Vent/help I am turning into CRAZY4U

Danes983 · August 2010

So last night Fi get on the topic of his bachelor party. Originally he didnt want to have a big thing, then he was doing something else and now finally they will be going to Atlantic City for the weekend. I was under the impression that it was going to be 1 night in AC, now I hear its the whole weekend. He tells me they dont plan on gambling for 2 days straight. SO UM like what WILL You be doing?! I just hate the idea of having stripers for two days straight more than the gambling (i dont like that either) Its not about trust its I just HATE IT. I think its gross and appauling and I can imagine why guys feel the need to do this in general. Originally I thought I was getting out of the whole AC gambling striper thing bc he said he didnt want it. Now his friend is flying in from Alabama and he has to do this. I told him I wasnt thrilled and he starts with the FINE I will tell bla bla not to fly in. Im not trying to guilt you into not going. But if not gambling for 2 days, then what are you doing. Would it be so hard to give me any answer. Ok allow the flaming to commence.

smw42 · August 2010

FI went to a bachelor party in AC and said the strippers were hideous and they don't serve liquor in the clubs. Hope that makes you feel better that at least they're ugly strippers, lol.

I know it's hard to not stress over it but it'll all be fine.

andreapnyc · August 2010

SMW is totally right.. the strippers are nasty and super trashy down there.
itll be fine... it sjsut something dudes have to do, and if he didn't he'd prob get flamed by his friends!

ffbride_0813 · August 2010

I wouldnt stress it. Plan a trip with your girlfriends to take your mind off it and just tell him to have fun. The more you make a deal out of it the bigger its going to get. He is invested in you and if you have a strong relationship no amount of stripper in his face will ruin that.

akmackay · August 2010

Don't let it get to you. DH went on his bachelor party to AC my birthday weekend... quite the weekend to be left alone. I held myself a dinner party- try to do something that will get your mind off of it. And yes, strip clubs (or at least the one they went to) are BYOB... but that didn't stop my FIL from pouring a drink all over the "pimp's" boobs. Yes, a girl pimp. Yes, my FIL. Which got them thrown out of the strip club. Try hearing that story on your birthday and not freaking out- and I doubt that would happen to your FI. Everything will be fine, you will freak for a bit, but it will be over with before you know it.

Denise91980 · August 2010

FI is going to AC for his bachelor party in 2 weeks. I am definitely not worried because he hates strippers and thinks they are nasty, so if they get one or go to a strip joint I know he won't do anything (plus he is a germophobe...lol...and he knows those strippers are narsty and full of all kinds of things). If the female strippers are anything like the one nasty male stripper they have there (I've seen the same one for 3 bachelorette parties, which makes me assume there is only one male stripper in the area...lol) then there is really nothing to worry about. Think of it as a rite of passage that he has to grit his teeth and bare for an evening. I'm sure there will be funny stories after the fact to ease your mind.

Lola Minnie · August 2010

Don't let it stress you out. Go out with some friends or keep yourself busy to not think about it.I don't know about strippers in hotel rooms but I know DH & his friends have been to strip clubs there. I don't mind, it's natural for them to go for a bach party. You just have to know your FI will be a good boy and nothing will happen besides maybe a lap dance.

ps - a moment of silence for crazy4u

mbcdefg · August 2010

They probably just want to hang out, go to bars and restaurants, etc. I very much doubt that they'll have strippers for two days straight.

Plus, "I won't be gambling for two days straight" might just mean that he won't be at the tables for 48 solid hours. Maybe he means they'll gamble, go to dinner, hit some bars, go to sleep, hit a brunch buffet, gamble, go back to the room for a nap, gamble, hit more bars, gamble, whatever.

kwilkinson14 · August 2010

I understand how you feel. I cringe thinking about my FI bachelor party. Not a trust issue more about what his buddies in particular his best man will be planning. My FI says he doesn't want anything like the traditional bachelor party but we'll see how long that holds out. But like PPers said try to do something for you on that weekend to take your mind off it. I know that's my plan.

uppereastgirl · August 2010

I agree with the others -- I have heard that the strippers down there are nasty. And going to strip clubs for 48 hours straight would be ridiculous for people without addiction issues, etc.. I'd guess they'll only spend a few hours with strippers total. They'll probably gamble, have good meals, hang out at a pool, etc.

Did he tell you they won't be gambling for two days straight because you told him (or he knows) that you don't want him gambling for two days straight? If so, maybe he is planning on gambling but is trying to play it down to appease you.

akmackay · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_venthelp-am-turning-crazy4u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:1253cc6a-458a-4670-aa09-e12618f8de89Post:28a0ee74-23b5-475e-8b96-afb5e4ac3672">Re: Vent/help I am turning into CRAZY4U</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't let it stress you out. Go out with some friends or keep yourself busy to not think about it.I don't know about strippers in hotel rooms but I know DH & his friends have been to strip clubs there. I don't mind, it's natural for them to go for a bach party. You just have to know your FI will be a good boy and nothing will happen besides maybe a lap dance.
<strong>ps - a moment of silence for crazy4u</strong>
Posted by Lola Minnie[/QUOTE]

hahahaha

mbcdefg · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_venthelp-am-turning-crazy4u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:1253cc6a-458a-4670-aa09-e12618f8de89Post:8741a32f-447e-43d6-bf68-eb7e9baaa15f">Re: Vent/help I am turning into CRAZY4U</a>:
[QUOTE]Did he tell you they won't be gambling for two days straight because you told him (or he knows) that you don't want him gambling for two days straight? If so, maybe he is planning on gambling but is trying to play it down to appease you.
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

Good point ... I think I'd be more afraid of MH losing a ton of money than being afraid of him being around strippers.

