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Mean Sister- HELP!!

AmandaK2010AmandaK2010 member
First Comment
in Snarky Brides
Ok.  This may get long.

I have a sister who is 3 years older than me.  She got married in 2008 to a man she dated for over 3 years before getting engaged.  He is very nice and I am very happy for them.  I did a LOT of her wedding planning, research, and basically everything she didn't want to do.  I like to think I was a great MOH.  And now it is her turn.

First of all, she was not overly supportive or excited when I got engaged.  I am marrying fabulous man my parents and friends all love, but she likes my old, awful boyfriend better (he called me homely).  Then, anytime I tried to bring up anything wedding, she got an attitude with me and just ignored me. 

We have very different styles and tastes, and she is super not supportive of anything I want or do.  She had a huge (325+ people) wedding that was very traditional and I thought fairly generic.  She loved it, so I did too.  Now, I am doing things my own way, and she cannot handle it.  She thinks I am wasting money left and right on things (which I am not).  We are having 200 people (which is an accomplishment for two people in the Greek system).  I want cupcakes instead of a traditional cake.  She says that is silly.

She doesn't understand why I would spend more than $600 on a dress and why I don't want strapless, white, and beaded (my dress is tea-length, lace, and fabulous).  The last straw was when I showed her a picture of what my dress will look like (it is not yet made) and she said "Ick, that's not cute.  It doesn't even look like a wedding dress." 

What the heck am I supposed to do with a terrible, witchy, MOH? 

My roommate/bridesmaid and FI say that I should just not include her in anything and leave her alone, but I know she will regret not being involved in the future.
My mom says that I should give her space and she will eventually come around.  Well, I have been engaged 8 months and NOTHING. 

HELP!!!
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Re: Mean Sister- HELP!!

  • cantabile730cantabile730
    First Comment
    Your sister has definitely put you in a tight spot - it's almost as if she's asking for you to cut her out.  As much as she may be giving you a hard time, if you followed others' advice and didn't include her in things, you might have regrets later. In 20 years, will you remember everything that happened during your engagement? It may be really hard to take the high ground, but in this case you will probably feel better down the road. What do your parents think, could your mom talk to her and tell her she's being controlling? Perhaps she got accustomed to the attention she had for such a long time, and she's jealous that now it's your turn?  

    I'm the oldest girl in my family, and from my perspective it's hard to let your younger sisters go their own way. No matter how old I get, I will always see my sisters as my "little sisters." Her mean behavior may partly be a way to hide how emotional she is about you getting married and "growing up."  

    I think your wedding ideas sound beautiful, and I'm sure all of your guests will have a great time. I would still include your sister in some things, and make the rest of the decisions that she doesn't have to be involved in with your fiance or friends.
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  • suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    Everyone is different.  Just because you were understanding, helpful, and excited about her wedding doesn't mean she will be.  Weddings bring out the worst in family members. She may be jealous that you are getting all of the attention now.  Just let it be. Give her some space and ask her opinion on little things.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion; however, when she got married she did things her way and she was happy.  DO THINGS YOUR WAY... As long as you are happy with cupcakes and your dress then everything will be fine!  Make it the wedding of YOUR dreams...not your sister's!

    BTW: I've started to see more people doing cupcakes lately! :)
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    It is not her "TURN". MOH is an honor bestowed on your closest friend. However, since you already picked your sister, you can't change that. And you chose too early, If its been 8 months, and you have 6 months left to go.. that's a long time to be excited about anything, much less someone else's life event. Babies only take 9 months to brew and most mothers are ready to be done before that point...

    MOH doesn't HAVE to do any of hte stuff you did for your sister. Just because you thought it necessary doesn't mean she has to. If you had to do it for her, then apparently she is not interested in those aspects, so why would you think she would suddenly be interested in planning your wedding. FFS, she didn't even want to plan her own!

    If you don't like her opinion, then just quit asking her for it. Plan the wedding that you and FI want. If she supports your union and is willing to sign the license, that's all an MOH has to do. If she has regrets later, then its her place as an adult to deal with her own actions or lack thereof.
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  • krmabojokrmabojo
    First Comment
    Stop telling her your wedding plans, it just seams to make her angry.

    The only real duties an MOH has is getting the dress and showing up sober and on time at the wedding. So unfortunatly, though you put a lot of time into being her MOH, she does not have to do the same. Have your FI help more instead.

    I completly understand why you are mad though.

    Good luck!
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  • AmandaK2010AmandaK2010 member
    First Comment
    It's not so much that I need her help with anything, I just suffer from little sister syndrome where I want her approval.  I just need to get over it and it is good to have support from the lovely ladies here!
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  • AmandaK2010AmandaK2010 member
    First Comment
    When she got married and she asked me, she said she had better be my MOH. There wasn't really a choice.  We used to get along much better, but I am not over it.  Arg.
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  • InvolInvol
    First Comment
    I know that you're worried she'll regret not being part of the planning later on, but hopefully she'll regret her catty remarks more. I would stop asking her about planning and if she asked why, I would explain. Sorry about the situation :/ That adds on some stress you don't need now.
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