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May 2011 Weddings

Bouquet / Garter Toss / Anniversary Dance Alternative

I've been thinking a lot about this lately and FI and I just don't know if we want to take the traditional route and do the garter and bouquet toss.  It can really make single people feel uncomfortable and can be awkward.  Plus, we don't have a ton of single people coming.

We then thought about doing an anniversary dance and giving the bouquet/garter toss that way (to the couple that's been married the longest".  I pretty much decided the couple would be my grandparents (takes the fun out of it).

So I came up with a spin on it:  see below.

Married Couples’ Dance (alternative to bouquet/garter toss)  

Call all married couples to the dance floor and have them dance to a song (TBD).  Begin making statements to dismiss couples from the dance floor.  The last couple standing gets the “toss” bouquet and the garter.

 

Statements to couples:

 

1.  If you were married in the month of May, please clear the dance floor…

 

2.  If you honeymooned in Hawaii, please clear the dance floor…

 

3.  If you had pink bridesmaid dresses, please clear the dance floor…

 

4.  If you used calla lilies in your wedding flower arrangements/bouquets, please clear the dance floor…

 

5.  If you had a bridal party consisting of more than 8 people total, please clear the dance floor…

 

6.  If your wedding cake was less than 3 tiers, please clear the dance floor…

 

7.  If you got married in an “even year”, please clear the dance floor…

 

8.  If you danced to a Frank Sinatra song for your first dance, please clear the dance floor…

 

9.  If you did a destination wedding, please clear the dance floor…

 

10.  If you had a DJ at your wedding reception, please clear the dance floor…

 

11.  Begin using “married less than # of years” statements (5, 10, 15, 20, 30….) 

 

“If you’ve been married less than “5” years, please clear the dance floor….”

Anniversary

Re: Bouquet / Garter Toss / Anniversary Dance Alternative

  • I know a lot of people are doing this now, but I'm really not a fan of it. I would just feel super awkward giving my garter to my fiance's grandparents or someone else that would be "up there" in age. At the weddings I've been to where they had the tosses, the people are younger and most of the time they find it fun. Whereas giving a grandparent what is essentially an undergarment... Awkward!
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  • You wouldn't have to give away the garter.  You could just do the bouquet and give a bottle of wine or something.

    I plan to wear my garter, just above the knee, so I really don't consider too much of an undergarment.
    Anniversary
  • I love the idea of an anniversary dance!! What a great idea...

    I've been thinking hard about this also... I was thinking of just doing a bouquet toss to all the ladies that are at the wedding (single or not) - and whoever catches, just simply gets to keep the bouquet. I mentioned this to my mom and she said "well what's the point then!" and I really didn't know, but I just knew that I didn't want to do the toss to the singles (b/c we really don't have many!) and go through the awkwardness of two potentially random people having to be embarrassed by putting the garter on someone's leg...

    The jury is still out for me, but I love the idea of an anniversary dance! :)

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  • Even if you don't want to consider a garter an undergarment, it still is. I understand you wouldn't have to give it away, you could do the bouquet and the wine, but I just personally don't like it. If a couple/bride feels the tosses are a bit cheesy, why not just exclude it? And, wouldn't excluding the single people in a dance about being married, be just as uncomfortable and awkward?

    I'm honestly not trying to be snarky (and every time I reread that and retype it it sounds like I am), I'm just personally not a fan. Why not just do a special song to honor all of happily married couples and eliminate the need for a game to get rid of a toss bouquet? And if you do that, it would eliminate the need for a toss bouquet which would cut your flowers a little.
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  • We are doing an anniversary dance with a double frame with a poem I will write on one side and a place for their picture on the other.  We will eliminate couples by length of marriage (less than 24 hours, less than a year, less than 3 years, etc).  As much as I think that your unique questions are a good idea, I don't think you are going to eliminate many people very quickly.  Plus, the older people might not remember the color of their dresses, or their BP numbers (I know my grandmother cannot).

    I like the idea, I just think a different route would be better.  And I agree with pp's that if you think the idea of the garter/bouquet toss is cheesy, just eliminate it all together :)

    @Audrey--I dont' think you had a snarky tone to your post at all!

  • Oh, Audrey - don't worry about sounding "snarky"!  I don't take these boards personally and appreciate people's honesty.  You have made some valid points and will continue to ponder them.

    I do not think the tosses are cheesy at all - I think you have to know your crows.  I do think the bouquet toss or anniversary dance is fun but knowing who is on my invite list, there are only like 5 single ladies and 5 dudes.  I don't even know if they would come up on the dance floor when the announcement is made.  I'd certainly never call any names out to get on the dance floor (a bride of a friend did this - called her out on the microphone telling her to get up there).

    Regarding your issue with old people and the garter - if you do the garter toss, it can make old people feel uncomfortable to watch the removal of it.  I was just planning to wear a garter for traditional purposes.  If I used a garter in the giveaway, it would be a separate garter.  Or just use the bottle of wine.

    I guess I just like the interaction with guests.  I also think my crowd will expect an anniversary dance or toss.  We get a free toss bouquet so money really isn't an issue.  I think it's nice for someone to take home some flowers.  Having said that, we will definitely do something - just not sure what yet.
    Anniversary
  • Goetzer:  I do not think the tosses are cheesy.  I just think you have to know the people on your invite list and know your crowd.  In my case, the traditional tosses won't work well.  The list I made was just off the top of my head.  I would give the "dismissals" more thought based on my crowd.  At the end, I listed number of years married to help dismiss couples and get down to a winner.

