How do you validate your wedding costs?

Belle2Be · July 2010

We're looking at a 10-15k wedding, and I have a hard time validating spending that money on essentially a party. I WANT a nice aesthetic wedding, but I don't NEED one to survive or be happy.

How do you deal with this issue?

(And it's a little complicated, but I wont be content with doing it halfway, like a 5k wedding. I either want to do the image I have in my (and my fiance's) mind, or nothing at all (well, courthouse), if that makes sense)...

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2010

I guess I've never really felt a need to validate any costs associated with our wedding.

Stuff costs money. You either pay for it, scrimp on it, or not have it. And move on.

Meagan78 · July 2010

Making our guests comfortable and creating a memorable once-in-a-lifetime day for us is worth it. Not that the cost (same as yours) doesn't make me a bit sick to my stomach!!!

Aidyisawesome0611 · July 2010

Come on guys, let's be nicer and provide some real advice. Not everyone has a tun of money to spend. What I have focused on is really making a detailed budget, sticking to it, and doing a lot of DIY projects! You can do it girl

vegasgroom · July 2010

You only get married once (ideally), so if $15k is not something that would put you into debt, is it really that much to spend to throw a party celebrating something that will last the rest of your life? You spend more on a car that only lasts a few years.

M&R7111 · July 2010

My wedding is costing roughly the same amount, and anyone who knows how much I'm paying per head (don't worry, I don't go blabbing it everywhere) says "wow! that's a deal!"

The reception is costing us 99% of the money. That includes hors d'oeuvres and cocktail hr, open bar (top shelf!), all of the food, cake, tips, tax.....basically everything we wanted and needed for our guests. Nothing more, though, no ice sculptures, big expensive flowers, fluff and stuff.

I sometimes freak out about the cost because we are in-between employment right now (eek!) but I can validate everything b/c the wedding is not extravagant, it is a great deal for us, and face it, there are a lot of people in our family we have to pay for!!!

Basically, if I wanted to do a 5K wedding, we would not be able to have even 50% of our family with us, probably a not so good meal, and limited alcohol options (both families are big drinkers!) As long as you aren't going to be in debt for the rest of your lives, I wouln't worry too much.

JadziaDax · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:8602cdb0-cdd2-417d-af12-3d2f963d889c">Re: How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]You only get married once (ideally), so if $15k is not something that would put you into debt, is it really that much to spend to throw a party celebrating something that will last the rest of your life? You spend more on a car that only lasts a few years.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely. As long as you aren't going into debt, using credit cards, and are sticking to your budget. you should be fine. I feel the same way you do at times, but then I think of the importance of that day and what it symbolizes and I feel I am doing the right thing. As weird as this may sound, but saving for the wedding has actually helped me improve my saving and budgeting skills. Without the wedding to save for, I wouldn't have half as much in the bank.
You have to do what's right and what will make you happy (IT'S YOUR DAY!!- JUST KIDDING)...as long as you aren't going into debt, which would be ridiculous, and you have the money to spend, I wouldn't worry.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

We spent the money on things that were going to matter to our guests and help create a memorable party. If it didn't serve that purpose, we cut it back or cut it out. It wasn't quite what we envisioned, but it was still kick-ass. I think getting hung up on a vision is what gets people into trouble and into debt.

fam6 · July 2010

We are spending about 5K....originally we were going to spend about 10...but it didn't seem like it made sense. We are inviting those people most important to us, not every person we have every had in our life! We are also doing what is important to us, not just every extra detail and splurge the wedding industry has pushed on people. I feel like we are going to have a wonderful, beautiful wedding and I can't wait. And, no guilt! And, no debt! And, perfect!

megk8oz · July 2010

I'm from an area of NJ where the "average" cost is well over $50,000. I seriously drive past 2 different venues on a daily basis where the security deposit costs what my entire reception did (I kid you not). We spent a little less than $15K total, including our honeymoon.

I luckily didn't have to "justify" anything to too many people, because a lot of people knew that "Well, if we got married at the venue down the road it would cost us about $70,000 more for the same exact thing." Plus, we paid for the whole thing ourselves, so it's not like we were "wasting" somebody else's money.

We got an incredibly inclusive venue and while the reception cost us the most money ($10k even), for 100 guests it literally covered everything except the attire, the officiant, the WP flowers, favors and invitations. Most of our immediate family is local and thought we got the deal of a lifetime. They're right, we did.

Basically, if you can afford it (And not go into debt), and you can keep the priorities straight, then why not?

trix1223 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:bd0fd93f-0462-4f9e-9fd5-6b668be09404">How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're looking at a 10-15k wedding, and I have a hard time validating spending that money on essentially a party. I WANT a nice aesthetic wedding, but I don't NEED one to survive or be happy. How do you deal with this issue? (And it's a little complicated, but I wont be content with doing it halfway, like a 5k wedding. I either want to do the image I have in my (and my fiance's) mind, or nothing at all (well, courthouse), if that makes sense)...
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

I completely understand your point, and it absolutely is one of my pet peeves when women get sucked in by the wedding industry. The entire industry exists to convince couples that they can't possibly have a successful wedding without.....<fill in the blanks here />.

