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How to politely not include children

ESB102ESB102 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Like with many other couples, finalizing the guest list was the most difficult part of the wedding planning to date. My FMIL is the youngest of 7 children, so my FH has many many cousins and second cousins, very few of which are close to him. 

 

Our location is capped at 150, and the only way to keep our guest count anywhere close to that was to not invite children (other than the nieces and nephew of my FH). This rule really has nothing to do with them being children (I really don't care if a baby cries during the ceremony or anything like that), we just can't physically accommodate them all, especially since neither of us have met most of them. 

 

I'm already planning on addressing the invites to just the adults in the house, but those don't go out for awhile and most of our guests are coming from out of town and might start planning the trip soon. 

 

Any suggestions of how to politely mention on our wedding website that we can't accommodate children? I don't like the idea of calling it an "Adult Reception" because it sounds more X rated than sans children. I'd also like to get the sentiment across that we wish we could include children, but that there simply won't be enough room.

 

Thanks for the thoughts...

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Re: How to politely not include children

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    KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment

    I would let people know by word of mouth.  If they mention their plans to come with their children, mention that it is adult only.  Other than that I would just do as PP have said. 

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    GeauxTigers17GeauxTigers17 member
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    Are you sending save-the-dates? Maybe sending them and addressing them exactly like the invitations is an option? Other than that, I think your only option is word of mouth that it's a small wedding and you just can't accommodate children. Do you have a loudmouth matriarch or patriarch in the family? I have no idea what I would put on a website - I can't think of a good way to word it that wouldn't be automatically making an assumption that you think people are planning to bring their children. You know what I mean? I'm not phrasing that well, but I guess it seems presumptuous to say something about it before any problem has even arisen.


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    CarlydlCarlydl
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    edited April 2011
    We have the same situation.  I have over 30 first cousins on my mom's side and I am the 5th youngest, which means most of them are married and have between 1-5 kids.  So that's the cutoff we made too in order to accomodate the non-family members we wanted to invite without going over the count at the venue.

    I just told my mom to spread the word to her siblings and we added something on our wedding website that offers to help find babysitting for those travelling from out of town. 

    We set up our RSVP cards the way lovethebeach suggested, so hopefully people will have gotten the message by then.  If not, we'll have some phone calls to make.
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    ESB102ESB102 member
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    Thanks, everyone! 

    I am sending out the STDs tomorrow and they are addressed like the invites will be addressed, so I think that will help. 

    I am also thinking about wording the RSVP cards like this:

    _____ seats have been reserved in your honor

    _____ out of ______ attending

    Our STDs and Invites are both going to be hand addressed and on the more casual side, so I could write in teh appropriate number for each guest. 
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Are you sending "save the date" cards? You can also just address those to adults. And tell immediate family children aren't invited, so when extended family calls about wedding travel, they can be told. Otherwise, if they're booking travel for a wedding when they have not been told their kids are invited, well, that's their problem.
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    clchisolmclchisolm member
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    We have the same issue. We are actually including that an "Adult Reception To Follow" on the invitation.
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    IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
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    We actually had a family member ask directly--but that might be unique because another cousin is getting married a month after ours and it's all over their website that it is "adult only." I don't have kids and I even found that a little distasteful. So the traveling cousin contacted me before STDs went out to double check because they were considering all their travel options. Point is, word of mouth is the best way to handle it IMO.
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    trayc20trayc20
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    This had been a big topic of discussion with my family and his. We can not put Adults Only on the invites, because we are inviting some children. His sister (sorry I don't know all the board abbreviation lingo hahaha) said we should say it anyway, because people will bring their kids even if they aren't on the invites.

    I'm still not sure how to handle it. No matter what we do, someone will be offended.
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