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Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR - Hoping for some advice!

Hi all,

Seems like there are a lot of NWR posts today, here's one more...I was hoping I could get some objective advice from you all.

Several years ago, I dated a guy (let's call him Jim) for a couple of months.  It was not very serious, and I actually met my now husband (of two and a half weeks) when I was seeing Jim and ended things with him.  However, Jim and I remained friends and he was actually a guest at my wedding.

Fast forward to yesterday and my sister sends me an email saying "your friend Jim Facebook stalked me and he wants to get drinks. Is it safe to say yes or should I run?" I asked her exactly what he said, and she forwarded me his email. From his email, it seems like he's asking her on a date.

My sister does not know that Jim and I ever dated...in fact, one of the reasons I ended our brief relationship was that I could not see him fitting in with my family, and I could not see them liking him very much.  My dilemma is whether I should disclose to my sister that Jim and I dated - it was several years ago, and was not a serious relationship, but at the same time, it is something that might bother her if she found out at a later time, or might change her decision now as to whether or not she would want to go on a date with him.  I don't know that she's particularly interested in him - I don't believe they even talked/spent any time together at the wedding (he had a date with him, and they were not seated anywhere remotely near each other, and I do know he spent most of the evening with other friends) so this is kind of coming out of the blue.

So my question to you all - if a guy asked you out (let's assume you are not engaged/married!) would you want to know if he previously dated your sister?

CN: A guy I used to date has asked out my sister.  Do I let my sister know I used to date him?  If it were you, would you want to know that a guy asking you out used to date your sister?

ETA: Paragraphs didn't show up in original post.

Re: NWR - Hoping for some advice!

  • I would want to know.  I'd be bothered if I found out later.  But I don't have sisters and I doubt my brother and I would have ever been in this situation.  So, if my friend had dated a guy who was now asking me out, yes, I'd hope my friend would mention it.
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  • Does date = sleep together?  If so I'd probably tell her ...
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  • Yeah, I guess I would tell her. I'd just casually drop it into conversation. I don't think it's a big deal though. I'd hypothetically date someone who years earlier had been on a few dates with my sister (in real life my sister and I have opposite taste in men so this would likely never happen). You seem a little overly concerned about his though. I would never mention to her all that stuff about him not fitting into your family and stuff. If your sister wants to have a drink with him that isn't really your problem or your business. 
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  • edited May 2012
    Yes, I would want to know. I don't think you need to give your reasons why you ended it though.  Whether he fits in or not is something they will tackle later, if it comes to that.
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  • I'd tell her you dated, but I wouldn't get into your opinion of him.  Let her form her own opinion.
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  • My response would be "He's a nice guy [assuming he is] so go if you want to. I actually went on a couple dates with him back in the day, but it was never serious."
  • I would definitely tell her.  If you didn't and he happened to mention it that would probably be pretty awkward.  
  • I would tell her that you dated. If things end up being serious with them, that'd be a really awkward time to find out that you two had dated. I don't think you need to make a big deal about it, just tell her you were dating for a few months but it was nothing serious. She can decide from there if she wants to see the guy.
  • I'd definitely tell her, especially if you slept with him.
    June 16, 2012
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  • ECook25ECook25 member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Thanks for the advice, everyone.  I did end up casually mentioning it (did not give her any kind of opinion on him, I would never do that) and she actually said she had suspected that we had dated, which is why she thought it was so weird that he was contacting her.  She said she isn't interested in him anyway, and declined.  Glad we discussed it though, and thanks again for the advice!
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