Chit Chat

How Young Is Too Young?

I am 18 and I know my boyfriend is going to propose soon. My borthday is in October so I will probably be 19 when it happens. However, if I try to talk to my mom or grandmom ( my dad stills sees me a daddy's little girl so he aboids the subject completely) they say I'm too young to get married and literallly will not listen when I try to tell them that I'm not getting married til I am done college ad by then I will be 21-22. How young is too young to get married?
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Re: How Young Is Too Young?

  • You haven't had a chance to get any living in @ 18. I know its hard, but try listening to your parents, they have been around for a little long than you have and may just possibly be right on this subject. You'll have plenty of time to be married later, don't rush it, if he is the right guy, he will still be around when the time is right.
  • Look at it tihs way: If you are in love and want to get married, why not wait another few years? You'll be a little older, a little wiser, and will have experienced more of life before you committ to someone for the rest of it.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    I'm a mom of three, and had any of my children told me at age 18 that they were getting engaged, my response would have been exactly the same as your mom's, dad's and grandma's.

    First of all, I think that you're too young  if the word "teen" is still part of your age.  I think you're too young if you don't have enough education to support yourself AND a family should something happen to your husband.  I think you're too young if you haven't actually been on your own yet:  paying all of your bills, holding down a job while living in your own place and managing all that that entails.

    If you don't intend to get married until after you graduate from college anyway, I'm not sure I see the need to be engaged.  You can still date each other, you can still be a couple, but why the engagement?  If you can give me a single reason beyond:  "we love each other, and know we want to be married someday." , then okay.

    But I wouldn't get engaged yet.  Finish your education.  Be responsible only for yourself.  Be a separate entity from your parents, your boyfriend.  Experience some life.  Then think about being engaged and married.

    That's what parents want for their kids.  Listen to your mom, dad, and grandma.  I know you don't believe it now, but they're  right.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_young-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3e545ad-1ed9-484e-a88d-7c5cad9bb898Post:0fc141d4-321c-4f10-b688-acbfedf00cd0">How Young Is Too Young?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am 18 and I know my boyfriend is going to propose soon. My borthday is in October so I will probably be 19 when it happens. However, if I try to talk to my mom or grandmom ( my dad stills sees me a daddy's little girl so he aboids the subject completely) they say I'm too young to get married and literallly will not listen when I try to tell them that I'm not getting married til I am done college ad by then I will be 21-22. How young is too young to get married?
    Posted by luckygrl1224[/QUOTE]

    If you have to ask, you're too young. And if you feel like you have to convince others that you're old enough to get married, you're too young.
  • There is no magic age, IMO, but if everyone close to you agrees you're too young that's an excellent sign that it's true.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • I forget what the statistics are, but I think you are less likely to divorce if you marry in your 30's rather than your 20's, and definitely the teen years.  People are usually financially established (a big reason for divorce), are successful in their career, and have a better sense of "self."

    I say get married when you, your partner, and your relationship is ready.  DH and I knew we wanted to get married, but we waited 5 years until we were both finished with our undergraduate degrees.  We grew a lot and changed in those years, and I'm very happy that we waited.
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  • Just think about how much you have changed as a person since you were say, 13. You're probably almost a different person, right? I know I was.

    Now, think about the fact that you're going to change even more in the next 4 to 5 years. That's why I'm not a huge fan of getting married at 18. Most people aren't done growing into themselves at 18.

  • I don't think there is a problem to get engaged at 19 and not get married till you are ready. Myself I got engaged at 23 and was still in school and the one thing I told my FI was that I wanted to get done with school.. that was VERY important to me. (granted I should of been done, but I didn't have the money right out of high school to pay for college). And now at 27 (yes it's been awhile) we are going to get married next year. But the fact is we are both ready to get married to go out and do things together. We had that time to grow, and I think you need to grow. 19 is too young, just think you can't legally drink at your wedding. So what fun will that be?
     
    IMO (and I'll get a lot of heat for this on the knot boards) too many women get married and never think ahead of the wedding itself.  And then what you two sit next to each other broke and don't fully know yourselves yet? Think ahead of the whole marriage thing, what happens next? Kids? Career? What do you want to do in your life. and yes it could include him, but you don't want to get married too young and then realize that now you can't go explore the world/life the way you want to.

