cake topper dilema (sort of long!)

atg11715 · July 2010

I am getting married october 2 and today my mom and i ordered the cake (fiance had to work). I am a single mom to a wonderful 6.5 yo little girl. My ex decided he didn't want to be in the picture the day I told him I was pregnant so for 3 yrs it was just my daughter and I. we lived with my parents and were pretty happy. I met my fiance and he jumped into the world of trying to date a single mom but he did so happily and is now planning to legally adopt her after we marry. Whats this have to do with a cake topper? Well I want one that features a bride, groom, and little girl because we are becoming our own little family. I have had a lot of trouble finding one that is actually affordable so i looked online and found several websites where people asked wedding questions and others answered, similar to this site. I read other posts about the same thing, looking for a topper with a child, the responses were less than helpful.

Almost every one said that the wedding is about the bride and groom, the child has no place on the cake. Some went as far as saying that those toppers aren't made because babies are meant to come AFTER the wedding! I know that is the ideal, but lets face it, there are more blended familes coming together now than ever. So that made me wonder what do other people think about this? Should the top just be of the bride and groom? I want to include my daughter in as much as I can for the wedding because I feel that my fiance did not just choose to spend his life with me, he is also choosing to accept my daughter as his own and assume all responsibilty as a parent as well. After he proposed, i told my daughter that he wanted to marry "us" we are a package deal, you don't get one with out the other! SO what does everyone here think?

PetraStonegirl · July 2010

If you both want her represented as a cake topper, what about commissioning one from Etsy.com? I don't have super strong feelings one way or the other, as a guest it wouldn't make me give the B&G the side eye.

Edit: for spelling of Etsy, way to typo!

banana468 · July 2010

If you're that set on a cake topper with your daughter then I agree you'll need to have one custom made.

That said, I think it's weird. Don't get me wrong. That your FI and you and your daughter are uniting as a family is wonderful and that he's adopting your daughter is fantastic.

But the marriage is the joining of two adults. She's going to be in the family, but I think it's really important to separate the two. Marriage is between two adults. When you marry someone, you marry into the family and all that the other person is. However that doesn't mean that you marry the child too. That concept is actually a bit "off" if you really think about it.

DH and I are expecting our first child. We're thrilled that the family is expanding. However WE are the ones married. And we're going to do what we can to still make sure that while the baby will be a huge part of our lives, that we need time for just the two of us too. Mommy and Daddy are the grown ups.

IMO, the cake topper you describe is best reserved for the day your husband adopts your daughter.

quotequeen · July 2010

I'm not sure what you're asking - are you still looking for a place to find a cake topper, or are you asking what we all think about having that sort of cake topper?

sarah42nd · July 2010

I agree with Banana . The cake topper represents the marriage between two adults not the joining of a family . He is not marrying your daughter .

gottahavashorti · July 2010

I agree with PPs that it strikes me as strange. She could be taught that a marriage is between two adults who love each other, and her role in that (gaining a father who will now be part of her family and loves her as a daughter in addition to loving her mother as a spouse) so that she's not confused about what a marriage is.

I understand wanting to include her in some way in the wedding, but not to the degree that she's told that your FI is marrying her and she's on the cake topper. I would save that type of cake topper for when he adopts her and have a party to celebrate the adoption. You might be able to get something made on etsy.

sarah42nd · July 2010

People include the children in all sorts of other ways .

MobKaz · July 2010

If you choose to go the "family" route-----nakedpeggies.com She is part of etsy but also has this offshoot website. Custom made/painted "peg" people....cute----whimsical versus elegant----somewhat expensive.....found through KNOT boards........FYI

klm03013 · July 2010

I actually think it is cute to put your child on the cake topper. It is about the adults but it is also about solidifying your bond as a family. I am a sucker for seller Redlightstudio on etsy.com. Here is an example of a topper where she includes the child.

kittykaz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_cake-topper-dilema-sort-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ecc08079-2101-4681-b112-40e6b1809838Post:04de70ed-4e94-43bd-8bef-f70400cb3c9f">Re: cake topper dilema (sort of long!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Banana . The cake topper represents the marriage between two adults not the joining of a family . He is not marrying your daughter .
Posted by sarah42nd[/QUOTE]

I don't get it. Since when does a cake topper have such imposed meaning to it? I say do what you want. If you want to include your daughter on the cake, go for it. I think it's a cute idea. I second trying to find one on etsy. (I also love redightstudio's!) In your case, the marriage is the creation of a family, even if legally she will not be his daughter until he adopts her. I can't believe that people would say your daughter doesn't have a place up there with you.

Kristin789 · July 2010

Suggestion: don't put people on the cake topper at all.
We used a cake topper with two pearl-covered hearts.
You could use flowers, and no cake topper at all, etc.

trix1223 · July 2010

I think that having children in wedding "stuff" needs to be carefully done.

I'm not at all a fan of "vows" for the parents to make to children or the children to make to parents. And for some reason, having a family cake topper also seems odd to me.

I guess the cake is just such a symbol of "wedding" that, IMO, it's about the adults, not adults + children.

I'd opt for a non-person cake topper: fresh flowers, other decoration, rings, hearts, bells, doves, etc. Google cake toppers and see what other possibilities there are.

dizzinea · July 2010

how about non person cake topper, and maybe your daughter could give you away? wonderfully symbolic and showing her blessing of the marriage and new family

ehathewa · July 2010

I immediately thought of a non-person cake topper too... maybe something like three hearts and have one be little.

sarah42nd · July 2010

I agree with what Trix said too.

I am not saying she doesn't have a place in there lives just not in there marriage .

ros3392 · July 2010

I think if you both want your daughter on your cake then go for it. I am ordering my cake topper from a woman on Etsy. I have been going through her toppers that she's made and MANY of them have children on them. Many have pets. Its all about what YOU want. I don't think putting your daughter on the cake topper is taking too much from the bride at all. I will PM you the Etsy person that I am ordering mine through.

cake topper dilema (sort of long!)

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