For those getting married who have children...

efickley · July 2010

I have 2 children and I want to include them as much as possible and make them feel like it's their day just as much as it is mine and my fiance's. Does anyone have any cute/unique ideas??

[Deleted User] · July 2010

How old are your kids?

My son is five. He walked the grandmas down the aisle. Then, he presented each one with a rose. That made him feel very special.

We also had special vows for him. Childrens' vows tend to be a hot topic around TK and are frowned upon by many, but we made his very fun and more about his current interests. They were mainly a way to include him in the ceremony as much as possible (nothing about promising to obey or and of that bs). Being included made him feel very proud and it was a special moment for us as a family.

trix1223 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_those-getting-married-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d0d7a8a3-1ace-449e-b937-b1cdb91e0c78Post:f0fe6476-98ad-4484-8784-5cf0f7204c16">For those getting married who have children...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 2 children and I want to include them as much as possible and make them feel like it's their day just as much as it is mine and my fiance's. Does anyone have any cute/unique ideas??
Posted by efickley[/QUOTE]

They can be part of the day in many ways. They can be in the WP. You can have lots of pictures taken of them. You can have a family dance during the reception. They can be introduced into the reception. Use pictures of them on the tables. Make a shutterfly book of family photos and use it for your guestbook. Let them make a (brief) toast at the reception.

But, IMO, they shouldn't be part of the actual ceremony (beyond processional and recessional). The ceremony is between two consenting adults. The kids don't really have a say in whether or not you marry your FI~that's entirely your call.

Also, if their bio dad is still part of their lives, it's awkward at best for them to be making "vows" about a "new dad" during the ceremony.

luckyme502 · July 2010

I have a 13 year old daughter. We talked to her about what she wanted to do. She is my MOH. She did not want be part of the ceremony or have to say anything or do anything special.

golden1215 · July 2010

FI & I have a 27 month old daughter. Her godparents are going to bring her up during our unity candle ceremony and they'll help her hold a little candle and add to the "family" flame- 3 become 1 sort of thing.

goheels05 · July 2010

People frown upon children vows? That was seriously the cutest thing I had ever seen at a wedding, cew. I cried at both that and the flowers. Sheesh I'm tearing up now. I need to get knocked up.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · July 2010

I have a 15 year old and an 5 year old. The 15 year old will be a GM and the 5 year old will be the flower girl. We aren't including them anywhere in the ceremony though.

sarah42nd · July 2010

My SS ( stepson who will be 2 year and 3 months ) will be a ring bearer but thats it.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_those-getting-married-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d0d7a8a3-1ace-449e-b937-b1cdb91e0c78Post:c0d49476-f61b-40ca-b043-d39aca6e3751">Re: For those getting married who have children...</a>:
[QUOTE]People frown upon children vows? That was seriously the cutest thing I had ever seen at a wedding, cew. I cried at both that and the flowers. Sheesh I'm tearing up now. I need to get knocked up.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]
I think that kids simply aren't capable of understanding the seriousness of wedding vows. It sounds like Cew's kid's vows were lighthearted and age appropriate, so I'd think that much less weird than a kid promising to uphold concepts they can't comprehend.

trix1223 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_those-getting-married-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d0d7a8a3-1ace-449e-b937-b1cdb91e0c78Post:e2e9815a-8ff7-414f-8fa7-d4e54e5bceda">Re: For those getting married who have children...</a>:
[QUOTE]FI & I have a 27 month old daughter. Her godparents are going to bring her up during our unity candle ceremony and they'll help her hold a little candle and add to the "family" flame- 3 become 1 sort of thing.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

If your daughter is the bio daughter of you and your FI, then you became a family already the moment she was born. The fact that you were married when you gave birth doesn't mean that she's not already your child.

I get that some people want to include children in a wedding when the child is not their biological child (I still think it's not appropriate), but IMO, it's completely unneccessary when the child in question already IS the child of both parents.

efickley · July 2010

They will be 8 and 6 when we get married. They are going to both be ring bearers and I'm going to get a unity candle with all 4 of our names on it, but other than that, they won't be part of the ceremony. I really like the idea of a family dance and using their pictures at the reception tables! They will be thrilled to see their pictures everywhere! haha

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_those-getting-married-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d0d7a8a3-1ace-449e-b937-b1cdb91e0c78Post:c0d49476-f61b-40ca-b043-d39aca6e3751">Re: For those getting married who have children...</a>:
[QUOTE]People frown upon children vows? That was seriously the cutest thing I had ever seen at a wedding, cew. I cried at both that and the flowers. Sheesh I'm tearing up now. I need to get knocked up.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

Yay! Thank you for saying that. I secretly worry that it was creepy for some people, but I feel like we did it in the least creepy way possible. :)

hd7694 · July 2010

We are including my 2 kids. My son will be co-best man and my daughter will be the flower girl. FI is also saying small "vows" to the kids. He is just going to say something along the lines of promising to love them, be there for them and support them. He is also going to give both of them a necklace (hers says daughter, his says son).

For the record, neither are his bio kids and their bio dad has nothing to do with them. FI is the only father figure that they have had in their life. My daughter has always called FI dad and even though it took him a while, my son calls him dad too. I think that it is absolutely appropriate for us to do this at our ceremony.

golden1215 · July 2010

yes trix1223 you've commented on my stuff before. I dont care what you think about people getting creeped out by my kid. And since the OP was asking for ideas and already said she DID want to include the kids, my very straight forward answer of what I am doing in my own ceremony was fine without your 2 cents.

trix1223 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_those-getting-married-children?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d0d7a8a3-1ace-449e-b937-b1cdb91e0c78Post:862fb904-f31a-4612-b477-42dc03b146c3">Re: For those getting married who have children...</a>:
[QUOTE]yes trix1223 you've commented on my stuff before. I dont care what you think about people getting creeped out by my kid. And since the OP was asking for ideas and already said she DID want to include the kids, my very straight forward answer of what I am doing in my own ceremony was fine without your 2 cents.
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

Gosh, if only there was a way on this message board for people contemplating the same issues as another poster could read a variety of opinions on the topic at hand. Oh wait.....

golden1215 · July 2010

actually trix just because 2 people have a kid does not make them a family. they are both parents, but it does not mean they have a relationship with each other. dont you watch maury povich?

and again, the OP was asking for ideas so I gave one. I'm not saying you cant tell the OP what you think as well... the whole open forum thingymabob- but you had done that earlier in the post so jumping in later to rip on me isnt needed.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

So, by your logic, anyone who doesn't do some sort of symbolic joining thingy isn't a family? Oops. Better tell my parents they screwed up big time.

LeighPA · July 2010

My stepson is going to be the BM, and my daughter will be my MOH.

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