Engaged for one week...

saorisenyl · April 2010

First let me say three things, A) sorry this is so long.

i'm not sure this is the right board for this but I think you girls will help me best and C) Thank you for listening to me rant, if anyone lives in the ATL please feel free to slap me!

So, he finally popped the question on 4/7, after 6 years of dating. The ring is a family heirloom, it has lots of history behind it. I love it for all it represents. Needs to be sized, doesnt fit

Well.. I will admit, I have LIVED on this board for a week, reading everything, all the different boards and have just fallen into the excitement of planning our wedding. This will be the second for both of us, so were not planning on anything real upscale or gigantic. But... here's the issue. No money... were not poor.. live a very happy life normally, things get tight at times. But overall were ok.

Last night we talked for the first time about a wedding and what we would want. As far as the vision for the wedding goes luckily we are not on opposite sides of the fence, we pretty much want the same things, except he would like to spend more money on the honeymoon then I would (at a cost to the wedding) so I would rather split it up 50/50 ish and have somewhat of the wedding I never had. Determination was we have to wait, cant make any decisions for at least a year.

Yes I'm pouting, and yes I'm even pissed in some ways and I'm completely in a funk.

Ok, so light me up, straighten me out, HELP!

**edited after a nice knottie msg'd me to google my screen name and well bang.. every post is on full view, some boards are not like that, guess this one is. I will be more careful in the future** Thank you! **took out anything that could get me in trouble :P **

redheadfsu · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-one-week?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c58b3412-483f-4e0f-b5d7-b430335861d1Post:3c76c85a-2de5-4423-89a4-63a745ad5a97">Engaged for one week...</a>:
[QUOTE]First let me say three things, A) sorry this is so long. B) i'm not sure this is the right board for this but I think you girls will help me best and C) Thank you for listening to me rant, if anyone lives in the ATL please feel free to slap me! So, he finally popped the question on 4/7, after 6 years of dating. We live togather and it was one of those nights of sitting on the back porch and talking about finances. Later that night we got into bed, and he kept getting up and walking around. Finally he came back in and to make a long proposal short, he proposed down on one knee and all. The ring is a family heirloom, it has lots of history behind it. Not very pretty, very small but I can love it for all it represents. Needs to be sized, doesnt fit :( Well.. I will admit, I have LIVED on this board for a week, reading everything, all the different boards and have just fallen into the excitement of planning our wedding. This will be the second for both of us, so were not planning on anything real upscale or gigantic. But... here's the issue. No money... were not poor.. live a very happy life normally, things get tight at times (he is recently unemployed). But overall were ok. Last night we talked for the first time about a wedding and what we would want. Tried to talk to him sooner but each time he was either disinterested or had something to do. As far as the vision for the wedding goes luckily we are not on opposite sides of the fence, we pretty much want the same things, except he would like to spend more money on the honeymoon then I would (at a cost to the wedding) so I would rather split it up 50/50 ish and have somewhat of the wedding I never had. Determination was we have to wait, cant make any decisions for at least a year. Yes I'm pouting, and yes I'm even pissed in some ways and I'm completely in a funk. I feel like I want the whole thing to just go away, have been a dream and start over again another time. I would rather still have the expectation of the proposal, ring and all the possibilities. Then left with a ring in a box, and a big "holding" sign in my hand. So do I tell him, look I want a do-over, this all sucks and I wish it all never happened so we can go back to how it was? Ok, so light me up, straighten me out, HELP!
Posted by saorisenyl[/QUOTE]

Are you asking should you two get unengaged, b/c you don't have the money now your YOUR wedding vision?

