HELP WITH WEDDING PARTY-Rant***

Re: HELP WITH WEDDING PARTY-Rant***

• Kimbus 87 member

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  You don't have to have even bp #'s.  I wouldn't ask someone just for even #'s....but thats just me. I wanted the people standing up in my wedding to be special and because I love them dearly and couldn't imagine my day w/out them standing by my side.
  
  As far as your MOH issues its your wedding. Yes she should be excited but its your wedding not hers.  However, the venue should be something that you and your FI decided...she doesn't have to like it or be involved at all. Obviously you picked your MOH because shes special and you want her there. I don't think that she should be demoted over not looking at the venue information or about joking with you when it came the uneven bp numbers.  However, you have to make that decision.
   
  Hope this helps and sorry if I came off kind of harsh.

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• *Rebecca and Chris*

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-detroit_wedding-party-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:88Discussion:d4c1c4d2-9d87-41e4-96b6-0b35b59dee1bPost:9eac1760-91ce-41e1-8ea1-70203de431af">Re: HELP WITH WEDDING PARTY-Rant***</a>:
  [QUOTE]You don't have to have even bp #'s.  I wouldn't ask someone just for even #'s....but thats just me. I wanted the people standing up in my wedding to be special and because I love them dearly and couldn't imagine my day w/out them standing by my side. As far as your MOH issues its your wedding. Yes she should be excited but its your wedding not hers.  However, the venue should be something that you and your FI decided...she doesn't have to like it or be involved at all. Obviously you picked your MOH because shes special and you want her there. I don't think that she should be demoted over not looking at the venue information or about joking with you when it came the uneven bp numbers.  However, you have to make that decision.   Hope this helps and sorry if I came off kind of harsh.
  Posted by Kimbus 87[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>Exactly what I wanted to say.</div><div>
  </div><div>I rather have close people up there with me and uneven numbers than having even numbers and some random friend that I am not close with.  They don't have to be even guys and girls and I have seen it from 1 extra person to as many as 2 guys per girl.  If anything, just have 2 guys walk 1 girl down.  Not a big deal at all.</div><div>
  </div><div>As for the MOH, relax, she is your friend and your MOH for a reason.  Those of us getting married are the only ones who get excited about a wedding.  She doesn't have to care about any of your details.  She is your MOH to stand next to you as you get married, not to act excited, not to throw you a party, nothing but to stand up there with you.  My BM's hardly ever asked about the wedding, but I was the first of our group to get married, so I didn't expect anything.  As long as they show up on the day of the wedding, wearing what they are supposed to wear, that is all that matters.</div><div>
  </div><div>Geeze, I sounded harsh too, sorry!
  
  </div>

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• corinne2010

  

  February 2010 edited December 2011

  I agree with pp.
  
  The WP does not need to be even. Asking people just for the sake of things looking even would not really be meaningful for you. If your FI absolutely needs to have that 4th guy, just deal with it. If not, maybe see if the 4th can be an usher or something just as important.
  
  As for the MOH deal, I think you may be getting ahead of yourself. Your MOH is of course not going to be as excited as you are because it's not her wedding. She could probably care less about your venue and the details of the wedding. If they don't involve her, then she's not going to care. And that is perfectly normal. I wouldn't demote her to a BM just because of those silly things. You have PLENTY of time to do fun things with her. You are more than a year out until your wedding. She'll be excited when you start going shopping for dresses for you and for the WP. Also, alot can happen in a year. You may start to become close with someone and decide to ask them in your wedding. But by no means should you feel obligated to ask someone to make things even.

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• leeshab1982 member

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Your wedding party does not need to be even on each side.  I've seen uneven parties several times and it's fine.  Sometimes the guys will stand at the front with the groom and the girls will walk down alone.  Other times, I've seen two guys walk with one girl or vice versa.  I really would not choose someone just to even the sides out.  That could potentially end up hurting that person's feelings if they found out why they were asked. 
  
  Your MOH just sounds like she's not as excited about your wedding as you are, which is completely normal.  Maybe her comments that you consider rude are her way of trying to tell you to cool it with wedding talk.  Your friendship shouldn't change once you get engaged...you should still do normal friend stuff that is not related to the wedding.  I'm not saying you are doing that, I'm just trying to think of how she might be feeling and why she might be saying those things.  Just think about it and lay off the wedding talk with her. 
  
  If you demoted her or kicked her out of the wedding party, your friendship would most likely be over.  No one would take well to that.  There are some pretty awful situations where it would be justified to boot a BM, but what you described is definitely not one of those situations. 
  
  Just try to relax and remember why you chose her as your MOH in the first place.  You obviously love her and are pretty close to her, so try not to let wedding stuff get in the way of that. 
  

  

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• LISA R

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Totally agree, you dont have to be even on both sides

  
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• scarywife1026

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm pretty much in agreement w/ the others.
  As for your MOH, it would probably help for the 2 of you to sit down and talk about her role as MOH. Just like the miscommunication w/ you FI about your BP, it sounds like you & your MOH have a very different idea of what the role is and expectations. I wouldn't list off your expectations right away...ask her how she wants to be involved and go from there. If you demote her or kick her out, say goodbye to your friendship.
  
  This is an emotional time for you, so try to separate it and remember how that emotion can impact your relationship(s). I never thought I was emotional about the wedding or planning, until I took a step back and apparently I was! lol

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• boogerbearoriginal member

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Since you are over a year out from your wedding, I wouldn't get too eager about asking the wedding party because honestly a lot can change in the next year. Your FI might not want to ask that 4th person or may add a 5th person, you may become great friends with someone you'd like to ask, etc, etc.
  
  As for the MOH - honestly if my friend asked me to look at reception details for her wedding I'd glance at it to be polite but seriously - that's something to talk to your FI about because your friend really won't care. While she should be excited that you're getting married, she will never care about the minutiae of planning.

  

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• Julz629 member

  

  March 2010 edited December 2011

  Ditto PPs.  I have been in weddings and the MOH for my sister and while I am generally willing to help out with anything that's needed, I would've given the side eye to the bride if she gave me assigned tasks.  I would have done it, but I would've been a little perturbed.  I know that you're very excited about your wedding, but you need to realize that no one else is as excited as you.  If they volunteer their help, that's one thing, but don't tell her what you EXPECT from her. 
  
  And please, oh please, don't punish her by demoting her.  I promise you that will most likely ruin friendships.

  

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