FMIL Just DIED and wedding in just over 2 months!

kcn0072002 · July 2011

Unfortunately my FMIL just died. He's the baby of the family and she was the last remaining parent. What do I do? Both of my parents are still here. I know it's important to me to have something to remeber his parents by there but what do i do?

ElisabethJoanne · July 2011

You wait. You (guys) plan and attend the memorial service. You let your future husband and his family mourn for a while.

You call your wedding coordinator, program printer, and officiant and explain. Say you will plan a way of honoring your future husband's mother when the grief isn't as fresh.

Later, you can think about a reading, or a line in the program, or a toast at the reception, lighting a candle, or leaving a candle unlit to honor your husband's mother. One more idea: Instead of tossing your bouquet, send it to her grave.

vicki0508 · July 2011

Don't ask us, ask FI and his family. In a month or so, they'll have a better idea of what they would like to happen.

He might not even want a memorial at the wedding, it might be to fresh and to painful.

MairePoppy · July 2011

That's terrible. I'm sorry for your loss. You should ask your fi if he would like to have a memorial of some sort. It might be too soon for him to be able to handle that very well. If he wants to do something, maybe a prayer for her in the program, a memorial candle or you could have his bout made from her favorite flower.

redheadtmk · July 2011

I love the idea of your bouqet going to her grave.

Maggie0829 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fmil-just-died-wedding-just-over-2-months?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:25ad93b4-dedc-4405-9d0f-9062414e3078Post:a6533f90-d281-4c71-b36d-f5b1ede6e2f5">Re: FMIL Just DIED and wedding in just over 2 months!</a>:
[QUOTE]You wait. You (guys) plan and attend the memorial service. You let your future husband and his family mourn for a while. You call your wedding coordinator, program printer, and officiant and explain. Say you will plan a way of honoring your future husband's mother when the grief isn't as fresh. Later, you can think about a reading, or a line in the program, or a toast at the reception, lighting a candle, or leaving a candle unlit to honor your husband's mother. One more idea: Instead of tossing your bouquet, send it to her grave.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Let your FI and his family grieve. I know it is hard when you are getting so close to your big day, but your wedding needs to be pushed to the side during this difficult time. I am sorry for your and FI loss.

ShakeUpTampa · July 2011

So sorry for your loss. I agree with all the above on letting him choose what should happen.

arrabelle · July 2011

I'm sooo sorry you're going through this. We lost FI's mom 7 months ago and that grief process can be a confusing, long and rocky road. And if you're anything like us there's guilt around celebrating your marriage, etc. It's so hard. I don't think memorials are necessary. There's NO way anyone will forget about her the day of the wedding and I think you'll have plenty of emotional moments already. If your FI's family indicates they want ideas, i think pps had great ones. But, if they come up with something else just roll with it. It will mean a lot to them and they won't forget your understanding. In my experience, yours is a tough position bc you probably want to be strong for everyone even though you may be grieving and exhausted too. Get lots of sleep, hydrate, eat healthy foods and try to exercise if you can. The stress can take a huge toll on your body. I know after my FMILs death we had months of colds and flu, trust me that's the last thing you need on your wedding day.

kmmssg · July 2011

Ditto retread. How your FMIL is publicly remembered should be up to your FI and his family, to include the possibility of no public memorial or tribute at all.

Along with your FI, you have to keep FI's siblings, g'parents, and FMIL's siblings and family in mind when these decisions are made. They will be doing their very best to support your FI and a public memorial/tribute could easily send someone into a sobbing mess. Since she was the last remaining parent this will be even harder for them.

I am very sorry for your loss and wish you all the best as you get through this.

janicejab · July 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think you have to wait and take your cue from FI's family. It's hard when you lose a loved one and people deal with it differently. Some people may want a public memorial (like leaving a seat open with a rose on it, having an unlit candle or special reading), some people may want a more private memorial (a locket with her picture in it, taking your bouquet to her grave, using her favorite flowers, etc.) and some people may not want any memorial at all because they just need a happy occassion after all the grieving.

marshallal · July 2011

We lost my father 6 months to the day before the wedding. We've decided on a few things. First, of course it's different because he's my father, and he would've been walking me down the aisle, so some of what we're doing doesn't quite apply. But... maybe it'll help. We're putting a keychain sized locket that I got off of personalizationmall.com with "so you're still here with me on my wedding day" on one side and "i'll always be daddy's little girl" on the other, with pictures of he and i in it in my wedding bouquet, my FI and I are taking my wedding bouquet, the next day to his grave, and we're burning a memory candle during the ceremony... we looked long and hard, but found one that says "in memory of a life and a love remembered"...

It's hard because it's the best and the hardest time of my whole life, as I'm sure it is for him. Suggest things, but don't be pushy, because she's his mother to remember....

FMIL Just DIED and wedding in just over 2 months!

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