Alcohol and Etiquette

megandit · July 2012

Hey everyone,
I'd like some input from other brides or those going through the same struggle I'm having. I'm really on the fence about alcohol. Most of our family and friends are well-behaved, but there is one person whom I sincerely worry about the liability if alcohol is served. The basic message I'm getting from people is "An open bar is EXPECTED at weddings", and while I'm certainly more than happy to feed people, I'm worried about the open bar.

We are having the reception at a museum, so we have to have an insurance policy (which i'm ok with) for liability.

Here's my question -- has anyone else sruggled with this? What did you do? Beer and wine only for an hour? Beverage station? I really dont want tp punish everyone else who can have a beer and not become a drunken mess...

Any inpit would help. Thanks!!

lyndausvi · July 2012

Well open bars are expected at weddings in my social circle, so you know where I fall in this discussion.

I would never decide not to have an open bar because of ONE person. That's just silly.

I say host what you can afford for the whole evening. If that is just beer and wine. fine. If you can do the whole open bar, even better.

hire professional bartenders. They should keep people from getting over served

NicoleSahara · July 2012

I don't think an open bar is EXPECTED at weddings, although it's more common in some circles than others. I don't think you should base your decision to serve alcohol or not on one person. If you are that concerned about their behavior, hire someone to drag their drunk ass out if it becomes necessary.

megandit · July 2012

Thanks, ladies. I am most liekly heading the beer and wine route, I want people to enjoy themselves.

And I agree, I have a large, goon cousin who I can ask to drag the booze hound out if they get crazy and start careening towards an exhibit.

adamar15 · July 2012

Make sure your policy includes liquor liability, not just regular liability.

aragx6 · July 2012

I wouldn't let one drunkard affect my plans for the wedding. That said, beer and wine sounds like a solid option.

kikirst33 · July 2012

At our reception hall they made it very clear that the wait staff will have the final decison if they feel a guest has had too much to drink and will refuse service. I would suggest that you have this conversation with your bar staff to see if they can do the same. That way you are not the bad guy telling a guest "no more drinks".

mica178 · July 2012

People can still get stupid drunk on beer and wine. Or at an open bar. Alcoholics will find a way to drink no matter how you try to restrict them.

The correct etiquette is to host what you can afford and wish to serve. Don't try to control people's behavior with your menu. It won't work.

Fancypantsamy · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-and-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0535f22c-fa4d-48c8-bf1f-f2fb64469306Post:e1c52e90-8e3f-4b34-8cc5-cdeea23b28d3">Re: Alcohol and Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]People can still get stupid drunk on beer and wine. Or at an open bar. Alcoholics will find a way to drink no matter how you try to restrict them. The correct etiquette is to host what you can afford and wish to serve. <strong>Don't try to control people's behavior with your menu. It won't work.</strong>
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Ditto that. You can have a totally stone sober wedding, and the one drunk might still have a flask he's heading to the bathroom with. </div><div>
</div><div>What I'd do in your situation is specifically mention to the bartenders that there's a problem drinker in the crowd and request that they water down that person's drinks from the start. </div>

banana468 · July 2012

My cousin's now ex was drunk as a skunk at our wedding. She even drank from the champagne bottle that the venue left on our SH table.

That said, the booze flowed and we weren't going to police the guests in advance. At the end of the night, I just made sure she wasn't driving.

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-and-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0535f22c-fa4d-48c8-bf1f-f2fb64469306Post:e1c52e90-8e3f-4b34-8cc5-cdeea23b28d3">Re: Alcohol and Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>People can still get stupid drunk on beer and wine</strong>. Or at an open bar. Alcoholics will find a way to drink no matter how you try to restrict them. The correct etiquette is to host what you can afford and wish to serve. Don't try to control people's behavior with your menu. It won't work.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

ditto this. If your friends and family are telling you that an open bar is expected then clearly it's what is done in your circle. I know my family would have been seriously side-eyeing a limited bar at my wedding, just because we ALWAYS have open at every event. Given that, if you can afford to do an open bar I would - the drunkard will get drunk regardless, may as well make the rest of your guests happy.