  • I was engaged when I was 20, now I am 24. Its hard to imagine that I was going to get married to this man. I have changed so much in the past 4 years.  My ex fiance and I broke up 3 weeks before the wedding I was crushed. When he came back in town he wanted to see me so we had lunch, this was probably 6 months after we broke up. Anyways, sitting there having lunch with him I realized that him and I are not the same person that we were when we were together. It made me realize that we both were too young to get married.

    I think mid to late 20's is a good time to get married. Both parties have experinced the ups and downs of life, and most people have a career by that time.
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  • I choose 26-29, even though I got married at 24.

    I was going to say what Trix said, that if "teen" is still in your age then you're too young. I can't take a teenage couple seriously when they say they are getting married. I agree that there is no magic number and that everyone's maturity levels vary, but until you've been out on your own for awhile and had a chance to truly grow as a person, you have no business getting married.
  • It is ironic.  I was just talking to hubby about this yesterday.  If I would have married the man I was engaged to at 20, I would be miserable today.  Because of my life experiences over the last 15 years, I was a totally different person when I got married.  I had a blast!  I went out, had relationships, travelled, worked and established my own money and most importantly, I experienced life.  I am still friends with my ex-fiance, even after all these years.  But honestly, I would not be happy being married to him now. We wanted two different things in life.  He wanted the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids and the golden retriever. I  wanted the bright lights and big city life.  My point is that you are going to change.  For 18 years, you have been under the control of your parents and the state.  Now you have the chance to break out and see what kind of person you really are.  Enjoy it and use this time to discover who you are as an individual, not who you are as part of another unit.
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  • Fi was engaged at your age, and often says that they might be divorced if they had gotten married.  To play devils advocate I often think this is a silly thing to say.  The fact that they did not get married changed him, he grew up a lot, but in different ways.  If they had gotten married I don't think he would be who he is today.  Your choices in life (or what life does to you) change who you are, and some young couples grow together.  Had Fi's first Fi not died he would not be who he is, so there is no way to tell if they would have been happy. 

    This is not to down play how hard it is for a young couple.  Many people that age are not willing to work at their relationship, and you will go through hard times.  Can you get through them?  I don't know, you don't really either.  Its a hard road, so think about what you would be willing to do to make it work.  Also do think about how this will impact you economically.  Life will be hard, know that, but if your the type of person who can make it work, you may make it work. 
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  • I say it's your life and if that's what you feel you want to do you should go ahead and do it. I was 18 when I got engaged and I will be 19 when I get married. I've been on my own for over a year I've paid my own bills I've supported myself I have my own car, my own apartment. I've given myself great credit, my fiance is the same way we do it all on our own he's already graduated school we both know we can support ourselves and each other. My family and his were completely supportive when FI asked my parents for permission to be respectful and my parents were very happy for us! People always ask how old I am when I telll them I'm engaged and I never let it bother me because, I shouldn't have to! I think you have to decide what is right for you and your life. Were going to be perfectly happy together we've done the go out and party but being with random people is not something I want anymore I'm ready to share everything with one person because that is what makes me happy :) Good luck to you!
  • Scientific research has shown that the human brain does not reach it's full maturity till about the age of 25 or 26.  What that means is you are not yet who you are going to be for the rest of your life.  The divorce rate is much higer for couples where one or both partners is under the age 25 at the time of the marriage.  Quite simply the adult you become might hate the adult he becomes or vice versa.  Wait, see what life has to offer.  And if it's truly meant to be you will both be ready in a few years.
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    I married the same guy I had been dating since I was 16.  We got married at 27.  As a couple, we decided that it would be best to finish school, start our careers, grow (hopefully together), and see where we end up.  We changed a lot during our 10 years of dating.  Luckily we changed together.  That doesn't always happen.  There's a lot of growing up in your 20s.  I think if we had gotten married when we were 21/22, I don't know if we would have actually made it to where we are now.  If you two know you're going to be together for life then what's the rush?  
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  • I am engaged and I am 19. My FI is younger than me. I don't think there is a right age, it all depends on your situation. For most people it is a young age, but for you it may be right. 
    It all depends on how you were raised, and your life experiences. In my case, I feel that I've been through enough and I'm done having my "fun." When I get married I will be 20. I don't think it's too early. 
    But I think if you have to ask yourself and others... you may not be ready for it.

    It's your life. No one else's. Choose wisely and deal with the consequences. Good or bad.
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  • I agree 100% with mysticl
  • Frankly, I don't really care how mature you are, if you can't legally drink at your own wedding, you're too young.

    If he really is The One, he'll always be the one, and it doesn't matter if you do the paperwork in two years or twenty.  What's the rush?
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  • I was madly in love with my boyfriend when I was 18.  We talked marriage when I was 22.  I'm 29 and engaged now....but not to him.  Enough said.

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  • I am getting married at 23. College needs to get finished first.
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  • If I got married to the guy I was dating at 18 my life would be a sorry mess.  I grew up so much in my early twenties. 

    Seriously - what is the rush?
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  • If it is the right thing to do now, it will still be the right thing to do in 3 or 4 years.  Have a long engagement. 
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  • I think you should wait until you're 20 to get engaged.  Wait another year or year and a half, then re-evaluate.

  • There's not a magic age, but I have to concur with what other people have said: If your family is saying no, there's a reason and you should really listen to them.  If I had married the guy I was seeing when I was your age my life would be miserable. I remember one day when I was 22 my dad pulled me aside and said, "How much longer do we have to put up with him for?" And that's when I really knew I had to break up with him.  My family saw something and I deep down I knew they were right.  And thank goodness I listened! If I hadn't listened I wouldn't have ended up breaking up with him and moving to Seattle where I met the man of my dreams I'm marrying in October.  I'll be 26 then. 

    But really think about this, and try to listen to your parents! Believe it or not, they really do know a lot, as hard as it is to believe.
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  • I agree with the majority.... if you are asking if you are too young then you are probably too young. I know if I would have married the person I was with at that age I would have been horribly miserable right now. You have to find out who you and your boyfriend really are. You may learn new things about yourself (and he may do the same) over the next several years. If you both really love each other then neither of you will be upset with the idea of waiting. Make sure that you both are headed in the same direction in life before you make that kind of commitment. I have been with my fiance for 5 years now and we wont even be getting married until our 7th year. There is no rush. Take your time and make sure your choice is the rigth one first.
  • If you're not old enough to legally participate in the champagne toast, you shouldn't be at your own wedding.


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  • I got engaged at 18. I knew in my heart that I was too young, and I ended up breaking up with him after awhile because deep down I knew it was wrong for me. A few years later we ended up back together and married. If it's meant to be it will happen, don't rush it. If you're writing on this message board about being too young then you're already having doubts, listen to what your heart is telling you. And have a talk with him before he proposes to avoid a lot of hurt feelings.
  • Wow. Um. Tanks to everyone who responded. Its nice to get a fresh perspective and I am definately going to talk to him about some stuff. We have been together a lot, especially lately. I may need to take a short breather from him and see how things work out. Not break up or anything, just spend less time with him so I can figure out exactly what I want for myself. Maybe even study abroad in London for a semester like I've always wanted. Thank you all for your help.
  • I'd actually say he's too young before I'd say you're too young, but I'm a guy giving you the guy's perspective.  You could be super mature for your age, but either way, very few guys are late-20's mature at age 19, and guy's change A LOT when they reach their mid-20's in numerous ways.  I would have not made anyone a good husband in my early 20's, nor would most of my friends who got married at that age and ended up divorced, often from faults of their own.  So, I'll just ignore your questeion about whether you're too young and say you should wait becuase he's too young. :-)

    If you two really love each other, waiting a few years won't change anything and you'll still want to get engaged and married when you're done with school which is a much nicer time to get engaged and married anyway.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • I don't think I have changed much since I was 18.  However, I do know that if I had married the guy I was with at 18, I would be miserable today.  At the time I thought he was the one but college, traveling internationally, and living on my own definitely changed my perspective on what I want and need in a relationship.  I haven't changed much-but the guy I was dating certainly has.  I don't think there is an ideal age to get married because I think everyone is ready at different ages and different places in their lives.  However, if you were ready, you would not be asking this to a message board of people you have never met before.  The real thing, despite age, comes easily.  Please wait.  If it is right now, it will be right in the future and you will be more sure of it. 
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