So people get caught up in "stuff" that is unneccessary. I blame it on tv shows like "Whose Wedding?" "Platinum Weddings". I blame it on wedding magazines and websites. I blame it on people with an amazing sense of entitlement.

When our kids were little, we used to talk to them over and over about whether they "wanted" something or "needed" something. Our goal was to teach them good money management as well as self-restraint.

I think that's the key to planning a wedding. Do I want this or do I need this? Most will be on the "want" list. So then, take the want list, and divide that into three parts: Really Want, Would be Nice, and Can Live Without.

Then put the list away for at least 3 months. When you revisit it, you may find that as planning has moved along, you find that your priorities have shifted.

Finally, belle, I just want to caution you about the end of your post: "well nothing (courthouse)". That's really quite insensitive and implies, as I read it, that people who CHOSE to have a small courthouse wedding, for whatever reason, didn't have a "real" wedding. And they did.

jmkes · July 2010

We have a strict budget and decided early on what things we really wanted to sink our money into, like photography. We want good pictures to remember the day. Luckily a friend who does photography as a side business is giving us a great deal. The invitations we got were a little more expensive than the original ones we picked. The original ones were ordered from a discount bridal website and they were terrible as far as service and quality (we got a refund). We aren't doing favors because we can't afford it and people don't really take them anyway (at least not around here). We are borrowing a lot of vases, candle holders, etc. from friends who have recently gotten married. Use the talents of people you know. My FMIL sews so we bought the fabric for our table runners and RB pillow on sale and she's been making them.

Shop around and decide what your budget is and stick to it. Use your creative side. Places like Hobby Lobby have bridal stuff 50% off all the time, and coupons too. You can have a beautiful wedding without feeling like you threw money away on just a party.

Pirata13 · July 2010

We are having a simple, but nice (&hopefully fun!) wedding & reception. Fire hall reception, so inexpensive rental fee. We are doing all the decorating and have done a ton of DIY stuff, but honestly, it still adds up. I wouldn't be surprised if ours is at least $10k and maybe even a little more. My parents are fortunately paying for quite a lot, and have several times complimented us for how nice things are without going overboard with $$. And it still adds up. I know it's hard when you look at the $$$ but really, you want a certain level of quality to what you get, and you can do that without spending tons, but it's still going to add up. Most of the costs really come in with food and alcohol, and honestly to me that's one of the most important things--quality food & providing alcohol. My parents & friends STILL talk about a wedding where the food sucked, so you don't want to skimp on food quality.

loop0406 · July 2010

Fiance and I are paying for the wedding, our venue is the biggest expense but I see it as a deal because our package includes set up/break down, meals 100 guests, linens, additional $250 to decorate ceremony, etc. I didn't want to have someone from our families clean up afterward and they threw in 1 extra hour because we paid for 1, we wanted lots of time for guests to dance and drink (ceremony/reception will be 7 hours). I think our expenses have been reasonable, they allow outside alcohol which allowed our venue budget to be expanded a little. Invites- DIY, centerpieces - DIY, dj - a friend of a friend $595, photography/videography - was a little pricey but to us, video is very important. My dress, I spent close to $1,000 which I thought was reasonable and I love the dress and plan to donate to charity afterward. We didn't splurge on limo (most are $100/hour and would need them there for 7 hours which we didn't know until we became engaged and requested quotes) so we are renting a SUV instead and having florist decorate for us. So you see, we cut corners here and there and splurged on those things that were important to us, no debt.

jenn.daniel · July 2010

Since we're only doing this once, we don't want to have any regrets! The memories of it will be important to us, so we were willing to spend a little more on photography. It's important to us that our guests have a good time, so we're ok spending money on good food

I can't justify spending money on a limo, so we're not having one! I want to look great, but I'll look just as nice in my $321 dress as one that cost 5 times that. Flowers die, so I'm going to spend as little as possible on them.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

Like you said, no one needs a big wedding. But if people want the traditional reception etc. it comes with a certain cost. So you have to pay what you have to pay. There is nothing to validate. That is what it costs. If you want that traditional wedding/reception, you have to pay big $$$.

Like you, I wouldn't try to do it for a fraction of the cost. If I am going to do it, I'm going to do it right. Yes it is a real lot of money for a one day party but its no different than spending a real lot of money on an e-ring. Its worth it to some people.

