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October 2010 Weddings

Does being married

change things?

I know a lot of you live with your FI already, and for those of us who don't that will be an obvious change (same for sex).  However, i have been told that actually being married changes things somehow.  Thoughts?  What do you think this 'change' is?

Re: Does being married

  • I hope it doesn't. We live together, have for four years, and are soo happy!
    I think children will change things. And I won't lie, it really concerns me. Not that we wont make it, but that it will bring on some hard times, and I hope it doesn't.
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    Crystal and Shawn
  • I honestly don't think anything will change with FI and I.  We live together, manage our finances well, have pets etc.  Nothing will change except my last name and our new hardware (rings).

    I agree with Crystal, though.  Children will change things.  It does scare me a bit, too.  I want children, but I'm afraid of the hardships it could bring.  I wanted children right away, but whenever I think about it now, it's more a question of, "How will we be able to afford this/have time for this/manage this?"
    Laura
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  • see idk....i think that it will change something even if its ever so slightly.  Just one of those things that you are officially there for life.  Yes we plan the weddings and some of us live with them, but i feel like something will change...not necessarily for the worse, but yah
  • I don't think it will for us but some of my local knotties that just got married were talking about this at a gtg and they say it does.  Not bad but marriage brings you closer to each other and stuff.
    Michelle and Chris 10.10.10 ~Planning Bio~Updated September 12th~ 10/10 Siggy challenge: Walking down the aisle Photobucket
  • edited June 2010
    I think day-to-day, nothing will change.  I've heard many friends say that it "feels different".  I can understand that.  One day we were boyfriend/girlfriend and the next day we were fiance/fiancee without anything else changing, and it definitely felt different.  I agree, children change everything!
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  • I think it will change things, in a good way. Marriage is a serious thing and I've been told it's the "hardest job".  But, I think it could change things in a way that's positive, if you let it.  Children will definitely change everything... and yes that's scary to people like us who don't have any but it could also be the greatest experience of our lives.  Everything worth having is something you have to work for, children will be no exception to that.  There will be hardships but it will also bring the greatest joy so I'm excited for everything that we have in store - bad times, good times... all of it!
    Erika & Joel
    10.30.10
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  • In Response to Re: Does being married:
    [QUOTE I wanted children right away, but whenever I think about it now, it's more a question of, "How will we be able to afford this/have time for this/manage this?"
    Posted by xoxpipahxox[/QUOTE]


    Take it from someone who has 3 kids already... you just make it work.  I had my first son when I was 19 and we didn't have a penny to our names we didn't even have a car.  But you make it work and as long as you both are on the same page with parenting then you will just fine.  It is an awesome experience and I don't know what I would do with out my kids.  Trust me things will be tough at times but as long as you both still love/want to be together you will be fine.   Just remember to take time for each other even if it is 5 minutes it will make all the difference.
    Michelle and Chris 10.10.10 ~Planning Bio~Updated September 12th~ 10/10 Siggy challenge: Walking down the aisle Photobucket
  • I honestly don't know which way to lean on this one.  FI and I live together, and I am hoping it doesn't change things too much, but in some ways, I hope it does change things for the better.  I mean, I don't want to get married, go on the honeymoon, come back, and have it be same old same old.  I hope that some little spark, or feeling, or something, emerges after we are officially husband and wife.  Does that make sense?

    In terms of kids, we were talking with our pastor, and he was telling us that kids changed his marriage alot.  His wife and himself were married 9 years before they had kids, and thought that they were all set for it (especially emotionally, he is a pastor and told us they focused on making sure that area was rock solid); he told us that when they had their 3rd child (they had a 4 year old and a 2 year old at the time of the 3rd childs birth) their marriage was at it's rockiest, and he said there were days he didn't think they were going to make it.  He said they had to really put time and effort into making sure their relationship didn't fall apart.

    Not telling this to discourage from having kids or to scare anyone, but he told us this because he wanted to make sure we understood the toll kids can take on a relationship, and to make sure we are ready; for us, he recommended waiting longer than a year and a half to have kids.  Once they are there, there's no changing the situation.  And he said that couples who have kids within the first two years of marriage are statistically more likely to get divorced (and it's usually around the 7 year mark that it happens).

    Because of this, we thought long and hard and had discussions about what to do and when to have kids, and it's one of the reasons I had the Mirena put in; that way, we really have to make the decision to have kids before we do, and so it doesn't happen unexpectedly.  We want to make sure that our marriage is the best it can be before we throw the stress of kids on top of it.
  • Keith and I have lived together for 10 years.  And even just after we got engaged, things changed.  I don't know what changed really, but something did. 

    It's like, it's REAL now or something.  Not that it wasn't real before, and not that we ever broke up or anything like that, but now it's FOR REAL.  Like, we are actually starting our FOR REAL lives now.  LOL  I know that sounds SOOOO dumb, but it's just really hard to explain.
  • This is my second marriage, and I can tell you that there is something that is indescribable about the way you feel right after you get married.  Ask most women and they will tell you the same thing.  As for children they will forever change your life.  And there is no love like that of a mother and child, not even your husband.  It's just different.  As in life, change comes and goes, it's inevitable.  There are wonderful times ahead of you.  If you have a great relationship and are truely in love, it's what most of us strive for.  Don't be afraid, live and love your life.  We only get one shot at it. 
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  • Thats a good point Mrs.BriarRose.  We are waiting to have kids.  We want to enjoy each other and make sure that we are emotionally/finically stable before having kids.  We aren't concerned about problems really when its just the two of us but we are once the kids come along.

    Hmm 7  years itch...i'm gonna think about that one.  Where we plan to be at that point. 
  • I don't think anything will change, and I certainly hope it doesn't!  Tom and I already live together and share all of the finances (well I don't work so really he pays everything), and I have a son (with someone else) who we share equal custody with.  So in the day to day things I don't think anything will change.  We haven't decided if we want another child yet so that would be something that might change, but right now everything is perfect.
    Heather and Tom 10.10.10 10.10.10 - Tom and Heather Sitting on the Dock
  • Nothing will change for us. We've been living together and attached at the hip for almost our whole 5.5 year relationship. Brian says one of the reasons he isn't really into 'planning' the wedding is that other then titles, nothing is really changing, it's just a big party! I laughed when he said that, it's so him.
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  • i think things will change for me and FI but in a good way honestly. i think he and i will just be able to truly start our life together. we have already been through it all...kids (not together...but we came into our marriage with them lol) the hard times, because my ex husband hasnt paid child support and we have had to learn to live without it. we have been through alot and continue to go through bad rough times...so i figure we will be ok...
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  • In Response to Re: Does being married:
    [QUOTE]This is my second marriage, and I can tell you that there is something that is indescribable about the way you feel right after you get married.  Ask most women and they will tell you the same thing.  As for children they will forever change your life.  And there is no love like that of a mother and child, not even your husband.  It's just different.  As in life, change comes and goes, it's inevitable.  There are wonderful times ahead of you.  If you have a great relationship and are truely in love, it's what most of us strive for.  Don't be afraid, live and love your life.  We only get one shot at it. 
    Posted by Erin McCormack[/QUOTE]

    Very well put  :)
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    I married my soulmate on 10-3-10 :)
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  • Other than material things, we'll still be the same people. I've only been living with Ryan for a few months now. We're still getting used to each other in the same home. Sex... well that has already changed. But hopefully it'll be a little different when we don't have to worry so much.

    ~* Diana *~ ~* October 9, 2010 *~

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  • I agree that things changed a little when we got engaged, but only for the better.  I felt more of a connection to him (and I didn't think that was possible) so I hope that the same goes for marriage. 

    [url=http://www.servimg.com/image_preview.php?i=123&u=16236147][img]http://i72.servimg.com/u/f72/16/23/61/47/53706910.jpg[/img][/url]
  • In Response to Re: Does being married:
    [QUOTE] I don't know what changed really, but something did.  It's like, it's REAL now or something.  Not that it wasn't real before, and not that we ever broke up or anything like that, but now it's FOR REAL.  Like, we are actually starting our FOR REAL lives now.  LOL  I know that sounds SOOOO dumb, but it's just really hard to explain.
    Posted by Tisha.[/QUOTE]

    Bingo, I think you hit it right on the head.  It's for keeps, for forever. It's not like when you are just bf/gf, or even engaged, where if one of you wants to break it off, it's easily done; you can't just pack your stuff up and move out and move on with another relationship.  Now, it's a commitment made to each other, and it's forever.  It's for real, just like you said!
  • I think it will change for the better. I noticed some changes after the engagement, and as the day is getting closer we have moments. I almost cried holding his ring thinking this will be my husband's ring.
  • Diana, glad to hear someone else going through this.  With the stress of everything, our sex-life has changed. Looking forward to being done with the wedding and I think the fact that we'll be married with make it even better.

