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meighanm · July 2012

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Viczaesar · July 2012

What's to approach? And yes, it would be incredibly rude.

AdeleDazeem · July 2012

I would let these things go. Keep everyone in the wedding. You can't kick people out of the wedding party without it being a huuuge problem, so leave everyone where they are.

Lower your expectations for some of these girls. As long as they get the dress and show, they've done their duty. If you only expect that, then you won't be angry all the time with them. If others are more excited and more into it, enjoy talking wedding with them.

Not every bridesmaid has to be 100% into every part of the wedding process. You'll only be disappointed if you expect it to be so.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

Your wedding isn't until the end of September. I am sure when you first announced you were engaged and when you first asked them they were very excited, but when something is so far off that excitement tends to not go away but definitely tends to not show as much. No one will care about your wedding as much as you will and since these girls have their own lives, your wedding is not front and center of everything they do.

You need to lower your expectations on how your BMs are suppose to act. You can't expect them to act the way you want them to and you certainly can't expect them to only be concerned about your wedding and jump up and down clapping every time you talk about it.

As for your questions, do not approach any of them and ask if they still want to be involved. They all said yes, so they all want to be involved. And just because you downsized your wedding does not mean that gives you the right to downsize your bridal party. Kicking someone out of a wedding is rude no matter what the circumstances.

aerinpegadrak · July 2012

We had to massively change our wedding plans when an expected discount fell through, but one of the main things keeping us from just going to the JOP and calling it a day was that we'd already asked our WP. Even though I was assured that they'd understand, it just seemed dickish to say, "I love you dearly and I couldn't imagine getting married without you at my side. Whoops! Guess I could imagine it after all." We ended up cutting down our guest list to literally just people in the wedding (and their siblings in a few cases) and SOs.

meighanm · July 2012

Thanks everyone! It's not that I wanted to kick them out, I love them all dearly, I was just getting the vibe that they didn't want to be in it.. I'm definitely just overly sensitive, and was in no way trying to be selfish. I wanted to give them a chance to bail if that is what they wanted. Thanks for your good words.

mcskatcat · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_went-overboard-asking-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:89c7be8e-3186-426a-8899-41492141d1bePost:78ed3986-62f4-423a-b521-a3531fa40a4f">Re: Do they feel obligated?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do they feel obligated? : Well, all but one of them were thrilled when I asked. She made kind of a rude comment when I initially asked - like, I guess, sigh, as long as I don't have to wear an ugly dress -<strong> implying she was doing me a favor.</strong> I didn't let that get to me, and just figured she was joking. But lately we have sort of been on the outs. And when I told another one of my BMs that we were ending up having a much smaller wedding than orginally planned, she offered to step down. I of course told her I definitely want her to be in it. Then a couple of others (who were really stoked at first) are now like whatever, while the rest are obviously excited and supportive. I don't know, maybe I'm taking it too personally, I just don't want to force them to be in my wedding or feel like a burden..I love them all and I really want them to be a part of my special day, but only if we're on the same page.
Posted by meighanm[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>But she is doing you a favor. She's spending her precious money on an expensive dress and probably more to celebrate your special day. Being a BM is an honor. It's the bride's way of saying "Thank you for sharing this day with us!" </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't want it to feel like a burden, keep the wedding talk minimal and the only thing you really need for them to do is to get the dress. In my case, we had our dresses made by a local seamstress, so even then I just needed their measurements and then they were fitted a few days before the wedding. Other than that, I tried to treat them and make it easy since they were all coming in from out of town and had their own live, ya know?

</div>

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

Some people like weddings, planning, and attention. Some people don't. Hopefully, everyone you asked likes YOU, and, after all, they had an opportunity to decline.

My bridesmaids are my sisters. Do they really like the idea that I choose a dress for them, 100 people will be staring at them, etc.? No. Do they understand this is part of being family, like sitting through boring graduation ceremonies or taking care of people when they're sick? Yes. Will they have some fun in the whole situation, even if it's not their favorite thing? Also yes.

And, the wedding's not really MY favorite thing. The ceremony itself, yes. The reception - Well, my only real goal is to not get a migraine and be able to attend the whole thing with a smile. But if I'm going to have the big Solemn High Nuptial Mass I want, I have to have a party for those 100 people.

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