• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
July 2011 Weddings

Honesty Box

This one isn't really that exciting but hopefully it starts some interesting conversation! And please actually be honest!

As always, you don't have to comment.
«1

Re: Honesty Box

  • I opened my mom's gifts wth her and pulling out a 20 and $35 from a couple really pissed me off, especially when a couple that didn't even attend the reception but came to the wedding gave her $100.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:98d1acea-042e-48fc-98c7-993e2728b5e6">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just know that for me, personally, I would NEVER show up at any sort of party- Birthday, Wedding, Anniversary, whatever the case may be- empty handed. I think it's just common sense. I'm not talking about an elaborate, expensive gift- something to let the people know I thought of them. I understand the economy is bad, and all, but if you have 6 weeks notice (or more?) for a wedding... you should be able to pull together $25 bucks and put it in a card- right?
    Posted by libordke22[/QUOTE]


    I agree with this 100%! Usually I am pretty laid back about stuff but I would honestly be really offended.  I think it's just common sense and common courtesey to bring SOMETHING. Like you said, doesn't have to be extravagant, but something as a thank you for the invite and to celebrate the occassion. I think it's pretty rude to go to an event and not bring something.
  • edited November 2010
    In all honesty, I would 100% be offended and, depending on the guest, I may or may not hold a grudge (if FI's grandfather, for instance, who takes international trips every year doesn't give us a gift, or gives us a shitty gift, I'll be royally pissed and I won't care who knows it).  I completely agree with what Kara said.  And, sure, people can say that their mere presence should be enough of a gift in these financial times, but that's just a load of bullcrap in my mind.

    Flame all you want, but my opinion won't change because I would never in a million years consider attending a wedding (or any type of party, for that matter) without some type of gift.
    image 182 Invited
    image 0 Are ready to party!
    image 0 Will be missing the fun
    image 0 Can't find the mailbox...

    RSVP Deadline: June 15, 2011
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Honestly, I could care less if someone didn't bring a  gift.  I would not be offended at all.
    image Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • i agree with peaches and kara.

    it's just common courtesy to give SOMETHING.  i mean, i am well aware that FI's family will not give us enough to cover their meals.  i know that for a fact largely because they have less money and i just don't think they really know the cost of a wedding.

    but, they could go to freaking wal-mart and pick up a crappy frame.  though i will be annoyed by that, it's better than not giving anything.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:b7d58bd4-ef18-44eb-860e-160f87f7b0fb">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree with peaches and kara. it's just common courtesy to give SOMETHING.  i mean, i am well aware that FI's family will not give us enough to cover their meals.  i know that for a fact largely because they have less money and i just don't think they really know the cost of a wedding.<strong> but, they could go to freaking wal-mart and pick up a crappy frame.  though i will be annoyed by that, it's better than not giving anything.</strong>
    Posted by cmalchow[/QUOTE]
    Exactly!
    image 182 Invited
    image 0 Are ready to party!
    image 0 Will be missing the fun
    image 0 Can't find the mailbox...

    RSVP Deadline: June 15, 2011
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:2dc9cc46-2625-4679-8c72-44c1d7fd6143">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]In all honesty, I would 100% be offended and, depending on the guest, I may or may not hold a grudge (if FI's grandfather, for instance, who takes international trips every year doesn't give us a gift, or gives us a shitty gift, I'll be royally pissed and I won't care who knows it).  I completely agree with what Kara said.  And, sure, people can say that their mere presence should be enough of a gift in these financial times, but that's just a load of bullcrap in my mind. Flame all you want, but my opinion won't change because I would never in a million years consider attending a wedding (or any type of party, for that matter) without some type of gift.
    Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]

    I totally agree! We have some family members (umm like my dad for instance) who goes on several week long trips, buys properties, buys new cars, etc all the time but gets us 20 buck gift cards for our birthdays. I have to say, I'm offended. He's not giving us a penny toward our wedding and probably will get us a freaking potato peeler lol. I would be offended. Obviously our guests who we know aren't in good financial state we won't be critical of but come on. Don't etiquette police have something to be said for not bring at least something?
  • One of my BMs got married last April and her now BIL and future SIL (whom are getting married this Saturday, should be interesting!) didn't even get them a card!  There were quite a few people she thought were close friends that either didn't give a card or a gift.

    I'd be peeved if guests didn't at least give us a card, but to have our family and closests friends give us nothing, I'd be pissed!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:ac43ffd1-9347-431d-86d9-8da731e872b6">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my BMs got married last April and her now BIL and future SIL (whom are getting married this Saturday, should be interesting!) didn't even get them a card!  There were quite a few people she thought were close friends that either didn't give a card or a gift. I'd be peeved if guests didn't at least give us a card, but to have our family and closests friends give us nothing, I'd be pissed!
    Posted by Biotechick620[/QUOTE]

    That's effed up. I wouldn't get them anything for their wedding or their birthdays or christmas. I bet they wouldn't be pleased but, oh well lol.
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2010
    Since we're having a semi-DW I said I wouldn't be offended if people didn't give us a gift.  They are already spending a lot of money and taking time from work to come to our wedding and that is enough for us.

    If none of our guests had to travel, I'd probably be surprised if someone didn't give us at least a card.  I think it's weird to not give something because I would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, but I don't think I'd be too angry/upset.  It might depend on who the person was though.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I would be totally offended. FI and I are not expecting much. We are spending way more on this wedding than we will ever get back in gifts, and we are also expecting to have to complete the majority of our registry ourselves.  I just could never imagine anyone to be so rude to not show up with a gift. I would never attend a wedding and not bring a gift. Just like I would never go to a dinner party without a host/hosttess gift.  Even if I had no money, I would bring a card and something small, even if it had to be something I made.  The thought really is what counts, and showing up emptihanded is thoughtless! 

    I don't expect people to cover their plate.  They have no idea what we are spending. And while covering their plate is no problem for some, others might not be able to afford that.  It's the gesture I am looking for.  But I won't lie, if my hypothetical millionaire aunt and uncle gave us $20, I would raise an eyebrow and think WTF?
  • edited November 2010
    Here's something good to remember to do... when you're keeping track of what you received and from who for your wedding in order to do your thank you cards, make sure you keep the list instead of throwing it out when you're done.  That way if the people who came to your wedding wind up having weddings or other big parties of their own in the future, you can refer back to what they gave you and give them the same.  :-)   Yeah, I'm a b*tch like that.
    image 182 Invited
    image 0 Are ready to party!
    image 0 Will be missing the fun
    image 0 Can't find the mailbox...

    RSVP Deadline: June 15, 2011
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:eb0b30a2-a760-4806-99a4-01d82b27b5eb">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be totally offended. FI and I are not expecting much. We are spending way more on this wedding than we will ever get back in gifts, and we are also expecting to have to complete the majority of our registry ourselves.  I just could never imagine anyone to be so rude to not show up with a gift. I would never attend a wedding and not bring a gift. Just like I would never go to a dinner party without a host/hosttess gift.  Even if I had no money, I would bring a card and something small, even if it had to be something I made.  <strong>The thought really is what counts, and showing up emptihanded is thoughtless!  </strong>I don't expect people to cover their plate.  They have no idea what we are spending. And while covering their plate is no problem for some, others might not be able to afford that.  It's the gesture I am looking for.  But I won't lie, if my hypothetical millionaire aunt and uncle gave us $20, I would raise an eyebrow and think WTF?
    Posted by apaadzzzz[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  If someone I thought I was close to showed up without a card or something small I'd be pretty hurt. To me that says they're just there for the party, not because they actually care about me/us.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:3a561cf6-a980-4610-b0cb-223350f70f14">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's something good to remember to do... when you're keeping track of what you received and from who for your wedding in order to do your thank you cards, make sure you keep the list instead of throwing it out when you're done.  That way if the people who came to your wedding wind up having weddings or other big parties of their own in the future, you can refer back to what they gave you and give them the same.  :-)   Yeah, I'm a b*tch like that.
    Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]

    HAHAHA Peaches, I freaking heart you! lol
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:56f2cc48-c188-4623-87b6-9b664f10f8e7">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honesty Box : HAHAHA Peaches, I freaking heart you! lol
    Posted by Epolos89[/QUOTE]
    :-)  My mama taught me well!  Haha!
    image 182 Invited
    image 0 Are ready to party!
    image 0 Will be missing the fun
    image 0 Can't find the mailbox...

    RSVP Deadline: June 15, 2011
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm just gonna talk.  As I'm clearly sitting in the empty corner by myself with no gifts :)

    I'm not like, pointing fingers or saying what you are saying is wrong, really, I judge no one and am offended by no one's comments.

    But to me, the reason I'm inviting everyone is to see them and celebrate the day with us. I'm not inviting them to bring me gifts, that'll just be an added bonus from the people who do.

    Before you all flame me, I do bring gifts to everyone's wedding.  I'm not saying I don't..lol.  But I really don't think it's a big deal if someone doesn't or if they don't have the money for it.   To me, we're hosting a wedding to bring everyone together.  If I didn't want to pay for their supper, we wouldn't invite them.

    I guess my question is, how is it offensive?  The question is more just because I am genuinly curious.  I didn't realize people felt so strongly about gift giving..lol.

    *sits down in the no gift corner again*
    image Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • my mom has the list from my brother's wedding - so i could get an estimate on what to expect!  LOL
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:b8e05d21-9ec8-4b46-9027-28a79d34ff7d">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just gonna talk.  As I'm clearly sitting in the empty corner by myself with no gifts :) I'm not like, pointing fingers or saying what you are saying is wrong, really, I judge no one and am offended by no one's comments. But to me, the reason I'm inviting everyone is to see them and celebrate the day with us. I'm not inviting them to bring me gifts, that'll just be an added bonus from the people who do. Before you all flame me, I do bring gifts to everyone's wedding.  I'm not saying I don't..lol.  But I really don't think it's a big deal if someone doesn't or if they don't have the money for it.   To me, we're hosting a wedding to bring everyone together.  If I didn't want to pay for their supper, we wouldn't invite them. I guess my question is, how is it offensive?  The question is more just because I am genuinly curious.  I didn't realize people felt so strongly about gift giving..lol. *sits down in the no gift corner again*
    Posted by tiffbot1985[/QUOTE]

    I just think it's common courtesy to bring a gift. Yes they are there to celebrate with you, but you are giving them a meal, booze, a favor, dancing etc. They can give you something to thank you and to help you celebrate the big step in your lives.
  • apaadzzzzapaadzzzz member
    2500 Comments
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:b8e05d21-9ec8-4b46-9027-28a79d34ff7d">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm just gonna talk.  As I'm clearly sitting in the empty corner by myself with no gifts :) I'm not like, pointing fingers or saying what you are saying is wrong, really, I judge no one and am offended by no one's comments. But to me, the reason I'm inviting everyone is to see them and celebrate the day with us. I'm not inviting them to bring me gifts, that'll just be an added bonus from the people who do. Before you all flame me, I do bring gifts to everyone's wedding.  I'm not saying I don't..lol.  But I really don't think it's a big deal if someone doesn't or if they don't have the money for it.   To me, we're hosting a wedding to bring everyone together.  If I didn't want to pay for their supper, we wouldn't invite them.<strong> I guess my question is, how is it offensive?</strong>  The question is more just because I am genuinly curious.  I didn't realize people felt so strongly about gift giving..lol. *sits down in the no gift corner again*Posted by tiffbot1985[/QUOTE]


    For me it's not that I want a gift, it's that I would never show up somewhere invited, and not bring a gift. I could never do it. Not for a wedding or a casual dinner. I can't imagine if anyone were to think it was OK. So it's not the not getting a gift part, it's wow I can't believe they wouldn't bring a gift to a wedding. In this case the wedding just happens to be mine.

    Same why I judge trick or treaters for not saying please or thank you. Or if someone anywhere did something rude I would raise an eyebrow.  Just like I raise an eyebrow at our friends that come over and bring a six pack of beer no one drinks, but drink a case of the good stuff we brought.
    Posted by tiffbot1985[/QUOTE]
  • edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:2145505a-1b67-400d-8df1-4dc59202fad3">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honesty Box : For me it's not that I want a gift, it's that I would never show up somewhere invited, and not bring a gift. I could never do it. Not for a wedding or a casual dinner. I can't imagine if anyone were to think it was OK. So it's not the not getting a gift part, it's wow I can't believe they wouldn't bring a gift to a wedding. In this case the wedding just happens to be mine. Same why I judge trick or treaters for not saying please or thank you. Or if someone anywhere did something rude I would raise an eyebrow.  Just like I raise an eyebrow at our friends that come over and bring a six pack of beer no one drinks, but drink a case of the good stuff we brought.
    Posted by apaadzzzz[/QUOTE]
    ^^ This!!  Well said, Jenna!  :-)   Except, in general, I do more than raise an eyebrow, which is why my mouth gets me in trouble at times, haha.

    Also, another reason why I'd be offended is that my parents and I have been  more than generous to EVERYONE who's invited on my side... whether it's been for weddings, baptisms, needing someplace to stay, needing favors, needing money, etc.  So I would take it as a slap in the face if, after all that we've done for them, they were to show up at my wedding empty-handed.
    image 182 Invited
    image 0 Are ready to party!
    image 0 Will be missing the fun
    image 0 Can't find the mailbox...

    RSVP Deadline: June 15, 2011
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ok thanks for the answers :)

    I've just seen so many subjects that raise so much opinion since I joined TK, that I never really realized were subject to so much opinion.  I've found it to be really interesting to understand where it all comes from.

    I'm too laid back for wedding planning...lol!
    image Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:673c2765-27a4-4414-8caa-94b05e69e88f">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since we're having a semi-DW I said I wouldn't be offended if people didn't give us a gift.  They are already spending a lot of money and taking time from work to come to our wedding and that is enough for us. If none of our guests had to travel, I'd probably be surprised if someone didn't give us at least a card.  I think it's weird to not give something because I would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, but I don't think I'd be too angry/upset.  It might depend on who the person was though.
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]
    These are my feelings exactly... because I'm having a DW, and I know exactly how expensive it's going to be for the guests. They don't owe me anything, and the gesture and their presence is more than enough. However, I do expect (just because of who they are, to us and in general as people) that some will still bring or send gifts- even nice gifts. I have no idea, but I'm sure plenty will.

    But... if we were having a local wedding, I would be with the other girls, (sorry Brittany- still <3 you though! : ) except I may not hold a grudge beyond other gift-giving occasions ; )
    7.23.11
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2011-weddings_honesty-box-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:647Discussion:0488d4b6-57ed-47cd-b473-30ffe2130555Post:d8b23e7c-707a-41de-bdb1-f08359bde9c8">Re: Honesty Box</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honesty Box : These are my feelings exactly... because I'm having a DW, and I know exactly how expensive it's going to be for the guests. They don't owe me anything, and the gesture and their presence is more than enough. However, I do expect (just because of who they are, to us and in general as people) that some will still bring or send gifts- even nice gifts. I have no idea, but I'm sure plenty will. But... if we were having a local wedding, I would be with the other girls, <strong>(sorry Brittany- still <3 you though! : )</strong> except I may not hold a grudge beyond other gift-giving occasions ; )
    Posted by greenkitty23[/QUOTE]


    Haha that's ok!!  I don't expect everyone to have the same opinions or feelings as me!  I heart you too!
    image Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • One of my best friends from college got married and something came up an I could not attend her wedding (in Washington DC).  I had already planned a certain amount to spend on her gift, but since I had also saved up for the gas and hotel to go to her wedding, and didn't end up needing it, I put that $$ on her gift and got her a better gift and shipped it to her with regrets.  She called and was so appreciative.  Every wedding I've been to, I feel like I need to bring something.  When I was a kid going to family weddings with my parents, we would bring a "family" gift, but now that I'm independent, I bring my own gift.  I guess it's just common southern etiquette.  

    As a bride I would be a little put-off if someone came without anything as a gift, even a 99 cent card would be fine, but I understand that not everyone can afford to do that AND travel to the wedding if it's OOT for them.  

    Good poll for today! 
    July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
    image
  • I would be offended. I am one of those who never goes anywhere empty handed. I bring a bottle of wine, desserts,  if I go to a friends house for dinner. 

    I think it is common courtesy to bring a little gift or make an effort, even if you can't afford a big gift. I get that times are tough but like others stated, I would rather have a small picture frame or something that shows someone put a little effort into it. 


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I would be surprised based on what I know about our guests (that they like to give gifts), but I would not be offended. I know that a few people are struggling these days, and that attending our wedding will mean time off from work, the cost of a flight or gas to come, and a hotel room. I'd much rather they come and not give a gift than to stay home and send something because they can't afford to do both.
  • I would be surprised and offended. Who goes to a wedding empty handed? Sheesh.

    The exception - DW's. As the DW girls said, if people are spending tons of money to celebrate your day with you, then I'm willing to cut them a little slack. Having said that, even for a DW, I would still make sure I brought at least a small gift.
  • Like all of you, I would never go to someone's house for dinner and not show up with something, an appetizer, a gift, booze, whatever.  I definitely would not go to a wedding without a gift.  If I couldn't afford one, I would decline the wedding invite.  
  • I wouldn't do anything about it or hold a grudge because I just don't think it is worth it. But I personally would not go to someones wedding with out a gift knowing that they spent so much time and money to put together sucha great celebration and considered me important enough to be involved, but that is just me! Some people just don't understand!
    TTC since April 2012
    BFP #1 9/26/12 EDD 6/7/13 MC at 5w2d on 10/6/12
    BFP #2 1/18/13 EDD 9/29/13
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic image Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    My Blog
  • I definitely agree with the majority on this one! :) For me, it's about the gesture, rather than the price of the gift - especially for our friends, who are young and not all in the best of financial situations. I wouldn't expect anything fancy from them. But I know my FMIL is expecting really good gifts from her friends, since they've given good gifts at those people's kids' weddings in the past! She'll be way more pissed than I will if those people don't get us gifts, considering I've never even met them!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards