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gonna try this again...

froggr13froggr13
10 Comments
in Wedding Party

So I posted earlier about my issue but its time to reveal all the details and get some serious help here!
2 MOH's - one a friend of 25 years, other of 3 years.  No issues with one of 3 years.  Other MOH is giving me heartache.  She has been dealing with some mental health issues and I'm worried she won't make the wedding (been over a few years, has gotten really bad last couple months).  I talked to her the other day and she's focusing on getting better.  I told her that she doesn't have to stand up - I'm happy if she attends just as a guest and completely understand if she doesn't make it at all.  I'm worried that the stress of standing up may make things worse for her, but also worried that asking her to step down to get better may be just as harmful.
On the selfish side of it - less than 3 months to the wedding.  She still needs to get passport as we are Canadian and getting married in Vegas.  She also needs to get a dress, which I'm trying to figure out ways to get a dress to her. 
What do I do???  She hasn't been able to get passport as she had been having trouble dealing with being out in the public.  I'm at a complete loss :(

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Re: gonna try this again...

  • froggr13froggr13
    10 Comments
    I would never replace her as an MOH, not an option.  And I would never be upset if she couldn't make it due to this.  She is getting great medical care, I'm just worried that this could cause a lot of extra stress for her. 
    Thanks for the input, guess I gotta see what happens.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Well, it doesn't have to be a huge responsibility.  I think rather than saying "I'm okay if you don't want to do it," which tend to send the message "I don't want you to do it anymore," it's probably better to let her know that if she can just get a dress--MsOH are often in something different, so it doesn't even have to match if that's going to cause issues--and be there for the ceremony, you'll be happy.

    I was also married in Vegas, so I told my girls to wear any black dress they liked, and I helped cover travel/hotel expenses for some of my attendants.  The most important thing to me was to have them there.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • kpeter37kpeter37 member
    Seventh Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    If you think about it, the worst-case scenario is you plan on her being there, then she's not.  I think the best thing to do is ask her about the dress and passport in a, "Is there any way I can help you?" type of deal.  She may say no, she may need help, who knows?

    It would be best to plan on her being there.  Put her in the program, plan your rehearsal around her standing next to you.  Here's your backup plan if she doesn't show up: Spend another twenty bucks on nice paper and print out just-in-case inserts for the program.  Think of it like a playbill when an actor can't play the role and the understudy is there instead.  Phrase the insert like this:

    --name of attendant-- wishes she could share in this day with us all, but was unable to make the ceremony.


    You may want to tell her you have a back-up plan in case she feels too overwhelmed to attend the wedding.  Depending on what sort of mental health issues she battles, letting her know the weight is off her might help.

    I hope this works out for you.  Good luck!
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