Bridesmaids stay at hotel?

briannebishop · December 2011

I need advice which I can’t find anywhere on the internet and it involves my bridesmaids (best friends) so I can’t go to advice from them!

My wedding is in a city where half my bridal party lives, and half will be coming in from out of town. I’m having a very intimate, fun, relaxed wedding (my bridesmaid dresses were $50!)! All of my bridesmaids (except one very loyal one) has notified me they will not be staying at the hotel at all, but instead will be staying 5 miles away all crashing at a friends place. I’m hurt and disappointed because I thought the point of being a bridesmaid is to be available to help, and be around for support. I also know them all staying together (remotely) will just be a recipe for trouble... and I feel left out! Am I being out of line to be disappointed they’re not getting a room at least night? I figured they would share rooms in which it would only be $100pp. Also, one of the bridesmaids (who says I’m being very out of line) is getting married weeks before me in which I have to stay at a hotel for three nights!

Advice would be appreciated!

Habs2Hart · December 2011

I can understand feeling left out, but you don't know their finances. $100 could be a lot for them right now. If they have a place to crash that's only 5 minutes away, don't get all butthurt about it.

If you had a chance at the other girl's wedding to crash at a friends for free, wouldn't you take it?

Your bridemaids don't have to help you set up or be there to "support" you. If you need support, maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:aea54436-4a91-49c3-9390-3a542a1caca5">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can understand feeling left out, but you don't know their finances. $100 could be a lot for them right now. If they have a place to crash that's only 5 minutes away, don't get all butthurt about it. If you had a chance at the other girl's wedding to crash at a friends for free, wouldn't you take it? Your bridemaids don't have to help you set up or be there to "support" you. If you need support, maybe you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

<div>I couldn't have said it any better myself. </div><div>
</div><div>You are overthinking this. Relax and remind yourself the only thing required of your BMs is to get a dress and show up on your wedding day. Seems to me this will all work out :)</div>

zitiqueen · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:c080baea-7d58-4ca8-9530-45720f3c9d1b">Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice which I can’t find anywhere on the internet and it involves my bridesmaids (best friends) so I can’t go to advice from them! My wedding is in a city where half my bridal party lives, and half will be coming in from out of town. I’m having a very intimate, fun, relaxed wedding (my bridesmaid dresses were $50!)! All of my bridesmaids (except one very loyal one) has notified me they will not be staying at the hotel at all, but instead will be staying 5 miles away all crashing at a friends place.<strong> I’m hurt and disappointed because I thought the point of being a bridesmaid is to be available to help, and be around for support.</strong> I also know them all staying together (remotely) will just be a recipe for trouble... and I feel left out! Am I being out of line to be disappointed they’re not getting a room at least night? I figured they would share rooms in which it would only be $100pp. Also, one of the bridesmaids (who says I’m being very out of line) is getting married weeks before me in which I have to stay at a hotel for three nights! Advice would be appreciated!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

Yes, you're being out of line. The only thing your BMs are required to do is show up for the wedding clean and sober in their $50 dresses, stand with you during the ceremony, and smile pretty for the pictures afterwards. That's it.

It's a party. A one-day party. Why do you need support? Is your FI a jerk?

If you were requiring them to all stay at the hotel, you should have offered to pay for it. Maybe they can't afford to stay at the hotel. Just because it's "only $100 per person" to you doesn't mean it will fit into their budget.

Is your BM requiring you to stay three nights in a hotel for her wedding, or are you choosing to do it?

amymaysa · December 2011

I agree with Habs. I can see how you may feel left out, but they don't have to stay at a hotel. A $100pp could be a lot for them. Also, it's not a tit for tat situation, just b/c you have to spend 3 nights at a hotel for your bridesmaid's wedding, doesn't mean she has to stay for yours.
They also don't need to be there to support you...I'm not really sure what type of support you think you'll need, but that isn't 'their job'.

OBX2011 · December 2011

Are you hurt & disappointed that they will not be there to help or because you really wanted them to stay with you so you can spend time with them?

