Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?

perkins81 · April 2011

Cannot wait to get my own apt this summer! I'm currently staying with my BF and FMIL b/c I just moved here from out of state and can't afford my own place yet. BF had to go to work really early this morning and it's my first real day off in a while (4 day weekend!). I just wanted to sleep in and relax. I got up after FMIL and went to the kitchen and got my breakfast, took it back to my room and am sitting here watching TV (I never get to watch TV!) and I'm done eating now. So then FMIL comes from her room and says - I'm going to eat breakfast now, you want to come join me? Really? Can't you see I'm already occupied with my relaxing and TV watching on my day off? Now you're making me feel guitly b/c you're eating alone and you want me to come watch you eat just so you have company?

I shouldn't feel bad about this I guess, but I just really want some time to myself! Every time I'm home, she's ALWAYS home too! She doesn't work and doesn't have much of a life, so she depends on me and my BF to keep her company whenever we're home, which is going to change as soon as money is available!

Just needed to vent. I'm going to head out there and watch her eat I guess and try to keep up a conversation while I drink a glass of water I suppose. Then I'll conveniently have to leave b/c my show's coming on

redheadfsu · April 2011

I doubt she was trying to bug you. She might have been trying to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable in her house. If I was her I would assume you would feel awkward.

NcsuPsych · April 2011

Im thinking she was just trying to be nice and offer breakfast. You're really probably thinking to much of this. I doubt she was trying to make you feel guilty.

For getting a roof over your head, you seem a little unthankful by saying she doesnt work and has no life.

It's Easter, you're home (which apparently isn't common according to you), just stop over thinking and whinning. Close and lock the door if you want alone time.

That's just my opinion though.

Milsey32 · April 2011

If you have a "BF" why are you even on TK? aaaaaand... I would appreciate someone offering free room & board. Maybe she didn't realize you were relaxing and thought you were bored and wanted to talk or something. Stop complaining.

perkins81 · April 2011

Ok, apparently, you all are assuming a LOT of things that are not true, so I need to clarifly. First of all, my BF and are definitely getting married, but for now it's just between he and I because we don't have a ring yet and so we haven't announced it to anybody so between the two of us, he is my FI, but to the rest of the world, he's still my BF.

As for the free room and board and not being thankful for having a roof over my head - where on earth did you see me post that? I didn't want to go into all the financial details of my situation, but since I obviously need to do so, here it is - FMIL does not pay even half of her share of the bills, yet she can somehow manage to spend thousands of dollars on her credit cards on the stuff she wants for herself (she can buy a brand new computer, but can't buy groceries - go figure). My "FI" and I pay our share and a large portion of hers. She pays NOTHING for the rent - I cover my share and FI pays his and hers both.

As for spending time with her - I always make a point of spending time with her when I'm home, but the problem is that she will sit and eat for over an hour (should have mentioned that before - sorry) and she'll expect me to sit there with her and keep her company - this has happened many times before so it's not just today. So it's not a matter of her thinking I'm bored, it's her wanting me to keep her company b/c she is lonely (she has admitted this more than once).

I'm not really upset about it, just irritated a bit since it was my day to just relax. Normally on a day off, I'm running around town doing errands and laundry and all that stuff, so this extended weekend is the first time I can just sit and relax and not worry about all that. Anyway, it's over now. I sat there and watched her eat and had a good conversation with her and now I'm back in my room relaxing and all is good. Probably shouldn't have posted in the first place, cause it obviously opened a can of worms. I usually stick to a couple other boards and just lurk here, so ya'll don't really know me too well.

Oh well. Happy Easter everybody!

redheadfsu · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_morning-vent-cant-just-relax-alone-day-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:10034851-686b-401a-aa0e-448d8e0dd1cfPost:5e6a7d4a-3ef6-4ce5-b948-f51d827562de">Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?</a>:
[QUOTE]Cannot wait to get my own apt this summer! I'm currently staying with my BF and FMIL b/c I just moved here from out of state and can't afford my own place yet. Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

That is why we assumed you were not paying or not paying full rent. If you can afford the bills why haven't you found an appartment yet? Plus, if you have agreed to get married, he is your FI.

If I had a dollar to my name, I would not live with my FMIL or any other family(unless she was sick & needed help or something).

perkins81 · April 2011

Ok, do the math. Rent divided by 3 people is a lot cheaper than rent divided by one person. So yes, I can afford to pay a third of the cost living with them, but I cannot afford my own place yet. FI and I met online and did a one-year long distance relationship, only seeing each other a few times (but we were able to meet each others families and things were definitely serious from the beginning and our families both approve and gave us their blessing). So after I finished my master's degree, I moved to his town a few months ago from the other side of the country (and actually most of my family was already living within 6 hours of him, so I'm a lot closer to family now - yay!). As for living with FMIL, I only agreed to do it b/c I moved here to be with FI and live our life together, but I didn't have a job yet, so I had no choice but to live with them temporarily. FI has lived with his mom for a long time b/c he works full time and is in school, so it was his best option to save money. Unfortunately, his plan kind of back-fired b/c his mom became dependant on him! TRUST me - FI and I don't like the situation, but for now, it's our only option.

Thanks for your responses.

NcsuPsych · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_morning-vent-cant-just-relax-alone-day-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:10034851-686b-401a-aa0e-448d8e0dd1cfPost:20d5c98a-f57c-47d5-a9bf-9ae9700b3020">Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, apparently, you all are assuming a LOT of things that are not true (Then next time, be more specific and clear if you don't want assumptions.),

so I need to clarifly. First of all, my BF and are definitely getting married, but for now it's just between he and I because we don't have a ring yet (You realize you don't NEED or HAVE to have a ring in order to be engaged right? Consider it what you want, but IMO, that to me, is being engaged.)

 and so we haven't announced it to anybody so between the two of us, he is my FI, but to the rest of the world, he's still my BF. As for the free room and board and not being thankful for having a roof over my head - where on earth did you see me post that?(Again, you said you couldn't afford your own place, thus we took it as you were saving your money to get a place, and maybe not paying rent. I for one didn't say you had it 'FREE', just that you were given a place to stay and seemed like you were being kinda childish about the whole ordeal)

 I didn't want to go into all the financial details of my situation, but since I obviously need to do so, here it is - FMIL does not pay even half of her share of the bills, yet she can somehow manage to spend thousands of dollars on her credit cards on the stuff she wants for herself (she can buy a brand new computer, but can't buy groceries - go figure). My "FI" and I pay our share and a large portion of hers. She pays NOTHING for the rent - I cover my share and FI pays his and hers both.(Soo you didnt want to go into your financial details but have absolutely no problem throwing your FMIL under the bus. . yeah thats mature. None of us need to know about your financial status or your families. It's none of our buisness plus while yes, food is better than material items. . .it's really up to your FMIL to spend her money on what she see's fit. That is, unless she's using government money in the wrong ways and then that's something completely different)

 As for spending time with her - I always make a point of spending time with her when I'm home, but the problem is that she will sit and eat for over an hour (should have mentioned that before - sorry) and she'll expect me to sit there with her and keep her company - this has happened many times before so it's not just today. So it's not a matter of her thinking I'm bored, it's her wanting me to keep her company b/c she is lonely (she has admitted this more than once). I'm not really upset about it, just irritated a bit since it was my day to just relax. Normally on a day off, I'm running around town doing errands and laundry and all that stuff, so this extended weekend is the first time I can just sit and relax and not worry about all that. Anyway, it's over now. I sat there and watched her eat and had a good conversation with her and now I'm back in my room relaxing and all is good. Probably shouldn't have posted in the first place, cause it obviously opened a can of worms. I usually stick to a couple other boards and just lurk here, so ya'll don't really know me too well. Oh well. Happy Easter everybody!
Posted by perkins81[/QUOTE]

I'm sure I'll get a rebuttle to this, and that's fine. It's just that when you rag on your FMIL when she's letting you stay at her place and don't give the full details of the sitaution at first all we can do is go off of what you have said.

It's Easter. Be happy you've got the day off, as many dont. Spend some time with the lady and then go off and lock your door or something. Don't take this as I'm being mean or anything. I just call it how I see if. That's all.

Have a good rest of the day!

perkins81 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_morning-vent-cant-just-relax-alone-day-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:10034851-686b-401a-aa0e-448d8e0dd1cfPost:cee20abd-ff43-4a0e-89ad-48f5cd88e166">Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off? : It's Easter. Be happy you've got the day off, as many dont. Spend some time with the lady and then go off and lock your door or something. Don't take this as I'm being mean or anything. I just call it how I see if. That's all. Have a good rest of the day!
Posted by NcsuPsych[/QUOTE]

No offense taken. That's why I said everything is all good now. Nothing to be upset over, it's just something that keeps happening and today it just really got to me, but I'm in my room now and she's in hers. No harm done. Thanks for your honesty!

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_morning-vent-cant-just-relax-alone-day-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:10034851-686b-401a-aa0e-448d8e0dd1cfPost:652b0ea0-90d0-43ab-bdec-0b715b610382">Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you have a "BF" why are you even on TK? aaaaaand... I would appreciate someone offering free room & board. Maybe she didn't realize you were relaxing and thought you were bored and wanted to talk or something. Stop complaining.
Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

Oh come on. Don't be ridiculous. There are plenty of people who aren't engaged yet that post on TK. It's not like she's here asking about venues for 2014 and isn't engaged yet.

midgetthemighty · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_morning-vent-cant-just-relax-alone-day-off?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:10034851-686b-401a-aa0e-448d8e0dd1cfPost:d0fdf139-8914-4463-a98f-25d88f180942">Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off? : Oh come on. Don't be ridiculous. There are plenty of people who aren't engaged yet that post on TK. It's not like she's here asking about venues for 2014 and isn't engaged yet.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I was thinking the same thing. There's even a board for not being engaged yet. I'm glad you gave more details OP because I was assuming the same things that everyone else was. We all assume things when we aren't given enough details in order to assess the situation and give feedback on it. I'm glad that everything is good now though.

stephdonjon · April 2011

I don't think she meant any harm by asking if you wanted to join her for breakfast? i think you overreacted just a bit. Just be glad she apparently enjoys your company.

Morning vent - can't I just relax and be alone on my day off?

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