lauraanne9 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-and-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0535f22c-fa4d-48c8-bf1f-f2fb64469306Post:3ddea590-62ab-4a76-8ba2-e48db6a3d33e">Re: Alcohol and Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks, ladies. I am most liekly heading the beer and wine route, I want people to enjoy themselves. And I agree, I have a large, goon cousin who I can ask to drag the booze hound out if they get crazy and start careening towards an exhibit. :)
Posted by megandit[/QUOTE]

<div>My wedding is going to be dry. Although the location (the family church) has a lot to do with it, as they are Baptist. At this point we are hoping that the reception will be outdoors at another location, but just in case it is not and we have to move it to the church hall due to weather, we just went with "dry" so as to not confuse guests by saying something goofy like "open bar depending on location" (see...goofy). No one has said anything. Although possibly because the location is dry.</div>

emeejeeayen · July 2012

You could have a waiter passing drinks (one passes bottles of beer, one passes glasses of champagne, etc). It slows the booze down.

Miss_2010 · July 2012

Where I am from, open bars are unheard of because the bride and groom would be paying off a good $15,000 bar tab for the next 5 years. People get trashed. That is culturally what its like here at all weddings tradionally speaking. We will have a bar in the lobby area open prior to the dinners and if people want to get their own drink, fine.

Wine on the table was also a fortune for 2 bottles per table. So the alternative option was have the servers go around with glasses and red and white bottles of wine. They ask what you want and they give you a glass of wine. So you pay per glass (and they only open bottles of wine as they are required, ie: you order 30 bottles of wine for opening, they may only use 20). It was half the price than the bottles on the table, wayyyy cheaper than an open bar hour, (say around $3000, depending on how many morons decide to double fist beer for an hour) and massively cheaper than open bar all night (which is about 9 PM to 3 AM when the venue legally has to shut the bar down).

So point is...NEVER feel obligated to do an open bar if you do not want to, or if its going to make you be in debt for the next 2 years. Do what you are comfortable with, there is no right or wrong etiquette with this. If somebody had to buy a drink, I am sure 1 week down the road they won't even remember what they drank at your wedding, let alone that they had to pay for it. Or if you want to supply alcohol, talk it over with your venue the different options and what they may cost you.

Good luck

banana468 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_alcohol-and-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0535f22c-fa4d-48c8-bf1f-f2fb64469306Post:ef5b864e-854b-4046-8ecd-83328a3f1e73">Re: Alcohol and Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Where I am from, open bars are unheard of because the bride and groom would be paying off a good $15,000 bar tab for the next 5 years. People get trashed. That is culturally what its like here at all weddings tradionally speaking. We will have a bar in the lobby area open prior to the dinners and if people want to get their own drink, fine. Wine on the table was also a fortune for 2 bottles per table. So the alternative option was have the servers go around with glasses and red and white bottles of wine. They ask what you want and they give you a glass of wine. So you pay per glass (and they only open bottles of wine as they are required, ie: you order 30 bottles of wine for opening, they may only use 20). It was half the price than the bottles on the table, wayyyy cheaper than an open bar hour, (say around $3000, depending on how many morons decide to double fist beer for an hour) and massively cheaper than open bar all night (which is about 9 PM to 3 AM when the venue legally has to shut the bar down). So point is...NEVER feel obligated to do an open bar if you do not want to, or if its going to make you be in debt for the next 2 years. <strong> Do what you are comfortable with, there is no right or wrong etiquette with this.</strong> If somebody had to buy a drink, I am sure 1 week down the road they won't even remember what they drank at your wedding, let alone that they had to pay for it. Or if you want to supply alcohol, talk it over with your venue the different options and what they may cost you. Good luck
Posted by Miss_2010[/QUOTE]

Yes there is. Your guests shouldn't have to pay for what they're drinking.

Alcohol and Etiquette

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