They aren't required to help with anything however, if they offer then that is wonderful. They are only staying 5 miles away from you, so I don't see what the big deal is? Maybe they cannot afford the hotel since they are already paying to come in from out of town. Why would it be a recipe for trouble? Are they going streaking through downtown or something? And I don't understand why you would feel left out seeing as how this is YOUR wedding and they are coming in for YOU.

Did said BM force you to stay in the hotel for 3 nights or was that YOUR choice to do so?

If you need help and support, that is what darling FI is for.

I had an out of town wedding and all of my BM's stayed in separate beach houses within a few miles of ours. They helped out a lot and we still had plenty of time to relax on the beach or have a cookout in the evening. So my point is just b/c they aren't choosing to stay with you doesn't make them any less of a friend or even a BM.

They will be there and your day will go off as planned....no worries

Habs2Hart · December 2011

Wow, calm down OP.

You're being a bit dramatic for no reason, no? Doing work is not being there for support. It's doing work. Maybe they want to help. If they do, they will offer. Don't require it and don't expect it and you will not be disappointed.

I would rather spend $700 on shoes than $100 on a hotel when I can crash at a friend's for free. Because I like shoes. They are important to me. Paying for a hotel when I have free accomodations is not important to me, and is rather foolish. Free /> $100.

Also, just because they aren't sleeping at the hotel, doesn't mean they won't be around to help you if they choose to help you. 5 miles is not a long way away.

OBX2011 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:c080baea-7d58-4ca8-9530-45720f3c9d1b">Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice which I can’t find anywhere on the internet and it involves my bridesmaids (best friends) so I can’t go to advice from them! My wedding is in a city where half my bridal party lives, and half will be coming in from out of town. I’m having a very intimate, fun, relaxed wedding (my bridesmaid dresses were $50!)! All of my bridesmaids (except one very loyal one) has notified me they will not be staying at the hotel at all, but instead will be staying 5 miles away all crashing at a friends place. I’m hurt and disappointed because I thought the point of being a bridesmaid is to be available to help, and be around for support. I also know them all staying together (remotely) will just be a recipe for trouble... and I feel left out! <strong>Am I being out of line to be disappointed they’re not getting a room at least night?</strong> I figured they would share rooms in which it would only be $100pp. <strong>Also, one of the bridesmaids (who says I’m being very out of line</strong>) is getting married weeks before me in which I have to stay at a hotel for three nights! <strong>Advice would be appreciated!
</strong>Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

Here is a re-cap:

1. You asked a question and we answered it. Yes, you are being out of line.

2. This BM is smart.

3. You asked for advice and we gave it.

I agree with PP's. This is not a job and they were not "hired" to do things for you.

BM's should not be greeting anyone when they arrive b/c they should not be seen until the ceremony starts. Welcome bags belong at the front desk upon check-in, your stylist will have all the bobby pins you need and it is absolutely NONE of your business what they spend THEIR money on. Just b/c "they rock $700 shoes" and are choosing not spend their money on a hotel does not make them any less of a friend or BM.

Like I said before, my girls did not stay with me and we still had a fabulous time! This is your wedding day and most BM's are excited to help get you in your dress or fix the strand of hair that is desperately trying to escape it's proper place or to say something funny to help calm your nerves.

I think you are putting a bit too much pressure on your friends. Just relax and let them do their thing and everything will be fine.

quiggels219 · December 2011

If you're that upset about it why don't you just to with them?? Or ask to? After the rehearsal dinner I'm not even going back to my hotel instead I'm going to one of my bm apartments 15 minutes away and my fi and bm are staying in our room together. Were paying for the room thT night because we know flying in and renting a tux is already expensive for bm. I don't know if this is an option but would fix your worry of missing out. As for the things you want bms to do day of I agree they are not their to do those things unless they offer. The only person I don't feel bad asking for help from that day is my mother, but again she's already offered or more so made comments about being there and helping and wanting to.

briannebishop · December 2011

Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support, wow.

and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads.

I just love them and wanted them around!

thanks for taking the time to write though!

graysquirrel · December 2011

I understand that you want them to be with you. However, it is out of line to expect them to stay at a hotel with you. The night before you are going to need good rest, not a slumber party. The night of you will need your man, not girfriends. There is no reason why they should not be able to stay at a place of their choosing and still be there to get ready with you in the morning. While you think that they should be able to afford it, it is their prerogative where to stay, not yours. Don't take it as an insult. You could have refused to stay 3 nights at the other wedding if you had wanted to.

And pps are right. We are pretty blunt around here, but we are just trying to give you the correct etiquette for the sake of your friends and guests. The BM's only job is to show up ready to walk down the aisle in her dress. It isn't required that they hand out your welcome bags or greet your family members. That is for the ushers to do when guests arrive to the wedding. The BMs have zero responsibilities the night before the wedding. They do not need to be there to greet your family to give them gifts. That is your job or the job of someone you hire.

Viczaesar · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]
Yeah, all that is not their job. Your wedding, your job. They don't need to waste $100 to show you that they love you, and they don't need to waste $100 in order to hand out welcome bags. Rein in your expectatioins.

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support"<strong> I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed</strong>. not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

<div>I assume you will be paying them by the hour for their services?</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

amymaysa · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean <strong>greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support</strong>, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, <strong>rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads.</strong> I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

Your OP states you want them around for support. Maybe I'm the only one, but I don't see handing out welcome bags and greeting family as support. When I saw support, I thought you meant some kind of emotional. The hotel should handle the bags for anyone staying in the hotel. If they want to greet your family or help with bobby pins, great, but they don't have to do any of those things b/c they are bridesmaids.

As to the second part bolded above, that is very judgemental. If they want to spend $700 on shoes with their money they can. That doesn't they have to spend $100 for a night at a hotel. I totally get you wanting them around, but they really don't have to do anything except buy a dress and show up.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

<div>None of those things are their job. If you expected me to greet your guests and hand out gift bags and do your other crap jobs, you'd better believe I'd be staying someplace else to get out of it. They are bridesmaids, not free labor. If you can't handle those things yourself, hire staff. Remember, your wedding should be something they enjoy, not a chore that they have to endure for you.</div><div>
</div><div>Their finances are none of your business. If they decide that shoes are more important than a hotel room, that's their perogative. </div>

zitiqueen · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! <strong>By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed.</strong> not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

That's not support, that's work. And again, none of that is required of them. If they offer to help, fandamntastic, but it's not their responsibility to greet your family or hand out welcome bags to your guests.

Also, how other people choose to spend their money is exactly none of your business.

Maggie0829 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

None of those things are jobs that they are required to do.
Handing out welcome bags = you and your FI responsibility
Greeting family = you and your FI responsibility
Getting bobby pins = hopefully your hairstylists responsibility or if you are doing your own hair, how the freak difficult is it to get your butt up and get your own damn bobby pins?!?!? You are a bride not the Queen of England for gosh sakes!

You need to remember that this is you and your FI wedding not theirs and the family members are coming to see you not your BMs so it would be best if you greeted them.

Also, you have no right telling them how they should spend their money. Just because they "rock $700 shoes" does not mean that they have to spend money on a hotel room.

cebrady89 · December 2011

Oh my goodness, people. She probably doesn't mean that she needs emotional support from her bridesmaids because her fiance is a jerk or because she shouldn't be getting married in the first place. What rude assumptions!

Wedding planning can be stressful! I'm a stressed out person in general and will be anxious in the days leading up to the wedding hoping that everything turns out just like I planned. (Yes, I'll be thrilled to be married, but all that planning isn't for nothing.)

I'm sure she just means she wants her bridesmaids to be there with her and share in this experience.

OP: I would just tell them you feel that this won't be as fun if they aren't close, and maybe you could plan some lunches/dinners together so that they can all hang out with you, even if they stay somewhere else.

aragx6 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:879900ff-eb8c-4b48-a710-a8621780e70a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my goodness, people. She probably doesn't mean that she needs emotional support from her bridesmaids because her fiance is a jerk or because she shouldn't be getting married in the first place. What rude assumptions! Wedding planning can be stressful! I'm a stressed out person in general and will be anxious in the days leading up to the wedding hoping that everything turns out just like I planned. (Yes, I'll be thrilled to be married, but all that planning isn't for nothing.) <strong>I'm sure she just means she wants her bridesmaids to be there with her and share in this experience.</strong> OP: I would just tell them you feel that this won't be as fun if they aren't close, and maybe you could plan some lunches/dinners together so that they can all hang out with you, even if they stay somewhere else.
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]

They're staying five minutes away not three towns over. I'm sure they'll be there plenty. If her BM is already telling her she's way out of line she needs to calm down and drop this completely, not keep harping on them and telling them her wedding won't be as fun if they aren't in the rooms next to her.

rebarobert2012 · December 2011

If you need support, turn to your fiance. He is the one you are marrying after all.

I understand that you are disappointed. Personally, I love to stay in hotels, but I know lots of people who don't. It can be expensive, and a lot of people would rather stay at a friend's house for free if they can.

While it's nice if your bridesmaids offer to help and be supportive, it's not required. All that is *required* is for them to show up on your wedding day in the dress you chose for them and stand up for you.

futuremrscoachj · December 2011

Just because your bridesmaids arent stayin at the hotel doesnt mean that they cant help do all the things you listed. They wont be very far away and they probably fully intend on helping you, just not sleeping under the same roof as you. Relax... im sure everything will be fine!

frogger6673 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:879900ff-eb8c-4b48-a710-a8621780e70a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my goodness, people. She probably doesn't mean that she needs emotional support from her bridesmaids because her fiance is a jerk or because she shouldn't be getting married in the first place. What rude assumptions! Wedding planning can be stressful! I'm a stressed out person in general and will be anxious in the days leading up to the wedding hoping that everything turns out just like I planned. (Yes, I'll be thrilled to be married, but all that planning isn't for nothing.) <strong>I'm sure she just means she wants her bridesmaids to be there with her and share in this experience. OP: I would just tell them you feel that this won't be as fun if they aren't close, and maybe you could plan some lunches/dinners together so that they can all hang out with you, even if they stay somewhere else.</strong>
Posted by cebrady89[/QUOTE]

THIS.

To the rebuttal from the OP that she wants them to be there do hand out welcome bags, etc - that really is not what BMs are for. If they offer, great, but if you ask me to be your BM, I will not be handing out anything to anyone. I am here to stand by your side and look cute in pictures. :-) If you need that other stuff - hire a coordinator.

jemmini6 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:7696457c-8edd-450a-b4fe-a0b973a7330a">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]Geeez Ladies, now I see why I never posted on this! By "support" I mean greeting family, handing out welcome bags, getting bobby pins or whatever 'support' is needed. not emotional support, wow. and yes my girls, who are like sisters to me, <strong>rock $700 shoes, so one night in a hotel isn't taking a roof from their heads</strong>. I just love them and wanted them around! thanks for taking the time to write though!
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

Wow you sound judgemental, no wonder they don't want to stay in a hotel with you. Their finances are none of your business and you don't get to dictate how people spend their money just because you are getting married. My H and I make a decent living and we enjoy spending our money on travel, but if I had the opportunity to save $100 on a hotel room for a wedding and apply that money towards a vacation, you bet your ass I'd be doing that. I'd rather spend my money on me than on you (general 'you') any day.

But seriously, don't get all pissy just because you didn't get the advice you were looking for. You are wrong in this situation, accept it, move on, and have fun with your girls on your wedding day!

Simply Fated · December 2011

Why do you need them to carry around extra bobby pins for you? Are you incapable of getting them yourself? More importantly, what does them staying somewhere else have to do with it? Theyll be there during the wedding, right? So... what does it matter where they are when it's not your wedding? Face it, you feel left out because they'll be together having fun and you're at the hotel by yourself. See if you can get in on the slumber party and if not, take advantage of having the room to yourself and get some sleep. $100 for one night at a hotel is much different than $700 for shoes. After the night is over, you still have the shoes.

ElisabethJoanne · December 2011

I agree with the consensus.

briannebishop · December 2011

thank you cebrady89 for not jumping to conclusions and being rash without understanding what I'm getting at... my point is that my best friends and I are like sisters, and it's not about the money, but about them wanting to be with me for this exciting weekend. We've each dropped $1k+ on all of our other friends weddings, and w/o hotel they will be spending $0 on mine, which is what I wanted. I also told them I refuse presents from them b/c their presence is more than I could've asked for. I was also being facetious in saying bobby pins, greeting etc.. I just mean to be there with me, every second, of the biggest day of my life b/c this group of friends of mine- we're there for each other through all of our ups and downs, and every waking minute, and I just can't imagine them (as all of you say is what "bm's do") "showing up to just walk down the aisle in a dress". excuse me for having bm's b/c they're my everything, and i want them to be more a part of my day than just walking down the aisle in a dress. I'm not even touching on the crazy assumptions about anything with my fiance, this post was about my friends.. maybe all of you need to take a look at your relationship if that's the conclusion you jumped to... just saying.
cebrady89- again thank you for being the only non-judgemental, presumptious bride on this discussion. I have not used this website until this bit of advice I needed, and I turned to all of you for tips, but after the crude replies (no they are not the truth, or blunt or whatever); they are misconstrued and I'm kind of conerned why all of you care so much. But the fact that only one of what, 26 posts tried to understand my feelings, just proves this website is not for me.
congrats to all of you and have the day of your dreams.

Habs2Hart · December 2011

Honestly, how is them sleeping in a different hotel room than you different than staying somewhere else? Just because they are 5 miles down the road doesn't mean they won't want to hang out with you.

You probably don't want to have a big sleep over slumber party the night before your wedding. You need rest to look your best. I went to bed early and took a sleeping pill the night before my wedding.

Your girls will get ready with you in the morning, have some mimosas and some snacks and have a great time. It will be okay.

Oh, and we don't validate brattiness on this website.

banana468 · December 2011

Why can't you all stay together at the friends place?

I think there may be something bigger going on here if ALL but one person say that they don't want to spend the night.

It's rather sad that you think no one tried to understand you. Couldn't the same be said the other way? You chose not to understand what anyone else said?

jemmini6 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:38cf6b5a-921a-4381-a5f2-a1f4bc95ac7e">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you cebrady89 for not jumping to conclusions and being rash without understanding what I'm getting at... my point is that my best friends and I are like sisters, and<strong> it's not about the money, but about them wanting to be with me for this exciting weekend</strong>. We've each dropped $1k+ on all of our other friends weddings, <strong>and w/o hotel they will be spending $0 on mine, which is what I wanted.</strong> I also told them I refuse presents from them b/c their presence is more than I could've asked for. I was also being facetious in saying bobby pins, greeting etc.. I just mean to be there with me, every second, of the biggest day of my life b/c this group of friends of mine- we're there for each other through all of our ups and downs, and every waking minute, and I just can't imagine them (as all of you say is what "bm's do") "showing up to just walk down the aisle in a dress". excuse me for having bm's b/c they're my everything, and i want them to be more a part of my day than just walking down the aisle in a dress. I'm not even touching on the crazy assumptions about anything with my fiance, this post was about my friends.. maybe all of you need to take a look at your relationship if that's the conclusion you jumped to... just saying. cebrady89- again thank you for being the only non-judgemental, presumptious bride on this discussion. I have not used this website until this bit of advice I needed, and I turned to all of you for tips, but after the crude replies (no they are not the truth, or blunt or whatever); they are misconstrued and I'm kind of conerned why all of you care so much. But the fact that only one of what, 26 posts tried to understand my feelings, just proves this website is not for me. congrats to all of you and have the day of your dreams.
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

So if you didn't want them to spend any money on your wedding, why aren't you paying for the hotel? I'm just not understanding your logic here. They are like sisters, it's not about money, you just want to spend time together, etc...but you are upset that they'll drop $700 on shoes for themselves and not $100 on YOU? How does that NOT sound judgemental and bratty to you?