That is pretty bratty & childish. You need to work on a wedding & honeymoon that works for <strong>both</strong> of you. Have a long engagement or adjust your wedding vision. You only get unengaged when you break up for good.

janedoe1113a · April 2010

This very weird to me. You should not break off the engagement just because you can't get married right away. Have a long engagement and save up the money.

missrekaeagle · April 2010

Stay engaged if you really want to marry him and have a long engagement like pp said. My FI and I are having a 23 month engagement and it's perfectly ok. I still enjoy planning our dream wedding.

nrwolf00 · April 2010

if you love him and he loves you then there is no reason to break it off. if its just a money thing for you then you could think of different ways of saving money for ex:

potluck: have every one bring a dish

ask for a donation to help pay for your wedding instead of doing gift registries

do it out of season, this would also help with honeymoon costs

also DIY things

there are many different ways, just search the web alittle to get some help

also you could have a family member make personalzed cupcakes or even do the cake you always wanted

saorisenyl · April 2010

Thanks guys... no actually not wanting to call it off at all.

After our talk last night we both want the same thing... it would just have to be a really long engagement to get what we both want. He is less negotiable then I in the way of getting married. I would be happy with something we totally can afford by next year, he isnt happy with that. Now if I said we could make it a destination wedding/vacation he would be getting the tickets tomorrow (but this isnt an option as some of the most important people in our lives wouldnt be able to be there, for health or financial reasons). So it has to be here in the states and it has to be bigger then what I can pull off in a diy style in a year.... which puts us more like 2 1/2 years down the road.

I really didnt want to wait that long to be husband and wife.. once we were actually engaged. Thats what I was trying to say. Once engaged, I wanted to do this...waiting more then a two years could mean older relatives may not be around

**again edited for privacy after googling my user name**

AmandalovesAl · April 2010

You should see this as an opportunity to create something together. If you guys can make everything work on your budget, what a GREAT way to start a marriage! Besides, years later you won't remember how much money you spent on food, you will remember saying I Do to each other and you should remember that as fondly as possible...having an 'unegagement' then hopefully another engagment is not the way to start.

frenchy730 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-one-week?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c58b3412-483f-4e0f-b5d7-b430335861d1Post:13d7c81b-dfe2-4291-857f-c0fe7dfe31ee">Re: Engaged for one week...</a>:
[QUOTE]if ... you could think of different ways of saving money for ex: potluck: have every one bring a dish ask for a donation to help pay for your wedding instead of doing gift registries ...
Posted by nrwolf00[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div> No, No, NO!</div><div>
</div><div>Please don't get the idea that it's okay to ask a bunch of people to pay for your wedding. It's not. Even the idea of asking them to bring food to a party that YOU want to have for yourselves seems icky to me.</div><div>Have the wedding you can afford now. It may not be the wedding of your "dreams" but at least you'll me marrying the man of your dreams, and in the end that's all that matters. If you must have a more elaborate wedding, then wait and save. Simple as that.</div>

1TriniDiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-one-week?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c58b3412-483f-4e0f-b5d7-b430335861d1Post:13d7c81b-dfe2-4291-857f-c0fe7dfe31ee">Re: Engaged for one week...</a>:
[QUOTE]if you love him and he loves you then there is no reason to break it off. if its just a money thing for you then you could think of different ways of saving money for<strong> ex: potluck: have every one bring a dish ask for a donation to help pay for your wedding instead of doing gift registries do it out of season, this would also help with honeymoon costs also DIY things there are many different ways, just search the web alittle to get some help </strong>:) also you could have a family member make personalzed cupcakes or even do the cake you always wanted
Posted by nrwolf00[/QUOTE]

Asking people to pay for your wedding is a NO NO.

1TriniDiva · April 2010

Congrats on your engagement.

cellarius · April 2010

conrgrats! waiting 2.5 yrs is fine! it gives you plenty of time to plan save and create the wedding you both envision! we don't have to wait for money reasons at all and we're still waiting 2 years. we just want to enjoy being engaged, and we're very artistic & want to diy everything we can!! yay lol we'd also kinda like our daughter to be old enough to know what she's doing being our flower girl as well lol i think it will be so much fun! i would hate to rush into a wedding immediately after getting engaged. that's no fun.. slow down and just take your time so it can be all that you want!

Engaged for one week...

Re: Engaged for one week...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards