Not Engaged Yet

Pick the ring out by myself?!

My boyfriend and I are going to get married. We know we are, so I guess you could call him my fiance. We've looked at rings online and found one that we both really like, but are exploring the option of going through a local jeweler and family friend, hoping to get a slightly better deal.

We went to the local jeweler today and she had found a few that were similar, but not close enough to what we found online. She's getting a kiosk or point of sale or whatever program, where you (the buyer) can take a ring and alter it to your preference. Fun for a woman, but my fiance expressed how extremely boring it would be for him.

So is it weird for a woman to go engagement ring shopping by herself?

I think it will make me feel like I'm pushing him into it (although I'm not) and like he doesn't really care (but he really does). He says if I pick one that he likes, then he'll buy that one, but if he doesn't like it, he'll get the one we found online.

Re: Pick the ring out by myself?!

  • edited December 2011
    How about this:

    If you think he isn't ok with this, then tell him he has to go back by himself for the "finishing touches."
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pick-ring-out-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b5390b0f-8259-480e-b943-cb40c90f25aePost:447e21ef-ba43-4729-80a5-9e9d9c7f509a">Pick the ring out by myself?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My boyfriend and I are going to get married. We know we are, <strong>so I guess you could call him my fiance.</strong> We've looked at rings online and found one that we both really like, but are exploring the option of going through a local jeweler and family friend, hoping to get a slightly better deal. We went to the local jeweler today and she had found a few that were similar, but not close enough to what we found online. She's getting a kiosk or point of sale or whatever program, where you (the buyer) can take a ring and alter it to your preference. Fun for a woman, but my fiance expressed how extremely boring it would be for him. So is it weird for a woman to go engagement ring shopping by herself? I think it will make me feel like I'm pushing him into it (although I'm not) and like he doesn't really care (but he really does). He says if I pick one that he likes, then he'll buy that one, but if he doesn't like it, he'll get the one we found online.
    Posted by emmalujeske[/QUOTE]

    <div>Not unless you do. </div><div>
    </div><div>My FI's cousin went by herself... but she was in an LDR of like 1000 miles. She didn't buy it, but she did go to a store that was in both states and pick it. </div><div>
    </div><div>I think him not wanting to go b/c it is boring is a piss poor excuse. Part of being a grown up is doing things that aren't fun because it makes some one else happy. You obviously don't want to go by yourself otherwise you wouldn't be asking us. </div>

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  • edited December 2011
    Part of being a grown up is doing things that aren't fun because it makes some one else happy.

    Agreed! Why do you think parents take their kids to wiggles concerts or Jonas brothers movies? Because they'll have a thrilling good time??
    Man I'm glad I only have dogs.
    Sorry, maybe he doesn't have to be attached to your hip at every step, but if the ring stuff alone is boring for him, how's the rest of the planning gonna go? What about when you look for your first place together?
    I didn't have anything to do with shopping or picking out my ring, but plenty of girls have a say in their e-rings. I don't think it's that odd. Of course, I don't think it'd be that time consuming if you have the idea of what you want already.
    Night swimming in the ocean= pretty sweet reception!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pick-ring-out-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b5390b0f-8259-480e-b943-cb40c90f25aePost:447e21ef-ba43-4729-80a5-9e9d9c7f509a">Pick the ring out by myself?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My boyfriend and I are going to get married. We know we are, so I guess you could call him my fiance. We've looked at rings online and found one that we both really like, but are exploring the option of going through a local jeweler and family friend, hoping to get a slightly better deal. We went to the local jeweler today and she had found a few that were similar, but not close enough to what we found online. She's getting a kiosk or point of sale or whatever program, where you (the buyer) can take a ring and alter it to your preference. Fun for a woman, but my fiance expressed how extremely boring it would be for him. So is it weird for a woman to go engagement ring shopping by herself? <strong>I think it will make me feel like I'm pushing him into it </strong>(although I'm not) and like he doesn't really care (but he really does). He says if I pick one that he likes, then he'll buy that one, but if he doesn't like it, he'll get the one we found online.
    Posted by emmalujeske[/QUOTE]

    Who gives a crap if it's boring for him? If you don't feel comfortable going by yourself, he should be there to support you. That being said, there's nothing wrong with a woman shopping for rings by herself as long as she's comfortable with it.

    The bold part is concerning, why would you feel like you're pushing him into anything if he is fully onboard with getting engaged? Are you genuinely worried that <em>he</em> is going to think you're pushing it, or are you more concerned that the jewelry store people will think that?

