No nookie 'till after the wedding?

MissyCee · September 2010

My FI and I decided to hold off on any lovin' until after the wedding. It'll have been two weeks of nada by the time the wedding night comes (which for us is a lot!). Just curious if any of you ladies made the same choice? How's it working out for you?

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

There was a thread on C&T about this. Most people decided it was silly. I think it was QQ who said it best: not having sex until marriage is a moral code, not a tradition, and if you don't share that moral code, why bother?

We had sex the morning of the wedding, and it was a wonderful way to relax and connect to start the day. We were way too tired to even consider sex that night, and I don't think we ended up having it the next day, either. Besides, I know that when we go more than a few days without sex, Round 1 is... brief. Not really how you want to remember your wedding night, eh?

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

I think it's a personal decision. The idea is to make the wedding night more special, since the moral code thing went out the window.

FI and I talked about it and are still considering it. I think two weeks is plenty time to wait. For FI and I, it would be an eternity and it would make the nookie 104803247023 times better.

ki10 · September 2010

Eh, some people really enjoy the thrill of holding off. I know FH and I have a TON of fun when one of us travels for awhile then returns. I would consider holding off before the wedding since we already know we enjoy the teasing, but I think the odds are good we'd rather enjoy the stress relief of sexin' during that hectic time.

PharmacyBride · September 2010

FI and I used to be in a LDR - so we went weeks at a time without it... now that we live together... we don't like to go more than 36 hours without. I started skipping my cycles because I don't like waiting that long for nookie!!

It is a personal choice. If it enhances your anticipation for the wedding and honeymoon- then go for it.

Personally- I would stress out like crazy without it : (

JenO24 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:c8fcaca7-6160-4b08-92dc-68330c3e67ef">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]There was a thread on C&T about this. Most people decided it was silly. I think it was QQ who said it best: not having sex until marriage is a moral code, not a tradition, and if you don't share that moral code, why bother? We had sex the morning of the wedding, and it was a wonderful way to relax and connect to start the day. We were way too tired to even consider sex that night, and I don't think we ended up having it the next day, either. <strong>Besides, I know that when we go more than a few days without sex, Round 1 is... brief. Not really how you want to remember your wedding night, eh?</strong>
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

We decided to not have any sex during our engagement. We've been engaged since the day after St. Patrick's day this year.

By the time we get married that equals eight and a half months.

I know people who didn't even kiss til the altar.

debdebdol · September 2010

I think I'll cut FI off too. I mentioned it to him a couple of weeks ago but he wasn't going for it.

MissyCee · September 2010

Thankfully I know that even though it'll have been a couple weeks it'll last as long as I want it to. Perhaps this is TMI but my FI has an amazing amount of control and always makes sure I'm happy. I understand why some wouldn't want to abstain at all because it's a stress reliever but I think in our case it'll be fun because it'll add some anticipation and excitement. But, to each their own and I'm certainly not dissing anyone's choices.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:f1bcf5b5-809c-42a5-a4a8-745fa8647e0e">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]We decided to not have any sex during our engagement. We've been engaged since the day after St. Patrick's day this year. By the time we get married that equals eight and a half months.<strong> I know people who didn't even kiss til the altar.</strong>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I have a few friends who are doing that. I honestly can't imagine that, but I commend them for sticking to their decision! That would take a tremendous amount of self-restraint.

Maybe this is TMI, but I'm a virgin and I'm hoping to stick to that until I'm married. So in a twisted way this does apply to me? I can't really discuss about stoppin gand then waiting though.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:b68b8552-0d89-4501-a9fb-3a542b794dbd">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding? : I have a few friends who are doing that. I honestly can't imagine that, but I commend them for sticking to their decision! That would take a tremendous amount of self-restraint. Maybe this is TMI, but I'm a virgin and I'm hoping to stick to that until I'm married. So in a twisted way this does apply to me? I can't really discuss about stoppin gand then waiting though.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

I think it applies to you but not in a twisted way :) I really admire you for being able to save it for the wedding. I certainly don't judge or look down upon people who don't. And we didn't. But because of our beliefs we figured that we could at least abstain during the engagement.

vegasgroom · September 2010

Do BJ's count?

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

Vegas, we were just talking about you on SB today. We don't approve of your disappearing act!

MyWedding13 · September 2010

I still don't know how I feel about this. I am all for making the wedding night more special, but I feel like there are different ways to do it.

MissIntentional · September 2010

we didn't even think about doing this, but i can see why you would want to.

vegasgroom · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:9287c753-b40f-4334-a5f6-114fed356574">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Vegas, we were just talking about you on SB today. We don't approve of your disappearing act!
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

Where at? I can't find! lol

mkrupar · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:08959482-d9bc-467a-88e0-be88893058c7">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding? : I think it applies to you but not in a twisted way :) I really admire you for being able to save it for the wedding. I certainly don't judge or look down upon people who don't. And we didn't. <strong>But because of our beliefs we figured that we could at least abstain during the engagement.</strong>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I'm not judging, but this is where I think this gets silly. Your beliefs weren't enough before you got engaged to abstain from pre-marital sex, but now that you're engaged, suddenly your beliefs take hold? FI and I have no intentions of abstaining, it just doesn't make sense to us. Nothing wrong for those of you that do, I just found that statement a little odd.

wwnbw · September 2010

my FI can't go more than a day....we would never be able to wait.

christinelyn0131 · September 2010

MissyCee way to go with your guy

Mine's pretty good at control, too.

