"Family only" ceremony, when I am family?

Re: "Family only" ceremony, when I am family?

• ootmother2 member

  

  June 2012

  I would say that family only includes parents, siblings and grandparents.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  June 2012

  oops
  
  
  and their SOs

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• StephBeanWed61502 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-only-ceremony-when-i-am-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffff7dcd-1361-46cc-b329-b322a1881a0dPost:d463abac-3ea5-4b6c-a8f3-3d777ec99863">"Family only" ceremony, when I am family?</a>:
  [QUOTE]So, I got a wedding invite from my cousin's fiance. The invite was for the reception only. When I went to their website, they had the details listed for the ceremony and stated that they wanted an intimate, "family-only" ceremony. I feel offended because he's one of my only cousins, and doesn't being his cousin qualify me as "family"???? I actually cannot attend the wedding, due to the fact that I live in another state and I start school a few days after the wedding. So I'm not terribly offended that I wasn't invited because I can't attend.<strong> I just feel that if you want a totally "private" ceremony, don't post the ceremony details online where people who WEREN'T invited can see.
  </strong>Posted by kdmorrow19[/QUOTE]
  
  It sounds like the bolded part is the real problem here.  It's fine, from an etiquette perspective, to have an immediate-family-only ceremony followed by a larger reception.  Personally, it rubs me the wrong way, but I get that there's technically nothing wrong with it, so I won't side-eye that part of what your cousin is doing, although I completely understand why it may bother you.  <em>However</em>, it seems more than a little weird to me to AW your "private ceremony" on a wedding website that all the guests have access to, so I'll agree that including information about it on the website was in poor taste.

  my to-read shelf:
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  June 2012

  Usually, family only ceremonies consist of immediate family, which as a cousin, you are not.  I do agree that if you want a private ceremony, you should not have put any details on the website.

  

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• SB1512 member

  

  June 2012

  agree with PP.  Family only is usually immediate family (siblings, parents, grandparents).  In fact, if your cousin were to be inviting some of his extended family and close friends it would become a tiered ceremony and reception which is rude.  It's fine to have a intimate private ceremony and then a larger reception.  It's not ok to have for example 50 people at a ceremony and 100 at the reception, it says that 50 of those people were not good enough to be at the ceremony.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-only-ceremony-when-i-am-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffff7dcd-1361-46cc-b329-b322a1881a0dPost:42b1cf31-2624-4ff8-846d-596104562171">Re: "Family only" ceremony, when I am family?</a>:
  [QUOTE]What kind of details are they listing exactly?  Because if we're talking detailed descriptions, photos, etc, okay I can see it.  But I don't think putting "the couple will be married in a private ceremony at blah blah chapel at 2pm" is really rubbing anyone's nose in anything.  Personally, it sounds like you're being a bit sensitive. 
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  This.  It sounds like you are just peeved because you didn't get invited to the ceremony.
  
  They have every right to have a small private ceremony with just their immediate family and SOs.
  
  Just bask in the fact that you are not the only one who didn't get invited to the ceremony.

  
  

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• DreamCLG7 member

  

  June 2012

  i think you have your panties in a twist over absolutely nothing.

  09.08.12

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• aragx6 member

  

  June 2012

  I don't get why you said cousin's fiance. The invitation was ostensibly from both of them right? Or her family. Not her.

  

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• Loopyseven member

  

  June 2012

  I agree - a private ceremony with with immediate family followed by a larger reception is perfectly acceptable.  I don't think this is a big deal.

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• willywally5 member

  

  June 2012

  They could have been more clear with the language and said 'immediate family' as that implies, like others have stated, parents, grandparents and siblings along with their SOs. Regarding the website, if it's just the who/what/where/why/when, who cares? If they are gushing about how amazing it will be to have this and that and blah blah blah, that is a bit obnoxious. 

  
  

  But really, especially since you can't attend anyway, it kind of seems like you are looking for something over which to be offended. Let it go!

  

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• beautifulvice

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-only-ceremony-when-i-am-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffff7dcd-1361-46cc-b329-b322a1881a0dPost:42b1cf31-2624-4ff8-846d-596104562171">Re: "Family only" ceremony, when I am family?</a>:
  [QUOTE]What kind of details are they listing exactly?  Because if we're talking detailed descriptions, photos, etc, okay I can see it.  But I don't think putting "the couple will be married in a private ceremony at blah blah chapel at 2pm" is really rubbing anyone's nose in anything.  Personally, it sounds like you're being a bit sensitive. 
  Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
  
  This.
  
  I mean, if they didn't put up a note that the ceremony was 'family only', then wouldn't you (and the rest of the not-immediate family) be side-eyeing the wedding because it would sound tiered?  As long as they put only a brief note about it up, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot wrong with that.

  
  
  

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• Summer2011Bride member

  

  June 2012

  I agree with PPs. These intimate ceremonies usually do include immediate families. As a cousin, you wouldn't fit into that. And like someone else mentioned, if they hadn't told people it was immediate family only, then it would come across as a tiered reception, which IS rude.

  
  
  
  
  

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• SKPM member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-only-ceremony-when-i-am-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ffff7dcd-1361-46cc-b329-b322a1881a0dPost:bbbc0b12-e837-4099-a8b5-eb0e958cdb9c">Re: "Family only" ceremony, when I am family?</a>:
  [QUOTE]I don't get why you said cousin's fiance . The invitation was ostensibly from both of them right? Or her family. Not her.
  Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]This was my thought as well.

  
  

  
  

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• Simply Fated member

  

  June 2012

  I'm in the minority here, but I think family includes cousins. Immediate family wouldn't, but it doesn't say that on the website, so I see where the confusion is coming from. I'd be annoyed, too. Don't stress over it, though. It's not like you can go, anyway lol.

  
  

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• DramaGeek member

  

  June 2012

  I get where you're coming from, but I think you're being overly sensitive.  My cousin and his fiance are choosing to be married in a small, private ceremony in judge's chambers. The wedding is 2000 miles and a $500 plane ride from where we live.  We are not invited to the ceremony.  It is what it is.

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• aurianna member

  

  June 2012

  I'm guessing they meant it as immediate family even if they didn't spell it out like they should have.
  
  Wouldn't it be that once you started adding cousins into the mix, that the ceremony wasn't really private any longer and not inviting friends to it but to the reception would become tiered? not sure where the line would be.

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• vbandell member

  

  June 2012

  I would not be insulted by this. To me if I wrote that in my invites that it is reception only other than really close family I would take it as the bride and grooms grandparents, parents, and siblings. I know you said that you are one of their only cousins but that doesnt mean that the bride doesnt have a lot of cousins. Like in my situation my fiance has 6 cousins and I have 30 (yeah I know it is a lot and no that is not second cousins). So if I wrote that I would guess that it means again   grandparents, parents, and siblings.

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• Sassenach1743 member

  

  June 2012

  It could have been worse...

  
  

  Seven years ago, my first cousin and his fiancee sent an invitation for their wedding to the apartment that I was sharing with my Mother (i.e. we were roommates, this was not my parent's/ mom's house, I was 25 at the time and living with my Mom after college to save expenses but I paid half the rent and half the utilities + all of my personal bills, etc.)

  
  

  Anyway, the invitation was addressed to my Mother ONLY. While everyone in our family knew that we lived together, plus he and I are close in age (he's only 2 years older) and are also the only set of first cousins of our generation. When my Mom called them to find out if my name being absent from the invitation meant that I wasn't invited, and if so -why? They only repsonded with, "oh we didn't think we needed to invite her." 

  
  

  What the hell does that mean????

  
  

  I still have no idea!

  
  

  

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