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Customs and Traditions

choosing a friend or sister as maid of honor

I'm having a hard time deciding who to choose as the maid of honor.  Most of the websites say that you should choose a family member, but I am much closer to my best friend.  My only sister is 6yrs younger and I definitely want to have her as a bridesmaid, but I'm leaning towards asking my friend to be the maid of honor.  I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding too.  What do you all think?

Re: choosing a friend or sister as maid of honor

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would have 2 maids of honor.


  • How many people are in your wedding party?  You could have two MOH if you have at least 4 BM.

    Another option would be to not have a MOH at all.  I had 3 BM, 2 sisters and 1 friend.  I couldn't pick a MOH between my sisters so I didn't.  I just had everyone be a BM.  My husband had his 3 brothers be his GM and didn't pick one to be the best man either.  This worked wonderfully for us.

    If you are set on the traditional 1 and only 1 MOH, I'm not sure how a bunch of internet strangers can make this decision for you.
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  • It sounds like you'd rather have your friend be your maid of honor, so just do it! It's your wedding and you can do whatever you want. My brother, my fiance's brother, and my fiance's sister are all in the wedding party, but we still have our best friends as maid of honor and best man.
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  • I had my sister as my Maid of Honor, and my best friend, who got married a couple of months before me, was my Matron of honor. Is one married? If so, that's an easy solution! If not, have 2 MOH. Worked out well- had my sister, who is quite shy, sign the register as my witness and my best friend made the speech. :)
  • I was the MOH in a friend's wedding instead of her sister. It definitely happens. I'm not sure how it affected their relationship, if at all since they weren't/still aren't very close.

    Only you, really, can make the decision. You can have two MOHs, one Maid and one Matron, no MOHs, or choose your sister OR your best friend. It's up to you completely.

    GL! :)
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  • Not really the same as yours but I have two sisters so I chose a friend to be my MOH because I didn't want them to feel like I chose one over the other.
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  • I am the youngest of 3 girls (all 3 of us were born in 4 years, so we are all pretty close in age).  The oldest had the middle be the MOH, the middle had a friend be her MOH.  I'm not engaged yet, but I'll probably have the oldest as my MOH.  I wasn't upset for not being one of my sis's MOH, but I guess that's a matter of personal preference.  I don't think you should choose your sister just because she is your sister.  I think you should choose who you are closest with and who will fulfill the "role" of a MOH the best.  if that's your friend, then choose your friend.  it's your wedding and the choice is up to you.  if your sister is hurt by it, just explain the reason why you chose your friend and she should understand.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_choosing-friend-sister-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:568bd885-16e8-4af1-a02b-0d04c4a88b7fPost:4370a580-480b-4b70-8dd1-c96b127f8ccb">Re: choosing a friend or sister as maid of honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not really the same as yours but I have two sisters so I chose a friend to be my MOH because I didn't want them to feel like I chose one over the other.
    Posted by Kimmie*K[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly what I did
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  • Have 2 or go with the friend
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  • my BFF is my MOH, my sister (8 years younger) is a BM.

    I asked sister if she was OK with this first, and she said that's what she expected! (my family knows how close I am to MOH)


    It's also OK to have 2 MOHs - if you'd rather go that route
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  • I choose my best friend over my sister. I do love my sister but she and I have always had a rocky relationship. My best friend is the person who has been there 100% of the time and given me all the love, support, and understanding I needed. Easiest thing in the world for me to pick my MOH. My sis is a bridesmaid and is very happy.

    It seems like you're leaning towards picking your friend. As some PP said- you could have two MOHs or none. Ultimately the choice is yours.

     Food for thought- your sis is a bit younger than you, you said. Are you sure she'll want/be up to helping you the way a MOH traditionally does? BMs can really just buy a dress and show up but MOHs tend to do a little more.
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  • I think if you want your BFF to be your MOH, that's what you should do.  Idk about your situation, but my BFF is more like a sister to me than my own sister, and I've known since high school that she'd be my MOH.  The wedding police aren't going to show up during the ceremony and drag you off if your MOH isn't a family member.
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  • I would have two or pick your sister.  Take it from me - best friends can come and go - but your sister will always be your sister.  Through thick and thin,  when you fight and when you make up,  she will always be there.  Having a sister is very special,  and you are very lucky.  Someday, when she matures,   you could be closer than you are now; when the age gap doesn't seem as small.

    With every year that passes,  I appreciate my older sister more and more.  We are not always close ,  and we frequently don't see eye t eye- but I know she always has my back.  
  • I have a similar issue. My sister, who has been planning on being my MOH since my FI and I started dating 5 years ago, would be devestated if I didn't give her the title, but I really picked my college roommate/best friend for the job, so I am having 2 MOHs.

    My sister wanted the title, but couldn't handle the duties, so it's worked out well. My BF has handled everything and has included my sister whenever possible, so everyone has felt included and no feelings have been hurt.

    In the program, both of their names will be listed next to MOH, and everyone understands so I don't have to worry about defending my decision.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_choosing-friend-sister-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:568bd885-16e8-4af1-a02b-0d04c4a88b7fPost:d0010ab4-2854-4e75-acd6-3df4f51b8a90">Re: choosing a friend or sister as maid of honor</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would have two or pick your sister.  Take it from me - best friends can come and go - but your sister will always be your sister.  Through thick and thin,  when you fight and when you make up,  she will always be there.  Having a sister is very special,  and you are very lucky.  Someday, when she matures,   you could be closer than you are now; when the age gap doesn't seem as small. With every year that passes,  I appreciate my older sister more and more.  We are not always close ,  and we frequently don't see eye t eye- but I know she always has my back.  
    Posted by lyn_mello[/QUOTE]
    I totally agree. No matter how much you love your best friend you have no idea what the future holds. Pick the sister. When I got married I went with who I was closest to *at the time* there was a fallout and the girl that was my best friend for almost a decade..well it didnt work out and now theres a bittersweetness to my wedding pictures. family is blood and in most cases...there for the long run. Either way you go make sure it feels 1000% sure that its the right choice for YOU in the end thats what matters
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  • I'm in a similar situation. I'm not naming a MOH to avoid hurting any feelings. 
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  • I had my best friend as my MOH but my twin sister was a bridesmaid of course. I asked my sister first and she was not upset at all. We are extremly close!!! She is getting married in Oct and her MOH is her BF! I am ok with that, I still get to help plan!! :)
  • It's totally up to you.  It's your day! 
  • It's your choice, of course.  I've asked my closest girlfriend to be my MOH & my sister to be a bridesmaid; it suits their personalities.  My friend is into the idea of planning a bachelorette party, looking at wedding dresses, etc. My sister is fine with being a bridesmaid if it means not having to concern herself with those typical MOH duties.
  • I have 2 sisters and my best friend I had to choose from so I chose my best friend as if I chose one sister and not the other i would never hear then end of it. lol. But also happy to have my best friend there for me. we have been together for almost 10 years and have gone through alot with each other.
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  • In my sister's wedding I stood as the "Matron of Honour" while her best friend stood as the "Maid of Honour"...  Ultimately, you need to do what ever feels right to you, but this may just make things a little bit smoother between you and your family (specifically your sister). 

















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