Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!

flaggoose86 · May 2012

My bridesmaid - and future sister in law! - is bringing a friend to the wedding. We had originally not allotted for a guest for her because she is not dating anyone, but future MIL threw a hissy fit about her family being allowed to bring dates, and offered to pay for all her family members to bring plus ones, even though FH and I had already decided family members can't bring non-significant others. We thought only the family members that were dating someone would bring a date, but apparently MIL decided to tell her daughter that she gets a guest so she's bringing a girl friend! I think this is so tacky. I had to sit her "date" with her parents, who were already invited as friends of the groom's parents. Now I don't know how to do the escort cards, etc. Advice??

MyNameIsNot · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-future-sil-bringing-non-date-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:295b992f-05ca-4fc3-9940-afc6ccfeda7bPost:97bd8d30-8441-4f64-8aed-75f0f5bfa6bc">Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!</a>:
[QUOTE]My bridesmaid - and future sister in law! - is bringing a friend to the wedding. We had originally not allotted for a guest for her because she is not dating anyone, but future MIL threw a hissy fit about her family being allowed to bring dates, and offered to pay for all her family members to bring plus ones, even though FH and I had already decided family members can't bring non-significant others. We thought only the family members that were dating someone would bring a date, but apparently MIL decided to tell her daughter that she gets a guest so she's bringing a girl friend! I think this is so tacky. I had to sit her "date" with her parents, who were already invited as friends of the groom's parents. Now I don't know how to do the escort cards, etc. Advice??
Posted by flaggoose86[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>While it sucks that MIL pushed you into it, it is nice to let WP (and any singles) bring a date if they like. It's pretty common to allow single WP to invite a plus one even if the rest of the single guests don't get that courtesy. MIL shouldn't have done that, but you can't fault FSIL or any of the other guests who are bringing +1s. </div><div>
</div><div>Ask the FSIL for the friend's name, put it on the escort card, and seat the friend next to FSIL. It's not that big of a deal.
</div>

littleluckypenny · May 2012

While a plus 1 to anyone who doesn't have a SO is not mandatory, your FSIL is in the wedding party. Wedding parties require more involvement than the average guest, so the generous thing is to give her a plus 1, regardless if she is dating anyone or not.

mbcdefg · May 2012

Oh FFS.

MIL is paying for her daughter to bring a plus one. Who cares if it's a friend or a boyfriend? If you didn't tell MIL "NO" to this, then just let it go instead of turning it into a huge deal.

Don't seat people apart from their dates/guests. I hope you're not making your bridal party members sit at a head table while their dates and spouses sit elsewhere. Either sit everyone together with you, or just have a small private table for you and your FI and let the bridal party people and their dates sit at regular tables. You don't need them right beside you for the whole night. I haven't seen a bridal party-only head table since my cousin's wedding the early 90s (complete with puffed-sleeve shiny teal bridesmaid gowns) ... and I've attended four weddings within the past six months.

Escort cards: either make one card for each girl, or put them together on one card if they'll be sitting at the same table: "Miss SIL Jones and Miss Karen Smith." Nobody is going to notice their card. Even if they do, the only people who are going to be horrifed at the thought of them being a romantic couple are narrow-minded bigots whose opinions you shouldn't give a damn about anyway.

It's a piece of CARDSTOCK that tells people where to sit. Nobody will care who is on it. They're looking for their own cards on the little table, then they take them and they walk away to go get a drink.

ETA: and it seems that your main gripe is that she's bringing a friend rather than a boyfriend/date. If you'd be O.K. with a boyfriend/date, then what difference does it make that her guest is a female friend? That doesn't change the fact that there will be a person sitting next to her and eating a meal. The ONLY difference between a date and a friend is their romantic involvement, which is none of your business anyway.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-future-sil-bringing-non-date-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:295b992f-05ca-4fc3-9940-afc6ccfeda7bPost:c84449e8-17ab-4acd-a0d1-ea03b508127c">Re: Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh FFS. MIL is paying for her daughter to bring a plus one. Who cares if it's a friend or a boyfriend? If you didn't tell MIL "NO" to this, then just let it go instead of turning it into a huge deal. Don't seat people apart from their dates/guests. I hope you're not making your bridal party members sit at a head table while their dates and spouses sit elsewhere. Either sit everyone together with you, or just have a small private table for you and your FI and let the bridal party people and their dates sit at regular tables. You don't need them right beside you for the whole night. I haven't seen a bridal party-only head table since my cousin's wedding the early 90s (complete with puffed-sleeve shiny teal bridesmaid gowns) ... and I've attended four weddings within the past six months. Escort cards: either make one card for each girl, or put them together on one card if they'll be sitting at the same table: "Miss SIL Jones and Miss Karen Smith." Nobody is going to notice their card. Even if they do, the only people who are going to be horrifed at the thought of them being a romantic couple are narrow-minded bigots whose opinions you shouldn't give a damn about anyway. It's a piece of CARDSTOCK that tells people where to sit. Nobody will care who is on it. They're looking for their own cards on the little table, then they take them and they walk away to go get a drink.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

All of this. OP you are freaking out over absolutely nothing.

ajmom2two · May 2012

Seriously, calm down! I dont even understand why this is a problem at all!

jemmini6 · May 2012

I'm not seeing the issue here...your FSIL wanted to bring a guest, your FMIL is paying for it. Problem solved.

As for the 'tacky' part, while it was in poor form of them to push this on you, it is actually customary to extend a +1 to members of the WP, regardless of if they are in a relationship or not because they are dedicating a lot of time and likely money to your wedding, so it's a small way to say thank you and to make them more comfortable. I understand it was a shock to have it happen this way, but please let this go. It's a very small aspect that won't really affect you anyways, and it will go a long way in placating your future family, besides, it's really not a big deal.

