June 2012 Weddings

Mom Vent!!!

Sorry I just can't help myself. Here is the long story short.... I am marry an older man whom I love for who he is completely so please no bashing. My parents and most of my family wasn't less than thrilled to say the list. With that said, they hadn't met him yet so they had no idea what kind of man he is so they were completely stereo typing him. After they met him they actually may like him better than me. Ok here is where we get to the story.
So we are obviously paying for the wedding by ourselves. My parents haven't offered and we will not ever ask. I have been married before and they refused to help with that one. I was talking to my mom about the wedding on the phone tonight and asked if my brother (who is married with three kids) will come out for the wedding in her opinion. He lives in California and the wedding is in Nebraska. I was wondering because if they come I want to invite them to the rehearsal since they are immediate family. When I mentioned inviting them for the rehearsal she about freaked out on me. Saying it isn't etiquette to invite anyone who isn't in the wedding and needed to be at the rehearsal. I have read immediate fam invited to the rehearsal is just fine and proper. Then she went off about how we shouldn't be trying to show off like we have money when we don't. It is true we don't have millions like them but then again they aren't offering to help. I mean really where does she think she has a right to say who I can't and can invite. If she was helping even to buy the napkins for the wedding I might feel incline to listen but she isn't even doing that.
And to top it all off she had the nerve to "INFORM" me that no one will really come anyways because this is my second wedding and EVERYONE really everyone is pissed about who I am marrying so don't count on anyone. With that said, the first wedding I had she made me feel so bad about my situation (I was three mo pregnant) that I refused to invite anyone beside our parents and our siblings. She made it clear I was an embarrassment. I said this time I wasn't going to let her prevent me from having the wedding I have always wanted, White dress and all (yes that is a BIG deal). I know most of my family wont come since they live all over the country but for her to say it like that just stung.
Sorry just needed to get this whole thing off my chest. I love the crap out of her but sometimes she makes it really hard. This is one of those moments.
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Re: Mom Vent!!!

  • So sorry about what your mom said.  My mom is always saying things that hurt my feelings and when I call her on it she tells me she's just being honest.  I'm fine with honesty, but sometimes she's just mean about it.  I love her, but she drives me crazy.

    As far as the rehersal dinner, I was under the impression that you are supposed to invite any out of town guests.  That's what I am doing.  Matter of fact, I'm not inviting any of my immediate family members unless they are in the wedding (other than my parents and grandparents).

    I know it's hard, but don't let her get to you.  You and FI should do what makes you happy.
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  • Immediate family should be invited to the RD. Sorry she is being that way.
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  • ouch that is harsh, i don't know how people can't just be supportive.

    How much older is he than you? Not like it should matter but sometimes it does.

    My sis is with a man who is 14 years older than her, she is only 26 but doesn't want kids so it works out because he already has a son who is 16 so he doesn't want anymore. Usually that's the biggest obstacle i find with age difference.

    I wouldn't talk with her for a lil while, just to stay away from the drama then mention how she hurt you, if it doesn't bug her than.......... i would not talk to her about the wedding what so ever & i probably wouldn't talk to her much at all.
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  • I'm sorry you have to deal with that. 

    I'm in a similar situation:
    My mom isn't really supportive either and my family is not contributing at all though I know they could.  With that in mind, I'm doing things how my FI and I want and not thinking about her opinion - we don't talk about the wedding because she always starts yelling how ___ will look terrible.

    I say invite whoever you want.  You never know who will travel or who won't unless you invite them and give them the option.  Also, I'm inviting family to the RD.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_mom-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:effff0fa-b845-4a4b-8c1d-ab2f451148dfPost:b2aaee56-25eb-4376-9761-9711c6946783">Re: Mom Vent!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry you have to deal with that.  I'm in a similar situation: My mom isn't really supportive either and my family is not contributing at all though I know they could.  With that in mind, I'm doing things how my FI and I want and not thinking about her opinion - we don't talk about the wedding because she always starts yelling how ___ will look terrible. I say invite whoever you want.  You never know who will travel or who won't unless you invite them and give them the option.  Also, I'm inviting family to the RD.
    Posted by MMRoberts11[/QUOTE]

    THIS exactly!

    My mom wanted to know why I am invited my granparents (paternal)  to mine because "what if they die by then"?
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