How to handle rehearsal and bachelorette party with out of country WP?

likeadeadstar · October 2010

I'm in a bit of a weird situation when it comes to guests and wedding party, and would love some ideas and suggestions.

First: our wedding is budget, DIY, needs to be kept small and as affordable as possible. FI's mom is older (he was an unexpected baby) and about to retire=no $$ support and his dad abandoned him; my mom is not in my life and my dad is disabled and about to lose his job, so I cannot ask him. Our families are pretty small overall so we just do not have the funds.

That all in mind, our wedding party is 2 per side, and parent-wise, we have a single mom and my dad and stepmother. However, the maid of honour lives a two hour flight away and doesn't get many vacation days. Our wedding is a Sunday, and I anticipate she'll fly in late Friday after work. The best man is also flying three hours from the other side of the country.

Most of my closer friends live in the US and I'm in Toronto; my bachelorette party wouldn't be the same without them. Obviously, though, they can't all fly in twice.

So now, I'm stuck with the conundrum that I'm supposed to hold the rehearsal dinner the night before, but I also have friends who want to have a sorta bachelorette bash the night before. The ceremony is late afternoon, and I don't get hungover. I can't afford dinners for all these out of towners to pull them into the rehearsal dinner, though. I wish I could, but I can't. I'd put the wedding off another year, but my dad's health is BAD.

What's my best option here? I've considered doing a rehearsal sans MOH and Best Man and dinner with family on the Friday night (it's an informal ceremony) and then a night on the town Saturday. Or we could maybe do a brunch Saturday after rehearsal?

Do we even NEED a rehearsal if we're having a non-denominational ceremony at the same spot as the venue? Could we not just meet with the officiant ourselves? Our parents have been married twice already and know the cues, I'm sure.

My entire family has had unorthodox, DIY weddings, and I genuinely don't know how much of this usually works.

mgietler76 · October 2010

If your ticker is right you still have a whole year to figure this stuff out so try not to go into wedding overload so early. That being said, you don't need to have everyone present fior the rehearsal, it's really not that complicated. As far as bach parties go, you don't throw one for yourself so don't worry about those details. If someone offers to throw one for you than you can let them worry about it. I don't really understand why your parents financial situation is an issue with anything, most people these days pay for their own wedding with little to no help from anyone. Just take a breath and remember that the most important part of this wedding is the actual act of marrying your beloved. Re-visit the rehearsal situation when you come closer to the time (I'm 4 months out and still haven't done anything with the RD) enjoy this time and try not to stress.

marissa_claire · October 2010

I would flip exactly what you said above - do "bach party" Friday night and RD on Saturday night.

likeadeadstar · October 2010

Thank you, all of you.

The issue already came up because two of my close out of towners have already insisted we need some girl time. We hardly see each other face to face, so they want to max out what opportunities they have. At first, I was like, "Of course!" and then I was making a spreadsheet and the RD loomed...

I mentioned the budget situation because I was afraid someone would say, "They're important, make it happen, get more money or budget for it." And that's just impossible.

marissa: Most of the out of town girls are planning to fly in on Friday night after work because they're also losing Monday at work to fly home. Maybe things might change but financially, I don't think they'll be able to afford coming Thursday night so the bach can be Friday.

StageManager14 - I was the MOH in a rehearsal-less wedding, very small, and everything went smoothly. I'm also lucky enough that the FSIL is a wedding planner (she's just pushy and traditional and will try and browbeat me into what we don't want for our day, so we've declined her helping constantly). I was thinking we'd have her coordinate day of, still bringing her into the team and giving her a role. She's already gung-ho planning an engagement party I don't even want, but I'll let her because it makes her happy. I'm sure she'll be amazing at making sure we stay on schedule for cake, dances, the works. Maybe I'll just do that; have us two go over the ceremony itself and wing the walking.

As you can see, I tend to think really far ahead and stress myself. I'm thinking Lush bath bomb emergency therapy tonight to chill me out!

Kate61487 · October 2010

In case this could apply to you - my MOH lives out of town as well, I'm in Chicago, she's in Virginia. So I decided to have my bridal shower and bachelorette the same weekend. That way MOH only flies in once, to attend the shower my aunt's throwing and to have the b-party.

**For the etiquette police out there both had already offered to throw the parties and had asked for my date preference.**

This is something you could consider as the time looms closer; if your MOH will be coming into town for anything else. I know the b-party the night before is how it's usually portrayed, but that doesn't mean it has to be...

How to handle rehearsal and bachelorette party with out of country WP?

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