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Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?

My sister/MOH recently told me that she may not be able to be at my wedding (next June), let alone in my wedding, because she may be going out of state for about a year for schooling for a new job position.  I was completely crushed when she told me this, but she did not seem fazed.  In addition, she has offered little help with the wedding planning and has not shown interest in the wedding.  Currently her and I are not on speaking terms due to some other stuff not concerning my wedding. 

I am unsure what I should do...

Should I kick her out of my wedding?  Should I keep her in for a bit longer to see how it all plays out?  If I kick her out, should I replace her?  Will the replacement feel like she is second best?

She is my sister and I would not feel right not having her in my wedding, but she is not acting the way she should and is not living up to her responsibilities as a MOH and a sister.

HELP!

Re: Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?

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    You shouldn't be kicking your own sister out of your wedding because she wants to go to school. Thats rediculous.
    MOHs don't have to "live up to" anything except be there for you on your special DAY not your special year leading up to it.

    Noone is going to be fully involved as much as you are, you have to realize that, people have their own lives.
    It's very tacky to kick someone out of your wedding party...unless they slept with the groom...annnnd that's pretty much the only grounds to do so.
    Just think twice before you do something that you'll totally regret...


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    You know how I feel and most would agree.....kicking someone out is a pretty serious thing.  Most and myself included, would say that in doing so,one should be prepared to the end the friendship.  Its a prety serious thing.  Now that its your sister, thats even worse.  My MOH is my sister too and she has been very involved and offering advice, etc. She's not kissing my ass and bowing down to my every whim.


    Im not sure if this is all MUD or not, but how exactly should she "be acting" and what "responsibilities" is she not living up too??


    Im really trying to give you the BOD here but your expectations seem outrageously ridiculous to me

     

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    Let your sister take herself out of the wedding if that's what she wants to do.  If you kick her out then you're going to look like a bridezilla.  It looks harsh because it is.  She's family.  You might be going through something right now but I'm sure it's not going to last forever.  

    Good luck.
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:cdd6fba1-aff8-409a-bbb4-4fc48f60a5d5">Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister/MOH recently told me that she may not be able to be at my wedding (next June), let alone in my wedding, because she may be going out of state for about a year for schooling for a new job position.  I was completely crushed when she told me this, but she did not seem fazed.  In addition, <strong>she has offered little help with the wedding planning and has not shown interest in the wedding.</strong>  Currently her and I are not on speaking terms due to some other stuff not concerning my wedding.  I am unsure what I should do... Should I kick her out of my wedding?  Should I keep her in for a bit longer to see how it all plays out?  If I kick her out, should I replace her?  Will the replacement feel like she is second best? She is my sister and I would not feel right not having her in my wedding, but she is not acting the way she should and is not living up to her responsibilities as a MOH and a sister. HELP!
    Posted by takefeline[/QUOTE]
    <div>Just remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you.  She may have other things on her mind like leaving for school for a year.  Things in your life will always seem more important than things in others life.  That might suck for you but it's true.</div>
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    If I were you I would not kick her out. She is your sister and has more than just your wedding going on. Really think about it before you do anything.
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    No you can't kick her out. Are you really ready to end your relationship with your sister?
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    Obviously I do not want to end my relationship, but I do not feel she is supportive of my relationship and she told me herself that she may nopt be able to be there. 

    I understand all your points, that is why I am asking.  I am trying to make a logical decision and not make a decision with irrational feelings...
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:46a87ad1-38ec-4bdc-869d-10f945e1cd7a">Re: Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Let your sister take herself out of the wedding if that's what she wants to do.  If you kick her out then you're going to look like a bridezilla.  It looks harsh because it is.  She's family.  You might be going through something right now but I'm sure it's not going to last forever.   Good luck.
    Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for your advice :)
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    If she can't be there, she can't be there. Don't kick her out just because she's not available for everything you want from her.
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    "Should I kick her out of my wedding?" -NO

    "Should I keep her in for a bit longer to see how it all plays out?" - Just leave it. If she can make it great if not that's sad but OK.

    "If I kick her out, should I replace her?"  -NO

    "Will the replacement feel like she is second best?" -YES you can't replace someone, you asked them in the first place for a reason.
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    vsgalvsgal member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Your wedding is 14 months away.  Lots of things can happen in 14 months.  Let it go and see where your relationship is closer to the wedding. Education for a new job is probably very important to her.  Readdress the wedding issue in 8 months.  In the meantime, work on the relationship you have with her.  It sounds like there are other things going on between both of you that need some attention.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:72a58ea9-70df-44a9-a075-ebb1864e309c">Re: Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your wedding is 14 months away.  Lots of things can happen in 14 months.  Let it go and see where your relationship is closer to the wedding. Education for a new job is probably very important to her.  Readdress the wedding issue in 8 months.  In the meantime, work on the relationship you have with her.  It sounds like there are other things going on between both of you that need some attention.
    Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

