Dramatic friend who's going to want to be in the bridal party...

catrb89 · November 2012

i trust your opinion ladies, and my only real wedding problem seems to be this...
So I've been asking some girls to be in my bridal party little by little because, frankly, we have time. HOWEVER...
I've been friends with this girl since high school through a mutual friendship. She's always been a little on the grandiose side, but at the time it was fine because what teenager isn't? Well, now she's 23 with a child and she's still acting the same way.
She's overprotective of her child and will do/say almost anything to get sympathy. All her facebook posts are pretty much negative. She starts drama over anything/everything. Just to rabblerouse. I recall one occasion when we were 19 and she said loudly in front of a guy I just started dating, "Hey remember when you used to cut?" She really hasn't changed. I have a friend who is Muslim who will be at the wedding and since 9/11 she's highly prejudiced against them (ridiculous right?). I know she's going to say something to her to start trouble. She even started fighting with her mom and being dramatic at a wedding recently.
I know what you guys are going to say: that I should probably not even invite her. After all, she can't even behave at a wedding as of recent.
Two problems:
1. If you're not her friend, you're her enemy.
2. She has been there for me in bad situations (although it might have been a "misery loves company" kind of thing)
I'm really at a loss about what to do. I asked our mutual friend to be a bridesmaid and discussed this with her and we don't have a clue. I'd like to involve her somehow, but if she's not a bridesmaid, she's going to throw a fit and just generally be REALLY nasty.

Help!

RWS2011 · November 2012

Honestly, with almost 2 years to go until your wedding, there is no reason to be asking anyone anything. You don't know what your relationship with this person will be in 2 years time. The fact that you already asked a mutual friend, knowing the information could get back to her sounds like tempting fate, or courting drama. You've omitted your best defense if she brings it up, which is to say that you haven't even thought about it yet.

I have to ask, do you live in a small town? If you are out of high school and live in a reasonably sized town, who cares if she is your "enemy?" Personally, I am too old to deal with that kind of crap and I would not bother inviting her to the wedding. I would cut her loose now, because by the time your wedding comes around, she will have had plenty of time to move on to other dramas.

catrb89 · November 2012

RWS, I definitely agree. I think I may end up cutting contact with her, so by the time the wedding rolls around, it's not a big deal - to me anyway. But the way that she is, she'll still expected to be involved.
This mutual friend and I both know how she is. It's just a fact of life. She actually advised me to really take time to consider whether or not I even invite her just because of her behavior. I know she's not going to start anything with this girl.
I actually grew up in Delaware, so I'm used to everyone knowing everyone else's business. But I live in Philly now and I'm trying to leave some of that life behind.

Elle1036 · November 2012

Yeah, I agree with RWS. I really can't see any reason to worry about this right now. It surprises me, frankly, that you're already asking any members of your WP. A lot can change in 22 months.

audrewuh · November 2012

Yea, you've got a shitton of time left. Fight your battles when they come... in 13 months.