Luckily MH is really good about calling it quits when he's at the tables, because he loses, like, $20, and then gets frustrated enough to stop, lol ... but we have some friends that'll seriously blow through several hundred dollars before they realize what's going on. That freaks me (and their wives/GFs) out a lot more than the thought of them being with strippers.

Most guys I know just do the whole stripper thing when it's someone's bachelor party, and even then it's only because it's something they're "supposed" to do. Not because they enjoy it. I've heard a lot of guy friends comment on how funny it is to sic a stripper on an unwilling friend and that's the high point of the evening. It's not like they're talking about how much they're looking forward to her dancing/etc., or how hot or sexy she is (and most of the time it sounds like they're not that attractive at all).

Danes983 · August 2010

MB, what exactly does that mean, something they are "suppose" to do? I dont get that. If they arent looking forward to it, then why waste your time and money and do it. I think its just retarded. Obviously they want to do it or they wouldnt go.

kasabby · August 2010

I think that two straight days of strippers is probably not going to happen. I agree with MBC--he probably just means that they will go to dinner, hang at the bar, etc. And maybe he doesn't want to touch on the money piece. I am sure that I wouldn't be happy if FI wanted to gamble for 2 days straight before our wedding. We are pinching every penny.

smw42 · August 2010

I'm not fond of turkey, but I eat it on thanksgiving because that's what you're supposed to do.

mbcdefg · August 2010

I don't mean "supposed to" in the sense that they don't really want to go but they're somehow forced to go. Or that they're just using it as an excuse to cover up something they don't want to do.

I mean, it's like brides wearing white dresses. Of course we could wear any color dress we want, and I'm sure most people here would say that they have a favorite color (especially for their clothes) other than white. But most of us wear a dress that's some form of white because brides are "supposed to," and because we like the idea of it. Ditto for the tons of posts I've seen here saying, "I wasn't thrilled about having a veil but I wore one anyway." There are some brides out there who wear red or green dresses or skip the veils, just like there are some guys out there who refuse to have/attend a party with strippers.

I agree, though, they wouldn't be there unless they wanted to. I hate the posts I've seen where the girl says, "Ugh, my angel of a FI told his friends that he didn't want strippers, but they hired a stripper anyway and now FI says that he *has* to go. My FI is so innocent but I hate his dirtbag friends!" Bull.Shiit. The FI wants a stripper and is just blaming it on his buddies to keep his woman from hounding him. I want to shake the girl and say, "Are you really that dumb?"

rlb81 · August 2010

I pretty much agree with everything mbc has said... especially the fact that I think I'd be more afraid of MH losing a ton of money than him being around strippers.

Danes983 · August 2010

The whole thing in general makes me want to barf.

uppereastgirl · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_venthelp-am-turning-crazy4u?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:1253cc6a-458a-4670-aa09-e12618f8de89Post:367db85f-1a5c-4c3f-9b99-e7c10d42281a">Re: Vent/help I am turning into CRAZY4U</a>:
[QUOTE]The whole thing in general makes me want to barf.
Posted by Danes983[/QUOTE]

<div>Why? If you tell us your specfic concerns, maybe we can help you with calming your fears?</div>

Danes983 · August 2010

Bc i just think that is a waste of money to be gambling to two days. and I dont like the fact in general that men spend time at a strip club and then come home to "us" like its no big deal. I am sure, that if I had a Peni$ in my face and then strolled on home FI would feel the same. It just grosses me out.

cknud112 · August 2010

Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes, they are kind of gross in many ways, but honestly, it's not that big of a deal. You said you trust him, so if that's not the issue I think you just need to take a deep breath and relax a little. If you are worried he's going to do something inappropriate, then you need to address that with him.

peaches85 · August 2010

Danes - I get where you're coming from. Thankfully, my fiance got his strip club-going days out of his system when he was much younger and before we ever met.

For me, it's not a matter of trust or being worried that something would happen (since I know a lot of girls say that if you trust your man then why get annoyed about it). I think for me it's more a matter of respect... I just personally feel like there's no reason for a fiance or husband to have to watch or even just be in the presence of half-naked girls when they have a fiancee or wife at home. And I get the tradition of the guys night out and the "rite of passage" or whatever, but I just think that's a kind of childish frame of mind. Again, this is all just my opinion, so please don't flame me because I love all you girls and don't want drama to start... I just wanted to let Danes know that I totally understand her sentiments.

smw42 · August 2010

I agree 100% about the respect point.

