> <strong>the</strong> <strong>day</strong>.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    So true, when i had my prom I was a girl scout leader, one of my teachers daughters was in my troop and she had gone with her mom (my teacher) to the prom to see all the pretty girls in dresses. When she saw me I asked if she wanted to get a picture with me and the look on her face showed how excited she was! My teacher told me the monday after prom about how that was all her daughter was talking about the whole weekend. :)
  • In Response to Re:Who should I pick?:[QUOTE]The "maybe 2 close friends" thing is because I have one friend who I've been friends with since kindergarten, but these past few years it's been a rocky relationship. She's had some mental issues but recently got everything somewhat straightened out. I think maybe we'll just think of other roles for his neices. It would probably be easier that way anyway. One of his sisters is having financial problems so I'm sure she wouldn't be able to afford being a bridesmaid and also has what will be a 3 1/2 year old on wedding day, and his other sister has 2 kids also. So I'll keep my 3, possibly 4 friends. We'll see what he decides for his half though. Posted by kfritz36[/QUOTE]

    Don't make assumptions about other people's finances. It's nice of you to not want them to go into debt, but let THEM make that decision. It's not fair to leave out someone you otherwise would've asked, because you've decided on their behalf that they can't afford it. If you want them, ask them, and if they accept then work together to figure out how to pay for the dress.


    That being said, if you just plain don't want them, then don't ask them. but never tell someone, "I didn't ask you because it'd be too expensive for you." Just don't ask them and don't explain yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you didn't ask them.
    image
  • willywally5willywally5 member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2012
    Regarding the whole 'Jr. Bridemaid' thing, here's my two cents. 

    The term is kind of outdated. As (by far!) the youngest of 7 children, I was a 'JB' in several of my siblings' weddings during the early 80s when I would have been between 10 and 13 years old. I didn't walk down with a groomsman but usually with another girl who was a JB. Once I walked alone. I liked being part of the wedding and don't recall being bothered by the title; it's just what people did. 

    However, times have changed!
    JB do all the same things as the regular BM. Granted, they can't do a lot in terms of planning parties and such, but that's not required. 

    Walking with a groomsman/Jr. groomsman/whoever isn't a big deal anymore because even sides aren't even necessary. (That would have been downright weird years ago, though.)

    I have found, now that I'm a mother of three, that tweens and teens don't particularly like it pointed out that they are 'just a kid.' The term 'junior' is kind of offensive to them. My younger kids are 12 and 14 and will be a groomsman and maid of honor, respectively, in their older sister's wedding this fall. No 'juniors.'

    I don't see anything wrong with having the niece involved but only if it won't cause hard feelings among the other nieces. And please don't call her 'Junior'! : )


    image
  • I'm definitely new to this whole wedding planning thing. I'm not a girly girl or one of those girls who have imagined their weddings their entire lives. Didn't think about it until I got engaged...and even then (6 months later) I'm just starting planning!

    Thanks for the insight ladies!
  • As your fiances nieces a nice roll for them to play instead of bein in the party might be Handing out the programs at your ceremony, or some other meaningful job so they don't feel left out if your worried about it.
  • Also about the junior bridesmaids I have to say I believe there is a difference and a reason for the seperate title. I know that I would not have my BM and my JBM wearing the same dress bc maybe at 1013 it would be inappropriate for them to wear the same thing and they also would not be invited to the bachelorette party most likely bc they are still children. I was a junior bridesmaid when i was young and was honored to have any title at all. If a child is insulted by their title I'd say they are being ungrateful and should just be happy they were asked to be part of the specialness that is the bridal party. If they do end up wearing the same dress no one will ever know they are a junior or not so don't worry about it I am surprised this is even something people care so much about
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-should-i-pick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:40eebe00-c5ff-4c0a-a7a1-20909edb734ePost:44342080-10c3-447a-a49e-0c151e5c32cb">Re:Who should I pick?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also about the junior bridesmaids I have to say I believe there is a difference and a reason for the seperate title. <strong>I know that I would not have my BM and my JBM wearing the same dress bc maybe at 1013 it would be inappropriate for them to wear the same thing and they also would not be invited to the bachelorette party most likely bc they are still children.</strong> I was a junior bridesmaid when i was young and was honored to have any title at all. If a child is insulted by their title I'd say they are being ungrateful and should just be happy they were asked to be part of the specialness that is the bridal party. If they do end up wearing the same dress no one will ever know they are a junior or not so don't worry about it I am surprised this is even something people care so much about
    Posted by csofio1[/QUOTE]
    Bridesmaids aren't required to wear the same dress even if they're all adults, and even if you are calling them junior bridesmaids, it's only polite to plan at least part of the bachelorette so they can attend.  So sorry, these distinctions don't really hold up.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_who-should-i-pick?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:40eebe00-c5ff-4c0a-a7a1-20909edb734ePost:16970604-d96d-4f18-84ef-79d7b05dd0d9">Re:Who should I pick?</a>:
    [QUOTE]As your fiances nieces a nice roll for them to play instead of bein in the party might be Handing out the programs at your ceremony, or some other meaningful job so they don't feel left out if your worried about it.
    Posted by csofio1[/QUOTE]

    And handing out programs isn't a meaningful job.  Jobs, by and large, aren't meaningful in weddings.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards