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Bridal Party Dilemma. To ask or to not ask?

SharonA74SharonA74 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I have a dilemma. I already have my bridal party picked out but I keep going back and forth as to weather or not I should have asked this friend of mine. This girl and I were best friends all throughout high school and remained good friends in college. When she got married 10 years ago then we became distant friends. We only see each other and talk maybe a couple of times a year. We do communicate through facebook also. My thing is that I was a bridesmaid in her wedding 10 years ago. I am concerned that she may feel left out because I did not ask her to be one of my bridesmaids. Just not sure if she is expecting that I would ask her to be one of my bridesmaids since she had asked me when she got married 10 years ago. I had initially planned on asking her, but then another one of my bridesmaids; a close friend of mine who I talk to and hang out with on a regular basis told me that your wedding party should be your closest friends and family members. She said that I should not ask this girl since we are not close anymore. In my head I keep thinking that I should maybe call her up and ask her. Any suggesstions and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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Re: Bridal Party Dilemma. To ask or to not ask?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What is your heart telling you?  Only you can decide whether you want to include this girl or not.  But to give you some reference, I had a good friend be in my wedding.  We do not talk very often because we are always busy and really never have time to hang out.  Just because we don't talk on a daily basis or go months without seeing each other that does not mean that she is not still a very good friend of mine.  I know that if I needed anything I can call her up.

    People change.  Relationships change.  But if you still consider her a good friend (regardless of how much you communicate) then you should ask her.  To me, you should go with your first instinct because those are usually the right way to go.  Don't let anyone tell you what to do.  You need to do what is right for you.

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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Ask her if you really and truly consider her to be a good, close friend.

    Don't ask her out of guilt, or because you're afraid of how she'll react, or because you feel like you need to "pay her back" for something that happened in the past. Those are the wrong reasons to ask someone to be a bridesmaid.

    Plus, it's nuts for someone to take it personally that she wasn't asked to be in the wedding of a woman she barely talks to anymore. I doubt she'll feel left out or hurt by this, but if she does then she'll get over it. And if she gets angry over this, then she's an absolute loon.  

    You're not responsible for sparing other people's feelings in situations like this. As long as you're not being mean or hurtful or outright rude to someone (which is not what's happening here), then it's not your problem if they choose to react negatively to your choices in life.

    And really, the vast majority of women aren't falling all over themselves to be someone else's bridesmaid. When you get right down to it, it's a chore - it's a lot of time and money to spend on someone else's party. Most people are happy to do it for a close friend, but it's still a lot of time and money that they need to contribute. Most people are relieved not to be in a bridal party, especially for someone they're not particularly close to anymore/ever.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    My daughter tells me that being in a wedding is soooo expensive these days, she is more relieved NOT to be asked.
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  • grafixgrl81grafixgrl81 member
    Knottie Warrior Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-dilemma-to-ask-or-to-not-ask?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6336fc5c-34ec-42ba-a2ca-d67c2d1a076fPost:caf6ca4e-93ec-4d95-bce4-de3030f9462a">Re: Bridal Party Dilemma. To ask or to not ask?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What is your heart telling you?  Only you can decide whether you want to include this girl or not.  But to give you some reference, I had a good friend be in my wedding.  We do not talk very often because we are always busy and really never have time to hang out.  Just because we don't talk on a daily basis or go months without seeing each other that does not mean that she is not still a very good friend of mine.  I know that if I needed anything I can call her up. People change.  Relationships change.  But if you still consider her a good friend (regardless of how much you communicate) then you should ask her.  To me, you should go with your first instinct because those are usually the right way to go.  Don't let anyone tell you what to do.  You need to do what is right for you.
    Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

    <div>I love your response. I feel this way about one of my closest friends and that was just a great way of putting it</div>
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  • sagebirdsagebird
    First Comment
    I have a very good girlfriend that I did not ask because between my groom and I there are 6 sisters and that was enough BM for me. I told her that I love her dearly and hoped it wasn't bothering her that I didn't ask. Her response was to thank me for saying that but that it didn't bother her at all. We ended up asking her to officiate.

    If you are wondering about how she feels maybe you should bring it up in an email; explain that it was a hard decision but you didn't want an XL BP.
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