That's exactly how I feel- but I know it's just part of the package of getting married that he has a bachelor party. Did I hope it wouldn't be in Montreal and labor day weekend? Yes. Is it? Yes. Am I over it? Yes.

Danes983 · August 2010

I have been to many strip clubs. Infact, one with Fiance. We went with his friend who's wife was home. Well he spend 45 minutes up in the "rocket ship". I just got a different view on things after that. I dont know. I agree with peaches. What do you need a striper for?

jrgoogrl · August 2010

I totally agree with Peaches! It's exactly how I feel about it. It's not a matter of trust or being worried that FI or any man would do something. It's about respecting your gf/FI/wife that is at home.

demarcosjd · August 2010

I wouldn't stress too much, although I know it's hard. MH and I both had our parties in AC but at 2 different hotels. We were there for all of Memorial Day weekend. We both talked about not having strippers and I thought for sure he is there the whole weekend one of the guys will suggest it and that will be it. I felt stupid for thinking he would have done it because instead they made it a mission to go to every casino and get a drink from one of the bars to say they went to every casino in one weekend. If it isn't set in stone that that is what they are doing I would just try and take your mind off of it.

mbcdefg · August 2010

I can respect that a lot of women really aren't comfortable with their guys being around strippers. And/or that they think it's degrading to women. And I don't think it's a problem at all for the two of them to sit down and calmly talk about it, as long as there's mutual respect and they're on the same page. (The only issue I have is when the girl screams and bosses the guy around and tells him what he can/can't do. And in the instances I've seen personally, that's usually with ALL parts of life, not just bachelor parties, like getting pissy if he just wants to go out with friends for a while.)

That being said ...

I honestly don't get what the big deal is, if the guy isn't doing anything inappropriate. It really just never bothered me. I know MH isn't lusting after these girls or wishing he could go home with them or cheat on me, and it's not like he's going out every weekend to party, so it's not something that bugs me. Sometimes I feel like this stuff is supposed to bother me as a woman and a wife, but the feeling was never really there for me.

From the stuff I've seen in my own circles of friends, it seems like the guys who are MORE into bachelor parties and "debauchery"-type stuff are the guys who go home to a wife/girlfriend who's always on their case about it. Of course, that probably just goes back to the fact that a lot of them have wifes/GFs who throw a dramatic tantrum when he wants to go grab a beer with some buddies on a Wednesday night, but still.

But I can also appreciate feeling pissed when I tell MH I'd rather him not do something and he does it anyway, and then acts surprised when I've had enough and get pissed. Like when I'm trying to sit on the computer and he keeps poking me in the side for 90 minutes :P

leah2b · August 2010

I understand where you are coming from, but it sounds like this is not a regular thing for your FI. Its his bachelor party. Perhaps you could have a convo with him and ask him that if he goes to a strip club to keep in mind your feelings and his respect for you.

As to the money issue, if he's not a big gambler, I wouldn't worry about it. I see gambling as a form of entertainment that you pay for just like anything else. I am sure he's not going to give away the bank. Plus, if you argue that its a waste of money, there are plenty of things that us girls spend a good amount of money on - manicure,. pedicure, makeup, face creams, us weekly - that could arguably be considered a waste of money as well.

Try not to worry. Things will be fine.

DMLJ · August 2010

Danes- I totally get it! I would be really upset too if I were you.....................BUT- When DH went on his bachelor party I had a general idea of what they would be doing but no idea where (they went camping). Because I had my little pass-out episode the week before and was still waiting on results from my blood test, I was freaking out a little wanting to know where he was in case I needed to get a hold of him. This was also the weekend before the wedding and I was crying everyday-- It was really rough not knowing where he was. I mention this because maybe this is why he isn't telling you--- not that he is trying to keep something that he is doing from you but that it kinda takes the "guys only" feel out of it when you know his every move.

Here is what I would do. Tell him you want him to have a good time but discuss your concerns... like by saying it would make me really upset if you lost more than xyz amount of money and strippers make me really uncomfortable and I'd rather you guys just stuck to some gambling, drinking and eating.

And just so you know--- DH and the guys got really BORED by the end of the weekend and they all missed the girls so he surprised me by coming home a day early!

njpabzy · August 2010

I have to agree with mbcdefg - I just don't get it. i am sorry that you are upset over the situation and hopefully FI will sit and talk and the two of you can come to a mutual understanding - however, I personally do not see what the big deal is - gambling and strip clubs are a simple form of entertainment - harmless guy fun in my opinion - I see nothing degrading about it - i have been to strip clubs in the past and I have met ladies who put themselves through college and grad school by striping - not a profession I would choose but then again I am still paying student loans and they are not. Provided trust is not an issue I really dont see it any differently than anything else he would go and spend money on.

nessi979 · August 2010

Have you ever been to AC for more then a day? There is a ton of stuff to do there, and there are places that arent strip clubs. There are cigar bars, and Carmines, and the cuban place, and casinos, and the beach, and sleeping in late......relax. youre making this a much bigger deal then it really is. Boys will be boys...and even boys get tired of skank ass after a while.

Vent/help I am turning into CRAZY4U

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