    It doesn't really seem like it's the first one, since you have already been ring shopping together and he is planning on buying as soon as you choose one. If it's the second one, then I have to say it again: who gives a crap what they think?

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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I really don't understand how choosing the ring the woman he will marry could be boring..My husband was just as if not more into the ring choosing and buying process as I was. We did choose it together and we each bounced off ideas off one another and it helped the sales person was extremely knowledgable , patient and showed genuine care for our desires and budget. It was super exciting for us both and it's hard for me to wrap my head around what is so hard about being excited about this..unless he really dosent care..which would be sad.
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  • De VelasquezDe Velasquez member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    <div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pick-ring-out-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b5390b0f-8259-480e-b943-cb40c90f25aePost:b9a95da7-4b4e-4f77-8467-0431da183d0f">Re: Pick the ring out by myself?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I really don't understand how choosing the ring the woman he will marry could be boring..</strong>My husband was just as if not more into the ring choosing and buying process as I was. We did choose it together and we each bounced off ideas off one another and it helped the sales person was extremely knowledgable , patient and showed genuine care for our desires and budget. It was super exciting for us both and it's hard for me to wrap my head around what is so hard about being excited about this..unless he really dosent care..which would be sad.
    Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this! As I wrote in a previous post, I went to pick my ring with my BF on tuesday, he first went by himself to see the rings, and then he took me with him, and if I ask him to go again, I know he will be more than happy and excited to do it!</div><div>
    </div><div>And... You are the one who will be carring the ring, so, I think he should buy one that you like, even if he doesn't like it... I am sorry to say this, but your BF seems to have a selfish attitude.. :(</div></div>
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  • Cackle6Cackle6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I actually preferred to pick mine out on my own. I take forever to shop in general, and picking out something that I will wear every day for the rest of my life, well it took forever. My SO has a decent amount of patience for most things, but he gets overwhelmed easily, so I can see how he would get bored/overwhelmed by ring shopping. 

    So I don't think it's weird at all, and it was actually really nice for me because I could take my time and not worry about anyone getting impatient with me. I know it probably is disappointing that he doesn't want to go because you want him there, but I also think it could be something that can be fun on your own, or if you don't want to go on your own, bring a close friend and make a girls day out of it. 

    Having said all that, if it is important for you to have him there, then you should talk to him and tell him why it's important for you.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Tafft.  If he's bored by shopping for/customizing your ring, maybe that's his way of telling you he either doesn't want to, or isn't ready for marriage.

    And also, ring shopping doesn't make him your fiance.  Don't put the cart before the horse.
  • SKP82SKP82 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    I don't think shopping for a ring on your own is a bad thing, but it doesn't seem that is what is going on here. 

    I went to look at rings before my BF and I went together.  I did this because I had absolutely no idea what I wanted and I only wanted to take BF to a few stores that I would be comfortable with us buying a ring from. 

    I guess I am a bit confused by your situation.  You have already been ring shopping together, but he doesn't want to design a ring?  Is that what you're saying?  I don't get the kiosk thing.  It seems to me that he's already found the ring he wants to buy you.

    "We went to the local jeweler today and she had found a few that were similar, but not close enough to what we found online."

    If the one at the jeweler isn't close to what you want, why don't you just buy the one you want online??  It doesn't make sense.  I think maybe your boyfriend knows that and doesn't want to go through the details of changing a ring when you've already found the perfect one.

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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pick-ring-out-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b5390b0f-8259-480e-b943-cb40c90f25aePost:219bcba3-b225-4b54-ae88-da1ae7f0bef5">Re: Pick the ring out by myself?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Tafft.  If he's bored by shopping for/customizing your ring, maybe that's his way of telling you he either doesn't want to, or isn't ready for marriage. And also, ring shopping doesn't make him your fiance.  Don't put the cart before the horse.
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed. </div>
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  • singing_lynsinging_lyn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I wanted to put my 2 cents in on this too. If you've found a ring you love on line why don't you go ahead and get that one? I'm figuring it's probably because it's more expensive than what you can get going through someone you know? Can't you show that person exactly what you want and have them "custom make" it for you from something that they have in stock that's similar, just alter it a little bit? It shouldn't take that much of your SO's time up if he can just bring them a picture say this is what I want and he's out of there in 2 seconds, when they have progress on the ring he can go check it out say yep, that's it, it's perfect, or nope, it needs a slight change here and there. Seriously it doesn't take that long if you know in advance exactly what you want and it sounds like you do.

    If your SO is not willing to put the effort in for this like other people have said what makes you think that he'll put in the effort with the other things that he'll have to work at throughout your engagement and marriage? This is something that's important to you and he should be willing to take some time out of his schedule to do something for you, he shouldn't even be saying it's because it's boring that he doesn't want to go.

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  • msjenna519msjenna519 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2013
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_pick-ring-out-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b5390b0f-8259-480e-b943-cb40c90f25aePost:74a2031f-2cd6-4f95-a29d-01076808ae66">Re: Pick the ring out by myself?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wanted to put my 2 cents in on this too. If you've found a ring you love on line why don't you go ahead and get that one? I'm figuring it's probably because it's more expensive than what you can get going through someone you know? Can't you show that person exactly what you want and have them "custom make" it for you from something that they have in stock that's similar, just alter it a little bit? It shouldn't take that much of your SO's time up if he can just bring them a picture say this is what I want and he's out of there in 2 seconds, when they have progress on the ring he can go check it out say yep, that's it, it's perfect, or nope, it needs a slight change here and there. Seriously it doesn't take that long if you know in advance exactly what you want and it sounds like you do<strong>. If your SO is not willing to put the effort in for this like other people have said what makes you think that he'll put in the effort with the other things that he'll have to work at throughout your engagement and marriage? This is something that's important to you and he should be willing to take some time out of his schedule to do something for you, he shouldn't even be saying it's because it's boring that he doesn't want to go.</strong>
    Posted by singing_lyn[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>But if he's not ready, then he shouldn't be forced to go.  But he should tell his GF why he doesn't want to.

    </div>
    I'm not good at feelings.

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  • emmalujeskeemmalujeske member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I know that he wants to marry me and I know that I'm not forcing him into it. The man was single for about 3 or 4 years before me because his ex-fiancee ripped him into shreds! So the fact that he even dated me in the first place says a lot. He lived his life as a content bachelor with the intention to spend the rest of his life single. The fact that he even discusses marriage with me proves that he no longer wants the bachelor lifestyle.

    He finds shopping for clothes and accessories boring. Just like I find shopping for tools and garden supplies boring. It's one of the many differences between men and women.

    Like msjenna said, the sales people are what will make me feel like I'm rushing him. It's really no big deal, except for the fact that the jeweler is a family friend and it's in a town population: 3500. People Talk.

    The Kiosk: The way I understand is that you can start from scratch and design your own ring from the width or design of the band, to the accent diamonds, to the size/shape of the center stone, to the height that the center stone stands. Either that or you start with a ring that is already in the catalog and make alterations to it.

    The reason we're not getting the one we found online is because 1.) price - we're hoping to get a better deal through a family friend (she gave his brother a good deal too) and 2.) we like to try to keep our business local if at all possible.

    In response to Cackle6: when it comes to shopping for clothes, I don't think I take as long as some women, but when it comes to playing with technology and playing with the way something looks (especially something I'll be wearing for the rest of my life), I can actually see myself spending HOURS on it!

    Yes, we found the ring we both love, BUT I'm torn - kinda. We want a sapphire as the center stone, but I LOVE asscher cut diamonds, and I haven't seen any asscher cut sapphires...I don't even know how it will look!

  • JBC123JBC123 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the others that he should take the time to go with you when it comes to your engagement ring.  My fiance detests shopping, but he was happy to go get my ring.  In fact, he was ultimately pivotal in the choice - and I ended up with a ring totally different from what I thought I was going to get.  Before we went shopping, though - I did go to the local stores and tried on rings for size of stone, shape, etc.  I'd wanted to narrow down the playing field for when we went to the store together.   Turned out that was all for nothing.  Tongue out

    It really shouldn't take all that long at the jewelers- it sounds like he's turning it into a big "thing" and that seems like a bad sign.  Also, if you have found what you want online, I would have him just order that rather than go through a whole to-do to have a ring customized.

  • kimberlygokimberlygo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance wasn't into ring shopping.  I picked out my engagement ring by myself. My finance told me to send him pictures of the ones I liked and he'd get one. Maybe it wasn't romantic, and we don't have a good story, but I really love my ring and its exactly what I wanted.   There is something to be said for getting exactly what you want. 
  • kimberlygokimberlygo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiance wasn't into ring shopping.  I picked out my engagement ring by myself. My finance told me to send him pictures of the ones I liked and he'd get one. I sent him 2 pictures.  Maybe it wasn't romantic, and we don't have a good story, but I really love my ring and its exactly what I wanted.   There is something to be said for getting exactly what you want. 
  • edited December 2011
    I picked out my ring. DH proposed then he took me shopping. It was awesome!
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