Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise

misscyndikalene · April 2011

So my FMIL decided that she was going to pay for the reheasal dinner and called me yesterday to ask how many people will be attending. Shes a single mom, teacher, and put two boys through catholic school and football for 8 years. We have a huge BP, and including immediate family, the list is 21 adults. I already feel so bad that she has to pay for all these people.

Well after I told her 21, I realized I didnt include the parents of our 2 flower girls. I called her back asked if she wanted to include them too. She said "its your only wedding, I want to do this big and right. I want it to be nice for you guys" She ultimately gave me the decision to include them. But i know she cant really afford the extra people.

My question is, Should I invite the 2 FG familys as well, even though it will make her bill bigger, or is it ok to just invite the BP?

emilyinchile · April 2011

The FGs are part of your WP. Since presumably they are little kids, it's appropriate to invite them with their parents.

If budget is an issue, scale back the cost of what you're doing - a BBQ or inexpensive pizza dinner is perfectly acceptable.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

Yes, the parents of the FG's should be invited regardless.

I think it is a nice gesture for you to offer to pay for them, but if your FMIL insists on paying, then don't push it.

Perhaps you and your FI can get her a nice present to show her how much you appreciate her hosting and paying for the RD.

MattsPenguin · April 2011

Ditto EIC.

If you're worried about the cost just order pizzas and maybe go to a local park (if it's nice outside). Or use a room at the church.

aragx6 · April 2011

Yes, they definitely need to be invited.

If the flower girls will be at the rehearsal -- ostensibly with their parents -- it would be terribly rude to end it and say "Ok, everyone other than the flower girls and their parents, let's go have dinner!"

If budget is the concern, you can suggest some simple and inexpensive options to FMIL -- rehearsal dinners don't have to be a big to-do.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

I chose yes, but I don't think you necessarily *always* need to invite WP's families, esp. if they are adults, like your friends. However, since I'm assuming the FG are little kids, I think it's only appropriate to have at least one, if not both, parents there with them.

Beachy730 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearal-dinner-invites-need-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b1498ae-5c0e-4865-993b-e191c1d583d6Post:8b4ec1c8-eb96-44c8-85f7-59fcf738f8e1">Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise</a>:
[QUOTE]So my FMIL decided that she was going to pay for the reheasal dinner and called me yesterday to ask how many people will be attending. Shes a single mom, teacher, and put two boys through catholic school and football for 8 years. We have a huge BP, and including immediate family, the list is 21 adults. I already feel so bad that she has to pay for all these people. Well after I told her 21, I realized I didnt include the parents of our 2 flower girls. I called her back asked if she wanted to include them too. She said "its your only wedding, I want to do this big and right. I want it to be nice for you guys" She ultimately gave me the decision to include them. But i know she cant really afford the extra people. My question is, Should I invite the 2 FG familys as well, even though it will make her bill bigger, or is it ok to just invite the BP?
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

<div>How do you know she can't afford it? Are you 100% aware of her financial situation? I understand that she put her 2 boys through school and football for 8 years, but I'm assuming if her son is getting married that she isn't doing that anymore. She is offering to throw this party and asked for the guest list. If she is telling you that she can handle adding these people, then take her word for it. I doubt she will take to kindly of you asking if she can afford it. If she couldn't, she wouldn't have offered.</div>

misscyndikalene · April 2011

Missysue GREAT idea! I love the thought of buying her a really nice thank you present. I will definitely do that. Thanks for the advise ladies!

hlq2011 · April 2011

The kids' parents need to be invited. If she says she can pay for it, that's up to her. Maybe she has money saved. Maybe she just wants to find a way. If you want to control costs, you can try to manage it through the type of party you're going to have. Don't do it by not inviting the parents of your child attendants.

misscyndikalene · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearal-dinner-invites-need-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b1498ae-5c0e-4865-993b-e191c1d583d6Post:a7d97974-1f22-4d93-b468-4418865ad4e2">Re: Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise : How do you know she can't afford it? Are you 100% aware of her financial situation? I understand that she put her 2 boys through school and football for 8 years, but I'm assuming if her son is getting married that she isn't doing that anymore. She is offering to throw this party and asked for the guest list. If she is telling you that she can handle adding these people, then take her word for it. I doubt she will take to kindly of you asking if she can afford it. If she couldn't, she wouldn't have offered.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Her youngest is still in high school and is a senior this year (yay him!). We are really close and she confides in me all the time about things so I know exactly where shes at right now. And yes, I definitely would not ask her if she can afford it because thats totally rude. She left the decision up to me and I just didnt know how to handle it. I know what to do now so thank you for your advise dnbeach!

misscyndikalene · April 2011

lol I just realized I totally butchered the spelling in subject of this post

Beachy730 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearal-dinner-invites-need-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b1498ae-5c0e-4865-993b-e191c1d583d6Post:63eba314-3541-4fc9-abca-175a385debd6">Re: Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise : Her youngest is still in high school and is a senior this year (yay him!). We are really close and she confides in me all the time about things so I know exactly where shes at right now. And yes, I definitely would not ask her if she can afford it because thats totally rude. She left the decision up to me and I just didnt know how to handle it. I know what to do now so thank you for your advise dnbeach!
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

<div>Okay, thanks for clarifying. There are many mother's out there who dream about their kid's wedding, and will do whatever it takes to host what they feel is their part. So this is probably really important to her to be able to do it. Either way, it sounds like if she asks you for suggestions or ideas you are going to think reasonably and not try to make her go broke over this party. Yay for not being BSC!</div>

misscyndikalene · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearal-dinner-invites-need-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5b1498ae-5c0e-4865-993b-e191c1d583d6Post:00d2360a-b11b-48e7-9e85-47ebde09c3d6">Re: Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise : Okay, thanks for clarifying. There are many mother's out there who dream about their kid's wedding, and will do whatever it takes to host what they feel is their part. So this is probably really important to her to be able to do it. Either way, it sounds like if she asks you for suggestions or ideas you are going to think reasonably and not try to make her go broke over this party. Yay for not being BSC!
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Yeah she originally wasnt able to help us out at all, but one day she said she had a present for me and when i opened it, my cake deposit slip said PAID in huge letters. I was stressing about trying to pay for it and she totally surprised me. We were soooo happy. I think it is the feeling that she wants to make it as beautiful as possible for all of us. She definitely is getting an awesome thank you present. Im thinking spa day for her or secretly paying one of her sons many football expenses.

Rehearal Dinner Invites.. need Advise

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