    Otherwise I don't think much will change for us.  We've been living together for almost a year (July 1 2009 we got our first apt together).  It will just be official...

    It's kind of like our apt situation.  Our 1st apt was basically a studio with a bedroom.  We thought it was nice and everything...but now that we moved in May 10, our new apt is a 2 bd, has SS and granite kitchen, deck,etc.  We joke that our first place was our bf/gf place and now our current place is husband/wife place :O)
  • As a lot of others said before, I think it will change things in a good way. I can't wait to just be his "wife". We've been together for 7 years and I feel like I've been waiting forever to marry this man.

    We haven't ever lived together, but we've been attached at the hip for our entire relationship and we wouldn't have it any other way! :)

    Kids will definitely change things, but I can't wait.(However we've agreed to wait until we have financial stability and have our own home) I feel like that's yet another experience that brings you both closer together.
    !Happily Married!
  • For us I know things will change a bit. But thats because right now I travel for a living and my job is based in another state, though its only an hour away. Even though we live together for part of the week I'm gone at least 3 days a week. So after the wedding Jas should be graduated from his masters, hopefully (fingers crossed) have a good job, and we might not even be living in the same area anymore.  
    I'm actually looking forward to it because when I got hurt and was on medical leave for 6 months we were actually together everyday and honestly it was so amazing, it was like we were already married, I can't wait for that feeling again.
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  • I know things will change for us.  Hopefully all for the better!  David already has a little girl so we already have the kid added into the mix and it will change a little more when we are married because he is going to request a change in the custody arrangement to have us have her during the week so she can have a more consistent schedule for school and we want to try and have a baby within a year or so of getting married so I know things will change but hopefully it will bring us closer together.  We get asked a lot why we don't wait longer to have a baby but we don't actually get anytime to ourselves as it is and we aren't even getting a HM until March or April because we will have his daughter and her mom refuses to take anytime off work so we can have sometime so we decided to go ahead and try for a HM baby in March or April.  That will give us a little over a year married but again we go directly from husband and wife to parents the Monday after the wedding.  Plus David doesn't want to be too "old" (his words) when we have a baby.
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  • WOW I guess I am the only one that thinks it will change DRAMATICALLY, but then again I am one of the few people out there not living with my FI, and I will not live with him until after we are married.  So I will be moving in after the wedding, suddenly be living with someone, and I still have to find a job out there so a lot is going to change for me.  Really for both of us. IM EXCITED!!!!!
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  • I think that how his family looks at the decisions we make will change.  They will look at them as OUR decisions not my decisions with FI playing along.  This has already begun to change since we are now engaged.  I agree with Previous Posts Children will definatly change things.  I think that when you have kids you have to pay more attention to working at your marriage.  I think very often you get very wrapped up in what the kids need and forget about what your spouse needs.  It will be important to try to keep some type of balance. 
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  • Having been married before...eh.  It's nothing significant, but it's also incredibly significant.  It's not as if anything IS different - the kisses feel the same, the sex is the same, the love is the same...but there's a werid bond-like vibe that just kind of appears after you say "I do."  I don't consider it "A CHANGE," as much as "a shift," if that makes sense. 

    Children, however, they change everything from how you view your spouse to how you view yourself. 
    10-10-10
  • I'm not really thinking marriage will bring too many changes, but I do agree with pp that kids will......but I am hoping that we can work out any differences and deal with things the best we can when any problems arise!

    Leigh Anne & Billy
    *October 2nd, 2010*
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  • I don't think saying "I do" will change anything besides when tax season rolls around.  We live together and already feel married, we just want it to be legal.

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  • Interesting responses. Thanks for posting this thread!

    As for me, I think it will "feel" different, as pps have said. It "felt" different when we got engaged. I imagine it will be similar once we're married. I can't wait!!!
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