As a friend of someone getting married, should I...?

garcias1 · November 2010

So my school friend is getting married in January in the Florida Keys. He told me and everyone at my school that he could not invite us because his wedding is pretty small (60 people), which is totally understandable in my book.

But I am still super excited for him to get married and want to show him somehow. So I was talking with two other students who are close with him, and we want to pitch in to give him a group gift. He is registered on Amazon for lots of tools, and his FI is registered elsewhere. Is it acceptable for us to get him a gift from his registry? The question is a two-parter. First, is it acceptable to get him a gift even though we weren't invited to the wedding? Second, is it acceptable to get a gift that would specifically for him (his FI doesn't have a passing interest in power tools)? We have only hung out with his FI maybe about half a dozen times in the 4 years that we have known him.

zippityb · November 2010

Yes and yes. You and your friends are very thoughtful.

salt78 · November 2010

That is really nice of you.

(I voted yes to power tools.)

sarah0725 · November 2010

Yes, of course it would be lovely for you guys to get him a gift, and I'm sure he will be very touched.

And while I think the concept of "his" and "hers" registries is a little odd, I see nothing wrong with giving him a present that he will enjoy.

zippityb · November 2010

Also, don't feel bad about getting him power tools, because she will most likely benefit from their use.

garcias1 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-of-someone-getting-married-should?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f6b03af-5094-4cca-a5bf-8d1fd9fc986aPost:bb4809e1-bd9d-4ec5-bc77-6813bb718ffe">Re: As a friend of someone getting married, should I...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, don't feel bad about getting him power tools, because she will most likely benefit from their use.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

That's a good point. I didn't think of that (since he will benefit if she gets fabulous kitchen supplies from her registry).

Beachy730 · November 2010

I've never heard of his and hers registies. I assume its for the people close to him buying him things, and the same for her. We only had one registry, but we had a few power tools on them. Nobody bought them for us, but we bought them after with the 10% coupon from Target that you get, and they were awfully handy when hanging our all pictures and stuff.

garcias1 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-of-someone-getting-married-should?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f6b03af-5094-4cca-a5bf-8d1fd9fc986aPost:8b57dc08-93d0-4e54-8d69-c0f3e090a7bd">Re: As a friend of someone getting married, should I...?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I've never heard of his and hers registies</strong>. I assume its for the people close to him buying him things, and the same for her. We only had one registry, but we had a few power tools on them. Nobody bought them for us, but we bought them after with the 10% coupon from Target that you get, and they were awfully handy when hanging our all pictures and stuff.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Yeah, they are pretty unconventional in general, and it reflects in their wedding planning (and I mean unconventional in a good way). From what I understand, most of the gifts that they received so far (and ALL of the gifts received at the shower) were from her registry. We especially wanted to get him a gift from his registry because we think it will be a gift he is really excited about. Amazon registry lets you distinguish between things you would "like to have" and things you would "love to have" - so we want to buy from the "love to have" category. We also know that she would appreciate it if he got things from his registry (just as I hope that my FI enjoys whatever gifts we get - off of our registry or otherwise).

squirrly · November 2010

It's totally fine to give someone a gift without being invited. And, it can be whatever gift you want - it doesn't have to be an equally enjoyable by both he and his FI gift, so the power tools are fine.

As for the his/hers - I suspect he built one registry of things he thought they would need, like power tools, that she didn't have the personal knowledge to select, and she did the same with kitchen items. Doesn't mean it's really HIS and HERS, just who started the registry.

Or maybe it's really for his birthday or Christmas. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's sweet of you all to give a gift, and any gift you want to give is fine.

PsyDet 2155 · November 2010

First, is it acceptable to get him a gift even though we weren't invited to the wedding? Yes

Second, is it acceptable to get a gift that would specifically for him (his FI doesn't have a passing interest in power tools)? Yes

mkrupar · November 2010

I think that's really sweet. A guy that I worked with in Cape Cod one summer was in the middle of planning his wedding and his FI would come visit quite often so I got to know them pretty well. I knew there was no way I was going to be invited to their wedding, but I still found their registry and bought them their inivitation frame they had on there. It wasn't much, but they were really touched. I'm sure your friend would be as well.

kristenrmu22 · November 2010

I love gifts that the couple use together (for real not in theory) or that are for the groom. So many ppl think of the bride....give our guys some love too. They deserve a gift too.

garcias1 · November 2010

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm glad everyone seems to be in agreement (so that this is not some weird gray area). I am looking forward to picking something from his registry.

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