Beverly8 · May 2012

OP, I would not make this out to be a huge deal.

FMIL already offered to pay for FSIL friend, so worst case scenario, it won't be a financial problem for you.

I do think it is only proper to extend a +1 to your entire WP regardless of their relationship status. These people do much more for you than your average guest and IMO deserve a +1. 2 of my BMs were single as well as 2 of my GMs...each got a +1 to do what they wanted.

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

You're definitely making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. Its only one more person at the wedding, that you aren't even paying for. Seat her with your FSIL, you can either do one escort card for the two or a seperate one. Problem solved

graysquirrel · May 2012

I also think that it is right to extend plus ones to your WP members. I don't see why it is a big deal for her to bring someone, especially if you don't have to pay. One of my BMs brought a friend vs a date. She didn't know anyone at the wedding and I wanted her to be comfortable, so I told her to bring whomever she wished. She brought her best girlfriend which was just fine.

HobokensFury · May 2012

Honestly you're wrong. Everyone in the WP should get a plus 1.

flaggoose86 · May 2012

I am having my bridal party sit at a head table, and yes, their dates will be seated at a seperate table. That is how the venue I am having my wedding at is set up, and that is how I want to do it. My main problem was not that she is bringing a friend, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. This was thrown on me, in a very angry fashion, at the last minute. The guests parents will be attending, so she will be sitting with them. Should I do a family card, or a seperate card for her because she is coming as a guest of SIL, instead of a daughter of the family? I know it's only a piece of cardstock, but I am DIY all of them, so I'd like to save where I can.

banana468 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-future-sil-bringing-non-date-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:295b992f-05ca-4fc3-9940-afc6ccfeda7bPost:bfebc6a3-31d7-41ea-84f9-95745a366771">Re: Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having my bridal party sit at a head table, and yes, their dates will be seated at a seperate table. That is how the venue I am having my wedding at is set up, and that is how I want to do it. My main problem was not that she is bringing a friend, I'm sorry I wasn't clearer. This was thrown on me, in a very angry fashion, at the last minute. The guests parents will be attending, so she will be sitting with them. Should I do a family card, or a seperate card for her because she is coming as a guest of SIL, instead of a daughter of the family? I know it's only a piece of cardstock, but I am DIY all of them, so I'd like to save where I can.
Posted by flaggoose86[/QUOTE]

How about you seat the wedding party with their dates? Any other option is pretty flat out rude.

mrskristinyc · May 2012

Yeah, my fiance has been a groomsman in a lot of weddings, and I've had to sit by myself at a few. Horrible. Let your WP sit with their dates.

psuxdoll · May 2012

I think coming to a wedding as a BP member's date comes with the knowledge that your date will be busy for the ceremony and early reception, as well as the fact taht you will not be seated together. I've been on both sides of this a few times and it's just a given fact.

The fact that you're so upset that it is a friend an not a SO seems unwarranted. What is the difference between her dating the person and bringing a friend?

psuxdoll · May 2012

Also, you should write each person their own individual escort card. IMHO.

banana468 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-future-sil-bringing-non-date-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:295b992f-05ca-4fc3-9940-afc6ccfeda7bPost:ff3c6f01-0361-4b80-9cf3-c6bd9858b367">Re: Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think coming to a wedding as a BP member's date comes with the knowledge that your date will be busy for the ceremony and early reception, as well as the fact taht you will not be seated together. I've been on both sides of this a few times and it's just a given fact. The fact that you're so upset that it is a friend an not a SO seems unwarranted. What is the difference between her dating the person and bringing a friend?
Posted by psuxdoll[/QUOTE]

It hardly means that. I've been to nearly 2 dozen weddings in the last ten years and of those, THREE split up the wedding party from their dates. If I was asked to be in someone's wedding, the idea of being split from DH wouldn't even occur to me and it would be a dealbreaker if the bride insisted on some Last Supper-esque head table that split me from my spouse.

psuxdoll · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-future-sil-bringing-non-date-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:295b992f-05ca-4fc3-9940-afc6ccfeda7bPost:a5aa7202-be12-472d-ba7a-428ce8ee6e55">Re: Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid (future SIL) bringing non-date guest! : It hardly means that. I've been to nearly 2 dozen weddings in the last ten years and of those, THREE split up the wedding party from their dates. If I was asked to be in someone's wedding, the idea of being split from DH wouldn't even occur to me and it would be a dealbreaker if the bride insisted on some Last Supper-esque head table that split me from my spouse.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It seems kind of silly to me that one could not eat dinner at a table with other people (and usually other friends and/or family) for the hour that dinner takes place. Honestly only about 5-10% of the evening is spent at the table and the rest is hopefully spent on the dance floor! Even if you're a sit-and-watch kind of wedding guest, you can certainly move around after dinner and once people start to dance. I love FI but we are both more than capable of not being joined at the hip over dinner if it's what the bride and groom prefer. There's nothing wrong with that! There's something special about being in the bridal party and sitting at the head table. It is 100% the bride and groom's decision. And if you wouldn't be a part of someone's wedding because you couldn't sit with your hubby for dinner, that's ridiculous. What kind of friend refuses to be in someone's wedding for that silly reason?</div><div>
</div><div>Of the 15+ weddings I've been to over the last couple years, none of them had us seated together, and all of them had a head table tradition. :)

</div>

psuxdoll · May 2012

I'm sorry did the moderater just delete a post because someone did not agree with her? I'm confused... my post has disappeared magically.

banana468 · May 2012

I truly resent the idea that you think i'd delete a post of someone who disagreed with me.

What post isn't there? I only see the two before mine. It's more than likely that TK ate your post since it's notorious for it's lack of data integrity.

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