Warning, kind of graphic

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

Oh manda, that's awful. At least you get to leave the office in a while.

I agree with Dani though, I don't understand why you would need to leave unless you saw it happen (which you sort of did) or knew the person. If I was a manager I'd offer liberal leave (you can go home if you want, but it's coming out of your time off and I won't hold it against), but otherwise people should be working. If your window was looking over the scene, I would definitely let you leave your desk and go home.

opalsky007 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:fd02ea57-3157-4123-a368-3864be70960c">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]@ MANDA, in no way was I trying to lessen how you feel by my comment of looking pitiful or asking to go home. <strong> I can remember 9-11 and how many of my students' parents pulled them out of school but the teachers could not leave. I called my mom, at least, 3 times before school was out that day, and I hadn't even seen the video of the buildings yet. So I understand where you are coming from with feeling trapped.</strong> My "LOL" was not intended to hurt you anymore than you already are.
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

Perhaps I'm missing something, but what does any of this have to do with your suggestion that Manda exploit the situation in order to be able to go home? Yes, she should probably be able to go home, but it's wrong to fake unease in order to push the issue.

Speaking of feeling trapped on 9/11, you could have been much worse off than being stuck in a classroom. I knew people stuck under burning desks in the Pentagon. Sorry, but this topic gets me a little riled, especially when people don't treat it with sensitivity.

georgia_bride09 · July 2010

I also wonder why they use white sheets. They should use black.

mandapanda78 · July 2010

FWIW, I feel a lot better now. I got a laptop and moved to a desk on the other side of the office and I've just been concentrating on getting back into the work day. Thanks everyone for just letting me vent it out a little. Today will definitely go down as surreal in my book.

andyandhillary · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:f17e6ecd-da0d-414b-9556-2602000b5032">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]Suicide doesn't make me sad. It makes me angry. It's selfish and cowardly. (unless the person was dying anyway and in pain, and just sped up the process a bit)
Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

Wow. That is such an ignorant thing to say.

karenwjackm · July 2010

It IS disturbing, and letting people go home should be on an individual basis. Sometimes a death brings up thoughts of personal situations that trigger the sad or freaked out feelings, not really that you even know the person, but that it makes you think of someone you DO know. But some people may be able to distance themselves from it and still be productive at work so no biggie for them. Ok, before I get in trouble for practicing as a therapist when I'm not one, I'll just say sorry this happened at your office today, and maybe just try to let it make you thankful for your own happiness and sanity.

LD1970 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:6bb3850f-6a21-47a9-9336-cfd08c1c3456">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Warning, kind of graphic : Wow. That is such an ignorant thing to say.
Posted by andyandhillary[/QUOTE]
Ignorant? Not really. How is it <strong>not</strong> selfish and cowardly? The dead person is dead. Done. Gone. The mess s/he left behind? Still there for everyone around him/her to deal with.<div>
</div><div><strong>Living, fighting through problems, really working at life takes courage.</strong> Ending things? Fukcing cowardly.</div><div>
</div><div>Edit: I hadn't thought of severe mental illness, putting someone not in control of his/her actions. That would be another exception. But otherwise? Weak, cowardly, and selfish.</div><div>
</div><div>And stupid.</div>

wadingmoose · July 2010

I'm surprised that some cities have multiple jumpers in a year from downtown buildings.

We've had one that I can remember in the 10 years I've lived in this city. Eep. Apparently we find other ways to off ourselves.

Also, I don't get feeling angry about suicide. Gold star for compassion there.

LD1970 · July 2010

Yeah, my compassion isn't going to be aimed at a dead body, especially one who put himself in that state. My compassion is reserved for his friends and family who are left with the mess he created.

polichik · July 2010

I would send people home in a hearbeat. About a year ago, I witnessed a pretty awful episode of partner violence in an elevator (yep, I was stuck in there with them). I cancelled my clients for the rest of the day and went home. Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:657b1527-692d-4cb9-bec4-e4aac082db54">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm surprised that some cities have multiple jumpers in a year from downtown buildings.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

That was shocking to me too.

kikibaby · July 2010

I can't remember ever hearing of someone jumping from a building in Denver. We did have someone threatening on a highway overpass the other day, but the police talked her down.

MissLeahM · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:7634d124-dc20-47b3-93b6-a8e7c6b75675">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, my compassion isn't going to be aimed at a dead body, especially one who put himself in that state. My compassion is reserved for his friends and family who are left with the mess he created.
Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but if someone ends their life, then they are dealing with some type of mental issue.

I'm sure no one just wakes up and says "hey, my boss is a jerk, this will really ruffle his feathers"

tldh · July 2010

I just realized how jaded I've become as an adult - my first reaction to this post was why would you need to go home unless this was one of your co-workers? 09/11 I was the one refusing to go home when the dean shut down our law school (and I had no idea in which Manhattan building my now FI was working). While in law school, all I could afford was section 8 housing and walked past armed drug deals going down on an almost daily basis. Last week I saw police officers with semi-automatics outside the bank next door positioning themselves. It didn't even phase me that I should be concerned for my safety - I was waiting to see if they reacted to anything.

Come to think of it, my first reaction is still my same reaction. Unless I am in immediate danger or knew the person who jumped, it's not going to concern me. The church lady, however, was completely out of line and should be suspended.

Stackeye210 · July 2010

Sometimes I think the news (surprisingly) doesn't glorify the incidents of suicide - you rarely hear about suicides in the news, it's only when there's a murder/suicide involved that it makes the headlines. I can't think back to one times I've read about a suicide (and we've had 4 people that we know and/or know of from acquaintances within the past year) - not one of them made the news. That's probably why you don't hear about the statistics of how many jumpers there are from downtown buildings.

And just for clarification: This is just my personal view on the matter and/or how it's handled in my city, but I really don't think the news reports suicides unless there is another crime like murder involved first.

tldh · July 2010

It's not just you stackeye. Before law school I worked at a TV news station - it's what prompted me to forget about journalism and become a lawyer because they really do follow the mantra of "if it bleeds it leads." Unless it is sensational or an incredibly slow news day, suicides aren't going to make the news.

luckyme502 · July 2010

Dani - You're not horrible, I wouldn't send people home either. I wouldn't tell them to pray. I would tell them to stay away from the windows and get back to work.

karmellah · July 2010

i would send my girls home if anything happened in our plaza. i would leave as an employee

karmellah · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:24f98580-a32a-4dd0-b6d8-26337b4c5994">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you approach your boss to take leave for the rest of the day. If you're that shaken up I think you should. Not at all the same, but one of my friends died almost a year ago, and I was fine for over a week. Then a few days after his funeral I just got really depressed and couldn't focus at work, and my boss was completely understanding. Sometimes you just need a day to get your head right.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

lucky you. My boss talked about demotion to me yesterday because Ive taken her in the back and cried to vent about personal things because "If you need some time, demontion is out on the table"

LD1970 · July 2010

There are mental issues and there are idiots. Are you old enough to remember this?

http://www.nytimes.com/1987/03/17/nyregion/4th-teen-ager-in-suicide-pact-buried-in-jersey.html

They were my age. A couple towns from me. And in my circles.

Fukcing idiots.

tldh · July 2010

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:53a75858-07cb-4709-bb69-d8945bd21073">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Warning, kind of graphic : lucky you. My boss talked about demotion to me yesterday because Ive taken her in the back and cried to vent about personal things because "If you need some time, demontion is out on the table"
Posted by karmellah[/QUOTE]

Why are you venting about personal issues to your boss? If you're making her think you can't handle the job, she's going to start looking to replace you. Boss =/= friend.</div>

danieliza1127 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:53a75858-07cb-4709-bb69-d8945bd21073">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Warning, kind of graphic : lucky you. My boss talked about demotion to me yesterday because Ive taken her in the back and cried to vent about personal things because "If you need some time, demontion is out on the table"
Posted by karmellah[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be crying and venting to your boss about your personal problems while you're at work. It just makes you look bad. Work is work, personal is personal.

karmellah · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:92948c34-e11d-401f-a472-a106c8b900ca">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Warning, kind of graphic : I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be crying and venting to your boss about your personal problems while you're at work. It just makes you look bad. Work is work, personal is personal.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

i normally don't but she was pressing me for the info and it was very irritating. Funny thing is, she will always talk about how sick her kid is to customers and all her personal ordeals and the one moment i unloaded when she asked me to, i was in the wrong lol. At least I dont do it with my employees like she does.

diva1397 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_warning-kind-of-graphic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7a06376f-a2d6-4f12-8383-88a4a9f682f1Post:536d9366-2b24-4cd1-99cd-165139d1e584">Re: Warning, kind of graphic</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, how horrible. I'm sorry :( I agree with TJ too. I'd give people the option to go home, if they chose. Something similar happened at FI's old company. The company was in a 10 story office building and you have to have a keycard to get in. <strong>One of FI's coworkers (in another department, he didin't know the guy very well) swiped his keycard at 5:30 AM and they have security tapes that show him entering the building, but never leaving. His wife called the cops when he didn't turn up after work that day. The police found his body in the bushes next to the building.</strong>
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

My DH worked in the same building!! (For a different company, though). Fortunately, he was out of town when this happened -- it would have been really upsetting for him. I would definitely give my employees the option to go home if an incident like that happened. Ugh.

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