I think bjs count. Not as sex, but it would take away from the intimacy. If that makes any sense.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:010a317c-4737-4358-a6f0-26589ae7916f">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding? : I'm not judging, but this is where I think this gets silly. Your beliefs weren't enough before you got engaged to abstain from pre-marital sex, but now that you're engaged, suddenly your beliefs take hold? FI and I have no intentions of abstaining, it just doesn't make sense to us. Nothing wrong for those of you that do, I just found that statement a little odd.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Well actually if you are telling me that you think it is silly, you are judging, but whatever. I've always believed that pre-marital sex is wrong, so it's not that my beliefs suddenly took hold. We felt that since we didn't wait, we could stop. It doesn't take back the fact that we've done it, but it's giving us an opportunity to reflect on our relationship, and sex, and our future together. I most certainly would never judge people who don't choose to abstain,or whether they do completely before marriage, during their engagement, or just a week or two before the wedding. What couples do is really up to them, and that's why I added to this discussion.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:4dedc927-785b-492d-aa45-d6ee0941a191">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding? : Where at? I can't find! lol
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

I think it was in the We Get It thread.

quotequeen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:c8fcaca7-6160-4b08-92dc-68330c3e67ef">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]There was a thread on C&T about this. Most people decided it was silly. I think it was QQ who said it best: not having sex until marriage is a moral code, not a tradition, and if you don't share that moral code, why bother?
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Eh, I thought the OP's reasoning in that thread was silly. If you want to abstain for a while because you think it adds to the excitement or will make the wedding night more special, more power to you.

elisabethb29 · September 2010

We stopped at somewhere around 70 days out and now we have 33 left... it's been difficult to wait, but I'm hoping it's worth it... in terms of building the anticipation and excitement... well, we'll see I guess!

calindi · September 2010

I can't imagine ever withholding sex. We both enjoy it, it's something that is part of the intimacy in our relationship, and it's not something I would ever consider eliminating from our daily (okay, maybe every-other-day) life. Plus it relaxes us, and if we go more than a few days without sex, we both get moody. That's not something that we would want to have happen right before our wedding.

The point of my wedding will be to get married to the love of my life, and our honeymoon will be time together to enjoy being a couple and relish our new titles as husband and wife. And yes, lots of sex. But I won't hold any expectations for wedding-night sex - chances are it won't happen, simply because we'll be so busy. And it's not the point. For couples who have held out until marriage, it probably won't be great since it's your first time, but it will be a special moment of bonding. For us, we've done it, we do it a lot, and we'll continue to do it. So I'll probably be more excited for some sleep and relaxation with my best friend (who will then be my husband) than getting some nookie!

I don't think abstinence makes the sex any better for us (we've done long distance, weeks and months apart, and I travel frequently for worK), but make-up sex definitely does. Ooof... we don't fight really at all, but we had a big one on Friday night and so Saturday was pretty much fantastic once we got all the issues straightened out. Never knew make-up sex could be that fantastic!

MissyCee · September 2010

WOW Elisabethb, good for you! That is a serious amount of time to be without sex! Puts my two weeks to shame! Stay strong and I'm confident it will pay off in the end by adding a lot of excitement and anticipation to your first time as husband and wife, whether it be on the wedding night or a couple nights after if you're too tired on the wedding night...although after that amount of time I bet you could be dying and still want to have sex! LOL

Allaboutthebenj, I have to tell you that I admire you. I'm a Christian, though some would say a terrible one for participating in premarital sex so I understand your thought process. It takes a lot of willpower and strength to say 'I don't think what we've been doing is really on the right path but I want to try to make it right starting now" A lot of people wouldn't bother to do that. Good for you.

alaea · September 2010

I think it's admirable for those couples who can abstain...It would make me a cranky witch if I did...and I don't even wanna guess at the levels of cranky my FI would reach!! lol ^_^

lexandfab · September 2010

In reading this I have to say I don't really understand the point but certainly don't think you are strange for doing it. To each his own. For my own life FI and I have already had sex, a lot, and enjoy it. It's not going to be any less enjoyable on our honeymoon because we had sex all the way up until the ceremony. Good luck tho fellow Sept bride!

vegasgroom · September 2010

I thought withholding sex was something you do after you're married when your H won't clean up after himself? LOL

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

I feel I should add that something like 52% of couples don't have sex at all on their wedding night. So chances are pretty good that you'd be holding out to make something special... that won't end up happening. I also tend to find that if we're under any sort of mental pressure (like, I don't know, "I've been waiting two months for this so it had better be mind-blowing") we don't perform very well.

Again, I just don't really see the point. I think of it as akin to purposefully going a few weeks without texting him while we're at work, or without talking while we're in the car. How on earth is eliminating a means of communication and connection supposed to help our relationship?

deburnin · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nookie-till-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:41096935-bac0-4978-b84b-edd317e89e13Post:b68b8552-0d89-4501-a9fb-3a542b794dbd">Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding? : <strong>I have a few friends who are doing that. I honestly can't imagine that, but I commend them for sticking to their decision! That would take a tremendous amount of self-restraint.</strong> Maybe this is TMI, but I'm a virgin and I'm hoping to stick to that until I'm married. So in a twisted way this does apply to me? I can't really discuss about stoppin gand then waiting though.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">My friend got a cold sore something like three weeks before her wedding. So while it wasn't planned, the first time they kissed again was at the alter. It was cute, but they both agreed if she hadn't had the cold sore than it wouldn't have happened that way at all.</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div>

nicweaver · September 2010

For me I don't really think it matters whether or not we wait. In fact, I think my fiance would have a seizure or something if we stopped having sex before the marriage.

But with that said, I think everyone should do what they feel is right for them. There isn't any right or wrong in my eyes.

No nookie 'till after the wedding?

Re: No nookie 'till after the wedding?

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