I NEED HELP!!!!

Future Dr. Walker-Jones · January 2010

So...it has taken me MONTHS to decide whether to have a destination wedding or not but due to the fact that my fiancee's hours have been cut at work due to the economy I finally decided a few months ago that we would do an In-Suite wedding at the Mandalay Bay in Vegas. It made sense to us because we would have the ceremony and reception in the suite, invite our closest friends and family, and we could stay a few extra days for a honeymoon. Please keep in mind that we do not have any financial help from either of our families. However, my father is not happy and we got into a big arguement because he thinks going to Vegas is too far. We live in Maryland so it will be approx. 5 hours on a plane for my 83 year old dad. When I first told him about Vegas he seemed okay and I knew I would have to make sure he has a wheelchair and is accommodated but he is now starting to freak out! If we got married in MD, it would cost us way too much money that we don't have and we would have to sacrifice a honeymoon. I'm so confused...I thought I could get my dad there but he is really stressing me out and I am supposed to have the suite paid for this Friday or else I will lose my date in August and they don't have anymore dates in August available. I'm wondering if I should just cancel the whole thing since it may be too much trouble to get my dad there safely. P.S.--I posted this same message in the chit chat message boards. HELP!!!! :-(

FutureMrs.McC · January 2010

I'm sorry you're dealing with the stress of getting your father there. You have to determine the right decision for you. Is your father's health an issue? If not, there are lots of direct flights from B'more to Vegas. Does he have to be there? You have to decide if it's more important to have your family with you or to have the wedding you want. You could also do a small, intimate ceremony and a nice dinner in Maryland that wouldn't cost more than Vegas.

My Gma complained that she did not want to go to Jamaica. After the decision was made and she knew we weren't changing our minds, she got on the plane. In the end, she had more fun than probably anyone else and is so happy she went. Maybe once your dad realizes Vegas is the real deal, he'll go along with the flow.

GL!

Kahtie41 · January 2010

This is a tough decision that only you and your FI can make. If you can't imagine getting married without your dad, you might want to consider a change of location.

I think one thing you need to make sure of re: your dad is if his complaints are truly because of the long flight, or because he just doesn't like the idea of a DW. A lot of family members will come up with "excuses" when really they just don't like what you're doing. They think that if they complain enough then you'll change your mind. Very passive-aggressive.

If it really is the long flight and not that he's flat out opposed to a DW, maybe consider something a little closer to home. Another bride here (Bigwuhead) is getting married in the Outer Banks and her plans look great. I believe she's saving a ton of money as well.

Good luck and I hope everything works out!

kadydidit · January 2010

There are alot closer AI places if your heart isn't set on Vegas! Could it also be a money thing? Flights, hotels and food can be quite a big expense for guests...

SimplyMistaken · January 2010

It sounds like you need to have a real heart to heart. Maybe saying "daddy, this is the way I DREAM my wedding to be. My HEART is in it.. If he knows he would be taking the dream wedding away from his little girl, well maybe that would make a difference?

chosen175 · January 2010

Are there any hotels with fancy suites in driving distance of your home that you could do the same thing at?

Orchid2011 · January 2010

All these girls gave you good advice already so I just wanted to wish you good luck with everything and hope that you can decide on something that you really want and get your dad on board too.

surreal.heidi · January 2010

Hi,
I'm in a sort of similar situation - we are planning our wedding on a Greek island; my family lives in Virginia (5 minutes from the Maryland border actually!) and my dad is in his 70s and in poor health. He also has an implanted defibrillator and has a fear of flying because his daughter died in a plane crash - okay so I always knew that it would be a HUGE issue getting him to Greece for the wedding, in fact I sort of assumed he just wouldn't come at all, and I KNEW I had to get married in Greece: I've been dreaming of a Greek island wedding since I was like 12 years old. Anyway, my fiance is Greek so at least we have a good excuse!

Well to my surprise, my dad is on board with it. He plans to book a first-class seat (with the bed) on a direct flight, take major Valium and just sleep through the whole thing. As far as the implanted defibrillator, he'll just have to get a note from his doctor and do the pat-down, he'll survive, right? It's important for him to see me get married and walk me down the aisle, and I think he realizes that the actual travel time is only 9 hours - and the vast majority of that time, he can be asleep.

I think it's more the IDEA that scares them... the reality isn't all that bad. If there's something about flying that's actually dangerous for his health, then it's up to you to decide what's more important: the Vegas location or having him there. You may decide to have a budget wedding in MD or at least closer to home. Good luck!!

(It also helped for me to show my dad some really beautiful photos of where the wedding will be, to make him want to go there.)

Future Dr. Walker-Jones · January 2010

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU.

To answer some of your questions...My dad is in pretty decent health for his age...he has issues with swelling in his legs (so he is concerned with the flight time) and issues with walking (but I planned on airport personnel to get him to the gate using a wheelchair). Actually, he was more upset and bitter that he cannot help me pay for my wedding and that I would have to pay for his trip to Vegas (which according to my travel agent would be about 600 for air and hotel for 4 days). My heart was set on Vegas so that my FI and I could have as close as what I dreamed without going into debt. I do think he is being a little passive aggressive because he is mad that he is not in a financial situation to offer money to help with expenses. Also, because I have financially supported him for many many years even when I was a college student. So, I guess I have to have a heart to hear with him.
THANKS!

I NEED HELP!!!!

Re: I NEED HELP!!!!

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