"WP should always have a date/friend even if they're not seeing anyone"

Re: "WP should always have a date/friend even if they're not seeing anyone"

• OliveOilsMom member

  

  April 2012

  It's not required but a nice gesture to your WP.

  

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• aragx6 member

  

  April 2012

  Required? No, not technically. But these are your nearest and dearest friends and they are spending a lot of money to attend your wedding. If you can at all squeeze it into your budget to do so, I think offering your single WP members a date is the gracious thing to do.

  

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• kroot87 member

  

  April 2012

  It's not required, but IMO you should allow a guest for everyone in the BP, regardless of their relationship status.

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  April 2012

  Yeah, I've seen something like that before, but I don't agree with it. Why would you offer a non-relationship date to your BP and not other guests? To me, it's akin to only offering a champagne toast to the BP, or having a cash bar where the BP doesn't have to pay.

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• Lang125

  

  April 2012

  I agree - it is a nice gesture to allow your WP to each have a guest.  And if you do allow this guest, don't ask them  to pay for their guest to attend the rehearsal dinner or wedding.   My friend did that to me once when I was her bridesmaid and it came off pretty tacky - as in, I'm letting you have a guest but you have to pay for them.   RUDE! 

  

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• Megan+Adam member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  Hmmm ok. I'll try to make that work. 

  
  

  It's a bit of an issue because my family (who are paying for most of the wedding) lean towards the "no ring no bring" standard for +1s. They see giving +1s people who are "only in relationships" as a nice gesture but by no means necessary. I strongly disagree and have talked to them about this and I feel like I finally have them on board with giving +1s to people who are in serious relationships. I'm hoping to talk them into giving +1s to all people in relationships, but it's difficult because (for the most part) it isn't my money. If I start talking about giving +1s to people who aren't in relationships at all I think I may hit a wall. 

  
  

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• NessieGirl80 member

  

  April 2012

  I have 8 bridesmaids and about 4 of them are not married\in a relationship. Since they are my closests friends I spoke with  the ladies that were not in a relationship and told them that they are absolutley allowed to bring a plus 1 if they would like, and they have until about 2 weeks before the wedding to let me know. That way they don't feel pressured! 2 of the ladies that were not in a relationship just told me that they would prefer to go stag. Just ask them. It doesnt hurt.

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• aragx6 member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wp-should-always-have-a-datefriend-even-if-theyre-not-seeing-anyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:854302cc-9d9f-40a7-be4c-3fe04798fc9fPost:b019b58b-e928-420c-b5b6-35cb14cb27a2">Re: "WP should always have a date/friend even if they're not seeing anyone"</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hmmm ok. I'll try to make that work.  It's a bit of an issue because my family (who are paying for most of the wedding) lean towards the "no ring no bring" standard for +1s. They see giving +1s people who are "only in relationships" as a nice gesture but by no means necessary. I strongly disagree and have talked to them about this and I feel like I finally have them on board with giving +1s to people who are in serious relationships. I'm hoping to talk them into giving +1s to all people in relationships, but it's difficult because (for the most part) it isn't my money. If I start talking about giving +1s to people who aren't in relationships at all I think I may hit a wall. 
  Posted by Megan+Adam[/QUOTE]
  
  
  That is a tough situation! I just looked at your profile though and your wedding is still 16 months away -- I wouldn't bring this up again for a long long time. All of these people could well be in relationships by then!

  

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• Megan+Adam member

  

  April 2012

  You're right it is too early to be worrying about this. I haven't even picked my wedding party yet. Well I have in my head, but I haven't actually asked them yet and don't plan to for a while.

  
  

  I was just wondering because I wasn't aware of this E rule and I wanted to see how agreed upon it is. Especially since it could cause some disagreements later down the line. 

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• sbelle85 member

  

  April 2012

  We are giving all of our WP members the option of bringing a guest. The reasoning behind it is that unlike other guests, the members of the wedding party don't have the option of not attending the wedding if they're uncomfortable being there without a date.
  

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• Annas2013 member

  

  April 2012

  Considering how much money the BP sometimes puts into weddings, I think it's nice to let them bring a +1.  It's not required but it's really nice.  We're going to let all of ours have the option, even though they may not use it.  

  

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• tpender13 member

  

  April 2012

  Try looking at it this way. Don't give anybody +1s. But if a person is in any kind of a relationship when the invitations go out, you invite their SO by name.
  
  

  

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• spiment member

  

  April 2012

  Granted I'm new here and am not all that well-versed in etiquette but I actually don't agree with most of the posters here. As part of the wedding party you are required to spend a solid portion of the day stag--the ceremony, transportation, photos, entrance to reception, so they'll be with other people all day anyway (and the date will be by themselves all day). 

  
  

  I also think that if your family is paying for it and they're against it, you should bow to the whim of your family on this one. 

  
  

  Once you let your WP know they are your WP apologize profusely that unfortunately you can't offer them plus ones which will allow them to bow out gracefully if this is a deal breaker for them. Anyone who is close enough to be in your WP shouldn't find this so bad. If anything having to go stag and not being in the WP is worse--at least the WP is full of other people to mingle with!

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• Tami87 member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wp-should-always-have-a-datefriend-even-if-theyre-not-seeing-anyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:854302cc-9d9f-40a7-be4c-3fe04798fc9fPost:bbb31f34-f564-477f-9bb4-9548b15205b8">Re: "WP should always have a date/friend even if they're not seeing anyone"</a>:
  [QUOTE]As part of the wedding party you are required to spend a solid portion of the day stag--the ceremony, transportation, photos, entrance to reception, so they'll be with other people all day anyway (and the date will be by themselves all day).
  Posted by spiment[/QUOTE]
  
  While it is true that the wedding party will have to be in pictures etc, I am making every effort to not split them from their SO or guest if they choose to bring one. We are booking transportation with enough room for our bridal party and their dates so although it might be boring for the non-wedding party members to watch us take pictures at least they have the option of coming along and drinking champagne on the bus with us. Also you should allow your wedding party to sit with their dates at the reception. I am giving all of our wedding party the option of brining a date even if they do not have a SO. I don't think very many of them are going to, but I thought it was the right thing to do. Most of these people are traveling a significant distance and already spending money to be in the wedding.
  
  OP - since your wedding is still a ways off I would remember when budgeting that people may get into a relationship before your wedding so I would budget for extra guests. I have a 18 month engagement and I budgeted to give each single guest over age 18 a date. It was a good thing I did too, because many of my friends who were truly single when save the dates went out now are in a relationship. Obviously this won't happen with all of your guests, but you don't want to be in a situation of being over capacity or budget or not being able to accommodate your friends SO's.

  

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• Lisa50 member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wp-should-always-have-a-datefriend-even-if-theyre-not-seeing-anyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:854302cc-9d9f-40a7-be4c-3fe04798fc9fPost:b7c52d05-2db7-4231-a3aa-0746ae461c8a">"WP should always have a date/friend even if they're not seeing anyone"</a>:
  [QUOTE]Saw this in another thread and wanted to get some input.<strong> Is it true that you are required to give everyone in your WP a date even if they're single? I</strong> was just gonna go with +1s for people in relationships and people from oot who won't know many other people. Is that not okay E wise?
  Posted by Megan+Adam[/QUOTE]
  
  Why would you give everyone in your WP a date?  If someone is single, that's fine.  Do you feel you need to set them up so they'll have a date for the wedding.  I think I'm confused.
  
  But, I do know this ... as the host, you invite someone in a relationship with their partner (significant other), using the guest's first and last name on the envelope, not "and guest."

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