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FMIL & RSVP

nightmare_of_beautynightmare_of_beauty member
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in Moms and Maids
I am 5 days away from the deadline for my rsvps. I know you should give a couple days after the date in case they send them that day and since it's a Saturday, I figured wait till the first.

When needing addresses, FMIL gave me a notebook at one of the cousins (whom I hadn't met) birthday party and told me to go get their addresses. I made FI do it because I didn't know everyone and it felt awkward, at least it gave me a chance to meet them. She also called one cousin to make sure it was ok for me to call and ask for their address. Why not just ask for it and leave me out? I do actually know this cousin.

Out of the 99 people FMIL insisted we invite, 39 have rsvp. I am willing to call the 2 Aunts I know, but not the rest. I don't know them well enough. I know if I leave it up to FI, nothing will happen. I need to say something to FMIL about calling them, but I think she's going to say just assume they're coming.

How do I explain I need to know for the catering? If it was only a few I would be ok with it, but 60?
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Re: FMIL & RSVP

  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FI's side = FI's responsibility.  Sit down with him and make him understand that every empty seat at the reception is money being thrown away for a meal that is not going to be eaten.  If 60 people do not show up and your food is $25 per person, that is $1500.00 that you just threw away.
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  • CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yup. This is your FI's family so it's his responsibility. Either he can call or he can be the one to ask his mother to follow up on them since they were her idea to invite.

    If he's adult enough to get married, he's adult enough to handle a little responsibility in helping to make the wedding come together.
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  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you want it done, you know FMIL and FI aren't going to do it then just pick up the phone and start calling.  You need the information so instead of worrying about who's responsibility it is, whether they will do it - just do it. get it done and move on to something else.
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  • sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Or if you have any friends who don't mind talking to people they don't know then see if they will call them. The problem* with having your FMIL do it is she might assume there all coming, Like PPs said . Then your stuck with extra plates of food and what not.
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  • suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Personally I would tell FI that he either needs to call or tell FMIL to call. Just explain that as of now you are not counting them. If they show up there will not be any food for them so they need to figure out if they are coming or not.

    Keep in mind that caterers expect people to grab seconds, the numbers to be off, or even the bride/groom to lie about the numbers. When a buffet style reception is done the caterers order and make more food to make sure there is enough. This is the reason that buffets can get more expensive than plated dinners. I would risk it and not count them to save the money.
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Someone needs to call them.  If you can't trust FI or FMIL to do it, then it will have to be you, even though you don't know them.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Don't let your fi off the hook so easily. Give him the list of people who do not respond from his side. Tell him you need the head count by the middle of next week (or whenever). Let him decide if he will make the calls himself or ask his mom to help out.
                       
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  • mayerelmayerel
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can you and FI split the list? I mean, you have to know, and I understand you don't know these people, but they're coming to your wedding. You're going to have to talk to them at some point! Why not make it friendly and inviting rather than OMG you showed up?!

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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is silly.  You're a grown up, your fiance is a grown up, and this is your wedding.  Yes, your FMIL could have just gathered the addresses and given them to you, but this is a separate issue.  YOU need the numbers so YOU need to call.

    Get the list, split it up, sit down with your FI and each start making calls.  Like you said, it's a good way to get to know people.  Just be friendly and nice and say, "Hi, this is Marissa, Timothy's fiancee.  I wanted to check and make sure you got the invitation we sent for our wedding.  We'd be delighted if you and your husband and little Johnny would be able to join us.  Will you be able to make it?"

    If they say "yes" then count them in.  If they say "no" then say, "Well, we'll certainly miss you.  Thanks for letting me know, and I hope we can get together real soon."  If they hem-and-haw, then let them know that you do need final numbers for the caterer, and it's okay if they can't make it but you just need to know.
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  • jaclyndohertyjaclyndoherty member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Once you get that first call done and over with you will have a little more courage to make the rest.

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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate calling people I don't know too, but follow catemeg's advice and get it done. I wouldn't let FMIL handle this one.
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  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with catemeg, you are an adult and are marrying into this family. Just suck it up and start dialing, trust me as someone who hates to call strangers as well it really does get easier with each one, and besides you won't be strangers forever!
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