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Another vent about FMIL again

sarah42ndsarah42nd member
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in Moms and Maids

So as you all have learned  my FMIL is INSANE.

 

Here the post I posted earlier this week.  

 

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_xp-vent-fmil-again

 

Okay so she took SS’s slide. Well we found out SS is to big to fit in the swing. We’ll I told FI to message or call his mom and tell her not to sell the other slide that we would buy it from her. Well Fi didn’t hear from her and she always checks her email so he called her today and she said she gave it away.

 

Well she kept beating around the bush and FI finally got it out of her who she gave it too. She was like SS’s mom. FI is pissed.  FMIL and SS’s mom don’t talk they don’t even live in the same town (she lives over and hour away) .

 

Also SS was a result of basically a one night stand, FMIL has only met SS’s mom a handful of times. FMIL took the phone number off of court paperwork (FI mom is a paralegal) is what we are guessing because no one else gave it to her.

 

So FI basically asked her WTH and she was like I gave her the slide and a whole bunch of toys (the ones in the garbage bags) because you don’t want them. HUH? SS’s mom has a crap load of her own toys and doesn’t need these toys. We told FMIL about 9 months ago to not buy a crap load of toys for SS because he has so many and she knew but kept hiding them. OMG this lady is crazy.

 

I know I am not doing anything about this FI is but wth does this lady think she is doing. So what I gather is FMIL called SS’s mom and told her to stop by her house and get all these toys when SS’s mom was picking him up.

  Its not the so much the toys that bother Fi its the fact his mother is not listening and going behind his back .

 

UGH. Thanks needed to vent a little.

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Re: Another vent about FMIL again

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Okay, I know you are getting frustrated with FMIL, and with good reason, but try to see this as the blessing that it is. I was actually going to suggest that you have FMIL offer those toys to his mom, but not knowing what that situation was, I didn't want to provoke anything.
    This looks like a win-win-win situation. FMIL gets to give her grandson the toys she purchased for him. You don't have to deal with the extra clutter. The mom gets free toys. And I'll say it again, YOU don't have to deal with the clutter. This is a good thing.
                       
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
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    edited December 2011
    Actually SS's mom is selling  the toys for money from what I understand. We have given SS's mom toys and she would sell them or "leave them " other places.  SS's mom already has another son and has boat loads of toys.  Thing is FMIL went behind Fi's back after she has been told by everyone multiple times we don't need them and even SS's mom said that . I don't see it as win win when FMIl is going behind Fi back .
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
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    edited December 2011
    I don't even know if I understand your story. But if your FMIL has acquired toys, it is her right to give the toys to whoever she wants. Who are you to tell her not to give away toys.
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    shadowfish318shadowfish318
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    edited December 2011

    I read your other posts. This woman has crossed every line I can think of. I have had to fight with my own mother about who is the Mommy now. You have to completely stand your ground! If you tell her to stop doing something and she ignores you... go get him! Pick him up and walk away. If she throws a fit... leave! If she trys to give you a toy you already have REFUSE to take it or tell her thanks, but a less fortunate child will enjoy it more since SS already has more than his fair share and drop it off to good will on the way home. She is an overbearing person and acts like a spoiled brat! Put your foot in her ass and say listen here woman... this is my kid and this is how things are gonna run. Get on the damn train or get run over! :D
    My mom did not appreciate my regimented style at first, but after just over 18 months of confrontation and not backing down... she is listening and even said (earlier today actually) that she appreciates knowing exactly what is expected when she has my daughter.
    As for your problem with staying on Sat... tell them that it isn't really working out for your SS and he feels like he just goes there to sleep and would love to spend time with them, but not while he is sleeping. My daughter only spends the night at her grandparents (mine or FIs) if we have an event to go to. Like a friend of his got married last year and his family was invited so she went to my parents for the night. Other than that... it is a no go.

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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited December 2011
    Sarah- Don't let FMIL know how upset you are. She will just feed off it. It's good that you are letting your fi handle it.

    I just read your 7/2 posts about FMIL insisting that she have ss for overnight visits. If you are concerned about his safety while he is there, you should just say no and stick to it. If the grandparents want to visit, let them do it at your house.
                       
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
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    edited December 2011
    I really don't understand this over reaction.

    The FMIL who is the child's grandmother gave toys to the child's biological mother so that her grandson would have toys to play with.

    Since when does a grandmother need permission from her son or his son's girlfriend to give toys for her grandson.
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah thanks . That is what I am trying.  Its hard for Fi because he is an only child and he has never had to go thru this with his parents and he has been around his mom for 31 years and like he said she is crossing the line. I mention the other day bout leaving when she does these things and he 100% agrees . So if she does something we are just going to be like bye guys were leaving. Ugh . Its just so annoying.
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    RiRi157RiRi157
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    edited December 2011
    She is the grandmother, so what she buys a crap load of toys and things for her grandchild..

    WHY do you care, I'm sure fi didn't care that she would buy HIS son and her grandson gifts till you came along.

    Maybe the childs mother gave the grandmother her phone # to keep in touch with her grandchild.
    She is the grandmother, she has the right to be in that childs life.

    Why are you telling everyone the child is the result of a one night stand,  what you are really saying is your fh was irresponsible.

    You are jealous of this child.
     
    Get over it, the child will be in fi life forever.

    All this drama because GRANDMA buys gifts for her grandson,  
    Seems like you just want total control and want fi family out of the picture.

    You sound like the insane one. 
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
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    edited December 2011
    You two are so full of yourselves. His mother is crossing the line? The two of you don't get to control his mother.

    And what is this basically a one night stand. When you say basically that means it wasn't a one night stand. And why even mention this?

