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Unwilling MOH?

HeatherjennaHeatherjenna member
First Comment
in Gay Weddings
hello!
First time posting over here, thank you all to your helpful posts in this community.

My fiancee and I are planning on a casual wedding and reception next July. I have a lifelong best friend (no sisters) who had expressed interest in being a MOH early on in my engagement and I am honored she wants to be a part.
My fiancee has one older sister. They are not particularly close but still come together in times of sisterly need etc. And my fiancee wanted to ask her to be her MOH, so we'd each have one as our wedding party. My fiancee approached her sister to ask if she would be her MOH and she didn't get back to her. I asked her and she didn't get back to me. Finally, she got back to my fiancee and said she "wasn't comfortable" with the idea and was very flaky with it all. She isn't homophobic as she is queer herself, and the only thing we can think of is that she may be upset her younger sister is getting married first? (not sure, grabbing at straws here) I know that she doesn't mind me marrying her sister as she and I are friendly and normal with anything besides wedding talk.

Ok my point in this post: because my fiancees sister does not want to participate AT ALL, should we nix the idea of the wedding party entirely, or would having each of our respective best friends as MOHs be acceptable? I don't want people to wonder why my fiancees sister isn't participating at all :/

TIA!
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Re: Unwilling MOH?

  • chrmunchrmun member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We've got a similar, yet different, situation.  No need to go into all the gory details, but what we decided to do was sort of "share" our wedding party.  We're having a couple of our close friends as groomsmen.  They will act as ushers and take part in the ceremony, but they aren't going to be standing up with us at the altar.  That way, we don't have to have people who are defined as "mine" or "his". 

    To your point of people wondering why her sister isn't involved: let them wonder!  It's none of their business.  I think everyone knows that different families have different dynamics.  Most people, if they give it any thought at all, will soon become distracted by the loveliness of your day and move on with it.  Also, cake.
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  • HeatherjennaHeatherjenna member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is a very good idea! Thanks for your perspective, I'm sure that our best friends would like that just as much :) I def want some way to recognize them as both her and my pseudo MOH are very involved planning the day.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
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    edited December 2011
    Your FI's sister may just be nervous about standing up in front of people.  Or may be worrying about whether she is organized enough to manage things like a shower and a bachelorette party.  Or may be concerned about finances.

    We also kind of shared our attendants, although they stood up front with us.  About the only issue we had was that although our MOH felt capable of arranging one of our trains, the "dude of honor" did not feel capable of arranging the other.  We just had a good friend come up and arrange the second train, then go back to her seat.

    I suspect that guests pay little attention to what isn't happening in a wedding.  If your FI has a good friend as MOH, no one is going to be asking why she didn't have her sister.
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  • nicknuttncnicknuttnc member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you should do what you feel. If you want to have a wedding party then you should, but if it does not matter then you should just have the two of you. I want it all. Our party have people on both side. We have females who are my bestie but are the more dominate females. They are groomsmen and we have women who are femmes on mybridesmaid side. I don't care who comes from what side as long they support us as a couple.

    Do what make you happy as couple. Remember this your day to rejoice the commitment and love you share.
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  • HeatherjennaHeatherjenna member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My FIs sister knows that she literally doesn't have to do a thing, and money is def not an issue for her which is why it's perplexing why she wouldn't want to support her sister that I know she loves and her friendship with me.nit was totally out of the blue! But we respect her decision and just gave it a simple ok. I do like the idea of sharing a wedding party, as our good friends have over the years become close to both of us. Thanks for the input everyone!
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  • SaranacLakeSaranacLake member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We went through a period of trying to make choices about who's who for the wedding party, and then finally just decided to choose who we would want with us without assigning them this-title or -that-title. They're all just "The Wedding Party." They'll all stand up with us, and they'll all do the party sort of Best Man/Maid of Honor things together. 
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