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March 2011 Weddings

RANT--"living in sin" uuugh *LONG*

Ok I vented about this on Wednesday mornings post I think, but its still on my mind so Im going to do it again. Sorry to be repetitive...but if you havent read it then it wont be :)

OK, My oldest friend, 24-ish years, she is also making my shower cake, wedding cake and diong a reading during the wedding. OH AND Her Dad is marrying us. (parents have known each other for ever, I grew up across the street from them, and he is a part time preacher)


So last weekend my friend emailed me voicing her concerns that FI and I are not living according to God. (meaning we're living in sin) and that she is concerned about the consequences that we will have to suffer because we did not wait for the gifts of sex and marriage. she went onand on and on about how she waited and it was the best decision for her, and she understands its hard but she now knows why she had to wait so she could fully appreciate those gifts. She also mentioned the problems we have had with FMIL about this (she begged him to marry me at the JP the night before he moved in almost a year ago and told us we were going to hell) and I almost feel like she thinks that stress we had from that situation was a punishment for our choosing this lifestyle.

sigh...Im worried that her dad is having her come to me with this and may be reconsidering marrying us, which I wish he would just tell us if that were the case.

My parents think that he had her email me because i would be less offended it coming from her, and that he didnt want to embarress me.

Well my best friend is overseas in the military and I emailed her telling her about it, and she told me "just go to the JP and get married, make everyone happy and just ghave your wedding later" ummm NO! We dont have a cloudy conscience about it! Why does everyone think it is our job to make THEM happy? FMIL is just embarressed to tell her friends that #1 her marriege ENDED because she is a psycho (whole other rant for another time) and #2 her oldest son is "living in sin"
now my oldest friend and the man who is supposed to marry us is on us about it and my BEST FRIEND thinks I need to just go get a marriage liscense and do it already.

WTF is wrong with people?

Ok i think thats all...
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Re: RANT--"living in sin" uuugh *LONG*

  • OMG I cannot believe some people. The catholic church doesn't even voice a concern ( well most of them ) they know that this is 2010 and people now live together since it is also easier to pay bills and what not and now most people get married at almost 30...so you most likely are not a virgin.

    I am sorry you are going through this. I hope things work out ok for you. I guess you can ask the preacher if he is considering not doing the wedding now.
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  • Yea I just don't get it. What you decide is what you decide and like Jenn said the church doens't even ask anymore....
  • Thats been the biggest issue I've had, people act like we are the very first couple to EVER live together.  THe main reason we decided to live together was that we were a long distance couple for the first 9 months of our relationship, 6-7 hour drive every weekend for MONTHS.  He chose to move here where I live because my family is here and I had the good paying job, he didnt have family where he was and the few friends he had there were moving. It made sense financially for us to move in together #1, and #2 we were emotionally and physicaly and financially broken down from the long distance, we had to be in the same town or we wouldnt make it any longer.

    We're NOT the first to do it, We prayed about it before we did it, God, I believe, is an understanding God and I also believe he evolves with the times too and understands.

    My  FMIL wouldnt even kiss FFIL on the lips on their wedding day when the preacher said "you may kiss your bride" she turned her head and he kissed her HAND!
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  • No the church does ask.. And you have to go to special family planning classes if you do live together. I did that when I was engaged before and were planning to marry in the church which I didnt even want to do but still was going along with it.
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  • Sorry for what you're going through. This is just so insane. People need to mind their own business, and you should tell your friend to do so. Don't let these things get to you too much. Just brush it off and don't let it stress you. You are not doing anything wrong, and this is the 21st century! Tell them to shove it! ;) LOL 
  • *sigh* sounds like the crap I've dealt with.  My parents felt like I should have maintained my own place.  Basically, because it lets them PRETEND that we're abstaining. lol.  

    I understand that many Christians disagree with it.  But I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the notion that if you want to have sex, you should just get married.  I've seen first hand friends I grew up with that married very early because they wanted to be able to have sex without "going to hell."  Only to realize that oh crap, 1) they aren't sexually compatible, and 2) marriage is so not what they expected.    

    Yes, sex is about intimacy and sharing yourself with the one you love.  You guys are freaking engaged.  God's not raining wrath upon you because you're living together before marriage.  Stressful stuff happens because that's LIFE.  

    argh.   This kind of behavior tees me off.  She's probably just upset because you guys are "living in sin" and are quite obviously happy together.  Meanwhile she waited, and (i think you said) ended up divorced.  So she's probably just pushing her issues on you.
  • HIs mother ended up in divorce...not my friend...

    His mother is a whole other piece of work. She HATES me though...and #1 reason, I am living in sin with her son. bleh Oh that and I called her out on being mean to him...
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  • Sorry my posts about his mother may be confusing lol i have little bouts of anger that come out about her...and it may not make sense....my apologies
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  • I am so use to people not minding their business. When I very first dated Aaron in HS...my mom wasn't for it because he was "outside our race" yes. Even though he is half Irish she thought being Puerto Rican was a huge deal and I was completely clueless as to why it was so horrible. I use to argue with her constantly about it. Now she has no problem with it. And she knows if she said something to me I would definitely say something back to her. And Im sure we get looks from people because he is so brown and I am sooo white. OH WELL I dont care. We are in love and that is what matters.

    Definitely tell your friend to mind her business and just be happy for you. Not everyone has the same beliefs about religion and their views and rules.
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  • I'm a firm supporter of living with someone before marriage. I don't think there's a better way to REALLY know the person, and know if you can actually spend the rest of your life with them.

    Many people don't, and that's OK.  It works for some people - but definitely not me.

    It could be her father trying to voice his concerns indirectly.  Or she could be genuinely concerned and thinking that she has your best interest at heart and not just preaching and trying to tell you that she knows better.  I would keep that in mind because it could boil down to her having the best intentions.
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  • I hate when people comment about things like this, my decision to live with my FI has nothing to do with anyone but us!  I am sorry that you are dealing with this.  Luckily even though our families are Catholic they know that it is 2010.  My parents actually encouraged me to live with him before we got married, they along with the rest of my family all lived together first (at least we will all be in hell together lol).  I am not sure how his family feels or if they even know, his mom doesn't mind at all.  I remember being so nervous about this when we went to meet with our priest but her didn't even ask, the closet he came was asking for our family address.  I would just tell your friend to mind her own business but if you can make sure her father is still comfortable saying the mass in case you need to find someone else.  Good Luck, hopefully when you get married they will all forget about it : )
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  • You can chose to live your life the way you see fit and no one has any place to judge you, but God, if you believe in Him.

    Likewise, your friend, her father, and your FMIL should not be judged either because they set their standards for relationships according to God's word and not society's evolving standards.

    I'm not coming down on you, but there are always two sides. I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with negativity though. That always bites. :/

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  • I havent dealt with this too much. His parents could have cared less because he lived with his ex and they hated her so when I came along they were thrilled. (they hated her for how she treated him not because of them living together or race or anything) My parents have been better than I thought about it. My dad wasnt thrilled when we moved in together but he is over it now.

    If you dont feel any guilt for your decisions, then dont let other people bother you. Tell your friend, you made a decision and dont feel God is going to punish you for it and basically to mind her own business. As for the preacher, I would probably just have a back up plan. Maybe talk to your friends father who is planning to marry you and express your concerns and if he does indeed have a problem with it to please let you know and you will make other arrangements.

    I went to catholic school for 6 years. I know they are very against living together and of course way against sex before marriage. This is why I decided to not get married in a church (but I also dont go to church so thats part of it as well) In 8th grade, I had a teacher (I went to catholic school remember) who told me "going to church and following every rule the church gives you doesnt make you a good Christian. Its about how you treat others" I took this a ran with it. I am a good person and I know this. It's about your beliefs. Dont let other people push their beliefs on you.
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  • I am def a firm believer of living with someone before you marry them. THere is a lot you think you know about someone that you don't find out until you live with them. I was living with a bf a few years ago and come to find out....he had drugs in the house that I was DEF not aware of at all!!! THANK GOD I DID'T MARRY THAT ONE! I def know how it feels to have someone all in your business, esp the FMIL. I am so used to mine always having something to say about everything and blaming me for everything, that it doesn't even phase me anymore. Ya, so you didn't wait for marriage to have sex, but at least you won't be parading around and havin sex with 20 more guys!!! (TRYING TO SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE.)

    As for this friend whose dad is supposed to marry you, I would flat out ask her, "IS your dad not going to marry us?" IT's something you def need to know. If they don't agree with it, there are plenty of other ministers/priests. Our priest knows that we live together and has never even brought up sex! He's pretty liberal...THANK GOD...because so are we!

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