    This.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:cdd6fba1-aff8-409a-bbb4-4fc48f60a5d5">Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My sister/MOH recently told me that she may not be able to be at my wedding (next June), let alone in my wedding, because she may be going out of state for about a year for schooling for a new job position.  I was completely crushed when she told me this, but she did not seem fazed. <strong> In addition, she has offered little help with the wedding planning and has not shown interest in the wedding. </strong> Currently her and I are not on speaking terms due to some other stuff not concerning my wedding.  I am unsure what I should do... Should I kick her out of my wedding?  Should I keep her in for a bit longer to see how it all plays out?  If I kick her out, should I replace her?  Will the replacement feel like she is second best? She is my sister and I would not feel right not having her in my wedding,<strong> but she is not acting the way she should and is not living up to her responsibilities as a MOH</strong> and a sister. HELP!
    Posted by takefeline[/QUOTE]

    What exactly are her "responsibilities" as a MOH... 14 months out? Hell, what exactly are her responsibilities one month out?

    I'll give you a hint -- planning your wedding isn't her responsibility. Helping you plan your wedding isn't her responsibility.
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    Don't kick her out, because a lot of things can change in the many months you have until your wedding. If she brings up again not being able to be involved or not coming or whatever, maybe tell her that if she feels like she needs to remove herself from the wedding party, that that is ok with you and you won't be angry with her. Maybe she feels like she needs your permission to back down.
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    I'm amazed at the number of posters who didn't notice the first sentence--that she may not be able to make it for the wedding.

    I would talk to her, and tell her you really want her to be your MOH, but you don't want to add stress to her life if she's going to school.  What does she want to do? 

    You don't have to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen (altough I personally prefer it) so if she does have to drop out closer to your wedding you will be fine.

    Also, I have plenty of friends who I don't plan on having in my wedding party, but I'm sure would be willing to step up at the last minute if I paid for the dress.  They wouldn't feel insulted at being on a "B" list, they would understand that things happen.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:a2ad3bf4-70d8-4331-be88-7833b65985e1">Re: Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm amazed at the number of posters who didn't notice the first sentence--<strong>that she may not be able to make it for the wedding.</strong> I would talk to her, and tell her you really want her to be your MOH, but you don't want to add stress to her life if she's going to school.  What does she want to do?  You don't have to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen (altough I personally prefer it) so if she does have to drop out closer to your wedding you will be fine. Also, I have plenty of friends who I don't plan on having in my wedding party, but I'm sure would be willing to step up at the last minute if I paid for the dress.  They wouldn't feel insulted at being on a "B" list, they would understand that things happen.
    Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]
    We all noticed. It doesn't change the answer.
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    Am I missing something?  If she can't be in the wedding then she shouldn't be MOH.  You can't be part of the "wedding party" if you're not at the weding.  Also, traditionally the MOH helps the bride with planning a wedding.  It's not just a random title someone is given to show up the day of. Although, yes, no one will be as involved or as excited about your wedding than you.

    With all that being said, a bridesmaid should never be demoted.  I'd talk to her and ask her if she can commit to showing up to your wedding/being MOH.  If she says she can't, then she's taken herself out of the wedding. 

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-kick-mohsister-out-of-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7c730db7-e53c-4c37-a024-7afc319c120bPost:a2ad3bf4-70d8-4331-be88-7833b65985e1">Re: Should I Kick my MOH/sister out of the wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]II would talk to her, and tell her you really want her to be your MOH, but you don't want to add stress to her life if she's going to school.  What does she want to do?  You don't have to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen (altough I personally prefer it) so if she does have to drop out closer to your wedding you will be fine. Also, I have plenty of friends who I don't plan on having in my wedding party, but I'm sure would be willing to step up at the last minute if I paid for the dress.  They wouldn't feel insulted at being on a "B" list, they would understand that things happen.
    Posted by KelaRenee[/QUOTE]

    <div>Pretty much this. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think people are getting a little reactive on "kicking her out". Clearly there are other tensions in your relationship with her and that is just adding stress the already delicate matter of choosing an MOH. She doesn't HAVE to be your MOH. You only get married once and you don't want to regret not having the person you wanted as your MOH. That said, it goes both ways, you also don't want to regret having "kicked her out" bridezilla style. </div><div>
    </div><div>Good news - you have time. If you aren't on speaking terms, it will make talking to her harder but you should try. If there is no hope of that going smoothly in the next 6 months, ask one of your other BMs to step up and hopefully you have a friend that is close enough that they would understand the sensitivity of the situation. Either way, no "kicking" is required. If you sister comes through at some point before the wedding and says she is coming and wonders why she isn't your MOH, explain that you didn't want to stress her with the responsibility. No official "I AM CHANGING MY MOH" announcement needs to be made and DEFINITELY do not use it as ammunition against her if you have a fight. </div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry that turned out to be way longer than i wanted :)</div>
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