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Bridezilla Beginings?

FutureMrsR5711FutureMrsR5711
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in New Jersey
Happy Hump Day, everyone!!

So I have come to the conclusion that the inner bridezilla in me is begining to show her ugly head now that we are just over 3 months away from the big day.

My MOH was asking me about hair, shoes, etc. I answered that I'd like them to wear black shoes (don't need to be new, just black) and that since she and the other BM both have short hair i figured just wear it down, that i did not want them to incur any extra costs on that. I also noted that I wanted their makeup to be more natural. She then told me "UM no, I'm going to MAC to get my makeup done. I looked hot at the wedding i attended last weekend and that's waht i'm doing."

My only issue is, i saw pictures of this "hot makeup" on FaceBook (oh lord yes FB) and it was VERY dramatic with dark smoky eyes and not the look i was hoping for.

How do i politely tell her that i did not like that makeup for my day without sounding like a raving lunatic?

Also, what is everyone else doing to keep their sanity in the time leading up to the wedding? Taking up yoga or any activities? Help keep this bride sane!!!  Cool
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Re: Bridezilla Beginings?

  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Unfortunately if you're not paying for it you can't really tell her she can't have her makeup that way.  You can casually and politely mention that you saw her photos and would like something more natural but you can't force her.
     
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  • sh228955sh228955 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I agree that if you are not paying, you cannot dictate what she does. Just keep in mind that during weddings all eyes are on the bride. I never really notice the BMs hair or makeup, so try not to stress about it too much.
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  • rlavachrlavach member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridezilla-beginings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e0e529c6-f2e6-4ed9-9dc1-da85a667e980Post:fd2902eb-ba87-4314-9b28-30dc66e7836a">Re: Bridezilla Beginings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unfortunately if you're not paying for it you can't really tell her she can't have her makeup that way.  You can casually and politely mention that you saw her photos and would like something more natural but you can't force her.
    Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]
    Yep, exactly this. And even if you did pay for it, it would be kind of messed up to make her get a look that she was really unhappy with. If she's really not into the natural look, then she isn't going to be as confident in her appearance. You want your friend to be happy that day & that is more important than makeup. <div>
    </div><div>Regarding staying sane, my advice is to delegate when possible! If any friends/family have volunteered to help you with something, take them up on their offer. Trust me, I'm a control freak & it's really hard for me to let anyone else do anything for me because I just KNOW they'll mess it up. In reality, it's not true. Take the help of others to help take the burden of everything off of you a bit.</div>

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  • shoebieshoebie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Even if you are paying for it you should not tell people how to wear their hair and makeup especially if they are paying for it..... If her makeup being done with a smokey eye makes her feel confident in front of everyone then so be it.
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  • LADY324LADY324
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    If you are not paying for it you can not say anything.  Pick and choose your battles.  This is one that I would just let go you are going to have so many other things to worry about in the upcoming months. 
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    How do i politely tell her that i did not like that makeup for my day without sounding like a raving lunatic?

    The "my day" excuse only goes so far. It absolutely does not give you the right to dictate how someone else does her hair and makeup. Drop the subject and don't tell her what to do.

    How to keep "sane" ... realize that there are a lot of things that you can't control when it comes to your wedding, and realize that when it comes to other people (i.e. your friends and family and loved ones) there are a lot of things that you SHOULDN'T control.

    Hire good vendors and have faith in them to do their jobs. Treat your loved ones kindly and have faith in them to treat you the same. Realize that the way someone else looks or acts at your wedding is not a reflection on you. Concentrate on the important things (marrying your fiance) and being nice to people, and everything will turn out fine.
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  • abungerabunger member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I hear you - she knows how you feel, but she wants "HOT" makeup anyway.  Take a deep breath, drink some vodka, and realize that everyone is going to be looking at you anyway ;)

    And yes, I feel like I'm slightly crazed with 38 days to go...
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  • FutureMrsR5711FutureMrsR5711
    First Comment
    Wow. Definately thought I would recieve some sort of support here. I've been in weddings where hair and make-up were dicated and I never once questioned it. Just went with the flow. I didnt realize it was such against protocol to indicate how dramatic or soft the makeup look should be. I mean, the photos will last a lifetime. But I will digress. Thank you ladies.
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  • GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited May 2012
    You can only push for so long.  My sister wanted "Snookie hair" and I revolted, until I understood why - she is tiny (4'11") and wanted hair that made her look taller.  I finally decided that it wasn't worth the fight and I wanted her to enjoy the day and feel good about how she looked. 

    When I was 3 months out, I got out a pad and literally wrote down every single thing, no matter how small, that needed to be done.  Then I got out a calendar and outlined when I would do what.  You quickly realize what needs to get delegated (ie. my mom made the OOT bags) and what you won't have time for as the day gets closer.  If you have a free night, do something and check it off the list. 

    I also bought a BIG Rubbermaid container and put stuff in it as it was completed.  ie - Do your menus/programs/favors/bathroom baskets now and toss them in there.  Makes it easy to transport on the day-of too.  Good luck! 
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  • GiaspoGiaspo member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment Combo Breaker
    You can only push for so long.  My sister wanted "Snookie hair" and I revolted, until I understood why - she is tiny (4'11") and wanted hair that made her look taller.  I finally decided that it wasn't worth the fight and I wanted her to enjoy the day and feel good about how she looked.  When I was 3 months out, I got out a pad and literally wrote down every single thing, no matter how small, that needed to be done.  Then I got out a calendar and outlined when I would do what.  You quickly realize what needs to get delegated (ie. my mom made the OOT bags) and what you won't have time for as the day gets closer.  If you have a free night, do something and check it off the list.  I also bought a BIG Rubbermaid container and put stuff in it as it was completed.  ie - Do your menus/programs/favors/bathroom baskets now and toss them in there.  Makes it easy to transport on the day-of too.  Good luck! 
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridezilla-beginings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:e0e529c6-f2e6-4ed9-9dc1-da85a667e980Post:e08ba8b4-414a-4f3f-b93c-b066a49fb61e">Re: Bridezilla Beginings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. Definately thought I would recieve some sort of support here. I've been in weddings where hair and make-up were dicated and I never once questioned it. Just went with the flow. I didnt realize it was such against protocol to indicate how dramatic or soft the makeup look should be. I mean, the photos will last a lifetime. But I will digress. Thank you ladies.
    Posted by FutureMrsR5711[/QUOTE]

    "Support" doesn't mean agreement. "Support" means telling you what the right thing to do is.

    Just because you've had hair/makeup dictated to you and you chose not to question it doesn't mean it was right of those brides, nor does it mean that you get the right to do it to your own friends.

    I've been married two years. I can tell you that, ultimately, the photos really don't matter. Sure, I have an album and I have them on Facebook and I enjoy viewing them, but you (and everyone else) really stop caring so much about them after the first few months. And even at that point, you won't be studying them closely to see what everyone's makeup looks like. If her makeup really looks awful (and I am willing to bet that it won't), then just don't put a ton of photos of her in the album, or at least don't choose any close-up photos. I'm thinking, "What a fun day and I'm so glad XYZ was there with me," not, "I hate what (s)he wore/I hate that makeup/I hate that hair/etc." Ideally you won't be so critical of photos of your closest friends. 

    The point is that you can only control what YOU do. You don't have the right to control anyone else's actions. Pissing off a friend for a one-day party is not worth it. And the less you try to control things that are out of your control, the less stressed you will be. Like you said, just let it go and don't worry about it, and you will be a LOT happier.
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