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:d73c783f-16af-4b22-a9eb-d3d1df11a787">Re: How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How do you validate your wedding costs? : I completely understand your point, and it absolutely is one of my pet peeves when women get sucked in by the wedding industry. The entire industry exists to convince couples that they can't possibly have a successful wedding without.....<fill in the blanks here />. So people get caught up in "stuff" that is unneccessary. I blame it on tv shows like "Whose Wedding?" "Platinum Weddings". I blame it on wedding magazines and websites. I blame it on people with an amazing sense of entitlement. When our kids were little, we used to talk to them over and over about whether they "wanted" something or "needed" something. Our goal was to teach them good money management as well as self-restraint. I think that's the key to planning a wedding. Do I want this or do I need this? Most will be on the "want" list. So then, take the want list, and divide that into three parts: Really Want, Would be Nice, and Can Live Without. Then put the list away for at least 3 months. When you revisit it, you may find that as planning has moved along, you find that your priorities have shifted. Finally, belle, I just want to caution you about the end of your post: "well nothing (courthouse)".<strong> That's really quite insensitive and implies, as I read it,</strong> that people who CHOSE to have a small courthouse wedding, for whatever reason, didn't have a "real" wedding. And they did.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Yikes sorry, that was not my intent. I just didn't want to say nothing and then get the barrage of posts saying that I'd rather have an expensive wedding than marry my fiance LOL.There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married at the courthouse, what I meant for that to mean was its the most cost-efficient way to get married :D
Thanks for the feedback ladies! We aren't in debt and wouldn't be, my FIL's will be paying most of the tab, but my FFIL would rather just hand us the $$ to put towards a house or something practical. I think what gets me thinking this is the posts that say "Oh its just a party" and such. Is it ok that for ME, it's not just a party?

Belle2Be · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:545cf4af-ce3c-4f2a-8dd4-e51434811d3c">Re: How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I've never really felt a need to validate any costs associated with our wedding. Stuff costs money. You either pay for it, scrimp on it, or not have it. And move on.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
This reply isn't surprising considering your screenname! LOL

jessicarabbit501 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:c36d0ae5-eba8-4f44-a176-6cb85ac5a434">Re: How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]Plus, we paid for the whole thing ourselves, so it's not like we were "wasting" somebody else's money.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My parents are paying for a good deal of our wedding and I'm certainly not wasting their money nor is it an automatic waste of money if someone besides the bride and groom pays for the wedding.

</div>

catemeg · July 2010

When I get married, my budget will be quite a bit higher than if I had to pay for it on my own. My parents are generously planning to write us a check for the total amount they're willing to spend, and then the decisions are in our hands. I'm okay with spending the money because I know my parents are able to afford it and that our family and friends will get to celebrate with us. I'm not going to spend gazillions of dollars on dumb little details or trendy things - for us, the main budget will go towards venue, food & drink. We'll likely spend over $40k, but not a penny will be spent on some fancy limo or a honeymoon. We'll be focusing our money on making sure the guests have a good time!

I definitely view it as 'just a party', not some perfect princess day, but I think that's more of a healthy way to view it. The engagement isn't about the wedding - it's about the marriage. The wedding is a big party to celebrate the start of a marriage. I think girls often remind others on here that it's "only one day" and "just a party" so that it doesn't take on more importance. Ultimately, as long as you get married, the day is a success! It's trying to put all the little details into perspective. If your flowers don't show up, if you have a giant pimple on your nose that day, if your food is cold, you will still be getting married. As long as that's your goal, not showing off or trying to compete with others, then you're doing good.

megk8oz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_validify-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:60d4161d-3a87-4f78-8855-d234993151ecPost:f49f8bfa-0a0b-41ee-9297-0f9290b015fa">Re: How do you validate your wedding costs?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you validate your wedding costs? : My parents are paying for a good deal of our wedding and I'm certainly not wasting their money nor is it an automatic waste of money if someone besides the bride and groom pays for the wedding.
Posted by jessicarabbit501[/QUOTE]

That's not what I meant to say at all. If you actually paid attention to everything in my post, you'd see that I spent more than the bare minimum on my wedding ("Bare minimum" being a marriage license fee, which is all anybody actually "needs" to get married) If I really felt that "fancy" weddings were a complete waste of money, I wouldn't have had one.

I was saying since it was <strong>our</strong> money, nobody else had the right to complain about what the money went towards. There are many people in this world that will tell you weddings are a waste of money, and during my planning process it was said to both DH and I more than once, by more than one person (Not anybody we actually felt was worth paying attention to, obviously, because we had the wedding we wanted). But paying for my own wedding, I was granted the luxury of being able to say "Well, that's nice that you feel that way, but lucky for you, <strong>I'm</strong> writing the checks".

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

This may sound a little insensitive, but we thought about it like gambling haha! You should never walk into a casino with money you can't afford to lose. Let's face it, the wedding industry is like that too! At the end of the wedding day, all you walk away with are photos/video, a used dress, and a wilting bouquet flowers haha.

We didn't spend any money that we couldn't afford to lose. We saved up, and spent it all. We don't have any wedding debt, and we don't have any regrets.

How do you validate your wedding costs?

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