ravenray · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_dramatic-friend-whos-going-to-want-to-be-in-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1aa5586-8542-4e1e-a398-59b19a0876f6Post:9d91d5ce-4f87-46b9-8e53-1e25206de68a">Dramatic friend who's going to want to be in the bridal party...</a>:
[QUOTE]i trust your opinion ladies, and my only real wedding problem seems to be this... So I've been asking some girls to be in my bridal party little by little because, frankly, we have time. HOWEVER... I've been friends with this girl since high school through a mutual friendship. She's always been a little on the grandiose side, but at the time it was fine because what teenager isn't? Well, now she's 23 with a child and she's still acting the same way. She's overprotective of her child and will do/say almost anything to get sympathy. All her facebook posts are pretty much negative. She starts drama over anything/everything. Just to rabblerouse. I recall one occasion when we were 19 and she said loudly in front of a guy I just started dating, "Hey remember when you used to cut?" She really hasn't changed. I have a friend who is Muslim who will be at the wedding and since 9/11 she's highly prejudiced against them (ridiculous right?). I know she's going to say something to her to start trouble. She even started fighting with her mom and being dramatic at a wedding recently. I know what you guys are going to say: that I should probably not even invite her. After all, she can't even behave at a wedding as of recent. Two problems: 1. If you're not her friend, you're her enemy. 2. She has been there for me in bad situations (although it might have been a "misery loves company" kind of thing) I'm really at a loss about what to do. I asked our mutual friend to be a bridesmaid and discussed this with her and we don't have a clue. I'd like to involve her somehow, but if she's not a bridesmaid, she's going to throw a fit and just generally be REALLY nasty. Help!
Posted by catrb89[/QUOTE]
Don't ask her. Frankly why are you even friends with her? I know you have started asking people but I really, really wouldn't ask anyone until 6-7 months out. Friendships change so much and you have a while till your wedding. In the time I got engaged I managed to break up with my best friend and then get back together as friends with her before my wedding, but it was a good thing she wasn't in my wedding party, that would have been disastrous. You don't need someone who will make you stressed out. If you are worried about her acting out at the wedding, you cannot invite her or you can hire a bouncer who can kick her out if there is trouble. I know it isn’t easy but it sounds like she has been getting her way her whole life by throwing a fit when something doesn’t go her way. You don’t have to follow that pattern. Good luck!!

beanbot2002 · November 2012

You said rabblerouse. I love that word.

As far as your friend goes, she sounds like a peach.

buddysmom80 · November 2012

If you are having a second thought about her being in your wedding party, then maybe it shouldn't happen. It's not like she's family or F's family.

Also, tell her to bring the drama llama back to the crazy farm. Having her blab about prior issues that you've had (ie cutting) is so not freaking cool. That pisses me off because something similar happened to me. It really gets me mad.

Swazzle · November 2012

I agree with PP that you really, really should have waited to ask people to be in your wedding.

Your friend sounds like an asshole. I don't know why you want her as a friend let alone as a bridesmaid.

lovelyheather · November 2012

Rabblerouse for the win!

I would definitely hold off on asking anyone to be in your wedding party. I know it is tempting. As soon as I got engaged I wanted to ask my best friend to be my MOH but I have forced myself to hold off until I had a date set. And then since the date was further away then anticipated, I decided to hold off until I was less then a year away. I've read to many horror stories on The Knot about friendship ending fights.

But as you can't go back in time and un-ask your friend, I would end your friendship with the mean girl. She doesn't sound worth the effort. If you aren't up for that option, I would stop talking about her behind her back because that seems like it will come back to bite you.

catrb89 · November 2012

Thank you all for the advice! I definitely got overexcited about asking my BMs. Originally I didn't know I'd be waiting til 2014. But oh well. As far as this girl goes, I know you're all right and I should begin cutting ties if for nothing but the sake of my sanity. She will be nasty but regardless of whether we are friends or not, she will always be miserable about something. And that's not something I want in my life, let alone the beginning of my married life. Thanks everyone! KUI tomorrow night? ;

jorja86 · November 2012

In Response to Re:Dramatic friend who's going to want to be in the bridal party...:[QUOTE]Honestly, with almost 2 years to go until your wedding, there is no reason to be asking anyone anything. nbsp;You don't know what your relationship with this person will be in 2 years time. nbsp;The fact that you already asked a mutual friend, knowing the information could get back to her sounds like tempting fate, or courting drama. nbsp;You've omitted your best defense if she brings it up, which is to say that you haven't even thought about it yet. nbsp;I have to ask, do you live in a small town? nbsp;If you are out of high school and live in a reasonably sized town, who cares if she is your "enemy?" nbsp;Personally, I am too old to deal with that kind of crap and I would not bother inviting her to the wedding. nbsp;I would cut her loose now, because by the time your wedding comes around, she will have had plenty of time to move on to other dramas. Posted by RWS2011[/QUOTE]

This, so much.

Dramatic friend who's going to want to be in the bridal party...

Re: Dramatic friend who's going to want to be in the bridal party...

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