Wedding Etiquette Forum

"Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?

My Fiance is Mexican...I am American. He was born here and his parents have lived here for over 24 years, they speak English perfectly and seem to have things pretty well figured out. So far the wedding planning is going pretty well. We are trying to incorporate both cultures and have it be as bilingual as possible since a lot of his family and friends haven't lived here as long.

However, I discovered today, as we were going to do our registry in one of our stores, that we're only doing this for my side because his friends and family, which make up 3/4 of the guest list, "are not even going to look at it....because Mexican's don't use registries."

We came home and were talking to his parents about it, and they agreed. His dad said "Oh yea...they're going to get you something they think is unique and there won't be a gift receipt. And they're going to want to give it to you in person, so expect a lot of people coming around before the wedding."

I'm sure all of you understand...that I am torn between "oh I should just be gracious and thankful regardless" and "OMG what a nightmare!" I feel selfish...and I know I will still be thankful for the thought put into it....but what am I going to do with all that stuff?

I love his family and all of his family friends....they're wonderful...and I do speak spanish so we really are very close with them. I'm fine with the cultural differences. In fact, we're teaching our children spanish first before english.

WHAT SHOULD  I DO???? Can I tell people to please, for the love of God, use the registry!!? Or is that rude... I don't know what to do. I don't want to end up with a bunch of random stuff that I can't return and have no where to put. Our house we'll be living in is small....but the thing is we both just graduated, so we do actually NEED the stuff on our registries.

Please help me.

Re: "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?

  • Sorry but gifts are gifts.  All you can do is smile and be thankful and gracious about anything you get.
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  • Also, a registry is just a guide/suggestion to your guests.  It's not required that they use it.  We had some gifts that weren't from our registry and that was even from Americans.  ;)
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  • You cannot tell anyone anything. Accept the gift and keep it moving.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:072a90ba-35a8-486d-9c7f-7d569fd14a6a">"Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Fiance is Mexican...I am American. He was born here and his parents have lived here for over 24 years, they speak English perfectly and seem to have things pretty well figured out. So far the wedding planning is going pretty well. We are trying to incorporate both cultures and have it be as bilingual as possible since a lot of his family are not as well-adapted as he and his parents are. However, I discovered today, as we were going to do our registry in one of our stores, that we're only doing this for my side because his friends and femily, which make up 3/4 of the guest list, "are not even going to look at....because Mexican's don't use registries." We came home and were talking to his parents about it, and they agreed. His dad said "Oh yea...they're going to get you something they think is unique and there won't be a gift receipt. And they're going to want to give it to you in person, so expect a lot of people coming around before the wedding." I'm sure all of you understand...that I am torn between "oh I should just be gracious and thankful regardless" and "OMG what a nightmare!" I love his family and all of his family friends....they're wonderful...and I do speak spanish so we really are very close with them. I'm fine with the cultural differences. In fact, we're teaching our children spanish first before english. WHAT SHOULD  I DO???? Can I tell people to please, for the love of God, use the registry!!? Or is that rude... I don't know what to do. I don't want to end up with a bunch of random stuff that I can't return and have no where to put. Our house we'll be living in is small....but the thing is we both just graduated, so we do actually NEED the stuff on our registries. Please help me.
    Posted by nealma[/QUOTE]

    It's not mandatory for a guest to give you a wedding present, so yes, it is rude to tell people to use your registry.  Also, I think saying Mexican's don't use registries is a very stereotypical statement and you should really be more aware of how offensive that sounds to group people together like that. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:48d5efb9-c03c-4f7f-b39f-ce62308cbc93">Re: "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it? : It's not mandatory for a guest to give you a wedding present, so yes, it is rude to tell people to use your registry.  <strong>Also, I think saying Mexican's don't use registries is a very stereotypical statement and you should really be more aware of how offensive that sounds to group people together like that. </strong>
    Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

    Cut her some slack, her FI is Mexican and he is the one who said it, she has it in quotes.
  • Actually, I think her fi is American if he was born here, as OP wrote.  But in any case, OP, no guest is required to use the registry and many couples don't register at all.  If you receive gifts you don't care for, you can return, regift, or make a terrific doantion to your local Goodwill or other charity.  My guess, though, is that you'll really love seeing what people come up with and that some of the surprises will end up being among your favorite gifts. 
  • edited June 2010
    All you can do is be thankful that they are getting you a gift.  Before you get all worked up over some guests not using the registry just think you may receive gifts with more thought and care put into choosing them.   I would rather receive a handmade quilt over a Bed and Bath quilt. 
  • My fiance...who is Mexican, is the one who said "Mexicans don't use registries."

    It is a direct quote. But I will tell him to stop being stereotypical to his own people...err....


    Thanks everyone. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and be thankful. Its not worth upsetting people and I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think it will be.



  • WTF, seriously?  NO, you cannot dictate what gift people give you, ever.  Regardless of culture or nationality, nobody is obligated to use your registry.  It's there only as a suggestion if people ask you what you would like.  If they don't ask you what you want and wish to choose something for you themselves you should be grateful that they thought of you and thank them graciously.  If you don't want/can't use the stuff then you figure out what to do with it later but you NEVER tell somebody what type of gift they must buy you.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:5e8740e2-cf2c-4e89-a349-b75ee83be450">Re: "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance...who is Mexican, is the one who said "Mexicans don't use registries." It is a direct quote. But I will tell him to stop being stereotypical to his own people...err.... Thanks everyone. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and be thankful. Its not worth upsetting people and I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think it will be.
    Posted by nealma[/QUOTE]

    Well actually you should to be quite honest.  There's nothing worse then raising biracial children and teaching them to make such generalizations about a culture. 
  • Actually, I think you're going to end up with a lot of awesome stuff you're really going to end up loving. They're Mexicans, not morons.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:5e8740e2-cf2c-4e89-a349-b75ee83be450">Re: "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think it will be.
    Posted by nealma[/QUOTE]

    <div>You are putting way too much emphasis on gifts. Just be excited to be getting married. That's what this is all about anyway. Not presents. </div>
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  • Thanks for all the scathing responses....which is just what I needed to bring me out of the clouds and back down to earth where I do, actually, have manners....and I know I can't say anything to people.

    Also, in the end, I know I'll probably love most of the stuff.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:23049468-ddc5-4de5-9d31-66347307966b">Re: "Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, I think you're going to end up with a lot of awesome stuff you're really going to end up loving. They're Mexicans, not morons.
    Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]

    Word.

    My best friend married a Mexican guy, FWIW, and they got gifts off the registry for the shower and cash for the wedding.  I remember she got one random gift from his grandma, but it was fine.  I think your FI might be exaggerating/pulling your leg a bit.

    Either way, relax.
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  • I married a Mexican and we had two registries - one in the States, and one there...  Almost all the gifts we received were actually from the registries.  Of course we also got non-registry gifts, but it happened from both sides.  And we got cash.

    I think your FI is either pulling your leg or is honestly just a typical clueless man who knows nothing of weddings.  My DH probably would have said the same thing, and he would have been dead wrong ;)
  • In the end, you can't actuall tell people to buy things off of the registry. If people ask, that's fine, but if they choose to get you something on their own, then thank them and be gracious about it.

    FWIW, my mom thinks everyone leaves straight from the wedding and heads right to the honeymoon. Just because she thinks that, it doesn't make it true. The same thing is probably true for your Fi. Don't stress out about it.

    You will probably get a lot of the stuff off of your registry regardless, and some of the random things might be some of your favorites.
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  • Just because they are Mexican doesn't mean they will have bad taste!  Just relax.  Maybe you'll be surprised and get some beautiful things that you will love, even though they're not off the registry.

    PS- half my family is Mexican... they use registries all the time. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mexicans-dont-use-registries-tell-use?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2448f7f-1a37-47a7-9cbd-19f9a29ba8b3Post:072a90ba-35a8-486d-9c7f-7d569fd14a6a">"Mexicans don't use registries..." What!? How do I tell them to use it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]WHAT SHOULD  I DO???? Can I tell people to please, for the love of God, use the registry!!? Or is that rude... I don't know what to do. I don't want to end up with a bunch of random stuff that I can't return and have no where to put. Our house we'll be living in is small....but the thing is we both just graduated, so we do actually NEED the stuff on our registries. Please help me.
    <p>Posted by nealma[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Here's a novel thought: Let them buy whatever the fuuck they want for you and be grateful, rather than dictating the gifts that you're clearly expecting. </p>
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