    Anyhow, I will definitely give this more thought.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2011-weddings_bouquet-garter-toss-anniversary-dance-alternative?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:645Discussion:f20ae7a7-4d4d-44fe-b9a0-5e2c519d653bPost:f85f1378-5e8b-44f9-bc91-dc6e7e032c76">Bouquet / Garter Toss / Anniversary Dance Alternative</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been thinking a lot about this lately and FI and I just don't know if we want to take the traditional route and do the garter and bouquet toss.  It can really make single people feel uncomfortable and can be awkward.  Plus, we don't have a ton of single people coming. We then thought about doing an anniversary dance and giving the bouquet/garter toss that way (to the couple that's been married the longest".  I pretty much decided the couple would be my grandparents (takes the fun out of it). So I came up with a spin on it:  see below. Married Couples’ Dance (alternative to bouquet/garter toss)     Call all married couples to the dance floor and have them dance to a song (TBD).   Begin making statements to dismiss couples from the dance floor.   The last couple standing gets the “toss” bouquet and the garter.   Statements to couples:   1.   If you were married in the month of May, please clear the dance floor…   2.   If you honeymooned in Hawaii, please clear the dance floor…   3.   If you had pink bridesmaid dresses, please clear the dance floor…   4.   If you used calla lilies in your wedding flower arrangements/bouquets, please clear the dance floor…   5.   If you had a bridal party consisting of more than 8 people total, please clear the dance floor…   6.   If your wedding cake was less than 3 tiers, please clear the dance floor…   7.   If you got married in an “even year”, please clear the dance floor…   8.   If you danced to a Frank Sinatra song for your first dance, please clear the dance floor…   9.   If you did a destination wedding, please clear the dance floor…   10.   If you had a DJ at your wedding reception, please clear the dance floor…   11.   Begin using “married less than # of years” statements (5, 10, 15, 20, 30….)     “If you’ve been married less than “5” years, please clear the dance floor….”
    Posted by rschuckman[/QUOTE]

    I love this!!! so fun and unique I am totally going to 'borrow' it lol. We are the same, we will not have a lot of single people at our hometown reception and I agree it's awkward to be called out there for some people.  And WE KNOW my FI"s grandparents would win an anniversary dance anyways because theyve been maried for 65 years! so we'd like to give them their own special dance anyways instead of the anniversary dance.
  • I was always planning on doing the anniversary dance as I really like the idea. I don't have a problem with replacing the bouquet/garter toss with an anniversary dance. My single friends will not at all miss the toss. I was only planning to give away the bouquet and not do the garter as well. I know I would be uncomfortable with all my guests watching my FI take off the garter. I think you should really do what you are most comfortable with on your day.
  • Thanks ladies. I just know that you can never tell if someone's trying to be snarky or just helpful. And for the first time in I don't know how long, I ventured out into the other boards today and quickly realized how vicious some people are. So I wanted to make sure I didn't seem like that! Haha

    And we still have plenty of time to work out all of the little things in the reception. I know I've changed my mind several times in the past couple months over whether or not to do the tosses. FI thinks our friends would enjoy them, but we're still undecided right now.
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  • Audrey:  I think we have a great board!  I love that everyone can express their opinions but in a nice non-harsh way (that's how it should be).  Yes, we have so many decisions and details to figure out!
    Anniversary
  • I think what we're going to do is giving my toss bouquet to the longest married couple (my FI's grandparents) and the garter to the man walking me down the aisle.  At least that's what I think FI and I decided!!


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  • @rschuckman-I think it's so nice that you've given this a lot of thought--very neat idea and I'm going to tell my FI about it.  He DJs weddings sometimes and often people ask him about the different dances/bouquet/garter tosses.


  • We didn't do the tosses because there were very few single people. I didn't miss them, and in fact I didn't wear a garter. ( a small detail lost in the time crunch) so it wasn't missed. I think an anniversary dance is a very cute idea, and if you want to do the game you described, I think that would be a blast. 
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    Anniversary
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  • I am wearing a Garter...it is a specialized one. I don't know if we'll be doing the bouquet toss either b/c we don't have many single ppl coming...I do like your idea - it is unqiue
  • I went to one wedding with both an anniversary dance and garter toss.  The bride got married on her parents' and grandparents' anniversary.  (They were all June 29).  She knew her grandma would get the flowers so she had them specially make a bouquet that matched what her grandmother carried at her own wedding 50+ years earlier.
    They did the bouquet and garter at the end.  There were very few girls on the floor until the DJ said "The brides father is putting $50 in the bouquet for the lucky lady who catches it."  He didn't really do it, but all the sudden guys were pushing their girlfriends out onto the floor.

    I have two single bridesmaids and asked them if both of them wanted to do the catch.  Since they both said they would we are going to do it, but if they didn't want to, then I would just skip it.

    I do like your idea of asking different questions.  PP is right that you might have few people leave the floor, or they might all leave right away.  If you decide to do it that way be sure to talk to your DJ about it first and have a plan for what to do if everyone leaves at the same time or if no one is leaving.
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