Honestly, I get wanting to spend time with your BMs, because two of my BMs stayed with me in the hotel the night before the wedding too. It was nice to wake up, have breakfast, some mimosas, etc in the morning and just hang out before we all started to get ready. However, I paid for the room. I <em>never</em> would have asked them to stay with me and then expect them to pay for it. It's YOUR wedding, YOU want them to stay with YOU...so why should anyone but YOU pay for it?

lbarr088 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:38cf6b5a-921a-4381-a5f2-a1f4bc95ac7e">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you cebrady89 for not jumping to conclusions and being rash without understanding what I'm getting at... my point is that my best friends and I are like sisters, and it's not about the money, but about them wanting to be with me for this exciting weekend. <strong>We've each dropped $1k+ on all of our other friends weddings, and w/o hotel they will be spending $0 on mine, which is what I wanted.</strong> I also told them I refuse presents from them b/c their presence is more than I could've asked for. I was also being facetious in saying bobby pins, greeting etc.. I just mean to be there with me, every second, of the biggest day of my life b/c this group of friends of mine- we're there for each other through all of our ups and downs, and every waking minute, and I just can't imagine them (as all of you say is what "bm's do") "showing up to just walk down the aisle in a dress". excuse me for having bm's b/c they're my everything, and i want them to be more a part of my day than just walking down the aisle in a dress. I'm not even touching on the crazy assumptions about anything with my fiance, this post was about my friends.. maybe all of you need to take a look at your relationship if that's the conclusion you jumped to... just saying. cebrady89- again thank you for being the only non-judgemental, presumptious bride on this discussion. I have not used this website until this bit of advice I needed, and I turned to all of you for tips, but after the crude replies (no they are not the truth, or blunt or whatever); they are misconstrued and I'm kind of conerned why all of you care so much. But the fact that only one of what, 26 posts tried to understand my feelings, just proves this website is not for me. congrats to all of you and have the day of your dreams.
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

<div>Again, maybe because you all have been dropping so much money they don't have a lot anymore. It's really not in good taste to make assumptions about other people's money. I'm also confused why you all have to stay in the hotel, go somewhere else if that's where they all want to be... you even said that you just want everyone to be together so if it's not at the hotel it shouldn't matter.</div><div>
</div><div>Don't get butthurt over this whole thing. People didn't validate you so when you expect that it can be disappointing. Take this site for what it is. People will be honest with you and I think that's more respectable then sugarcoating the ever living crap out of everything. Realize people disagree and move on, which happens to everyone. GL with your future wedding plans.</div>

zitiqueen · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-stay-hotel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:565f5762-2cf4-46f7-bd2e-fdc7f2fd57a8Post:38cf6b5a-921a-4381-a5f2-a1f4bc95ac7e">Re: Bridesmaids stay at hotel?</a>:
[QUOTE]thank you cebrady89 for not jumping to conclusions and being rash without understanding what I'm getting at... my point is that my best friends and I are like sisters, and it's not about the money, but about them wanting to be with me for this exciting weekend. We've each dropped $1k+ on all of our other friends weddings, and w/o hotel they will be spending $0 on mine, which is what I wanted. I also told them I refuse presents from them b/c their presence is more than I could've asked for. I was also being facetious in saying bobby pins, greeting etc.. I just mean to be there with me, every second, of the biggest day of my life b/c this group of friends of mine- we're there for each other through all of our ups and downs, and every waking minute, and I just can't imagine them (as all of you say is what "bm's do") "showing up to just walk down the aisle in a dress". excuse me for having bm's b/c they're my everything, and i want them to be more a part of my day than just walking down the aisle in a dress. I'm not even touching on the crazy assumptions about anything with my fiance, this post was about my friends.. maybe all of you need to take a look at your relationship if that's the conclusion you jumped to... just saying. cebrady89- again thank you for being the only non-judgemental, presumptious bride on this discussion. I have not used this website until this bit of advice I needed, and I turned to all of you for tips, but after the crude replies (no they are not the truth, or blunt or whatever); they are misconstrued and I'm kind of conerned why all of you care so much. But the fact that only one of what, 26 posts tried to understand my feelings, just proves this website is not for me. congrats to all of you and have the day of your dreams.
Posted by briannebishop[/QUOTE]

In other words, thank you, cebrady89, for validating my bratty, entitled attitude. As for the rest of you bitter old hags, you don't know me! I feel sorry for your FIs/husbands!

Bridesmaids stay at hotel?

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