    I think you are the one who has issues dealing with his child and the mother of his child. You are trying to erase her from your life and she will always be a part of his life.
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_another-vent-fmil-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:272793ac-fe3f-4f8b-a6b3-877ccd5c68ecPost:e5a6760f-cf64-437e-a6fb-0fdbd0b648c3">Re: Another vent about FMIL again</a>:
    [QUOTE]She is the grandmother, so what she buys a crap load of toys and things for her grandchild.. WHY do you care, I'm sure fi didn't care that she would buy HIS son and her grandson gifts till you came along. Maybe the childs mother gave the grandmother her phone # to keep in touch with her grandchild. She is the grandmother, she has the right to be in that childs life. Why are you telling everyone the child is the result of a one night stand,  what you are really saying is your fh was irresponsible. You are jealous of this child.   Get over it, the child will be in fi life forever. All this drama because GRANDMA buys gifts for her grandson,   Seems like you just want total control and want fi family out of the picture. You sound like the insane one. 
    Posted by RiRi157[/QUOTE]

    Not really.  Actually we talked to SS's mom last night and she said that she got the call out of the blue . Which means FMIL got it off the court paper work. Actually it has been a battle the whole time . I have been with my SS since he was 4 months old and it was the same way . FI said that FMIL is one of 5 children and none of her family talks to her  anmd my FFIL is one of 6 and none of his family comes around her either. I guess she has burned alot of bridges with her friends and family. Fi said that FFIL needs to "step up" and stop her. But what I told him is he needs to step up and stop her. I really do think that she might be bi-polar.  Oh and  one of the definations of insane = utterly senseless . Which is what she is. She doesn't care what anyone does or says . She trys to do whatever she wants. Which she can't do. Why would I want FI family out of the picture? We have invited her to do loads of things but they don't want to do them. We have asked for over a year for them to hang out , go to the park or even go to the zoo all the time. All we get from them is we're busy . But when we are busy they throw a fit . We only have SS for 4 nights a week (Thurs night -Monday morning ) . So its not like we have him 24/7 a week. We spend one day a week at grandparents but they flip outy .  Its not about just toys theres a few post on this. Its about not respecting someones boundries.
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also  its not about her hiding toys . Its about her lying or not listening to what FI says .


    "They were having a 4th of July party  they had like 20 people there today . Well FI and I had to take SS to the ER yesterday because he has had this rash on his leg for a few days and it keeps spreading . So when we got him from his moms house we went to the ER.  Well when we went in  there they told us to use this cream for his rash but they said  that he had a slight fever ( 100.1) and had a slight ear infection so they gave him antibiotics  and told us to keep him out of the pool until his follow up visit in 2 weeks .

    Well we told InLaws about this when we got there today . FI told them he can not go anywhere near the pool because he will try to get in and he is not aloud to go in . Well FMIL keep saying well just put cotton balls in his ears he will be fine .... UGH NO did you hear what FI told you ?  Well she takes SS for a "walk " well she just happens to walk by the pool where everyone else is and  she is sitting there( by the ledge of pool)  talking to  the people in the pool .  Well one of the ladies had a soaker thing  ( looked alot like this but wasn't a gun http://www.leapsandbounds.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=536585&cm_ven=Bizrate&orderType=2&cm_ite=20231 ) well FMIL takes it and starts soaking SS .  Then she lets SS  play with it and soak other people then she starts soaking SS in the face after we  told her he wasn't aloud in water not to mention she is getting him wet .  Well FFIL  kept calling her name and she wasn't listening. Well FI was like FFIL you need to tell her to stop because I don't want to call her out in front of everyone. So she finally stops and then I had to go change him . I mean if she is going to do that while we are there  then what the hell is she going to do while were not there ?  "
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    RiRi157RiRi157
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    edited December 2011
    Get over it,   maybe if you stop trying to control everyone it would get better.


    It's about her not listening, who gave you the right to tell her what to do.


    Better watch what you start, before you know it it will be your bridges burning.

    You are insane with this she buys to much BS.

    Go get help. 
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with RiRi.

    Sarah...this is not your kid. Get that through your head. She is the biological grandmother. She is actually related to this kid. You are not. You don't get to boss her around. You who have no biological or legal relationship to this child have no right to dictate to the biological grandmother.

    And who brings a child to the ER for a rash? Why didn't you make a regular doctor's appt? And what makes you an expert on raising a child especially someone else's child?
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ugh. Nothing like people cramming  over from wedding channel.
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    superjules916superjules916 member
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    edited December 2011
    WOW. I have to agree with you that FMIL is crazy. I just went through and read your other posts. I love how people think that they can judge you because they read a post you wrote on theknot.com. Obviously that must mean that you're crazy since you are selflessly raising someone else's child. Don't feel like you have to defend yourself. My only question (aside from the fact that she is his mother) is why FI is so worried/upset about the prospect of Mommy dearest writing him off in the first place.
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    sarah42ndsarah42nd member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_another-vent-fmil-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:272793ac-fe3f-4f8b-a6b3-877ccd5c68ecPost:57dc53fb-a89a-44f4-af0e-1399b72bb7e0">Re: Another vent about FMIL again</a>:
    [QUOTE]WOW. I have to agree with you that FMIL is crazy. I just went through and read your other posts. I love how people think that they can judge you because they read a post you wrote on theknot.com. Obviously that must mean that you're crazy since you are selflessly raising someone else's child. Don't feel like you have to defend yourself. My only question (aside from the fact that she is his mother) is why FI is so worried/upset about the prospect of Mommy dearest writing him off in the first place.
    Posted by superjules916[/QUOTE]

    I guess he feels bad. He is an only child and he has never had to "deal" with her being this way to him.  But who knows.  Yeah I agree with the  whole judging by a post thing.   Thanks
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